Four, Never Five

posted in: Family, Motherhood 126 comments

Is it just me or is it normal to feel indecision and doubt, after making a decision? 

The day I told my husband I was absolutely sure that we were done having kids, the last thought on my mind before I fell asleep that night was, ooh, wouldn’t it be nice to have three children? Then I slapped myself silly (in my head) and rattled off (still in my head) all the reasons we agreed on two kids being just right. Small ones don’t outnumber big ones. Arms always full anyway. We don’t need a bigger car because we can fit two car seats in there nicely. We don’t have enough bedrooms. I don’t really love being pregnant for 9 months (I only enjoyed the second trimester). I didn’t want to be pregnant with the boys still so young, and feel like I can’t give them my all. My oldest needs a lot of attention right now. I am 37, and by the time we do try and have another, I’ll be close to 40 – isn’t that too old?

All very good and legitimate, nothing-to-be-ashamed-of reasons, my head rationalized with my heart (and uterus). But but but. Wouldn’t it be nice to try for a little girl? What would it be like to have THREE? I miss baby coos and snuggles. All my friends having another, their second or third, some, their fourth or fifth. Surely, we have space in our hearts and home for a third. And other strange, funny, baby-fever talk (in my head).


This went on for months. Until last week when I started packing away toys that the boys stopped playing with. I didn’t stop at toys. Out went the Bumbo, the exersaucer, baby clothes, tiny shoes and mittens and socks. Then the baby bottles, breast pump and all its accessories. I did not feel sadness, or a lump in my throat like before.

Preschooler playing in sprinklers

I felt relief. I felt glad for the space cleared for newer toys suitable for older children; room made in the closet for tees and shorts, not onesies. I felt no twinge in my empty belly, just contentment in my full heart. I felt no envy when I saw mothers with newborns. I was happy to sniff baby heads, and just as happy to hand them back to their parents. 

We are four. Just the way we’re meant to be. 

How did you know you were done having children? Or are you?

Alison Lee is a former PR and marketing professional turned work-at-home mother. After a 10-year career in various PR agencies, and of the world’s biggest sports brands, Alison traded in product launches and world travel, for sippy cups, diapers, and breastfeeding. Alison's writing has been featured on Mamalode, On Parenting at The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, Everyday Family, Scary Mommy, and She is one of 35 essayists in the anthology, My Other Ex: Women’s True Stories of Leaving and Losing Friends. In 2012, she founded Little Love Media, a social media consultancy specializing in blog book tours, and because she doesn’t sleep, is an editor at BonBon Break, an online magazine. Alison lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia with her husband and four children (two boys and boy/ girl twins).

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  • September 2, 2013 Laura

    I’ve been thinking a lot about this recently. Dan just told me that he definitely wants more kids. I figured, but we had never flat out said it. Me? I’m done. I do not want any more and as these boys grow, I am feeling more and more convinced. This family size is great! And I hate being pregnant and only start really loving motherhood once the first year is over.

    I’ll be rethinking this in the new year once my half marathon is over. Maybe my uterus will be aching to be filled with a baby once more then.
    Laura recently wrote…Book Review: Love AnthonyMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      Never say never, in your case? πŸ™‚

  • September 2, 2013 tracy

    Honestly…if I could…I would have another…
    tracy recently wrote…Finish StrongMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      It’s because you’re an awesome mom. I’m totally being serious here.

  • September 2, 2013 Sarah reinhart

    Feeling content with where you are is such a good feeling.

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      It so is! Like a weight off my shoulders.

