Hey, I Have Feelings Too

posted in: Blogging, Pour Your Heart Out 109 comments

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about vaccinations here, and it was republished on Scary Mommy. When I wrote it, I expected some backlash. Not much, since my readership here is small and cozy. When I pitched it to Jill at Scary Mommy at a suggestion of a friend, I didn’t hesitate though in the back of my mind, I knew that I had to brace myself.

Vaccination is a hot button topic. You either stand on this side (mine) or the opposite end. There is no middle ground, or so it seems. The passion for the subject is intense. Everyone thinks they’re right, everyone thinks that their research and reading into the topic is sound, and correct. Everyone has an opinion about someone on the other side of the spectrum.

I do too. I don’t agree with anti-vaxxers at all. However. I would NEVER call them names, or assume things about them. I would never judge them as people or parents, just because they decline to vaccinate their children. I only judge their choice (not the same thing, in my opinion). 

I naively hoped that people who disagreed with me, would be the same.

Promote what you love

Boy, was I wrong. I could have steeled my spine a million times over, and still would have keeled over from the vitriol that was hurled in my direction, especially on Scary Mommy’s Facebook page. 

I won’t quote anyone, or embed the Facebook comments here (partly because I don’t want to have to scroll through her page, partly because I don’t want to revisit those comments.) Let’s just say that I was called many things – “stupid”, “ignorant”, “bitch”, and those were the milder ones. Many posted on Jill’s wall about being disappointed in her for allowing such a disgusting post to be on her website, and accused her (and by extension, me), of dividing the parenting community. Many people said they unliked her page. Many came to my page to say the same thing. Some left long comments trying to ‘educate’ me about the dangers of vaccines, and said that because I’m a “PR person”, I must be dumb and ill-informed (none of them were medical professionals either). Someone even wrote the words “dead baby” on my wall. The worst one was a comment on Scary Mommy’s wall about wishing me (and Jill), dead. 

The timing of this wasn’t great. Two days after the post was published, I gave birth to the twins. I was going through an emotional time, and haters were still posting crap on my wall, sending me nasty emails, leaving me disgusting comments on my post here, on Scary Mommy, on her page, and mine. Even when I and a few friends pointed out that I was dealing with more important things, like my twins in NICU, some people said outright, “I don’t care. You still suck.”

Human Kind

I responded to comments by being respectful, yet standing my ground. I did not call anyone names (though inside, I really wish I could say, “Fuck you!”). I did not become a hater. Because, y’all, I have feelings too. I have long stood by my belief that if I can’t say something to someone’s face, I would never say it to them online. I refuse to hurt someone’s feelings just because they hurt mine. 

And yes, my feelings were hurt by many of the comments, especially because they did not know me, except what they read in that post – basically, that I believe strongly in vaccinations. They know nothing about me as a person, a wife, a mother, a friend, a sister, or a daughter. 

These same people say, well, if you can’t suck it up, why put yourself out there? My answer: because I too, am entitled to my opinion. Just because I am, and that I express them publicly, does not give people permission to call me names, judge me beyond what they know, and wish me dead. Sure, question my beliefs – in a respectful, cordial and engaging way. Don’t shit bullets on me before you know me. 

All in all to say, we all have feelings. Let’s try to be gentle with each other. 

Your beliefs

 Have you ever encountered Internet hatred?

Linking up with Shell’s Pour Your Heart Out.

Alison Lee is a former PR and marketing professional turned work-at-home mother. After a 10-year career in various PR agencies, and of the world’s biggest sports brands, Alison traded in product launches and world travel, for sippy cups, diapers, and breastfeeding. Alison's writing has been featured on Mamalode, On Parenting at The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, Everyday Family, Scary Mommy, and DrGreene.com. She is one of 35 essayists in the anthology, My Other Ex: Women’s True Stories of Leaving and Losing Friends. In 2012, she founded Little Love Media, a social media consultancy specializing in blog book tours, and because she doesn’t sleep, is an editor at BonBon Break, an online magazine. Alison lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia with her husband and four children (two boys and boy/ girl twins).

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  • October 9, 2014 Maureen

    Alison your heart is so beautiful. You handled the haters so well. I was stunned by how downright rude and mean the comments were but you, my friend rise high above it. Bravo!
    Maureen recently wrote…My Secret – My Journey to HealingMy Profile

    • October 15, 2014 Alison

      Thank you, Maureen. I couldn’t stoop to their level!

  • October 9, 2014 Jennie Goutet

    I really suffered with you on that one. I hate people calling my friends names. 🙁 And it could not have come at a worse time for you! It hurt, but you still are the better person.
    Jennie Goutet recently wrote…The Viscount – Chapter ElevenMy Profile

    • October 15, 2014 Alison

      I try. I had to rise above it because I had more important things to take care of.

