Sons And Daughters

posted in: Boys, Parenting, Rant 112 comments

 

I got angry last week.

I saw this article, headlined “In Praise of Daughters” pop up on my Facebook news feed.

I almost did not want to read it, when I skimmed through the article summary – about how daughters are better than sons when it comes to caring for their parents.

I did read it. And I got angry.

I’ll give you a summary.

The writer is one of three sisters. Her elderly parents, who are completely dependent on her to care for them, live with her and her family. She goes on to detail how devoted she and her two sisters are to their parents, running them to and from medical appointments, errands, making sure their complicated medicine regime is correct and implemented, and handling their financial affairs. They have a brother, “who lives nearby. But somehow, we never expect him to help out with such matters. It’s just not his thing.”

She then ends the article by saying that, oh, not all men treat their parents that way, her husband and her sisters’ husbands are all devoted to their parents. Because they are so lucky they picked the “right men”.

Wow.

So everyone else’s sons and brothers are leaving their parents’ care to their sisters, except for YOUR husband, lady?

This made me angry.

Not just as a mother of two sons, but as a wife, and as a daughter.

My parents are far from needing any of us to swoop in and save them, but I know that when the time comes, all four of us, brothers and sisters, will come together to ensure that my parents live out their lives in comfort.

This article, this writer, has just implied that my brothers will fail my parents. Not true.

This article, this writer, has just implied that my husband, and his two brothers, will leave their one sister, to care for their parents when the time comes. I can say with certainty that my in laws have nothing to worry about when it comes to ALL their children.

This article, this writer, has just implied that I, mother of two boys, am basically screwed when I’m old and frail, because I have no daughters who will take care of me.

People like this writer, who insist on perpetuating age-old gender myths about how much more filial daughters are, really piss me off.  She cited a 2010 study in the United States about how adult daughters place more emphasis on their relationships with their parents, and are more affected should those relationships sour. Is there more to this study? How many subjects did they study? Was it a particular socio-economic group? What relationships did these women have with their parents to start with?

In other words, she’s saying, if you want to be sure you’re taken care of by your children, have girls.

Well, Ms June Wong (writer of said article, who happens to be the mother of two girls), let me show you the other side of the fence, as a mother of two boys.

It is not whether you have sons or daughters you need to worry about, as a parent.

Regardless of whether they are boys or girls, we should teach our children the same things.

Respect.

Honesty.

Integrity.

Kindness.

Loyalty.

Friendship.

Responsibility.

Manners.

Compassion.

These are the things I am teaching my boys. These are the values I want them to hold true, to go out into the world as good men, and come home to us as good sons.

Instilling them with good values, good sense and love, I believe in my children.

P.D. James quote

So parents of sons AND daughters, do not fall into the trap of believing that one gender is better than another in any way. It is how YOU raise them that will make a difference.

Read anything lately that pissed you off?

PS: My final secret is out: I’m now a regular contributor to Everyday Family! My first post is out now (complete with a picture of a hugely pregnant me), so I’d really appreciate if you could head over to read, or send a pregnant friend the post! Every post click counts. Like, literally (my version of begging). Thank you!

Link up with Galit and I for Memories Captured here from November 12 to 16, and you could win a Traffic Boosting Report from The Strategic Mama! The report is a useful tool if you want to optimize your blog and monetize it. It will include a site evaluation and recommendations on how to optimize your site for search engines, using keyword research, Google Analytics and Webmaster Tools. The winner will be chosen via random.org. 