  • September 2, 2013 vanita

    well sugar you know i’m done. as much as i miss holding a baby, i am so over the diaper changes and colic and bottle washings. plus a whole new chapter has begun. damian starts school next week. next year tash will start and at the same time older teen will be going to college. i won’t forget those days when each one of them fit perfectly across my lap, but there’s always new memories to make, new milestones, new challenges.
    vanita recently wrote…How To Increase Blog TrafficMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      OMG, college? Dude. I can see why you’re done with babies. πŸ™‚

  • September 2, 2013 Shannon

    I would have gone for four ten years ago after my youngest was born, but my husband was not on board with that. I think that no matter how many you have, you always wonder “What if…” And you always go through those moments when you miss having a baby. Until they are older and very self sufficient, then you think “thank god.”
    Shannon recently wrote…Goodbye, FootballMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      I am happy with the two, finally. Though I have no doubt I will get the occasional baby fever. πŸ™‚

  • September 2, 2013 Jenni Bailey

    I feel this way about being four (my husband and I and our two girls). I will rely on friends for borrowed baby sniffs and cuddles but I appreciate the freedom of knowing that I will never be starting all over again with diapers and bottles and teething and all the rest. That doesn’t mean I never wonder, though, so I completely feel where you are coming from on that!
    Jenni Bailey recently wrote…summer sadMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      The first year is hard isn’t it? I knew that I wanted a second when I thought about the diapers and bottles, and still wanted a baby.

  • September 3, 2013 Christopher D Drew

    We became a family of five six months ago. Had you asked me a year and a half ago I would have said that I wanted to stay being a family of four for all the reasons you listed and some more. I am not really sure what made me change my mind, I just did. Meghan my wife went into the marriage hoping for a family of six. The past year and a half has more or less cured her of that idea as well. I think she feels sad ever now and then knowing we are done, but we are both content knowing the newborn stage is behind us.
    Christopher D Drew recently wrote…Last Child LazyMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      I think then, that you were meant to be a family of five. πŸ™‚

  • September 3, 2013 Ashley Leona

    We only have one and we definitely want more. I love being pregnant and a mom all together. Ideally I want 4. Three boys and one girl. I came from a family of 5 brothers and sisters. Big family is family too me.
    Ashley Leona recently wrote…Heavenly Chocolate Cake RecipeMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      I think it’s great you know how many you want! πŸ™‚

  • September 3, 2013 Nicole

    We are very content as a family of four. And given how crazy our youngest Monkey is right now, I cannot imagine adding another to the mix. Time for the hubby to schedule an appointment!
    Nicole recently wrote…Maine Vacation HighlightsMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      Hah! Right? I probably need to have that conversation with my husband some day.

  • September 3, 2013 Tamara

    Funny – I was just having this thought today while I brushed my hair. Three? A family of five? Could we? Ever? I’m not certain we’re done. Like you, I don’t love pregnancy. Ok that’s downplaying it. I really can’t stand pregnancy. I did ok with the first, but the second was hard. Would a third be harder? Or more like the second? Ultimately we really cannot afford three kids (or two). I’m eight years younger than my husband so I still flip flop in my mind a lot, whereas he does that less so.
    Tamara recently wrote…Bust a Move.My Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      In many ways, we can’t afford a third kid either. Mostly emotionally. I’m pretty sure I can’t spread myself so thin over three children. I didn’t like pregnancy much either, especially the last 3 months. So brutal.

  • September 3, 2013 Amanda Jillian

    I however do not feel like that. Looking at baby stuff makes me go awww and want a little squishy. I hold one and feel like my empty uterus says baby baby baby. Yeah I have baby fever.
    Amanda Jillian recently wrote…One Lovely BlogMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      Awww. I know the feeling!

  • September 3, 2013 MomWithaDot

    Recently, we went without protection during my period. The faintest possibility that I could still get pregnant kept me excited and my husband very tense for 2 days. I refused the next day pill saying,” If it is meant to be, then so be it”. The third day, it actually hit me – my age, the hormonal havoc that happened after my second and the practical difficulties, etc. When I began thinking, ‘OMG! I hope I don’t get pregnant’, I knew I was done having children. I’ll never take even the teeniest chance now, but honestly, I loved the excitement those 2 days πŸ™‚
    MomWithaDot recently wrote…Life’s Like That !My Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      I’m glad you enjoyed those two days. πŸ™‚ (and thank goodness!)

  • September 3, 2013 Greta

    As much as I would love to ooh and awe over a pregnant belly of yours, and the newborn that comes with it, I’m glad you know now. It definitely brings a peace with “knowing.”
    Greta recently wrote…Project 365 (Week 34)My Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      I do feel good about it. And relief.

