Things I’m Afraid To Tell You: Volume III

posted in: Confessions, Life 80 comments

I first wrote Things I’m Afraid To Tell You in 2012, and again in 2013. I did not intentionally make this a yearly ritual, but here it is. 

I am afraid (yet excited) about having four kids. In the last volume of things I was afraid to tell you, I wrote that I was afraid I would forever mourn the fact that we would be just a family of four. Life has a funny way of working out, doesn’t it? As the boys got older, I looked forward to a relatively ‘freer’ way of life, with both in school, and playing more independently. But something was missing, and I felt ….. well, bored. I had my business, my blog, friends, and grand plans to work out and do yoga, pursue photography courses, and maybe even travel again for girls-only weekends with my sister. Now that we have 3 months or so before the twins are born, I feel like there’s something new to look forward to. (Not that having babies is the way to curb boredom!) I think I just wasn’t ‘done’ having kids.  As to being afraid? On most days, I have my hands full with the boys. Throw in a couple of babies, well, hello mayhem!

I am afraid I’ve reached my peak in writing. My insecurities with writing has been well-documented (by myself). Up until recently, I called myself a ‘pretend writer’. One of my essays has been accepted into an anthology (and is now ready for preorder, just click on the widget to your right, and get your hands on My Other Ex for $1 off!), and I’m afraid that it’s my best work ever, and I’m all tapped out. I’ve submitted to BlogHer’s Voices of the Year, 3 years in a row, and nada. My heart cannot take any more rejection, so I don’t think I’ll try again next year. It’s half a year in, and I don’t feel like I’ve written anything worthy. I think I may have come to a standstill there. 

Emma Donoghue quote

I am afraid that I may not be a good friend. When I was younger, I sent out thoughtfully picked out, handwritten cards to all my close friends and family, on all occasions. I would spend hours tracking down presents I knew they would love. In the past few years, I haven’t even bothered to send out e-cards, or do the perfunctory Facebook birthday wish. I have made little effort in calling someone just to say hi (I really hate talking on the phone), and I’ve stopped exchanging long emails with long-distance friends. I think in part technology has made me lazy. I don’t need to ask someone how they are, I stalk their Facebook page. I don’t need to call someone, I send them a quick text message. I don’t meet up with people, I use my children as an excuse to not get out of the house. Friends, I apologize. Know that I love you, and think of you often. 

I am afraid that I am not a good enough wife. I don’t tell my husband often enough that I love him, that I appreciate all that he does for our family, and all that he does for me. I don’t tell him often enough that I need him. I suck at giving him gifts, even though gift giving is my love language (after 10 years together, you’d think I’d have figured this one out). I feel like the balance of doing nice things for each other is totally skewed (as in, he’s probably nicer to me than I am to him). I don’t think I’m affectionate enough. I know all these things, yet I don’t know where to begin to change things. I’m afraid he won’t know if I don’t tell/ show him. 

What are you afraid to tell me (or anyone else?)

Alison
Alison Lee is a former PR and marketing professional turned work-at-home mother. After a 10-year career in various PR agencies, and of the world’s biggest sports brands, Alison traded in product launches and world travel, for sippy cups, diapers, and breastfeeding. Alison's writing has been featured on Mamalode, On Parenting at The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, Everyday Family, Scary Mommy, and DrGreene.com. She is one of 35 essayists in the anthology, My Other Ex: Women’s True Stories of Leaving and Losing Friends. In 2012, she founded Little Love Media, a social media consultancy specializing in blog book tours, and because she doesn’t sleep, is an editor at BonBon Break, an online magazine. Alison lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia with her husband and four children (two boys and boy/ girl twins).
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  • June 30, 2014 Janine Huldie

    Definitely have a few of these fears and doubts myself. So just know it isn’t just you. I totally didn’t even submit to BlogHer Voices at all, because I didn’t think I was good enough, so you have one on me for even submitting and should know I do think you are a hell of a writer and then some. So, whoever didn’t vote for you has to be crazy. Hey just my two cents.
    Janine Huldie recently wrote…IUD Birth Control Is Harder to Come By Than Viagra (FTSF)My Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      You’re so sweet, Janine, thank you. I think you should submit something next year!

  • June 30, 2014 Allie

    I love your honesty here my friend. We all suffer from the “I’m not good/worthy enough” but, luckily, you can change a lot of those things if you really want to, right? I’m afraid of the “next big thing” or not having one at all. I’m in a weird space right now of just being. Some days I embrace it and others, it sucks.
    Allie recently wrote…VITA AdVentures in Portugal – Sit and RockMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      Yes, these are definitely things within my control, so to speak. It’s a matter of mindset, yes?

