A Collection of Thoughts

posted in: Babies, Motherhood, Random, Scrumplet, Twins 80 comments

Facebook status updates that don’t make it onto Facebook, so here they are, a collection of thoughts.

It feels weird to not write or post Through The Lens Thursday photos, in a regular scheduled way. Life right now, does not run on any schedule, except when the twins need to be fed. I am on the non-stop train of breastfeeding around the clock. Things are chafing and hurting and sore, but hearts and babies are growing and loving and filling out. So on this train, I must ride.

I want to write of things that is not about the twins, and all that’s going on with them (and me), but I find my thoughts consumed by them, by our first days when they were born early. I have drafts of posts brewing in my head, but none I can write down coherently yet. I may not put them out there in the end, but I will allow myself to feel the feelings, and write the thoughts. Eventually. When my hands are not full, and I get more sleep. Which could be…..never, ever.

I have taken on another blog book tour, on which I am working on right now, so if you’re a mother of kids age 3 to 8, don’t be surprised by an email from me in the next week! Why do I still work, some may ask, if I barely have time to sleep? Because work keeps me on the cusp of sanity, and reminds me that I am more than just a milk vending machine on demand. Is that not enough, some may wonder? To be a mother to four, to two so young they need all of me? It is enough in many, many wonderful ways. Yet, it isn’t. I need my brain to stay sharp, my self-conscious to revolve around things that are important to others, and remind me that I am not stuck in my bubble, that there is a world outside of this. 

My two-year old Scrumplet, has been wonderful with the babies. No sign of jealousy or resentment. He loves holding them, looking at them, talking about them. However, I am getting reports that he’s been acting up at his grandparents’ place (where the older ones go to daily, for a few hours). Biting, tantrums, general disobedience. He’s been an angel at home with me. I don’t understand it. Anyone?

I still don’t feel like a mother of four. It’s because the lives of my older two, and younger ones, don’t mix right now. The twins are mostly breastfeeding or sleeping, usually in the room (my room, we don’t have a nursery), and because they were premature, there are many precautions we have to take (wash hands thoroughly, sanitise before touching them, keep sick people away, and so on), the kids are mostly separate. Preschoolers and toddlers are germy, let’s just say that now. I still do regular things with my older boys – breakfast, getting them dressed, hanging out with them, fixing them lunch and making sure they eat it, nap time, conversations, playing with trucks and trains. The other times, I’m hidey-holing away with the babies. In other words, I feel like I’m living in two worlds.

Babies have the best sleeping positions. There’s the ‘hands in the air, like we just don’t care’, the ‘thoughtful thinker’, and ‘frown and cross your arms across your chest’.

Baby pictures – can anyone ever get enough of them?

My son

My son

Baby girl 3 weeks old

My daughter

Twins 3 weeks old

 

Alison
Alison Lee is a former PR and marketing professional turned work-at-home mother. After a 10-year career in various PR agencies, and of the world’s biggest sports brands, Alison traded in product launches and world travel, for sippy cups, diapers, and breastfeeding. Alison's writing has been featured on Mamalode, On Parenting at The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, Everyday Family, Scary Mommy, and DrGreene.com. She is one of 35 essayists in the anthology, My Other Ex: Women’s True Stories of Leaving and Losing Friends. In 2012, she founded Little Love Media, a social media consultancy specializing in blog book tours, and because she doesn’t sleep, is an editor at BonBon Break, an online magazine. Alison lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia with her husband and four children (two boys and boy/ girl twins).
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  • October 7, 2014 Jen

    Aww they’re adorable!!!

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      Thank you, Jen!

  • October 7, 2014 Stasha

    I have a feeling they would be with you even if you lived in a 40 room mansion with separate nursery for each πŸ˜‰ they are so incredibly beautiful! My heart is full. Stunning photos x

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      Hah, you’re right, they would be. πŸ™‚

  • October 7, 2014 Allie

    NO, no one can get enough of them!!! Love that last one and it brings back so many memories. I’m so glad you’re taking time to write here and share with us. I think perhaps you should enjoy your double life right now. I have a feeling that it’s going to blend very soon. Like as soon as those twins hit six months! Sounds like you’re doing great and you’re a champ for all the breastfeeding. I only lasted 3 weeks!! xoxoxo
    Allie recently wrote…The Rundown – Quick & DirtyMy Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      Can you imagine the chaos when the twins become mobile? Oh.Em.Gee.