  • October 9, 2014 Onica {MommyFactor}

    Ok, so let admit that I dont agree with everything you wrote in that post about vacs but I dont agree with everything on the other side also. I’m sorta in the middle with the issue because there’s pros and cons on both sides. That being said, I don’t agree with being mean to a person because you disagree with their stand on an issue.

    But also, I have to say to you…..and I hope you know I like you and say this with well meaning….. you have to build up your protective shell. I’m saying this after dealing with hateful comment for YEARS while blogging about race issue. Another topic that brings out the ugly in people.

    You can’t take what other are saying personal and be hurt by it. Especially right now when your in an emotional place after birth of twins. You need to be in a positive frame of mind.

    You wrote what you wrote, stand by it and continue living your life.

    • October 9, 2014 Alison

      Onica, thank you for your thoughtful comment and advice (and thank you for not bashing me because you don’t agree entirely with me).

      I usually stay away from hot topics, simply because I know I can’t handle the negativity. Life is too short, I really don’t want to be mired in the ugliness of the Internet. What I’ve learned? I’m staying with safe topics. 🙂

  • October 9, 2014 Adrienne

    You handled all of this and the horrible timing with grace. I love all your quotes. It’s so easy! Just be nice.
    Adrienne recently wrote…Our Anniversary, Parenting, and Throw UpMy Profile

    • October 16, 2014 Alison

      Right? But apparently, it’s easier for some people to be nasty.

  • October 9, 2014 Janine Huldie

    Alison, I am not sure how I missed this on Scary Mommy and apologize for not knowing about this sooner, but still I am so sorry that anyone would treat you like this. I mean yes others have their right to disagree, but to be so vile and rude to you is not ok in my book, especially to continue so after you gave birth to your twins is downright miserable in my humble estimation. Just know that I totally respect and am in awe of you. Seriously, you have 4 kids at home (two newborn twins) and still have time to do all you do here, as well as your book tours. You are one amazing lady and these haters got nothing on you or that! Hugs 😉
    Janine Huldie recently wrote…Her Latest Artwork Revisited Wonderful Wednesday Style….My Profile

    • October 16, 2014 Alison

      Aw, thank you Janine for your kind words.
      Haters be haters, what can one do, right? Except rise above them.

  • October 9, 2014 Bev

    This is also an issue about which I feel so strongly, but it is exactly because of what happened to you and my lack of thick skin that I don’t write about it. I wish I had your strength to write about it in the first place, and I am so sorry you had to deal with such hatred and personal attack by people who don’t know you, especially at such a time. I know I would retreat into my shell if there were to happen to me so it seems kinda silly of me to give any sort of advice, but know that there are people who’ve got your back, and the people who are attacking you obviously have something going on that is way beyond you and have unfortunately decided to take it out on you. Continue to stay strong!
    Bev recently wrote…What is your happy place?My Profile

    • October 16, 2014 Alison

      I usually stay away from such hot button topics too, for this exact reason. And having experienced it first-hand now, I can’t say I will do it again. It’s just not worth the pain. And thank you, staying strong with everyone’s support!

  • October 9, 2014 Julia

    Good for you for not giving into the haters. I went to a bloggy boot camp last month and one of the things that really resonated with me is that Tiffany said this is your space and you choose the conversation so you can either choose to sink to their level or rise above. That post was awesome. I have a friend who wrote about her csection in humorous way on scary mommy and the haters were ridiculous, sometimes it seems like people just look for ways to be mean. I love the quote at the end of this it’s so true. I hate that people were mean to you. I saw the vaccine post and then that you had the twins early and I was so mad at how people were behaving about the post, there are bigger things in life.
    Julia recently wrote…It’s Not GlamorousMy Profile

    • October 16, 2014 Alison

      That is good advice, thank you for sharing. There are certainly bigger things in life, and I chose to focus on what mattered instead.

  • October 9, 2014 My Inner Chick

    Bitch. Stupid. Ignorant.
    These words are not about YOU, Alison Lee.
    They are about “THEM.”
    This is the reason this world is in war…because of the
    lack of RESPECT for others, their beliefs, Passions.
    This causes me to be VERY upset.
    I salute you. I applaud Jill for taking on controversial subjects.
    As far as the horrible commenters.
    Well, they don’t matter a damn.
    My Inner Chick recently wrote…She Stayed Because She Was Too Lazy To LeaveMy Profile