  • June 30, 2014 Tracie

    I have the same doubts about the kind of friend I have become. It seems like I know everything that is happening in my friend’s lives, but then I will be reminded that there are so many other things (probably the most important things) that never make it to a facebook update, and I feel bad that I haven’t called or written or reached out.

    As far as BlogHer Voices is concerned – I feel you. So much. But I don’t believe you have reached your peak. I’m not sure what is going on with the Voices committee, but you have written many things that have spoken strongly to my heart.
    Tracie recently wrote…Girl Meets World – Episode One Review and RecapMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      Yes, exactly. Not everyone puts everything onto social media. Sometimes, we need to reach out in person.
      And thank you about your kind words about my writing – it’s so hard to believe that I can do better.

  • June 30, 2014 Nicole

    Even though we’ve never met, I have no doubt that you are a fabulous mother, friend, and wife. You can see it in your writing. Because of course you are an amazing writer, with so much more to write! We all have fears and insecurities, but that quote says it all. We just need to put aside our fears and start being brave. It all starts with taking the plunge and just ‘doing.’
    Nicole recently wrote…Struttin’ in Style with Kuhl Stella TankMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      You’re so very sweet, Nicole, thank you!

  • June 30, 2014 Angela Youngblood

    I feel you on all these fears. One thing I can speak to is the whole four kids (even though twins, I have no idea about)….it’s crazy and it is indeed mayhem but it’s so much fun and you are going to be a great mama of four!
    Angela Youngblood recently wrote…Road Trip MagicMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      I am looking forward to the fun! And getting my head around “mama of four” as a self-description.

  • June 30, 2014 Jennie Goutet

    I love your honesty, and the first one made me smile. It turns out you’ll never have to regret just being a family of 4! πŸ™‚ You know how I feel about BlogHer. They seem to like certain things, certain voices, and not others.

    As for me . . .I’m afraid I’ll never be young again. As in, I’ll just let my body get old without doing anything about it and without having that second wind that I see so many middle-aged women get.
    Jennie Goutet recently wrote…For the Lovers of BalletMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      Oh Jennie, you’re only as old as you allow yourself to think you are! Love you. xo

  • June 30, 2014 Jennifer

    I worry about the friend and the wife thing too. All the time. And the sister, cousin, mother thing as well. I just want to be good enough. {sigh}
    Jennifer recently wrote…Splish, Splash, Summer – Happy Mama MovementMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      Jennifer, you are an awesome friend, mom and daughter!! Don’t ever doubt that.

  • June 30, 2014 Kerstin

    I get it, Alison. I really do, more than you can imagine. As far as your fears go – which are absolutely valid! – I want to say to you:
    You have room in your heart for two more kids and that’s the most important thing. Sure it’ll be crazy, but you are not alone! As far as your writing goes, there will be lots of experience to draw from with four kids πŸ˜‰ – so I’m not worried…. Maybe you just need some new experiences to write about (hello twins!) and I believe that sometimes we grow so much as writers that we just need to explore new things and that’s what’s happening to you!
    Also- you not being a good friend? Puuhhhhleeaaassee…. You are an amazing friend, so kind and supportive! Finally – about being a good wife. I admit it, I can’t really judge that πŸ˜‰ but since you are awesome with everything else, I can’t see that one being an issue πŸ˜€
    Love you! xoxox
    Kerstin recently wrote…5 Things I’m giving up this SummerMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      Kerstin, YOU are truly a good friend, thank you.
      You’re right, it’s absolutely due to the fact that I feel like I’m running out of material to write about. I am bored of myself sometimes.

  • June 30, 2014 Janice

    A lot of what you wrote resonates with me, especially the one about being a good friend. Lately, I find myself spending more time with people who are conveniently around me instead of my friends, and I’m afraid that will have a negative impact on my friendships. Like any relationship, friendships need to be continually cultivated too.
    Janice recently wrote…My Thinking RoomMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      Yes, absolutely! Friendships are like plants – they need love, care and attention.

  • June 30, 2014 Kir

    I think that you’re one of the best mothers I know.
    I know you’re a good friend. I know it first hand, daily, always.
    I know FOR CERTAIN that your writing is nowhere near done or has peaked. I know this because of posts like this, that will lend themselves to more words, feelings and high points for you. Your writing well is just beginning to fill.