  • October 7, 2014 Jennie Goutet

    NO. I cannot get enough of them. I. Am. Dying from the cuteness. I seriously want to sanitise myself and hold them for awhile. πŸ™‚
    Jennie Goutet recently wrote…Duck à l’OrangeMy Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      They’re good now, nearly a month old, you don’t have to overly sanitise, heh. Come visit1

  • October 7, 2014 Janine Huldie

    Omg, they are simply too cute for words and I cannot imagine what your day must be like now, but hands down you are simply amazing to me!! πŸ™‚
    Janine Huldie recently wrote…Casetify Your iPhone 6 Now (Review + Giveaway)My Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      The days are madness, with moments of calm and quiet. Those are the moments I sit down and respond to long overdue blog comments. πŸ™‚

  • October 7, 2014 Bev

    Sad, my comment was eaten! Take two: I love the poses that newborns sleep in! My favorite were the zombie arms that would periodically pop up. As for doing work, you do what works for you and keeps you sane! I thought I was going to give myself a longer maternity leave than I actually did just because I get restless. There were times I wish I wasn’t doing work and worried that I wasn’t giving Eve enough attention, which was silly in hindsight. If it makes you happy and you are doing it for you, then why not?
    Bev recently wrote…It’s not even Halloween and I’m already thinking about ChristmasMy Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      Yes, exactly. Happy Mama = Happy Children. πŸ™‚
      (Sorry about comment being eaten, my blog can be an asshat!)

  • October 7, 2014 Tricia

    Ahh no never get enough of those sweet baby photos. I love this collection of random thoughts. I love that you are making time to work even amidst all the mothering. I struggle to do it with only two who are older but it is so very important. Amazed also by the calm with which you write these thoughts.
    Tricia recently wrote…Magic Light (a giveaway!)My Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      If I don’t work, I’ll go nuts. πŸ™‚
      Ah calm. It’s my go-to place, or I wouldn’t be able to handle all four.

  • Perhaps Scrumpet needs to compensate his loveliness at home with some bad boy toddler behavior elsewhere…
    The twins are SO precious!
    Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes recently wrote…At loss for words about JesusMy Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      I spoke too soon – his bad boy behaviour has hit home. Sigh.

  • October 7, 2014 Shannon

    They are beautiful, Alison.
    Shannon recently wrote…50 QuestionsMy Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      Thank you, Shannon.

  • October 7, 2014 Alexa

    Oh I love this post. I can identify so much with most of it! I know what you mean about needing MORE even though your heart should be completely filled by little people. I totally get that. I love the fact that you’re still making time for you, even when life is hectic. As for your son, I think that is probably very, very normal, especially if he’s not used to going someplace else during the day. Children love routine and structure, and if that gets disturbed, it is normal to act out. I hope he settles in soon – for your parents sake! I am glad you have their help and support. I know how hard it was trying to breast feed and change one little one…

    I’m glad you shared these thoughts. Oh, and by the way, I’d love to hear more about this book blog tour. I have two kids in those ages!
    Alexa recently wrote…Cheated in the final moments {infant loss}My Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      My in-laws actually. πŸ™‚ It is good to have help and support, for that I am so grateful. The 2 year old is veering between very well-behaved to being a nightmare, but we’re just managing him as best as we can.
      As for the book tour, I’ve got you down! Expect to hear from me soon. πŸ™‚

  • October 7, 2014 Kerstin

    Keep those baby pictures coming! Hand in the air, don’t care – perfection.
    Sounds like you are living the best of two worlds right now πŸ˜‰ – and it will be over before you know it and sleep will return and the kids’ lives will mix…
    Also: yes to working for sanity, I’m with you on that one!
    Kerstin recently wrote…My Other Ex- A ReviewMy Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      I like to think that it is the best of both worlds. And soon, it’d be one big happy world!

  • October 7, 2014 Britt

    Ahhh! They are so beautiful! I can’t get enough!
    Britt recently wrote…Outstanding OctoberMy Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      Then the pictures will keep comin’!

  • October 7, 2014 Tove M Stakkestad

    Your babies are so beautiful – take this time and enjoy your little cocoon. Your world will open up soon enough! Here’s to staying germ-free!!!
    Tove M Stakkestad recently wrote…Pen > Paper > Heart: A Letter From My Adventurous MomMy Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      Time does fly, doesn’t it? I already see the world opening up for us.

  • October 8, 2014 Susi

    They are just so precious and so tiny. Keep the baby pictures coming, I for one can never see enough of them! πŸ™‚
    I wonder if your son is acting up because he knows that you are home with the babies. He’s fine when he’s home but acts up when he’s not. Also, terrible two’s maybe!
    Susi recently wrote…Snapshot Sunday (Oct. 5, 2014)My Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      That is a good theory, and could very well be true! Yes, also, the age. Terrible twos heading into torrential threes.