Alison
Alison Lee is a former PR and marketing professional turned work-at-home mother. After a 10-year career in various PR agencies, and of the world’s biggest sports brands, Alison traded in product launches and world travel, for sippy cups, diapers, and breastfeeding. Alison's writing has been featured on Mamalode, On Parenting at The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, Everyday Family, Scary Mommy, and DrGreene.com. She is one of 35 essayists in the anthology, My Other Ex: Women’s True Stories of Leaving and Losing Friends. In 2012, she founded Little Love Media, a social media consultancy specializing in blog book tours, and because she doesn’t sleep, is an editor at BonBon Break, an online magazine. Alison lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia with her husband and four children (two boys and boy/ girl twins).
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  • November 14, 2012 wendy

    nice post! I would say that sons and daughters both remain bonded to their parents–and some don’t. My brother and husband are both so close to their moms. I hope I have the same with my son and my daughters.
    wendy recently wrote…Our Room With a ViewMy Profile

    • November 17, 2012 Alison

      See, boys or girls – in some families, it doesn’t matter. You’re a great Mama, your children will be close to you, of course!

  • November 14, 2012 Laura at Mommy Miracles

    The fact that she has these feelings and that her brother doesn’t help out must be very much linked. They must have grown up with the idea that the girls help out and the boy doesn’t need to. It seems like of all the important men in her life, the majority of them DO help out their families, so I think she must just be a little prejudice.

    I was scared to have boys. Scared that they wouldn’t be able to love me because they would be too… boy-y? Oh, was I ever mistaken. The trick is to raise our boys to do what is right and to do everything we can to maintain a healthy relationship with them as we grow older.
    Laura at Mommy Miracles recently wrote…Sharing CookiesMy Profile

    • November 17, 2012 Alison

      I think that sometimes, just sometimes, boys are more loving. 🙂 Maybe just ours, heh.

  • November 14, 2012 Keely

    Oh, that kinda thing irks the bejesus outta me. ANY time there’s an article or study about how inherently “different” girls and boys and sons and daughters are… it’s like, why don’t we spend less time differentiating gender stereotypes and spend more time raising equally competent members of society? For real.
    Keely recently wrote…Burning Questions, Part 251: Disney.My Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      YES! What you said!

  • November 14, 2012 Olga

    Alison, you’ve completely read my mind! I can’t believe how we wrote such very similar (in concept) posts on the same day. It is all about teaching these values to our children. That is our responsibility!
    Olga recently wrote…Kindness Takes PracticeMy Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      I’ll have to check your post out, Olga! Yes, it IS our responsibility.

  • November 14, 2012 Amber

    As a mom of a little boy, thank you. You nailed it.
    Amber recently wrote…The Ruth Valley Missing – It’s Almost Here!My Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Thanks Amber!

  • November 14, 2012 Amanda Austin

    I am over here just trying to play devils advocate 🙂

    I have to say that in my experience, this stereotype holds up. I think it has more to Do with family roles. You’ve heard “a son is a son until he takes a wife; a daughters a daughter the rest of her life”. Many times, men become part of a new family while daughters often embrace their own family. My parents, for example: my mother took care of my grandmother on her own. My uncle literally did nothing. My aunt (dads side) took care of my grandma an grandpa and her brothers weren’t as willing (in fact my mom actually said that she would be doing all the work if my gparents lives with my mom and dad.) those are just two anecdotes. It’s not saying men are slime balls and don’t take care of their parents….it means women are more nurturing and many women take care of their own parents, and would most likely be taking care of their inlaws, too. So I guess if that’s the case, mamas to boys like us should just endear ourselves to our future daughters-in-law. 🙂

    • November 14, 2012 Alison

      Thank you for weighing in Amanda! I get what you mean, and I’ve seen the kinds of examples you mean. I just took issue with the fact that the writer was writing with the kind of conviction she had, leaving little room for different scenarios (except for when it was her husband).

      Which is why I believe, whether you’re a son or a daughter, if you were raised in the way where filial piety comes into play, where family is always first, the matter of caregiving shouldn’t automatically fall to the girls. I would even go as far to say that perhaps birth order comes first. Firstborns are usually the ones left to hold the reins because they’ve always been thrust into that role of responsibility. Of course, this is again not hard and fast.

      Basically, I’m saying, it shouldn’t matter. Sons or daughters.

      Thanks for reading!