    Love you.
    Kir recently wrote…The 7 Ways Blogging Has Changed, Enhanced and Saved My LifeMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      I love you too, my dear, dear friend. xo

  • July 1, 2014 anna whiston-donaldson

    Oh, how I can relate to these doubts!

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      I want you to know you’re good all-round. You are.

  • July 1, 2014 Rea

    I hope it’s not a bad thing but I also use my son as an excuse for not going out with friends when I’m just flat-out tired or lazy. I’m sure they won’t argue if it’s about my son so that’s really an easy way out. But hey, that doesn’t mean we don’t love our friends. We love them! And I’m with you in feeling that I’m not a good enough wife – I feel that most of the time. I hope it’s just a feeling though.

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      I hope so too, Rea!
      I’ve been making more of an effort to be with my friends lately, while I still can. πŸ™‚

  • July 1, 2014 Dana

    I’m afraid that I won’t know what to do with myself when my kids have left for college. I’d love to write freelance, but I’m afraid I’m not good enough and won’t find any work. I can relate to your fears as well. And I know everyone can tell you that you are a good writer, mom, wife, friend – anything – but those fears are planted deep. It was wonderful to see your smiling face on the HerStories author collage in my email this morning – congratulations! You may have reached a peak, but there can be more than one peak – life is a bumpy ride.
    Dana recently wrote…I’ll never usually means I will eventuallyMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      Dana, you are good enough to write freelance! Believe in yourself. Do. Then pitch, pitch and pitch.
      And thank you!

  • July 1, 2014 Elaine A.

    I get that you are afraid on the second one… I have those fears too. But I don’t think you’ve peaked quite yet. I think you’re just in Mommy-mode right now. I mean, currently you are growing TWO humans!

    And you are an AMAZING friend!! I agree that the internet and tech world have made us more lazy in reaching out. That’s just a general thing for many people though, not just you.

    And you are going to be a great mom to four – and a GIRL! Squee!

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      I hope you’re right, Elaine, because it would totally suck if my writing stalls here, when I will have more material soon (twins!). And yes, GIRL! (eek!)

  • July 1, 2014 Tamara

    I don’t feel done either and I never want to be pregnant again. Ever. What a conundrum! Luckily like you said – these things have a way of working out just right and just fine.
    I didn’t have VOTY on my radar until recently and I know I was nominated for a few. Ultimately they have so many to sift through and I think they cover a variety of topics and people, etc. I sort of write just for myself and so I don’t know if I’ll ever be VOTY material. I hope so, though.
    And your peak is still out there. You’ll always be growing and learning. I can’t wait to read the book, but it’s only the beginning, you hear?
    Tamara recently wrote…Are We For Real?My Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      I think that you ARE VOTY material, and I hope (and know) that they will recognise the talent that you are!
      And thank you.

  • July 1, 2014 Tonya

    I love you. Your honesty and your voice are so refreshing. Please don’t stop sharing either.
    Tonya recently wrote…Measuring Up: A Simple & Fun Activity For Moms Who Need A MinuteMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      Thank you, Tonya. Love you too!

  • July 1, 2014 Lisa

    I totally get the writer fear, except I fear I may never reach a peak. I have never submitted to BlogHer VOTY mainly because I didn’t think I had anything good enough. I have been rejected by so many sites that I am not sure how much more I can take, either. I desperately want to make a go of being an actual freelancer, but don’t low where to begin and every rejection steals another little piece of my confidence.
    Lisa recently wrote…Beauty in the BrokenMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      I love that you’ve got a Work With Me page, Lisa! EVERYONE gets rejections, even the best writers. I have to believe that they just push us to do better each time. You’ll be great!

  • July 1, 2014 Kim

    I have been thinking I am not a good friend lately too. For although I think about my friends a lot and hope the best for them, I don’t always seek them out to tell them. I tend to be on the quiet side for many things, so I am not sure that translates my heart very well.
    Kim recently wrote…Big 10My Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      You have a good heart, Kim, and I am sure that your friends know it!

  • The same actually. “I’m not good enough…”
    Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes recently wrote…Birthday Berry Strawberry and Cherry SemifredoMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      And I’ll tell you what everyone here is telling me – that you ARE. xo

  • July 1, 2014 Tricia

    I think my first comment didn’t go through (sorry if you see this twice!)
    I love this series. It is so freeing to say the things you are scared to say and there is such amazing opportunity in opening up like that. You are a good writer. I am too. And we don’t need BlogHer voices to tell us that. It’s just simply true regardless. And you are a good mother. Very good. You are.