    • October 16, 2014 Alison

      You’re right, it is about them. Thank you. Love you. xoxo

  • October 9, 2014 Kari

    Refer to my 10 Reasons Why I Will Never Be In Huffington Post.
    This is why I can’t send my posts anywhere or write about this stuff.
    That said, the piece you wrote was amazing.
    It was written tastefully and with no vulgar language.
    The fact that it stirred up so many people is good, because it means you got your message out.
    They read it, they didn’t dismiss it and they took the time to comment, as awful as some were.
    The bottom line is your words were heard.
    You are a wonderful writer, a writer I aspire to someday be.
    And I will kick some ASS if someone ever makes you feel that way again.
    Consider me your virtual body guard.
    Kari recently wrote…My Costco Virginity is No Longer. I Feel So Dirty Now.My Profile

    • October 10, 2014 Sisters From Another Mister

      I just heart this comment …

    • October 16, 2014 Alison

      Aw, Kari. Thank you. You’re right of course.
      I want to print your comment and frame it. xoxo

  • October 9, 2014 Nina

    Ugh! What terrible timing for this all to go down. You were brave to stand your ground, and I’m glad you’re further addressing the way you were treated. I’m sorry that you were dealing this and the newborns!!
    Nina recently wrote…My Thoughts on a “Jewish Christmas”My Profile

    • October 16, 2014 Alison

      It was certainly terrible timing. C’est la vie!

  • October 9, 2014 Susi

    Alison, I’m sorry to hear that people would talk to you this way and not respect your opinion, especially in the face of what you had to deal with only a few short days later. I’m always surprised by how people react to these issues and try to push their opinion or agenda without giving others the courtesy of theirs. Like Maureen said, you handled it all with grace!
    Susi recently wrote…Pumpkin Spice and celebrating three years of bloggingMy Profile

    • October 16, 2014 Alison

      Thank you, Susi. People have strong opinions for sure, it would be nice if they’d expressed them in a nicer way. 🙂

  • October 9, 2014 Allie

    I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this and the timing could not have been more horrible. I’ve been in your twin/NICU shoes and this was the very last thing you needed. I’m an autism mom and when I read your post I immediately feared the backlash. It is such a hot potato in our community, whichever side you’re on and it is embarrassing for most of us. I learned long ago to not go there. I find it appalling that basic civility has been lost in our world today. Most of the negative comments I saw were disgusting. So sorry. I hope the babies are doing well. Love the pictures. Give yourself a break and rest.
    Allie recently wrote…Guest Post: Finding Ninee – The Little BusMy Profile

    • October 16, 2014 Alison

      Civility – yes, that was what was lacking. Sigh. And thank you for your sweet words!

  • October 9, 2014 AlwaysARedhead

    When my children were young Alison, I sadly explained to them that some children (for whatever reason) were just mean, but I want you guys to be the better person and always smile and be nice. Like my kids you are the better person, because you were and are respectful, you did not sink to the hater’s level.

    What has come out of this? Again, you are and will continue to be a fabulous parent/role model for your children.

    • October 16, 2014 Alison

      To be he better person – yes, that is what I strive to be daily. That is too, a lesson I want my children to learn. Thank you.

  • October 9, 2014 Amber

    Alison, I am guessing that you probably have not had a chance to read my replies to you on Facebook (for good reason!) because of the timing of your labor and birth being right after we began our discussion. I want to post here publicly and directly to you, the same things I said there to be sure you see my response.
    First, I apologize for the name calling and emotional response. While I was not actually intending to call you personally names, it was not necessary to call your opinion names, either. As you know, I feel so strongly about respecting all parenting choices that I was upset you wrote something that I believed (and still do, honestly) promoted a division among parents. I don’t think your post changed anyone’s mind, and in fact might have just created more narrow-mindedness on this topic. I also don’t get exactly why you felt you needed to write about your personal vaccination beliefs at all. BUT, you are totally right…this is your space, and Scary Mommy shared her space with you…your choice and her choice. I was hypocritical to rally for parental choice and then criticize you both for making the choice to publish that post. I am calling myself out and owning that.
    I won’t get into all the reasons I am personally against forced vaccination, but one is having a son who had a severe reaction, and another is having two close friends whose sons were vaccine injured in an completely life-changing and irreparable way. There are gray areas, and when we don’t acknowledge them, I feel we encourage the media/government/drug companies/medical community to take on a power to create blanket rules and laws. We simply can’t do this with vaccines and many other medical choices, and while you and I are “just” mommy bloggers, we do have voices, however widely or narrowly read.
    I love the quotes you chose to insert in this post and the sentiment they promote. Thank you for encouraging kindness and acceptance.
    Lastly, please accept my congratulations and sheer admiration over the birth of your twins, and the way you have so gracefully become a mom to four, as well as shared your heart with your readers. I am grateful to have not unliked your page, as I would have missed out on the blessing of following this journey with you and praying for you while your babies were brand new. I hope to someday get to know you in real life and offer peace in person. In the meantime, take good care.
    Amber recently wrote…What #ISUPPORTYOU means to meMy Profile

    • October 16, 2014 Alison

      Hi Amber, thank you for taking the time to read this, and to comment. I did read your comments on my page, and I appreciate and respect your stance on the issue. I don’t want to go into the topic again, I will just leave it at – let’s agree to disagree. I’m sorry about your friends’ children, I truly am.