  • November 14, 2012 Alexandra

    My mother is 88, with dementia. I have 5 sisters, one brother. Do you know who does the brunt of the driving to and from Dr appts for her? And cleans her apt weekly?

    My brother.
    Alexandra recently wrote…Dream ShamanMy Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      You have a kind, caring, awesome brother.

  • November 14, 2012 tracy

    I hope all kids will honor their parents and step-up when needed. It’s what we are suppose to do and want to do. I hate any article that stereotypes…but I do agree with Amanda that I get where the author is coming from as you do still see traditional roles of the daughters in a care-giver role. But it doesn’t mean it’s the absolute. xo
    tracy recently wrote…Alexandra Rain App and a Guitar Giveaway!My Profile

    • November 14, 2012 Alison

      Yes! Absolutely. I guess I took issue with the fact she was playing off stereotypes. Regardless, I hope that we are all set for life. As long as we don’t screw up now, right? xoxo

  • November 14, 2012 Courtney Kirkland

    Actually, this same post pissed me off. I hadn’t seen it but clicked over to read when you cited it. What a crock. I could go on and on about this and gender preferences and yada yada yada. But I won’t. Because I know you get it already. 🙂
    Courtney Kirkland recently wrote…False Alarm…My Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Same page Courtney, same page. 🙂

  • November 14, 2012 Lady Jennie

    Sadly I do see more women then men who care for their aging parents, but I don’t think it’s because they have better hearts. If the family wasn’t raised in love and respect, then no one wants to care for the parents because they didn’t receive that love as kids. But while the men can ditch, the women can’t. Their instinct if what must be done takes over. They suffer on – not because they are better or because they want to, but because they must.

    It’s a bleak view, I know.
    Lady Jennie recently wrote…Recipe for Euro Disney SuccessMy Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      That’s one point of view, bleak as it may be. 🙂

  • November 14, 2012 Barbara

    As a “boy mom” and having grown up in an daughter-only family this post would have pissed me off too!
    Barbara recently wrote…AlhambraMy Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Glad I’m not alone 🙂

  • November 14, 2012 Susanna Leonard Hill

    You said it, Alison! Bravo! My brothers are very good about checking in with my parents (admittedly one is better than the other) as is my sister (although I am better than she is, but I live a lot closer!) My husband is INCREDIBLE to his mother, even though she is a very difficult person. So I think you’re completely right on all counts. I hope I am managing to teach my children everything on your list, but because I want them to be good people in the world, not because I care about whether or not they take care of me in my old age. Excellent post!
    Susanna Leonard Hill recently wrote…Would You Read It Wednesday #65 – How The Bull Lost His Feathers (PB)My Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Susannah! I’m glad the men in your life are so awesome.

  • November 14, 2012 Kim

    You are hitting my hot buttons, Alison! I do believe there is still a cultural more towards daughters being the caregivers from both the moms and families point of view , but I disagree strongly with that.

    My mom has 3 brothers (she is the oldest) and when her parents needed care, it came almost completely from her. Two brothers live thousands of miles away, but one lived about as close as she did. Still, that brother only made rare occasional visits while my mom made her parents a priority in her life.

    I think that teaching our children those character traits and demonstrating expectations goes a long way. I also believe that having dads model them is crucial. Children learn what they live. When all the dust settles around the talk about “we’re all responsible”, if they see only mom doing the caregiving, well, that says all they need to hear and see.
    Kim recently wrote…If you give a child a choiceMy Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Yes, exactly, Kim!

  • November 14, 2012 thedoseofreality

    Great column. I really do not like the fact that people feel the need to generalize something by gender that is really so specific about relationship, availability, economic factors, etc. I will say that my 2 uncles were the ones who totally took care of my grandmother, because my mother had young children and lived thousands of miles away. Anyway, well done, Alison…I loved the points you made about how we will all raise our children! 🙂
    thedoseofreality recently wrote…“SITS” Yourself Down!My Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      I believe this writer did so to ‘fight for’ girls, based on her assumption that our society (particularly Asians) prefers boys over girls. I think she could have made a better point with a more relevant example. Not this.