  • October 8, 2014 Kari

    First, I love the idea of Facebook status updates that don’t make it to FB.
    I might steal that for a future post idea but will credit you, of course. πŸ™‚

    Second, YAY I LOVE READING YOUR POSTS.

    Third, my friend and neighbor just had a baby last weekend and her four year old is struggling with temper tantrums and the like. It is truly a phase, a hard one, but a phase.
    Kari recently wrote…My Costco Virginity is No Longer. I Feel So Dirty Now.My Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      Please do the Facebook statuses that don’t make it to Facebook!
      Yay, thank you.
      I hope this phase doesn’t last, because dear god.

  • October 8, 2014 alexandra

    Alison, your life, this life, is in such a special, delicate place right now. Their beauty is astounding…

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      It is, and I thank all the powers-that-be for all of it.

  • October 8, 2014 Nina

    I completely understand why you took on that blog tour. It is so nice to have something somewhat in your control when nothing else is. That is why I kept up any writing assignments, etc, after I had my fourth. A deadline is a wonderfully sturdy thing to cling to.

    Love reading your thoughts and seeing the pictures!
    Nina recently wrote…My Thoughts on a “Jewish Christmas”My Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      Oh yes, it is. It makes me feel good to do something that’s important. I’m so glad you understand. Thank you.

  • October 8, 2014 Lisa

    They are absolutely precious! I remember the days in newborn land, though I never had twins. I can only imagine the swirl of thoughts, emotions, sleeplessness, exhaustion, and joy you are feeling right now.
    Lisa recently wrote…Favorite Quotes {#TuesdayTen Linkup}My Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      It’s crazy! So I’m staying sane whichever way I can.

  • October 8, 2014 Shell

    Never ever enough baby pics! Keep ’em coming!

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      I will! More than happy to. πŸ™‚

  • October 8, 2014 Julia

    No I can’t get enough of those baby pictures.
    Julia recently wrote…Fall Traditions at Sahl’s Father Son FarmMy Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      You can trust me to keep ’em coming!

  • October 8, 2014 Mo at Mocadeaux

    Oh such precious little gems! Couldn’t you just sit and watch them for hours? Those little scrunched up faces – too much!! Hang in there. Sleep will come. It may be a while but it will come!
    Mo at Mocadeaux recently wrote…The Three Best Things You Can Do For Your ChildrenMy Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      I do! I love watching and holding them. The best feeling ever.

  • October 8, 2014 Keely

    Holy moly, they are SO BEAUTIFUL. I want to (gently) squeeze them. (After I sanitize.) And poor Scrumplet. He’s maintaining. A good life skill.
    Keely recently wrote…Zu’s Zoo Birthday At Little Beans Cafe.My Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      Please, do come over and hold them gently. And Scrumplet – le sigh.

  • October 8, 2014 Tamara

    Ah, two-year-olds. I just have no idea at all really!
    The photos are making me squeal inwardly, since it’s too late and everyone is too asleep to do it outwardly.
    I love how your daughter has more hair. Scarlet had a full head of hair and Des had the funniest old man bald spots. It was adorable.
    Tamara recently wrote…Nearly Wordless Wednesday – Heart Explosions.My Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      I too, love that she has more hair! And so soft, I stroke her head all the time.
      I think my son looks like a little old man – love it.

  • October 8, 2014 Maureen

    You are one amazing mama, Alison! That is for sure πŸ™‚ They are so so adorable.

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      You’re too kind, Maureen. Thank you.

  • October 8, 2014 janice

    SOOOOO CUTE! I love these twin updates.
    janice recently wrote…My Favorite 4-year-oldMy Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      I’m glad you do!

  • October 8, 2014 sarah reinhart

    No, there can never ever be enough baby pictures. Ever. πŸ™‚ You’re so smart and grounded Alison. You know the train you’re on, you’re riding it. You know it won’t last forever. You’re savoring what you can and looking forward too. Lots of love to you.

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      I learn from the best (you). xo

  • October 8, 2014 Christine

    Love these updates and the baby photos! I love love love watching babies sleep and how they sleep. Your babies are beautiful. I too understand why you took on the book tour. For me, becoming a mother made me hold on fiercely to what was mine and me as much as I opened up to giving everything to my family and babies.
    Christine recently wrote…Ask a Yogini: Tips for Starting & Maintaining a Home Yoga PracticeMy Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      I think I’m more me now that I’m a mother, if that makes sense. I think it’s that holding on fiercely component that you mentioned.