      Thank you for your well wishes, they are appreciated and always welcomed!

  • October 9, 2014 Kerstin

    Yes. Yes. YES! Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate – and keep it respectful. There is no reason to bash someone or wish then dead (! seriously?). Everyone is entitled to their opinion. And while I happen to have exactly the same opinion as you as far as vaccinations go, I would never bash you (or anyone) for having a different one. xoxox
    Kerstin recently wrote…My Other Ex- A ReviewMy Profile

    • October 16, 2014 Alison

      I know you won’t, because you are awesome!

  • October 9, 2014 Wei Yee

    I am your new reader and enjoy your posts! I too have been flamed by others for sharing my personal experience on a service on Facebook. I know how that feels so just wanted to encourage you to stick to your beliefs and write on! There are always silent supporters like me who appreciate your posts and we just fail to appreciate you for it all the time. Focus on things that are important and that’s your family! Your twins are lovely! Please share more about them!!

    • October 17, 2014 Alison

      Wei Yee, thank you so much for you kind words and support!

  • October 9, 2014 Poppy

    Internet hate, though painful, is at least transient. The people who love you will stick around. You should be proud of your post.
    Poppy recently wrote…10 Reasons I’m Never Going Back to Hot YogaMy Profile

    • October 17, 2014 Alison

      You’re absolutely right, Poppy!

  • October 9, 2014 Molly

    I am so sorry you had to deal with the backlash of this while also trying to handle TWO babies in the NICU. That’s just awful. Yes, I have been subjected to internet hatred and harrassment. It is not fun at all. Hopefully the whole thing will blow over (as it usually does in the internet world) and you can worry about more important things – namely, those two beautiful babies of yours 🙂
    Molly recently wrote…Shopping at Aldi: Healthier Sweet SnacksMy Profile

    • October 17, 2014 Alison

      I do think it’s blown over, thankfully. I think it helped that I deleted the nasty blog comments (on my own blog here) and on my FB page. I stopped checking comments on the Scary Mommy end. 🙂

  • October 10, 2014 Leslie

    I just want to start off by saying congratulations on the arrival of your twins! Wow, people are so rude! I just like how everyone wants to shove their opinion in your face. Don’t let these people get to you or break your stride. Some people are miserable and they want everyone around them to be too.
    Leslie recently wrote…It’s OK ThursdayMy Profile

    • October 17, 2014 Alison

      Thanks, Leslie! I most certainly did not allow them to break me (though I did bend a little, but I’ve snapped back!).

  • October 10, 2014 Shell

    I saw some of the comments. I didn’t continue to read them because I couldn’t even stomach them and I was just reading them as someone who shares your point of view, not as the one they were directed at. I can’t believe how hateful people got. You shouldn’t have had to deal with it… and the timing of it was even more stressful. xo
    Shell recently wrote…Moms, Stop Saying This about MathMy Profile

    • October 17, 2014 Alison

      I couldn’t read them all either. They were just getting nastier and nastier.

  • October 10, 2014 Elaine A.

    This is a problem I see with our society and world today. Everyone is just so mean and there’s such a terrible lack of seeing the other side and just general understanding. It makes me so sad.

    I’m proud of you for sticking up for your beliefs. I’m sorry you had to endure such hate.

    • October 17, 2014 Alison

      Right? It’s like technology brought out the dark side in people.

  • October 10, 2014 Sisters From Another Mister

    You spoke your truth … and so you shine.
    And I would love to talk to you about getting you involved with shot@life …
    oh how we need your voice there too. #vaccinessavelives
    Sisters From Another Mister recently wrote…The Magic NumberMy Profile

    • October 17, 2014 Alison

      Shot At Life is amazing, and I think your work with them is inspiring!

  • October 10, 2014 Rabia

    Alison, you really took the high road here. You are certainly entitled to your opinion. And people are entitled to think you are wrong. But there really is no place for name calling. Aren’t we all better than that?
    Rabia recently wrote…Happy Saints A to Z {Review}My Profile

    • October 17, 2014 Alison

      I think many of us are, but there are others out there who use their computer screens as an excuse to bully and spread hatred.