  • September 3, 2013 Leah Davidson

    Maybe you just never know for sure? I had two, wanted another so badly. Got divorced. Gained 3 step kids. Felt satisfied. But then wanted one with my new husband. Tried hard. No luck. Very sad – but came to peace. Got a puppy:) I think we end up with the families that are meant for us.
    Leah Davidson recently wrote…More BeachingMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      I’m sorry that you didn’t get the baby you wanted. But love your perspective about what’s meant to be.

  • September 3, 2013 Ilene

    It was purely instinctual for me. I knew I wanted three kids but no more. It’s as if the three I have were what was meant to be – and while three can be a handful (plus I had them all in a three and a half year time span), it’s definitely the right number. When you know, you know, and it sounds like you know!
    Ilene recently wrote…Jersey Girls Don’t Pump GasMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      Yes, exactly. When you know, you KNOW.

  • September 3, 2013 jasi

    We decided to be 4 and husband was strong enough to hold to it. I get baby-crazy from time to time but we’re a happy 4.

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      Happy four is awesome!

  • September 3, 2013 Tracie

    I often carry indecision and doubt with me long after decisions are made – especially the ones I can’t go back and change.

    Happy to hear you have found peace in your decision, and love in your family of four. That is a beautiful thing.
    Tracie recently wrote…Two Stories About LilithMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      It is a beautiful thing, indeed.

  • September 3, 2013 Kim

    We are done. A family of four is where we will stay, and for the most part I am content with that. But if my husband and I were younger? I think we would have another. But knowing we are done is a good feeling – there is a certain peace that comes with it.
    Kim recently wrote…Winning the ShuffleMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      I think it’s to do with our age too. We’re both nearly 40, and the kids are still so young. I just feel that the time we have needs to be put to the two we already have.

  • September 3, 2013 Kerry

    We are complete with our family of 5. We went back and forth after we had our second son, but I just had this gut feeling that we needed, wanted, could handle one more. Some people ask if we are going to have 4, and now we just know we are done. We too have been relishing in getting rid of all the baby stuff. πŸ™‚
    Kerry recently wrote…10 Tips to Ease into the Back-to-School SeasonMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      It’s an unburdening of physical and emotional “weight”, in a way. It does feel good!

  • September 3, 2013 Maggie S.

    You don’t have to be pregnant to have another child. We thought our twins would take all we had. And through an amazing series of circumstances, we adopted a boy 7 years younger. He was like a surprise baby, even though he was 6 when we brought him home. No diapers. No walking the floors at night.

    I guess I’m saying, you never know. And I don’t think it’s necessary to have the decision carved in stone.
    Maggie S. recently wrote…Cleverer Than I LookMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      Yes, you’re right, it’s not carved in stone. If another child comes our way, then so be it. πŸ™‚

  • September 3, 2013 Leslie

    It’s funny how these conversations go (both those with ourselves and our spouses). We’re pretty sure we’re going to go for a third; but are often wistful about what it would be like to be done. Not having to make room for keeping the little baby clothes, the swing, the maternity and nursing clothes. But then again, I really am a newborn person (and I keep thinking that we have to be blessed with at least ONE easy going baby!).
    Leslie recently wrote…Our Summer in PicturesMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      Our second is actually a pretty easy baby, compared to our first. For that, I am grateful!

  • September 3, 2013 Elaine A.

    I knew my family was complete while still pregnant with K. I always pictured myself as a mom of three. I’ve written about it before. And I know this feeling of which you speak and it is so nice to know and be content with your family as it is (and get rid of that STUFF!).

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      I never thought of myself as a mother at all, so this was all new to me!

  • September 3, 2013 Aldred Eckles

    I am engaged (wedding coming up on New Years Eve!), and my fiancee are starting the family planning. We each have almost always envisioned two or three children, but had a discussion recently and found out we each had the same silent epiphany.

    We love kids. We’ve been told we’d make fantastic parents. But, we realized that we really only wanted to have children because of this societal timeline you’re supposed to follow: finish school, graduate college, get a good job, get married, have kids, (and then I guess you’re done until retirement when, obviously, everyone just drinks margaritas on a beach all day, right?) Also, from a pop-psych standpoint, there’s something selfish about having children – a “look what I can do” motive behind it all – and as we’ve seen from reality television those parents tend to not be the best role models.