  • November 14, 2012 Elaine A.

    Apparently she’s never heard the term “Momma’s Boy” – ha ha! I could totally see my boys taking care of me better than K, actually. But like you said, it does not matter the gender. Just teaching them those values.

    Sorry you got angry, but don’t you love that you can vent/write about it here!?

    xo
    Elaine A. recently wrote…ThankfulMy Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Hah yes I do!

  • November 14, 2012 Susi

    This would have made me angry too. I can’t believe what some people have the gall to say out loud. I know of a really great example where the son, and not the daughters, takes care of his mom. He’s always there for her while the daughters are too busy being career woman. I would hope that when the time comes all three of my kids will take care of us!
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    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Yes, exactly Susi!

  • November 14, 2012 Natalie

    I agree with you 100%! I want my boys to be strong and caring people. I would never think b/c they weren’t girls that they wouldn’t care for us or help out. Like someone said this is obviously about her brother not helping…and really not everyone is like this.
    Natalie recently wrote…2 Dogs & 2 Kids Don’t MixMy Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Yes, I took issue with her generalizing sweeping statements.

  • November 15, 2012 Christa the BabbyMama

    Sometimes I want to shout “Raise good PEOPLE not good GENDERS!” There are some values – or maybe just all values – that everyone needs to embrace and to pass on to children. It’s not just a girl thing or a boy thing.
    Christa the BabbyMama recently wrote…The Zoo with a Three-Year-Old and a Two-Week-Old (or We Must Be Crazy)My Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Exactly, raise people, not gender!

  • November 15, 2012 Mirjam

    Can I say this? I kinda like it when you get angry.. Well said, Alison, well said.
    And I’ll make sure to never piss you off.
    Mirjam recently wrote…IntertwinedMy Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Haha, thanks Mirjam 🙂

  • November 15, 2012 Mothering From Scratch

    {Melinda} This is so true. My mother-in-law — a once very healthy, vibrant lady — contracted viral encephalitis last February. She had played tennis that morning and was in respiratory arrest 48 hours later. It was a nightmare — one that continues nearly a year later. She has major cognitive impairment. My father-in-law, who was very dependent on her, is a mess. My husband is one of three brothers. They have been so tireless and faithful to take care of their needs in the best way they know how. I agree. It’s not about gender. It’s about character.
    Mothering From Scratch recently wrote…guess who? consistency in motheringMy Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Exactly – character. I’m so sorry about your mother-in-law.

  • November 15, 2012 angela

    Bullspit on the sons/daughters thing.

    My grandmother just passed away. My dad, bless his heart, was the most patient, attentive child she could have hoped for, much more so than his sister. Not that my aunt did anything wrong, but my dad was wonderful to her and has been for as long as I can remember.

    And congrats on your Everyday Family gig!!
    angela recently wrote…Always in AweMy Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      It’s about character, isn’t it?
      (so sorry about your grandmother)

  • November 15, 2012 lisacng

    Maybe the writer was trying to say “yay” for daughters since the traditional Asian wants a son. Nevertheless, the reason the author doesn’t expect her brother to help out is because why should he try to impress them when they are clearly alpha females and EXPECT him NOT to help out. If they were real women, they’d DEMAND that their brother help out. You know what. That bro was probably babied as a child and his sisters are just perpetuating it. Shame on those women! My husband set me straight when he saw my babying my lil sister when we were grown adults. I was perpetuating her constant reliance on me when we were together. Oh, no more. I love what you say that it doesn’t matter the gender, it’s how one is RAISED that determines who they become, what character they have, how they will treat their own parents in their old age. Great reaction to the horrid article which I won’t even read.

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Yes, she was trying to ‘fight’ for the ‘have girls’ corner, because of the Asian perceived preference for boys. I just think she went about it the wrong way.