  • October 10, 2014 Allison B

    I don’t understand why people want to tear others apart. If you disagree just click away or say why respectfully. There is no need to spew hate. The first time it happened to me I was blown away. I wrote about why my family doesn’t do elf on the shelf. I thought it was funny and innocent enough but then the hate started coming my way. Over an elf, people really suck sometimes.
    Allison B recently wrote…10 Things that Changed in 10 Years of MarriageMy Profile

    • October 17, 2014 Alison

      People lost their shit over something as silly as elf on the shelf? Seriously, don’t they have better things to do with their time? Sigh.

  • October 10, 2014 Lisa

    I have only had to deal with hateful comments on a blog post twice. Both times, I naively did not expect them. I’m sorry you had to deal with it and even more sorry for the terrible timing of it all. I agree that all people are entitled to their own opinions, but saying hurtful things because you disagree does not solve anything. Hugs to you and those adorable babies!
    Lisa recently wrote…Favorite Quotes {#TuesdayTen Linkup}My Profile

    • October 17, 2014 Alison

      I’m sorry you had to deal with it too. And thank you!

  • October 10, 2014 alexandra

    It amazes me how angry people get about issues. Let us each believe what we believe, or offer our opinion in an intelligent manner. the end. (all of that going on on the day you went into pre term labor. what an awful thing, and the comments… I kept stepping on them as fast as I could… but for everyone I fanned down, three more popped up from the spores… like toxic mushrooms)

    • October 17, 2014 Alison

      Oh Alexandra, I truly appreciate you standing up for me. To enter those toxic waters – that’s a sign of a true friend. I love you.

  • October 10, 2014 Tamara

    Basically? People are sad and sick ****s sometimes. And they have too much time on their hands.
    You’re a beautiful writer, mother, and human being.
    I vaccinate my kids too.
    Tamara recently wrote…Nearly Wordless Wednesday – Heart Explosions.My Profile

    • October 10, 2014 erin margolin


      You are a FORCE. I’m so glad you wrote this and shared. After everything.

      When Jill published my Cry It Out post, I got backlash too and people were so mean. And that was a totally different issue…not even a serious topic like yours.

      I applaud you for being you, for having the courage to see this through and to stand your ground.

      I love you so much.
      erin margolin recently wrote…Happy Tenth Anniversary, Postpartum Progress!My Profile

      • October 19, 2014 Alison

        Thank you, Erin. I couldn’t have stayed standing if it wasn’t for the support of friends like you. xo

    • October 17, 2014 Alison

      You’re right. They are. And thank you.

  • October 10, 2014 Kristin Shaw

    I really was sad about that for you, Alison. You came out strongly, and people came out with hate, which isn’t right. I wish people would discuss things like this with some kindness. And especially when you had these babies in the NICU and needed a little more kindness.

    Kristin Shaw recently wrote…Nesting: the night I learned to embrace our bedtime routineMy Profile

    • October 17, 2014 Alison

      Perhaps too strongly for some people? However, I stand by my convictions.

  • Some of those comments made me really angry and sick to my stomach. I can only express my admiration for the way you handled them, with respect, grace and dignity.
    You are amazing.
    Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes recently wrote…I bought too many pears thanks to Poetin : veal cutlets with Gorgonzola and baked pearsMy Profile

    • October 17, 2014 Alison

      Kill them with kindness, that’s my aim. 🙂

  • October 11, 2014 Janice

    It’s a little disheartening to hear there are so many haters out there who could be so…verbal. If this had been me, I would’ve seriously struggled to keep my blog up afterwards. You’ve handled this situation so well. And I’m glad that you chose to live in the moment with your twins instead of dwell in the negativity at the time. Just know that there are many more supporters of you out here than non! 😉
    Janice recently wrote…Musings :: Autumn, Chocolate, & A Fill-InMy Profile

    • October 17, 2014 Alison

      You’re right, I certainly have a lot of support, and for that I’m grateful!

  • October 11, 2014 AwesomelyOZ

    Wow that’s pretty horrible – makes you wonder who takes the time to be so rude? Do they not have anything better to do with their time? And I agree with the words in the last image; your behavior, not beliefs, dictate what kind of person you are. They’re not worth the anger and frustration – fuck em’! Have a great one Alison and hope you and your twins are doing much better!! Have a great one! -Iva
    AwesomelyOZ recently wrote…GTFO: Beyond the Ten Commandments – 7 You May Not Be Aware OfMy Profile

    • October 17, 2014 Alison

      I wonder the same thing. And thank you, we’re doing great!