    So, until we can start the conversation with an honest statement of “Here’s why I want to bring a child into the world for their sake, not ours” we’ve decided to keep it at the two of us. Although, we’re both expecting that, if we still haven’t figured it out in a couple years, her biology will kick in to override our logic and tell us to “make a baby now, dangit!” Mother Nature>Us
    Aldred Eckles recently wrote…Countdown to Patch 5.4 – 8 Days: Are You Ready For Noodle Cart Devastation?My Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      I think you guys have a great perspective on the having children discussion.
      We decided to have children once we knew that we felt that our family was incomplete, and it was absolutely the right decision to make.
      Congratulations on your engagement and upcoming wedding!

  • September 3, 2013 Robin

    I’m so glad you are at peace with the decision. Every once in a while I get a desire for another baby, especially as my baby is about to turn 1. But I really, really don’t want to do all the baby stuff again. And I REALLY don’t want to go through the sleep battle again. More and more, I’m comfortable with 2.
    Robin recently wrote…An Explanation, In PartMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      The hard parts, yeah, I don’t want to do those things again either. I want to be able to enjoy them as they are now!

  • September 3, 2013 Tamara

    We’re a firm family of 5. My husband occasionally mentions a fourth and reminds me that we used to talk about having 5… but no. I am not having any more babies. I, too, have put away all the baby things, happily passing some down to my brother and his wife who have recently had their first. My sister is two years older than me and due with her third in November… I still get that little twinge on the rare occasion, but I know heart and soul that three is the number for me.
    Tamara recently wrote…One Persistent BugMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      It’s wonderful to know, isn’t it?

  • September 3, 2013 Mrs. Weber

    I struggle with this on a daily basis. In many ways I feel done, but I’ve always wanted three kids. Personally, I’d love to space them out more and have one after Kinley goes to school in a few years, but the hubby is afraid he will chicken out if we wait too long! All I know is I am not ready to be pregnant yet. I’m hoping I get a sign for what I’m supposed to do in a couple years…For now, I’m enjoying the two beauties I already have πŸ™‚
    Mrs. Weber recently wrote…Diamond Candles Giveaway + Review! {ENDS 9/16}My Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      Me too! (the enjoying part)

  • September 3, 2013 Julia

    We aren’t done yet, hopefully there will be one more baby for us making us a family of 4 and then we will be done. I’ve always known that the most kids I would have would be 2. I can’t imagine having any more than 2.
    Julia recently wrote…If You Like Pina ColadasMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      Yeah, three will do my head in πŸ™‚

  • September 3, 2013 Thekitchwitch

    I wrestle with this issue all the time! I know I’m “done,” but there’s always that little voice in my head///
    Thekitchwitch recently wrote…Ten Men You Meet Through Internet DatingMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      Tell the voice to shut up!

  • I knew I was done because just like you I felt relief when I packed up my baby stuff and handed it to my nephew and niece when they were expecting.
    And this weekend my happiness will be complete when my aunt picks up our double stroller! Hurray! More room in our garage, maybe we will even fit a car in there one day.

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      Oh yes! I will applaud the day we manage to get rid of our stroller.

  • September 3, 2013 Ma. Teresa Grech Q. Racal

    When I had my first 2 girls, I told my self and my husband, that’s it… Then 7 years later, I am 32 years old then, I got pregnant. Among my 3 daughters, the 3rd one was the most difficult one and I don’t like to go through again. Having 3 girls is enough, besides, my youngest is taking my time and attention already. My 2 older daughters are 15 and 13… So that’s it…
    Ma. Teresa Grech Q. Racal recently wrote…Arielle: Not A Baby AnymoreMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      Then it was meant to be!

  • September 3, 2013 Leighann

    I have always ached for another and hopefully will.
    One day we’ll get to that point where we’re done. But not yet.
    Leighann recently wrote…So… ThanksMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      One day, it’d happen, Leighann. Thinking of you.

