Some magazine decided it’d be fun to ‘rate’ celebrity mothers (thanks Mommy Shorts for your post) – like, a B+ for eating your own placenta, or a D for refusing kids carbs (did I hear someone say Gwyneth? Why yes, you’d be right).
Instead of ranting and raving about how stupid that is (because it is), I thought it’d be fun (and funny) if *I rated myself.
*Disclaimer: I am rating ME. Not you. Not that mother over there. Or there. Or her over there. This is in good humour, and I am just poking fun at myself and that tabloid rag.
- Both kids are great with routine. It’s like they can tell time. It’s uncanny. A
- Teaching coping skills when we stray from routine. Coping skills? What coping skills? D
- Everyone sits down when dinner is ready. A
- Children staying at dinner table for the entire meal. Hah! The baby strays off after 8 minutes. C
- Candy. There may or may not have been an incident, okay, two incidents, of lollipops for breakfast. F
- Children eating what they’re served. Sure, if they’re served what they want to eat. C+
- Children served home cooked food at least 4 times a week. B-
- French fries as a meal. Yes, more than once a week. D-
- Giving the 13-month old pizza for dinner. C-
- Giving 13-month old pizza that is NOT homemade, for dinner. F
- No one is ready for this, despite several attempts over one year. F
Taking children out
- Everyone is out the door in 10 minutes. A-
- Someone forgets something, usually the Mother. C
- Children behave in grocery store without bribery for 5 minutes. B-
- Small one wants to touch allthethings, is not allowed, and tries to escape from the Baby Bjorn, his screams deafening his Mother. Number of people staring: just 4. B-
- Get everything on grocery list. A
- Number of chocolate bars grabbed by the preschooler without his Mother knowing: 4. Preschooler – A, Mother – D
- Go home and realize a couple of items have been forgotten. F
- Everyone is alive and Mother hasn’t yelled at anyone. A
- Both children are usually wearing at least one item of clothing each. C
- Pants are optional. C
- Laundry is done once a day, usually folded and put away by 3.00 pm. A-
- Laundry is never sorted by whites, darks or colours. D
- Children are bathed once a day. A
- Children play happily together during bath time. A
- Children fighting after one minute of playing happily together, and the Mother watches for a couple of minutes to wait for them to self-resolve. D
- Resolution: one child is removed from the bathroom, kicking and screaming. D-
- Clean children? Debatable. C+
- Both kids nap at the same time. A (let’s just stay with this for a moment, and savour the perfect score)
- Both children in bed before 8.00 pm. A
- One child sleeps through the night. A
- One child sleeps for 4 hours in his crib, wakes up on the dot at 11.00 pm and demands to be picked up. Child gets picked up and sleeps in the big bed. D-
- Same child wakes up multiple times in the middle of the night. The right thing to do would be to put him back in his crib and let him sleep there, ‘train’ him to go back to sleep by himself. Instead, he is offered boob to quieten him because his Mother is too freaking tired to do anything else, further enabling this cycle. F
- Co-sleeping child wakes parents up by open-mouth wet kisses, or lying on one parent’s chest. A, because who doesn’t want to wake up to baby kisses and hugs?
- Children get regular hugs and kisses. A
- Mother swears in front of children. Sometimes. D
- Mother hides chocolate from children. B-
Average in most areas, good at some things, and improvement required in other areas.
Children are healthy, happy, usually clothed, and acting their age, which means they’re fine.
Mother is usually tired, but functions well enough to keep the house fairly clean and crumb-free if you can ignore the sticky play mat and coffee table.
Mother manages at least four home-cooked dinners a week, which is not to be sneezed at. The jury is however, still out on the implementation of Pizza Friday – genius, or lazy?
Mother also scores well in the laundry department, except for regular reports from her husband about “missing socks” and “shrunken shirts”. But that’s for another report card.
What score would you give yourself?
Link up with Galit and I now for Memories Captured, and you could be 1 of 5 lucky linkers to win a book! Linky is open until June 14, 9.00 pm (Eastern). Also, I have a post at Everyday Family today with mom-toddler date ideas, come check it out.