  • October 11, 2014 Rorybore

    Oh my gosh – I’m so sorry that happened. People are shits. that’s all I can say.. and they’re not house broken so they just drop their shit everywhere.
    It’s really not that hard to be a kind and compassionate person – you just have to take your head out of your own ass — but since, you know.. they like shit… well, there it goes.
    People who leave this kind of hatred around? it’s always more about THEM, than it is the SUBJECT matter. Good for you standing your ground and keeping your honour.
    Rorybore recently wrote…4 Fill in Fun: Gobble WeekendMy Profile

    • October 17, 2014 Alison

      Not housebroken, haha! You’re right, it is more about them. Shits.

  • October 11, 2014 Mo at Mocadeaux

    It breaks my heart that you had to endure so much hatred. But it’s like I’ve always told my kids (who now have kids of their own): we should always, always do the right thing and behave in a manner we can be proud of even if other do not. For me, a life with no regrets includes not lowering myself to the level of the haters. And it absolutely includes vaccinations. Stay strong. You have lots and lots of us on your side.
    Mo at Mocadeaux recently wrote…Football and Fly-OversMy Profile

    • October 17, 2014 Alison

      That is a good lesson to learn and teach – to do the right thing and behave in a manner one can be proud of. Thanks Mo!

  • October 12, 2014 anymommy

    Your twin pictures are making my month. I just want to tell you that I wrote a post last April that got picked up by a hate site. It maybe wasn’t the most careful post that I ever wrote, but the hate took me completely by surprise. I still haven’t recovered. The internet really changed for me and writing feels harder and not really worth it and it’s really sad. I drew so much joy from conversations and friends made on-line. Respecting people’s opinions that I did something they think I should have done differently is one thing, sending emails threatening to run over my children is another entirely. I don’t get it. I don’t get calling anyone names, or disgusting, or b*tch. That’s not something *I believe* we should do to other human beings trying to live on this world, ironically enough. But in the midst of the tide I only felt helpless and so I get it and I’m so sorry that you had this experience. You showed kindness in the face of meanness and that takes guts. Darkness cannot drive out darkness – only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate – only love can do that.–MLK. xoxo.
    anymommy recently wrote…Summer LovingMy Profile

    • October 17, 2014 Alison

      People were mean to YOU? What the what? And the threats and nasty words? Seriously? Ugh. I hate that for you, truly. That’s just awful. I’m sorry. Love the MLK quote. xo

  • October 12, 2014 A Morning Grouch

    Let’s just be gentler with each other is good advice, all around. Why are we so mean to each other? It’s horrible. Hang in there!
    A Morning Grouch recently wrote…Dear General Education Teacher: Surprise! You’re A Special Ed Teacher!My Profile

    • October 18, 2014 Alison

      I don’t know. I actually find it easier to be nice. 🙂

  • October 12, 2014 Kimberlly

    As much as you and I and all of the land to want each other to play along and be respectful of choices, it will never happen. Ever.
    I’m sorry that you were a victim of such cruel words. Just because you have an opinion on a certain topic, it doesn’t mean that you are any of those names they called you.
    Now those people?
    Those are the dicks of society.
    Proud of you for posting it.
    Kimberlly recently wrote…My Name Is Kimberly And I Chose To StayMy Profile

    • October 18, 2014 Alison

      Dicks of society – hah! Yes. Thank you.

  • October 13, 2014 Jessica Dimas

    While I was taken aback by that article, I didn’t read much of it because I knew it would upset me, and I also saw that you had written it and I love your blog, so I knew it was just a topic that we don’t agree on. Cause isn’t that how it is with every person we know in the world? We don’t agree on every single thing and we don’t need to. I’m sorry you had to go through that. That’s the scary thing about blogging and being published or syndicated. Sometimes the things that are a hit are the more controversial topics that wouldn’t be so bad on your own blog, but out there with strangers it leaves us open to all kinds of verbal abuse. People forget there is a human being on the other side of the screen reading their comments. I’m glad you wrote this post to remind everyone that their comments DO affect others!!
    Jessica Dimas recently wrote…Learning to Love Your Post-Pregnancy BodyMy Profile

    • October 18, 2014 Alison

      Thank you Jessica. Yes, we can most certainly disagree and still be friends. 🙂

  • October 13, 2014 Greta

    I really couldn’t believe some of the personal, hateful things that were said. I’m glad, for you, that it’s over.
    Greta recently wrote…Project 365: Week 41My Profile

    • October 18, 2014 Alison

      I’m glad too. Not going there again!