    I am afraid to tell you that I am terrified that this freelance career I’ve started will not work out. That I will fail fantastically and that the devastation from that failure will be a huge struggle for me to recover from.
    Tricia recently wrote…This beginning: the life of a freelancerMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      You’re right, we don’t need BlogHer to tell us that we’re good enough. Truly.
      I think you’re very brave to put yourself out there as a freelancer, and you will do good!!

  • July 1, 2014 Leigh Ann

    I feel you on so many of these. Don’t let those rejections get you down. You’ve read from many accomplished writers and authors how many rejections they received before they achieved success. They’re just one place. Or a handful of places. There is so much space out there. Keep at it. You’re good.

    I’ve always felt that I was a terrible friend. I don’t always remember to check in with people when they’re going through a rough time, and I feel so self involved. I know I need to give back more. I feel like I take too much. (You ARE a good friend, FYI.)
    Leigh Ann recently wrote…you have 23 secondsMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      You’re right, I know you’re right. I will take your advice to heart, promise!
      And thank you, I try to be a good friend. I think it’s one of the things I’m fairly good at, so I hold myself to very hard standards. πŸ™‚

  • July 2, 2014 Natalie

    I can’t wait to watch your family grow…and I think you are like fine wine and will get better with age…and so will your writing! We’ll blame your lack of confidence on pregnancy, no? πŸ™‚
    Natalie recently wrote…A Little Here and ThereMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      I like that, the analogy to fine wine πŸ™‚

  • July 2, 2014 julie gardner

    Oh, man. I left a comment but it didn’t go through.
    So add that to the list of things I’m afraid of:

    Composing the perfect response and having it disappear into the ether forever.
    Good thing this was NOT my best comment.

    In a nutshell, I feel ya, Alison.
    I’m afraid I’m not a good enough writer, friend, wife, mother.

    But at the end of the day, I am the best writer, friend, wife, mother I can be.

    Which is flawed and not as great as I’d like to be.
    Still, it’s all I got.

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      You are wise, Julie. You are right. We are what we are, and we are best as we can be.
      For the record, I think you’re a wonderful writer, a great friend, and an awesome wife and mother.

  • July 2, 2014 Christine

    I’m pretty much afraid of all of this, minus the 4 kid part πŸ™‚
    I am afraid that I’m not a good mother, wife or friend a lot – that I’m not as *good* of a person as I can or should be. As for the writing, I feel you. I put on a pretty thick skin at the beginning of the year but it’s starting to wear very thin. I haven’t been submitting as much stuff lately because man, the rejection!
    Christine recently wrote…38 Lessons in 38 YearsMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      Yikes, the rejections – seriously, how much can the heart take? But I remind myself (and now you), that even the best writers have received rejections. Some, many. I have seen that much of your writing is appearing everywhere, and that is SO awesome!

  • July 2, 2014 Jenni Chiu

    I fear I have reached my peak as a writer too. ALthough, there is an always present fear as a writer, I understand this particular feeling this year.
    In a way it may be good that you fear these things… because you care – you’re thinking about them…
    And even though you’re probably wrong about all of these fears, it’s good to remember the things you want to be really good at. xoxo
    Jenni Chiu recently wrote…The Feminist “Bandwagon” in AdvertisingMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      You’re absolutely right, Jennie. I need to marshall this fear to drive me to do better.

  • July 2, 2014 Charlotte

    I can’t imagine that any of your friends would ever entertain the idea that you are less than a wonderful friend. There are just times in life when the balance is off and we may not be able to put in as much as we once did… and it sounds like that’s the case for you right now. I mean, my goodness… with two kids and two little ones on the way, can anyone blame you for feeling a bit overwhelmed?! I don’t think so πŸ™‚

    And the stuff with the hubs? That’ll work itself out, too. But yes, I understand feeling this way, too…. sometimes I’m afraid of getting “in too deep” in my relationships. I’m scared of loving with all my heart, so I still keep it guarded sometimes. Working on that πŸ™‚ Love you, momma. XOXO and happiest of summers to you, too!
    Charlotte recently wrote…My summer reading listMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      Overwhelmed – yes. I just have to accept the unbalance in my life – I can only focus on what matters right now, and really, there is no balance to be achieved, nor should it be something to aspire to.

