Palms on your mat, push your heels down. Ground yourself.
The past few weeks have been one of self-searching. Not so much soul, just self. Feeling slightly panicked, like I’ve waded too far into the ocean, and have nothing to hold on to, thinking I’m going to get pulled in and float away, helpless. Trying to keep my head above water, paddling, searching for something to pull me back.
Not writing makes me feel that way. Like I’m not anchored to something. It sounds a tad dramatic (it probably is), but for a writer to not write? No. A writer has to write.
Deep breaths. Allow your body and mind to fall in with your breathing.
I’m no Anne Lamott, certainly. But writing is akin to breathing for me. I live for it, I love it, I can’t do without it, I just must. So I took a few deep breaths and just wrote. Stories that I dare not tell, tales that I can’t really see head or tail of yet, snippets of life, scattered thoughts. I wrote them down. It was a release. Even just to write a few sentences that were building up, waiting to be drawn out. Even if it was shit and don’t make sense (yet).
Stay with your pose. Focus on your breath. Just be.
I hold still as I write. Not physically (of course not). Mentally. I can’t allow myself to be lured away by the sparkly lights of Facebook, or the enticing voice of Pinterest. I let the words flow, I try to draw the picture in my mind quickly, before it fades away.
Hands in prayer pose, to your heart. Feel your energy, center it.
And I keep going. I write. I move more naturally now. The words are taking shape, moulding themselves into sentences. I feel alive. Also, relief.
Move with purpose. Don’t rush it.
The tendency is to hurry up. Write before I forget. Write before the words stop for some reason. I cannot rush. Moving too quickly would drive me to pressure myself unnecessarily. I want to love this process, not stress it.
Do what you can, what your body tells you to. This is not a competition.
It is very easy for a writer (and blogger) to fall into a comparison trap. She writes better. Her imagery is so vivid. Writing comes so naturally to her. Etcetera etcetera. Unless there’s an unknown prize out there (a book deal? A TV show? A Pulitzer nomination?), it’s not a competition. Not for me anyway. Reading beautiful writing inspires me to write better.
I’ve been stuck for a while. Feeling despondent over many things. My body, my writing or lack thereof, my sense of self worth.
I pulled out my yoga mat a few days ago. I moved into familiar poses, feeling my way into them, glad I (and my body) hadn’t forgotten the asanas (poses). Post-practice, I lay on my mat in savasana (corpse pose, aptly named), feeling like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and heart.
This. This is what I needed. To go back to what makes me happy. What makes me whole.
I found my way back to myself.
How do you find your way back to you?
I have a post at Everyday Family with 5 fun play ideas for toddlers! And, have you entered this giveaway for a Google Nexus 7 Tablet yet? It’s open until July 11!