  • September 3, 2013 Keely

    Oh my GAWD, the image of clearing out all the STUFF just gave me a twinge in MY uterus. Seriously. Spaaaaaaaaace. (But seriously, it’s awesome that you’re good with your decisions. As we all should be. Few people can rock that boast.)
    Keely recently wrote…Labor Day Is For Napping.My Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      Dude, are you having a fourth? πŸ™‚

  • September 3, 2013 Shell

    We are done, too. Every once in a while, I feel a slight twinge of baby fever, but we did purge all the baby gear and I’ve become quite used to my diaper bag-less life.
    Shell recently wrote…Eye Rolling Moments with the Soccer MomsMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      Diaper-bag-free, woohoo!

  • September 3, 2013 Stacey

    It seems that no matter how many you have or how certain you are to be done, there is that initial sadness. We have 7, but I had a similar experience. I KNEW we were done. I just did. But that doesn’t mean I don’t steal my brand new nephew and enjoy some of those baby snuggles from time to time. But I am still glad we are done.
    Stacey recently wrote…What makes a role model?My Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      Oh Stacey, seven. I’m still amazed. πŸ™‚

  • September 4, 2013 Gina Jacobs Thomas (

    We’re so utterly and completely done. And I knew too that the day I gave away my breast pump, I was sealing the deal. But what I felt was relief. Like I’d graduated. That it felt right. While I still think my husband would be thrilled with another baby in the house, I fully realize what my capacity is, and I have hit that limit. Two for me feels manageable on many fronts. For all the reasons you’ve mentioned and more.
    Gina Jacobs Thomas ( recently wrote…Swapping Scar StoriesMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      Oh yes, manageable is the word!

  • September 4, 2013 steph

    This is kinda “pour your heart out.” I have one child — conceived at a bad time and, please don’t judge, when I was on the outs with my husband and my mind was with another man. Should’ve gotten divorced but chose to have the child and stay with the husband. We had no real marriage…were not intimate for FOUR YEARS before I finally said ENOUGH! I am now dating the man I believe to be my soulmate and am a couple days late. Afraid to take a test…I had a horrible pregnancy, postpartum. etc since I had my child. I adore him but…it’s been rough. I’ll find out eventually, but it will kill me if I’m excited to have a baby with my current boyfriend when — as much as I adore my son — my pregnancy and subsequent life since he has been born has been horrible. Ugh…

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      I hope that whatever the outcome is, that things will turn out better.

  • September 4, 2013 Jessica

    Isn’t that a wonderful feeling? I always said I would have five children, but the more I have, the more I rethink whether that is such a good idea. When it comes to family size, I think what matters is that you do what feels right. Knowing that you can have more is one thing, but more important, when planning for more, is whether you’d really want more.

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      Jessica, congratulations on your third! And yes, it’s important to really know if you do actually want another.

  • September 4, 2013 Andrea

    When I was pregnant with my second I cried when she was born because I was so miserable emotionally during my pregnancy and was so glad it was over. Now and then I get a little twinge of regret that we didn’t have more, but I know deep in my heart that I am meant to be a mom of two.
    Andrea recently wrote…A Labor Day Mind DumpMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      I had such a good birth experience with my second, I didn’t want to mar it with the possibility of a hard third pregnancy and labor. I know, selfish, right?

  • September 4, 2013 Amy

    I was already older when we had Jake – well I was 36 going on 37. But the “advanced maternal age” in red sharpie on my medical file would certainly scare off even the most stalwart of pregnant women. We knew we wanted just one. It was kind of hard to part with his baby stuff, but I loaned it to a friend and have since donated it to a shelter for victims of domestic violence. I love having one. And he loves being the only grandchild (and great grandchild) on either side of the family. We’d totally ruin it for him with another…
    Amy recently wrote…National Yoga Month is Here!My Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      Yeah, the advanced maternal age thing is off putting! Glad you’re happy with your one.