  • July 2, 2014 Shell

    I feel like the friend thing is this time of life. There isn’t the time for long phone calls or long emails or any of that. Or maybe that’s just what I’m telling myself.
    Shell recently wrote…Better Than a New College Grad: Pour Your Heart OutMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      It is hard, isn’t it? Sigh.

  • July 2, 2014 Stephanie

    Alison, I LOVE this. First of all, I can completely relate to your writing “fear”- I often feel like a pretend writer and the rejection gets so discouraging. On another note, we are beyond thrilled to have you in My Other Ex. Your essay brings so much to the collection.

    I also understand the dilemma of deciding whether or not your family is complete. Well, *my* family, in this case. πŸ™‚ I simply cannot decide if I will forever mourn not having a third child, or if that wondering “what if” is a silly reason to have another. Sigh. I am nowhere close to deciding. πŸ™‚ Thanks for sharing so generously with us! xo
    Stephanie recently wrote…My Other Ex, The Brilliant Book Club’s Return, and a BreakMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      Thank YOU, Stephanie (and Jessica) for encouraging me to submit to the anthology and for accepting my essay! I am BEYOND excited!
      Ah, the 3rd child dilemma. Personally, I think if it’s something that still comes to mind, then it’s definitely worth considering! #babyenabler

  • July 3, 2014 Keely

    Oh my God. FIRST. SO. Here’s the thing: Tapped out? You are growing multiple people right now and need to be a teeeeeeensy bit kinder to yourself. You are in an awesome anthology (and rightfully so) and may have to shift goals, expectations, work output for a tiny while. And you never ever ever ever miss anyone’s blog posts, which makes you best friend IN THE WORLD. Also? I think it’s completely normal to have a wild mix of emotions before you have four kids. (Ohmigod you’re gonna have four kids!!!) In short, I love you.
    Keely recently wrote…RoundUp: Some Really Good Reading. Including My E-Book!My Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      In shorter (!), I love you too. Hard. Thank you. xo

  • July 3, 2014 Amber

    I understand what you mean about the writing. I’ve been rejected a lot too. But it happens. Stephen King was rejected so many times, before someone took a chance on him. And look at him now! So I remember that, and I keep going. Because you never know.
    Amber recently wrote…Hey, It’s Okay Tuesday!My Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      You’re right, Amber. Even the best writers can’t please everyone. Thank you for your encouraging words.

  • July 3, 2014 Nina

    Alison, I love these posts and I would really like to write one. I would only do it with your permission, linking back here. And I 100% understand either way. Let me know. I especially related to what you said about the writing. Any time I happen to write an essay that people really respond to strongly, I’m sure that I will never write anything good again. And you know what, they’re not all winners. And that’s okay! (Though I have to remind myself of that over and over.)

    I have never won a BlogHer anything. Ever.
    Nina recently wrote…How We Celebrate The Fourth of JulyMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      Nina, please feel free to write your own post! It’s not my idea in the first place, it was started by a blogger a couple of years ago, and I don’t even know if she continued it. Sigh. I would love to read yours.

      And you’re such an amazing writer!! Truly. I mean that.

  • July 3, 2014 Andrea

    What a honest post, Alison. I want to sit here and tell you that no, no, no, you’re a great writer, a great wife, and a great friend, and that anyone would be afraid of having two new babies in the house at the same time. I’ve felt each of these things (well, except for the babies) and know that you will defeat them with grace every time they surface.

    Me? I’m afraid of allowing laziness and unambition to define me in every way.
    Andrea recently wrote…DIY Breakfast CasseroleMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      You’re not lazy, Andrea! You are awesome.

  • July 3, 2014 Katie

    All of these things here too.

    I’m also afraid people will wake up and find out I’m not as good at ANYTHING as they maybe think I am. I am afraid of being a fraud.
    Katie recently wrote…Off He GoesMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      I can assure you, you are NOT a fraud. You are one of the best people and writers I know. Honest to god.

  • July 8, 2014 Julia

    As someone who has been writing for as long as she can remember, I know that good writing comes in waves. Sometimes there’s more of it than I can handle and other times there is none. So I don’t think you’ve peaked you just might be in a drought it will come back and it will be better just keep at it. As a writer I also know how much it sucks to submit and be rejected. I submitted 2 pieces to Blogher this year and have been rejected and I get so upset about it.
    Julia recently wrote…9 Ways I’m Preparing for a Blog ConferenceMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      Yes, I believe writing does come in waves, and I think for me, motivation to keep going is what I need. Keep submitting, don’t be dejected by the rejections!