  • November 15, 2012 Kimberly

    That is total BS.
    Chunky has a heart of gold. When my back is bothering me, he’ll get his blankets from his room, put them on me…and tuck me in.
    I think it’s all in how your raise them.
    Kimberly recently wrote…Purpose In ChaosMy Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Chunky is a good kid. You’re a good Momma.

  • November 15, 2012 molly

    Yeah, that does piss me off. What are we doomed just because we have boys? Gosh, I sure hope not. I’ll just try to be the best damn mama I can be and hopefully they’ll want to stick around even when I am peeing myself 😉
    molly recently wrote…What God has placed on my heartMy Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      They’ll be there. 🙂

  • November 15, 2012 Kim

    I, too, really dislike the whole gender stereotyping thing. I am a mom of two boys and my goal is to raise them to have traits exactly like the ones you listed, Alison. I think the world – and one day maybe, their parents – could only benefit from two such men.
    Kim recently wrote…One Ping OnlyMy Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      And the world will thank you. 🙂

  • November 15, 2012 My Inner Chick

    Mama A,
    She is generalizing about men.
    Men or women who do not help their parents –obviously did not receive the proper parenting skills.
    What we teach will come to be.
    How we educate will make our children into who they become…

    Period.

    Xxx Kissssss

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      You are wise indeed.

  • November 15, 2012 AnnMarie

    Total crap. I don’t believe a word of it. My dad has taken care of his parents forever. It’s what he does because it is the right thing to do. I’m going to teach my children that and I fully believe they will all rally to help.
    AnnMarie recently wrote…Finding Fulfillment in ChaosMy Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      ME TOO!

  • November 15, 2012 Amanda Jillian

    Ugh I hate things like this. My grandparents treat their boys like princes, and us girls as screw ups. Why does it matter if it’s a girl or boy, son or daughter. Children are children. And neither should be praised or thought better of than the other.
    Amanda Jillian recently wrote…Beauty in StrengthMy Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Sadly, in certain societies, particularly Asian, still prefer boys. Which is why the writer of the article was trying to make a case for girls. I just think she didn’t do a good job of it.

  • November 15, 2012 Leslie

    Okay, so I clicked over to the article, and my takeaway is that she’s bitter about the traditional Asian (particularly Chinese) preference for sons. Here’s a different reality: my husband’s grandmother lives with her son while his sister mostly abdicates responsibility; my husband is always there to help take care of his parents when they’re in need; and my brother told me years ago that he feels a responsibility for taking care of our mother whenever she needs it. (Coincidentally, he pretty much also said that our father is my responsibility; which I found quite humorous) No need to stress over this woman’s article; it sounds like she’s just surrounded herself with some sh!#^y men.
    Leslie recently wrote…Green Bean WarsMy Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Yes, she’s trying to make a case for girls because Asians prefer boys. I just think she did a poor job of it.

  • November 15, 2012 Stasha

    I hear you!! People are always so very quick to generalize.
    Stasha recently wrote…The worst mistake of them allMy Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      That’s just lazy, isn’t it?

  • November 15, 2012 Yani

    Hi Alison…if you could share with the readers the article, please do so. I am single but I have seen people around me, how they really take care of their parents. It’s very subjective and the fact that the article stated that daughters will usually will take care of their parents are so untrue. I have a brother in law who visit his mom every single day and help her out with the house chores and he will take turns with his other 4 siblings who are boys and married to take care of their mom. I have a boyfriend who brings his mom to shopping. Even within my family we always take turns among ourself ( bros and sisters) for our parents.

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Hi Yani – the link to the article is in the post, in the second line 🙂

  • November 15, 2012 tori nelson

    Um, LOVE the quote. LOVE this post, too. I know a lot of great men who, quite frankly, would probably take care of a stranger’s mother because they are just that kind and nurturing. I try to raise my son to be a little more like them everyday. I also know a lot of women who are kind of train wrecks. I don’t think gender has a thing to do with it. I think more often people grow up to fit the expectations/ personalities they are TOLD they have growing up. It’s the whole “middle child syndrome” thing 🙂
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    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Yes, it’s not, or at least should not be, about gender. It’s about value. And character.