  • September 4, 2013 MomChalant

    I really another baby, maybe two. My boyfriend however doesn’t want anymore. I’d love to start trying a little before my son turns 3 (he’s 17 months now), so I’m looking at that as enough time to convince him. But it definitely scares me that he’ll never commit to having another. I think since we’re both still young, he isn’t ready to give up ALL of his extra time, which is understandable, but when you have babies young, one parent always grows up before the other.
    MomChalant recently wrote…The Meaning Of Labor Day I Used To BelieveMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      I hope he turns around to your point of view.
      Giving my oldest a sibling was the best thing we ever did for him. Tell your boyfriend I said that. πŸ™‚

  • September 4, 2013 Stevie

    I tend to second guess my decisions at times until I hit that sense of peace.

    Alex and I always have said we want two. Who knows how I will feel down the road, but two feels right for me.
    Stevie recently wrote…Drunk on Your WordsMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      It’s good to have a number in mind!

  • September 4, 2013 Amy

    Well I don’t even have ONE kid, but I do know all about the indecision that comes from making a choice. I am really indecisive, but I find that I have the most peace once I make a decision and I’m kind of forced to stick with it. Then I find all of the reasons why I really need to just be happy with what I have. I know it’s not quite like that with children, but I’m glad that you feel like you made the right choice for you.
    Amy recently wrote…Rochester, NY: Weekend on the LakeMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      It’s self-doubt, that unsureness and questioning after a decision has been made. And the fear of making a mistake. Having kids (or not having them) is a big decision, so I expect to challenge myself on this over the years, repeatedly! (even though I’m sure we are meant to be four)

  • September 4, 2013 Kerstin

    I have a confession to make: I never thought about having another child after I had my son. Like ever. Like I was done. He used up every ounce of strength and patience and child-rearing passion I had.
    He turns 12 on Thursday and he’s an awesome kid, but boy did I feel like I wasn’t gonna make it…
    As far as doubting myself after making decisions goes – yes, I do that a lot (just not with the having children thing πŸ˜‰ ). I always seem to waiting for some kind of “sign” to confirm my decision was the right one. Which is silly, because my gut feeling has never disappointed me.
    I’m so happy for you that you have that feeling of contentment about your family! xoxo
    Kerstin recently wrote…High NoteMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      Trust your gut, always! πŸ™‚
      Happy Belated Birthday to your boy, hope he had a fab one!

  • September 4, 2013 Amy

    I can relate. My heart still twinges for another one sometimes, but my body (and brain) say I need to quit while I’m ahead. I probably would’ve had three if I had started earlier, but as it is, I feel lucky to have my two!
    Amy recently wrote…Tick tock goes the alarm clockMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      I feel the same way, about having three if we had started earlier. But I do feel that we are where we’re meant to be.

  • September 4, 2013 Shefali

    I am on one right now, but we’ve already decided that we are going to have two and that’s it. I secretly think 3 is the perfect number but we have the same way of thinking that you guys do. The little ones should not outnumber the grown ups.
    Come to think of it I did think pregnancy sucked so that might help me. Hey! you really got me
    Shefali recently wrote…After a Long WeekendMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      Have the second one, then decide. πŸ™‚

  • September 4, 2013 Kimberly

    Do you still feel like you want more? Like does that ever go away (I know you don’t know that answer just yet)
    I want one so bad but it would be very irresponsible of me, us, to go through with it.
    I’m clutching on to all the items I can…probably as hard as I am clutching onto our dream.
    But you’re right, my arms will always be full no matter what.
    PS. 40 isn’t old hooker.
    PPS. I wouldn’t know.
    Kimberly recently wrote…Camper’s BladderMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      40 isn’t old.
      Except when the damn doctors write ‘advanced maternal age’. Fuckers.
      I totally get excited over squishy babies. But I want to be able to give them back. πŸ˜‰

  • September 4, 2013 Jenn

    We’re pretty sure we’re done, but aren’t ready to make it permanent. I’ve been trying to sell the baby gear, but my mom says, “Just wait, you’ll finish selling it all and then you’ll get pregnant again. That’s how it always works.” So far, we’re in the clear. I don’t know if I could go back to the infant stage (not to mention the pregnancy stage) after having these past few years of good sleep.
    Jenn recently wrote…On Hiring A New TherapistMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      Oh, the sleep. THE SLEEP. I miss the sleep. πŸ™‚

