Facebook status updates that don’t make it onto Facebook, so here they are, a collection of thoughts.
It feels weird to not write or post Through The Lens Thursday photos, in a regular scheduled way. Life right now, does not run on any schedule, except when the twins need to be fed. I am on the non-stop train of breastfeeding around the clock. Things are chafing and hurting and sore, but hearts and babies are growing and loving and filling out. So on this train, I must ride.
I want to write of things that is not about the twins, and all that’s going on with them (and me), but I find my thoughts consumed by them, by our first days when they were born early. I have drafts of posts brewing in my head, but none I can write down coherently yet. I may not put them out there in the end, but I will allow myself to feel the feelings, and write the thoughts. Eventually. When my hands are not full, and I get more sleep. Which could be…..never, ever.
I have taken on another blog book tour, on which I am working on right now, so if you’re a mother of kids age 3 to 8, don’t be surprised by an email from me in the next week! Why do I still work, some may ask, if I barely have time to sleep? Because work keeps me on the cusp of sanity, and reminds me that I am more than just a milk vending machine on demand. Is that not enough, some may wonder? To be a mother to four, to two so young they need all of me? It is enough in many, many wonderful ways. Yet, it isn’t. I need my brain to stay sharp, my self-conscious to revolve around things that are important to others, and remind me that I am not stuck in my bubble, that there is a world outside of this.
My two-year old Scrumplet, has been wonderful with the babies. No sign of jealousy or resentment. He loves holding them, looking at them, talking about them. However, I am getting reports that he’s been acting up at his grandparents’ place (where the older ones go to daily, for a few hours). Biting, tantrums, general disobedience. He’s been an angel at home with me. I don’t understand it. Anyone?
I still don’t feel like a mother of four. It’s because the lives of my older two, and younger ones, don’t mix right now. The twins are mostly breastfeeding or sleeping, usually in the room (my room, we don’t have a nursery), and because they were premature, there are many precautions we have to take (wash hands thoroughly, sanitise before touching them, keep sick people away, and so on), the kids are mostly separate. Preschoolers and toddlers are germy, let’s just say that now. I still do regular things with my older boys – breakfast, getting them dressed, hanging out with them, fixing them lunch and making sure they eat it, nap time, conversations, playing with trucks and trains. The other times, I’m hidey-holing away with the babies. In other words, I feel like I’m living in two worlds.
Babies have the best sleeping positions. There’s the ‘hands in the air, like we just don’t care’, the ‘thoughtful thinker’, and ‘frown and cross your arms across your chest’.
Baby pictures – can anyone ever get enough of them?