  • November 15, 2012 Susanne

    I’m always amazed when people continue to make such sweeping generalisations! When I was pregnant with my son, people were always telling me that boys were so much loving than girls and to be honest, as a mother of 2 girls and 1 boy I can say- yes, he’s loving, but only in the same way as his sisters. I intend to bring them up exactly the same way and while they will be different people, of course, their values will be identical. Such silly nonsense to assume only girls will take care of their parents!
    xx

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      I agree with you! It is rather silly. The writer was trying to make a case for girls, because of the Asian preference for boy babies, but I think she didn’t do a good job.

  • November 15, 2012 Life with Kaishon

    I think the article that you got angry about is pretty nice. I love that we can all have different opinions and views though. For the most part, I would say that girls are a little more compassionate than boys. Nice to visit you today Alison.
    Life with Kaishon recently wrote…Baby LeoMy Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Sure, to each his (or her) own. 🙂 Thanks for coming by!

  • November 16, 2012 Runnermom-jen

    Wow! The nerve of some people. I liked reading this, this “pissed off” you…you go girl, and stand up for what you believe in and don’t let anyone get in your way!!
    xo
    Runnermom-jen recently wrote…Comfort…My Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Hah, thanks Jen!

  • Gender stereotypes be damned!
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    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Word.

  • November 16, 2012 Kristen

    It makes me sad. I wonder how the brother feels about all of this? Does he feel left out? Does he feel free to not be tangled up in this family’s crazy way of thinking?
    Sons and daughters will only be as involved as you let them be. Open your hearts up to both and they will do the same. It’s a shame this family missed out on that.
    Kristen recently wrote…The Daylight Saving BluesMy Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      It is a rather sad thing isn’t it?

  • November 16, 2012 Blond Duck

    I can see her point though. Your two sons may be wonderful and I’m sure there’s millions of good sons out there, but there’s a lot of cases, particularly here in the south, where boys are pardoned from a lot of family responsibility. My MIL dealt with this with her parents’ death–she did everything and her brother just wanted his inheritance. That said, as a mother of two sons, I can see how you’re mad!
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    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Well, I am not fighting the cause for boys. I am arguing for both genders. That boys AND girls should be responsible and step up. So when either sons or daughters don’t, it just goes to show the way they were raised.

  • November 16, 2012 Sue

    Well. The author of said article has clearly not met your boys. Clearly.
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    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Heh. Obviously.

  • November 16, 2012 May

    It all depends so much on the relationships. Having lost all four of our parents between my husband and I, we have seen it go both ways. In my family it truly did fall to the sisters. But my husband’s sister had a distant relationship with her mother. As a result she wasn’t as involved in the care of her father as she would have been without her mother there. Later, it was hard for her to be fully involved with the care of her mom ,and one of the brothers became intimately involved with the day to day details. To me the lesson is that we reap what we sow. Strong, honest familial relationships increase the likelihood of involvement of both sons and daughters in their parents’ care.
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    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Exactly. That is exactly what I’m saying. Except you said it better. 🙂

  • November 17, 2012 allison

    My friend’s mother-in-law (who IS a stereotypical bitchy undermining horrible MIL) did the same number on her when she was pregnant with her first, who was a boy – told her that you can never be close to a son the way you are to a daughter. I have a son and a daughter, and my son worries about me and takes care of me more than my daughter does when I’m sick. It would have pissed me off too.

    The last thing I read that pissed me off was yet another column about how social media is creating a generation of isolated and dysfunctional people. I have met such wonderful people who have helped me so much through blogging and Twitter, I always want to kick people who spout this kind of drivel in the head.

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Ooh yeah, the social media thing would have pissed me off too!