  • September 4, 2013 Jennifer

    I know exactly what you mean. As much I as I love babies, and I know a third would be so, SO loved and adored, I felt the same exact way when I packed up all the baby stuff and let it go. Sometimes there is some wistfulness, but 95% of the time I know that we are just right the way we are.
    Jennifer recently wrote…Happiness Is…My Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      I think about this all the time. About how a third would fit. I know there will be enough love and heart. But I don’t think I can physically do it without losing what’s left of my mind. πŸ™‚

  • September 5, 2013 Kenya G. Johnson

    I think as long as it’s still possible this is something we all go through – (baby fever). Glad you felt relief and not sadness when you were cleaning up. Love that baby picture. Look at those eyelashes – totally not fair!
    Kenya G. Johnson recently wrote…Man to Man…My Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      He does have some lovely lashes!

  • September 5, 2013 Crystal

    I’m pregnant with my fifth – due on Halloween. I finally got my girl (she was #4). And decided since my first two have left the nest, another would be nice. This time my body is telling me “enough is enough”. It’s been a rough pregnancy and I feel too old to be doing this (almost 40). So five will be IT. And this time, I mean it. Im listening to my body. And gut. πŸ™‚
    Crystal recently wrote…My Favorite Pins of the Week: Best of the Lady BloggersMy Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      Congratulations Crystal! I’m sorry the pregnancy has been rough, but it’d be not long until you hold your baby in your arms!

  • September 5, 2013 Christine

    We’re done having kids. My rationale is similar to yours but the biggest motivator for me is that I’m terrified of having 3 boys. We’ve been clearing out the old baby stuff and toys and I’ve felt relief too. It just feels right. Then this week, I met up with a friend who has a 2 month old baby and my heart went pitter-patter and swelled. Oy. But we’re done πŸ™‚
    Christine recently wrote…Yoga for Runners – Part 2My Profile

    • September 16, 2013 Alison

      Oh I think that too – three boys! Then I think, oh, what if it’s a girl?
      Then I tell myself to shut up. πŸ™‚

  • September 5, 2013 Mariann

    I remember when I came to the realization that I’m forever done birthing babies. It was only about a year and a half ago and almost identical to your same experience.
    The peace that you feel once you receive confirmation that your decision is a valid one, is amazing. Congrats on finding that peace!
    Mariann recently wrote…Let the Couponing BeginMy Profile

    • September 17, 2013 Alison

      Thanks Mariann!

  • September 6, 2013 Stasha

    Love this are such a beautiful writer and picture taker. I always knew oneis my number. I felt guilt when Julian wanted a sibling but never doubt on my reasons for not indulging him.
    Stasha recently wrote…Wordless WednesdayMy Profile

    • September 17, 2013 Alison

      Thank you, Stasha. I think your family is perfect just the way it is.

  • September 6, 2013 Allie

    It’s funny how our uterus can play tricks on us, isn’t it? I knew I was done when I had healthy twins. I then found out that b/c they run in my family, I was more likely to get pregnant with twins AGAIN. I knew I couldn’t survive that. But, but, but…maybe I would just be pregnant with ONE. ONE glorious baby…maybe even a girl! After twins, one baby would be a friggin piece of cake. In the end, the hubs was totally against it and I really am content with my two boys. Four is a good, round number.
    Allie recently wrote…THIS GIRL’S FANTASY? FOOTBALL!My Profile

    • September 17, 2013 Alison

      Oh yes, I’ve friends who have TWO sets of twins, oh my. I would probably not survive that lol. Glad you’re happy with your two!

  • September 6, 2013 Kathy Radigan

    Alison I remember when I felt very good and peaceful about my choice to be a family of four not five. I threw out/donated all my baby stuff and felt ready to move on from that phase of my life. One month later later I found out we were pregnant with baby 3!!! I still really think my third child knew it was now or never because I was scheduled for my appointment with my doctor to have an IUD placed. For us it was great, but I was really shocked and scared to have the third since I felt ready to move on. I don’t know if you ever “know” for sure, and I think some times the real planners in life (like I am) get some great surprises.
    Kathy Radigan recently wrote…Sex, the City and my Mom: a review and a postMy Profile

    • September 17, 2013 Alison

      I love that you had a happy surprise!