  • October 13, 2014 Stasha

    I wrote a long comment on your original post telling you about my thoughts on vaccinations and how I went about them in my family. I was sad when I realised it never posted, but then I thought: first world problems and moved on. It never seized to amaze me that people not only feel so passionate about a subject but are willing to hurt the oppositions feelings. My grandpa always said: there are always three sides of the story: yours, mine and the truth. It’s all very well to have a say, it’s understandable thought not right to be convinced ours is the only truth but it is never ever ever right to insult or offend the other side of the story. Particularly since none of us are ever the third, right side of the story.
    I am so sorry this happened to you but beyond everything else I want you to know that this is your blog and your post and your truth and please never stop sharing it. Just because we don’t always agree doesn’t mean that we don’t love your writing. Food for thought is most of the time more important then reading what we think is right. It’s people who cannot and will not understand, challenge themselves and change that are aggressive against others. Sadly even amongst women and bloggers and fellow moms. Shame really. Keep at it Alison, many of us would never hurt your feelings and love your blog just as it is!!
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    • October 18, 2014 Alison

      Thank you, Stasha, I appreciate you taking the time to write your comment on the original post (and I don’t know what’s wrong with my blog and commenting). I like your grandfather’s wise words. Third and the right side, indeed.

  • October 13, 2014 Charlotte

    What a bummer. I don’t think my last comment went through 🙁 Anyway, Alison, I am so very sorry I missed this shitstorm. You are absolutely without question one of my very favorite bloggers and the idea that anyone would say such disgusting, hurtful things is beyond me. It doesn’t matter what I feel about vaccinations (to be honest, I feel as though whatever I think now could very well change when I have children of my own) but I would NEVER disrespect anyone for voicing a belief. It’s one of the great advantages of living in a free world. I really hope that you aren’t discouraged by what happened and that it doesn’t change how you see the community of blogging for what it is MOST of the time. Because you are such a wonderful, caring, and considerate person and I would hate for you to ever doubt yourself as a mother and friend to all of us here.

    Keep doing what you do. Haters gonna’ hate hate hate hate hate hate… Don’t let it take away your sunshine. Love you. XOXO
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    • October 18, 2014 Alison

      Thank you, Charlotte. I am not discouraged for writing, but I don’t think I’ll touch topics like vaccinations with a 10-foot pole, ever again. The stress of it all just isn’t worth it. I’ll just keep on keepin’ on with my harmless stories. 🙂

  • October 14, 2014 ManicMom

    I’m so sorry you had such an experience. A friend and I once got into it because I had my son vaccinated for the HPV virus which she said was insane, considering the risks. I couldn’t find a single study, nor could my doctor, to back her up, but I bowed out of the conversation in what I thought was a gracious manner. I found out later she cut ties with me on all social media channels. I was stunned and hurt.

    I have also had posts lambasted on Huffington Post and Scary Mommy. I love putting stuff out there and seeing the conversation it generates, but at the same time I’m astonished at how nasty things can get over the smallest thing. People have asked me in the months since those pieces were published why I haven’t had more out there (besides my own blog), and it’s because I’m not emotionally ready to have my writing torn apart and have such behavior directed at me.

    I feel like I have to second guess everything now.

    Congratulations on your lovely little babies. I think your writing is lovely. Keep doing what you’re doing.
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    • October 18, 2014 Alison

      I’m sorry you’ve had to go through it too. It certainly isn’t easy, and I feel the same way you do – not emotionally ready to go through that again, second guessing my writing. Thank you for your vote of confidence!

  • October 15, 2014 Tricia

    It makes me so sad to think that you were reading all of that in such a big time in your life! I know how it is when other people’s issues cloud what should be a big, beautiful moment and I’m sorry it happened. But I love that you stood your ground and shared your opinion. The world needs it.
    Tricia recently wrote…73 QuestionsMy Profile

    • October 18, 2014 Alison

      Thank you, Tricia. The timing really was awful, making things doubly worse.

  • October 15, 2014 Amber

    I’m sorry you were bashed. I don’t always agree with some parenting choices, HOWEVER…I know what’s best for one family might not work for another. I wish everyone understood that. I’ve been bashed because I let my kids eat sweets. People are all, “But why? They just need fruit.” Well, okay, but a Twinkie now and again isn’t going to kill them.

    I like your quotes!
    Amber recently wrote…Hey, It’s Okay Tuesday!My Profile

    • October 18, 2014 Alison

      Yeah, exactly! And thank you.

  • October 15, 2014 Chris Carter

    Oh Alison!! I didn’t know how bad the response was to that post!!! I am just SICK about this… and RIGHT after you had your babies?! Oh hun… I am so devastated that you had to be attacked by such hateful hearts. How DARE they spew such horrific words at you!!!

    I am so so so so so so so so so sorry.

    I wish Jill took down their comments on the Scary Mommy fb page. And I would have deleted all the comments on yours too.