  • July 8, 2014 Jessica

    I loved your vulnerability in this post, Alison! I can relate to your writing confession. I don’t know if I’ve tapped out on my “potential” as a writer, but I am enjoying my break from actively seeking out new publications and writing pitches which may or may not result in publication. I know this may change in a month, but this is where I am now and I’ve learned to be okay with that.

    I can’t wait to “meet” your twins!! I’m sure you’ll do wonderfully as a mom of four!
    Jessica recently wrote…Some Favorite PinsMy Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      I do think breaks are necessary. It gives us time to regroup, refocus and reenergize. Thank you, Jessica!

  • July 8, 2014 Arnebya

    I am afraid that this is it, that this life I’m living will amount to nothing more than my toiling away in an office for someoone else’s benefit, that I will forever feel like I’m missing out on SOMETHING regarding my children, from the mundane to the important. I am afraid that I will be known for nothing notable.
    Arnebya recently wrote…What’s in a (Starbucks) Name?My Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      Hon, you have already done many notable things.
      I think our fears are based off amounting to what we consider ‘nothing’. Maybe we just need to see things from a different (someone else’s) perspective.

  • July 8, 2014 tara

    Ugh, I’m SO bad at giving my husband gifts. I bought him something I thought he’d be totally psyched for and he totally returned it. It hurts even more to know that he has a few presents from exes — and they’re so much better at giving gifts.

    I feel the same way about technology making it easier to be a bad friend! I think because I can go “Oh, I’ll call them tomorrow” instead of only having a small window of time to connect makes it so much easier to put it off.

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      My husband is totally the most difficult person to gift to, and he’s actually hated many things I got for him! #badwife Don’t feel bad, you’re not alone πŸ™‚

  • July 11, 2014 Roxanne

    I’m afraid I’ll never be “really” published, even though I have a piece in an anthology. I’m afraid I won’t have another child. I’m afraid of the BlogHer conference, because of my social anxiety. I’m afraid of a lot of things. I wonder if it feels good for you to get it off your chest and into writing like this. I might have to consider something like that. Just airing it all out.

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      It does feel good, and I think yes, you must write it all out!
      You’ll be great at BlogHer, it’d be fun and awesome.

  • July 11, 2014 Chris Carter

    Oh, how I love that ‘turn’ in your fears with your children- worrying about only having a family of four and then worrying about having more! That says it all. Whatever we are afraid of… often somehow works itself out, if we let it.

    I bet next year, you will be saying you are afraid that you can’t make it to Blogher ’15 even though you made voices of the year!!! Don’t ever ever ever give up based on being ‘afraid’. I will also listen to my OWN advice! I get it. Oh, do I get it!

    But trust that where you are? Is RIGHT where you are to be.

    Your friends will understand- this is who you are now- loving in your own way. Same with hubs. And the kids? Girl, it will come just like the rest of all those fears and uncertainties we experience.

    You were meant to have more kids. Plain and simple. You will turn those fears into trusts. And then the next fears will unfold… and someday- you and me BOTH: Will learn to look back and realize that our fears simply mark moments. And our past record shows… they are only launching grounds for change or acceptance.

    Either way?

    Is good.
    Chris Carter recently wrote…Devotional Diary: Embrace Your Grace. Psalm 139:13-16My Profile

    • July 15, 2014 Alison

      I don’t even know where to begin to respond to your beautiful, thoughtful and awesome comment, Chris!
      You are right of course – the fears will some day no longer be that, they will just be moments that have come because they have to, and leave their mark as they should.
      It’s good. xoxo

  • July 29, 2014 Rebecca

    I think of all of these, the writing peak terrifies me the most. It scares me so bad that I know I don’t have the guts to verbalize that fear in fear of making it a reality. A reproducing fear! The scariest. But rest assured you have not peaked- though something tells me deep down, you already know that!
    Rebecca recently wrote…What a Long, Strange Trip It’s BeenMy Profile

    • July 29, 2014 Alison

      And Rebecca, YOU know that you haven’t peaked too. You’re doing amazing, and your writing can only go further!

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Alison Profile PictureI'm Alison. Writer, a mother of four (two boys and boy/ girl twins), social media enthusiast and book lover. A believer in the power of chocolate and hugs. Chugging coffee as I type. Want to know more?

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