  • September 6, 2013 Jessica

    My husband and I both knew two was our limit. We talked once about having a third. It was a short, short, short conversation.
    Jessica recently wrote…Blueberry Spinach SmoothieMy Profile

    • September 17, 2013 Alison

      Hah! Like, “Want a third?” “Let’s think on that.” “No.” πŸ™‚

  • September 6, 2013 My Inner Chick

    Alison Lee,
    You have a beautiful family!
    But if you decide to have another, 40 is def. not too old!! Xxx
    My Inner Chick recently wrote…A Room Of My Own & Other Groovy StuffMy Profile

    • September 17, 2013 Alison

      Thank you!
      40 is not old for anything. That is true. But I’m done with pregnancy. πŸ™‚

  • September 7, 2013 anymommy

    I think packing up baby stuff is cathartic somehow. As much as I wanted that last baby that we just will never get, it felt good to clean out the house this summer, get rid of the stuff from a phase that has ended, and face forward.

    • September 17, 2013 Alison

      Facing forward. Yes, that.

  • September 7, 2013 PNG

    I was kinda worn out by the time we finally got our second (third) child. That was a dream come true for us, nothing more to wish. Also, I just returned to work last week and enjoy this stage of life.
    PNG recently wrote…The road to maternityMy Profile

    • September 17, 2013 Alison

      I am enjoying this stage of life. Hence no more babies!

  • September 9, 2013 Lady Jennie

    I am so definitely done, but even reading this makes me miss that tug – that heaviness in my belly of being pregnant. But I am almost 44. I am done, done, DONE.
    Lady Jennie recently wrote…French-Style Apricot Almond TarteMy Profile

    • September 17, 2013 Alison

      Does it ever truly go away, that twinge? Sigh.

  • September 14, 2013 another jennifer

    We weren’t sure if we wanted a second at first. We just sort of said whatever happens, happens. And I got pregnant right away! It seemed like it was meant to be. After having my second, we just knew he completed our family. Everything just felt right.
    another jennifer recently wrote…Philanthropy Friday: Tracking Humankind’s Positive Progress on pplkindMy Profile

    • September 17, 2013 Alison

      Yes! Love that feeling of “just right”.

  • September 14, 2013 Tanya

    So glad you feel your family is the perfect size. We had come to that difficult decision that 2 boys was enough for us, we had a man to man defense. I had a hard time getting pregnant with my 2nd boy and had suffered some joint damage because of it. As soon as I went back on the strong medicines to control my arthritis, we got pregnant with baby boy #3 as a surprise. I loved being pregnant and wish I could keep up with 10 kids physically and financially but I am with you and wanted to be a young mom. As it is, I will be in my 50’s before youngest graduates high school (my parents were grandparents when they turned 50!)

    We may have to play zone defense, are outnumbered by the youngins who inevitably split in 3 different directions, wait a little longer for a table in a restaurant, or book a more expensive, bigger hotel room but now that he’s here, we couldn’t imagine how quiet our life would be without our rambunctious, funny, crazy little Daredevil. I still get questions if we will try for a girl. seriously? I have 3 boys, I’m good and my family is perfect the way it is.
    Tanya recently wrote…Monsoon Memories by Renita D’Silva Book ReviewMy Profile

    • September 17, 2013 Alison

      I’m so glad that your family is as it should be, Tanya!

  • September 15, 2013 Sheila Skillingstead

    I’m glad you are happy with your decisions. I also did not enjoy my pregnancies. Arthritis was the gift with my first and it became excruciating with my second. We had planned to have four children but were blessed with three. Families are the size they are and accepting that is healthy. Enjoy Sharefest.
    Sheila Skillingstead recently wrote…Writing by handMy Profile

    • September 17, 2013 Alison

      You’re right, acceptance is healthy. Thanks for stopping by!

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Alison Profile PictureI'm Alison. Writer, a mother of four (two boys and boy/ girl twins), social media enthusiast and book lover. A believer in the power of chocolate and hugs. Chugging coffee as I type. Want to know more?

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