    Those kinds of words- bashing- don’t deserve to exist. ANYWHERE.
    Chris Carter recently wrote…House Rules For Our Family… What Are Your House Rules?My Profile

    • October 18, 2014 Alison

      There were tens of thousands of comments on Jill’s Facebook page, I don’t blame her for not wasting time deleting them. I did delete the nasty ones on mine, as well as the horrible ones on my blog.
      And thank you for your kindness, Chris.

  • October 15, 2014 Kimberly

    Some of the comments I saw on there broke my heart. You were dealing with so many other things then. You didn’t need that added stress. You handled it with such grace. xoxo

    • October 18, 2014 Alison

      I tried to deal with it with grace, but inside, I wanted to tell them to piss off. 🙂

  • October 15, 2014 julie gardner

    Along with its ability to bring together people from all over the world, internet culture also breeds divisiveness. For some reason, the separation of the screen makes SOME (unhappy, bored, helpless, evil?) souls feel as if they can say ANYTHING. That there are no “real” consequences to their hate.

    But I think feelings are as real as our bones.
    The “sticks and stones” rhyme from my childhood is not true.

    Names can hurt worse than any injury.
    And they get replayed in our heads over and over.

    You’re such a strong, smart, loving woman – I know you can handle this. You did.
    But yes, the timing was beyond regrettable, coinciding with the intense emotions of your babies’ births. I hope the bright light of your children was able to outshine the darkness.
    Those evil, threatening comments are nothing compared to the love of new life.


    • October 18, 2014 Alison

      I love everything about your comment, Julie. Thank you. xoxo

  • October 17, 2014 Jennifer

    I have never encountered anything of this magnitude, but I’ve witnessed it. It is a scary and unreasonable wave of nasty. I’ll never understand what lives in people’s heads and makes them think it is okay to spew this type of stuff all over. It’s sad, really.
    Jennifer recently wrote…31 Days of Pie – Recipe for Blackberry Fried PiesMy Profile

    • October 18, 2014 Alison

      It is sad. We just have to make sure we’re always on the side of light and kindness.

  • October 18, 2014 Amanda

    It occurs to me that I may never have told you the feelings that you give me. I see your face, on twitter and FB, on G+ and in comments, and I feel admiration, joy, camaraderie, hope. You are a gift to the online community and I feel so grateful to know you here.
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    • October 18, 2014 Alison

      Oh Amanda, thank you for your sweet words, and for making me cry happy tears. Love you.

  • October 19, 2014 Kellie

    Wow, I’m so surprised and shocked by people.

    It’s ok to not agree with people, in fact the world would be a boring place if we all shred the same opinions. I just think you have to be respectful and have an open mind. i’m always willing for someone to to show me the other side of the coin. I may change my mind I may not but at least I’m better informed.
    Kellie recently wrote…ACHIEVING SUCCESS – LESSONS FROM A TEENAGERMy Profile

    • October 19, 2014 Alison

      There are so many nasty trolls out there, yet, we are surprised and shocked when it happens – because inherently, I think we expect some level of civility and decency in people. Alas, it’s not always the case. Being respectful and open-minded, yes, that.

  • October 19, 2014 Rebeccafaith

    Oh! I’m comment #100! Lucky me! People are plain nasty. I love that “Human Kind. Be Both.” I agree with that immensely. It must’ve taken balls to put your thoughts on vaccinations out there, it’s SUCH an intense topic. I’m sorry strangers were so mean and hateful, and I’m very proud that you didn’t repeat exactly what they said because they don’t deserve the time of day. If it’s not kind, don’t give it time.

    • October 19, 2014 Alison

      Ah, the balls of steel I had when I posted that. And how they retracted when the nasty comments came rolling in. I like what you said about not giving it time, if it’s not kind. True.

  • October 21, 2014 Camesha

    That’s just… horrible. I have ready MANY posts that I don’t agree with. I either find something good in the post and comment on that or just leave. You don’t have to say anything. You certainly don’t have to resort to name calling.

    Sorry you had that experience. People really do get brave behind a keyboard. It’s sad.
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    • October 22, 2014 Alison

      It is sad. I too, rather say nothing if I had nothing nice to say.

  • October 22, 2014 Natalie

    I will never understand why people have to be hateful or ugly. I think that takes too much energy!

    • October 22, 2014 Alison

      Exactly. I’d rather use that energy on something pleasant and productive!

  • October 30, 2014 Stacie

    Like your blog. I went through a very similar internet hate experience when I posted about gun control.

    • October 30, 2014 Alison

      Sigh, there is no way to keep the hate and trolls away when you write about a divisive topic. I just wish people would be civil and reasonable.

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Alison Profile PictureI'm Alison. Writer, a mother of four (two boys and boy/ girl twins), social media enthusiast and book lover. A believer in the power of chocolate and hugs. Chugging coffee as I type. Want to know more?

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