  • October 9, 2014 Natalie

    They look like they are growing so well! I bet it does feel like two different worlds…and with them being so early I can imagine you don’t want them near those preschool germs! I remember that being so hard in the beginning.
    Natalie recently wrote…An Amazing and Inspiring WeekendMy Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      Oh yes, preschool germs – yuck. And my boys seem to bring them all home.

  • October 9, 2014 Robbie

    They are AMAZING….as are their parents and siblings! I too would be working through this if I were in your shoes. Cling to your sanity however you can!
    Robbie recently wrote…Wordless Wednesday: Soccer EditionMy Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      I most certainly am!

  • October 9, 2014 Sarah

    So cute! Thank you for sharing.
    Sarah recently wrote…The DressMy Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      Thank you for reading, Sarah!

  • October 9, 2014 My Inner Chick

    How do you find the time, Alison Lee?
    Amazing.
    Gorgeous.
    Adorable.
    Blessings. xxxxxxxx
    My Inner Chick recently wrote…She Stayed Because She Was Too Lazy To LeaveMy Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      Oh, I grab pockets of time here and there, my dear Kim. xoxo

  • October 9, 2014 Kristin Shaw

    Oh, they are so tiny and cute! I wish with all my heart I could snuggle them.
    Kristin Shaw recently wrote…Nesting: the night I learned to embrace our bedtime routineMy Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      I wish you could too!

  • October 9, 2014 Amy

    They are so so cute!!

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      I think so too!

  • October 10, 2014 Rudri Bhatt Patel

    Beautiful, Alison.
    Rudri Bhatt Patel recently wrote…Live In ItMy Profile

    • October 13, 2014 Alison

      Thank you, Rudri.

  • October 10, 2014 Adrienne

    This makes my heart so happy! They do have the best sleeping poses.

    I’m sorry scrumplet is acting out when he’s away. Hopefully it passes quickly! And can I just say? You are a rock star! I’m so impressed with you these last few weeks. It’s honestly inspiring. You are such a beautiful person and mother. Keep up the good work, mama!
    Adrienne recently wrote…Our Anniversary, Parenting, and Throw UpMy Profile

    • October 14, 2014 Alison

      Aw, thanks Adrienne. I don’t feel much like a rockstar, just getting through the days as best as I can. πŸ™‚

  • October 11, 2014 Rorybore

    awww, they’re adorable! and had a good laugh about the sleeping position names! my daughter is 7 now, but still sleeps flat on her back with her hands over her head.. it’s hilarious.

    And I totally get it about needing something to keep your brain sharp. If I had realized that earlier, than I would not have lost so many brain cells on Dora and Diego probably. πŸ™‚
    Rorybore recently wrote…4 Fill in Fun: Gobble WeekendMy Profile

    • October 14, 2014 Alison

      I love it when older kids still sleep like babies. πŸ™‚

  • October 13, 2014 Greta

    Sleeping baby pictures are the best. I’m in awe of all you do.
    Greta recently wrote…Project 365: Week 41My Profile

    • October 14, 2014 Alison

      They are, and thank you. (I am in awe of YOU)

  • October 13, 2014 tracy

    I will never tire of the baby pics. xoxoxoxo

    • October 14, 2014 Alison

      Thank goodness, because they’ll keep coming. xoxo

  • October 15, 2014 Rebecca

    Work definitely keeps the mind sharp when it’s what you enjoy doing. I share your sentiment of needing to be more than a milk vending machine on demand (LOL THAT IS FUNNNNY). Having children is a beautiful thing and sure, it’s “enough” but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a huge calling inside that seeks to be nourished through writing…and wishing. I get that.

    • October 28, 2014 Alison

      I like that you incorporate my blog name into your comment. πŸ™‚

  • October 28, 2014 Mirjam

    It is wonderful to finally find some time for blogvisiting. And ofcourse I wanted to come here first.
    Expect to see me a lot here, I’ve got some catching up to do!

    You have gotten so good at photography and your words are still amazing. Your words always have the power to paint a pictures inside my head. I saw you with the twins and I saw you with the boys while I read this.
    Mirjam recently wrote…Tiny lessons of life.My Profile

    • October 28, 2014 Alison

      Thank you for coming by, you’ve been missed!

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Alison Profile PictureI'm Alison. Writer, a mother of four (two boys and boy/ girl twins), social media enthusiast and book lover. A believer in the power of chocolate and hugs. Chugging coffee as I type. Want to know more?

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