Saturday morning began as any – far too early. Drinking a cup of coffee while the baby played by my side, I turned on my laptop.
I was stunned and shattered. Shootings, children, death, guns, more death, more children gone too soon, stabbings.
I sat here, thinking about the young lives lost, about the parents whose arms are empty, and whose hearts are broken. I could not stop thinking of Christmas presents that will never be opened, and this time of the year, supposed to be joyful, forever changed for so many. My head and heart were full of the children who will always remain children, because their right to live, and grow up, has been ripped away from them.
And I cried. I held my baby and I cried. When my 3 year old came home from his grandparents, I hugged him and told him that I love him.
The lump in my throat stayed there all day.
It was a long day. Post-appendectomy follow up at the hospital. Urgent grocery run as we had no food. Children who would not and could not nap. Snotty noses and phlegmy coughs. A dreary day to match my mood. A three hour effort to get the poor, sick baby to sleep at night. A heavy, heavy heart. And that lump in my throat.
As I struggled to not lose it, I thought about how with tragedies such as these, our perspective is suddenly pulled sharply into focus. The daily grind, the minor inconveniences – it seems rather ungrateful that we dwell on them. Isn’t it a tragedy of sorts, that something like this needs to happen before we realize how good we have it?
And so before I wrapped up my long day, I checked in on my firstborn and watched him sleep for a few minutes. I then plodded into my room to check on the baby, who, exhausted, had finally fallen asleep. And I finally sat down, and let that lump in my throat out, and cried silent tears for the children who will always be children, wishing they didn’t have to be the ones to show us that we should always be grateful for all that we have, that we need to tell the people we love that we love them NOW, and for putting things into perspective.
Rest in peace, children .
If you’ve written a post about your feelings following the tragic events in Connecticut and China, let me know in the comments, I’d love to read it. If you’ve read a good post about it, let me know too. Thank you, and I love you all.