  • November 17, 2012 Janelle

    So true. Assigning traits to girls & boys based on their sex makes me so angry. I can’t even.
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  • November 17, 2012 Asianmommy

    I’m with you. It really depends on the individual parents and their individual kids. Sometimes things are taken care of by the daughters, who may be more accustomed to the care-taking role. Other times, the responsibility may lie with the eldest son, who depending on the culture, may be expected to fulfill this duty. I think ideally though, it would be an equally shared responsibility by all the kids who are able, but it doesn’t always work out that way.
    Asianmommy recently wrote…GoldieBlox, a Building Toy Especially for GirlsMy Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      I absolutely agree with you.

  • November 17, 2012 Krishann

    Thank you for sharing this as it is so true, it’s about how you raise your children and what values you instil in them. My grandmother had 6 children. My mom was the one to always help and take care of her but now as she has gotten even older and even less independ my uncle and his wife are now caring for her. I think it really depends on the heart a child has for their parents. Not their gender.
    Krishann recently wrote…This Week at BabbleMy Profile

    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Yes, the heart they have for their parents, exactly!

  • November 17, 2012 Mama Pants

    Well now MY pants are twisted lol Gender stereotyping always pisses me off. GRRRRR.
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    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Hee! Your PANTS 🙂

  • November 17, 2012 Valerie

    Aw, the beginning of the original post made me so sad . . . a mother crying in disappointment after giving birth because she had “another” girl? I agree with what you’ve said here. Thank you so much for sharing (ranting) . . . it was necessary.
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    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Yes, it is a little sad that some Asian families still prefer boys. I understand that it is why the writer was fighting the girls corner, I just think she didn’t tackle it very well.

  • November 17, 2012 Ginny Marie

    My husband would’ve moved heaven and earth to help his mom. He is the most caring man I know. And I also know my brother will step in when he needs too! You’re right, we don’t need to perpetuate that myth any more!
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    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      You clearly have some good men in your life. 🙂

  • November 17, 2012 Adrienne

    Great post Alison! I don’t think it has anything to do with gender. I wonder if that man (the brother) was catered to his whole life by his sisters and mother? Perhaps he lacks the ability to handle responsibility? But, that doesn’t mean all men do, and I certainly don’t want my boys growing up thinking they don’t have to take care of business! Whatever that may be.
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    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      I sure hope that we raise our boys right.

  • November 18, 2012 Crystal Green

    I have to agree with you totally. I have two boys and a little girl. I do hope that I’m teaching them to take care of us when we’re older. (My oldest is a natural caretaker!!)
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    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      It’s not about the gender, is it?

  • November 18, 2012 misssrobin

    Beautifully said. I know many men who nurture and care for family. We need to hold the same high standards of behavior for our boys as for our girls. They need to be taught love, respect, and kindness. I’m so sick of the boys-will-be-boys mentality that is continually perpetuated. Boys will be men. Let’s raise them to be good ones.

    Happy Sharefest. I hope you have a lovely weekend.
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    • November 18, 2012 Alison

      Boys will be men, love that. Thanks for coming by!

  • November 19, 2012 Rach (DonutsMama)

    I believe it all has to do with the values with which the kids are brought up–not just gender. There are many good men out there who care just as deeply for their families & parents as girls. I have a brother and I can’t even begin to tell you how well he takes care of our parents–they don’t need it, he just loves to help them out wherever he can.
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    • November 20, 2012 Alison

      Yes, exactly that! What a great brother you have.

  • November 20, 2012 Galit Breen

    I love how you flipped this article on its side.

    There’s so, so very much value in being able to see the flip side.

    (Also, I think all of the men in your life are lucky to have you! I’m not sure how that fits into this post, but I thought you should know!)

    xo
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    • November 20, 2012 Alison

      The flip side is what I’m all about my friend.
      And thank you!!

  • November 20, 2012 Jessica

    I agree with you! I think it’s how you raise your children, your sons and daughters, that matters. I love how you’ve stated this!
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    • November 20, 2012 Alison

      Thank you, Jessica!

  • November 21, 2012 Jessica

    I only have girls but I would never say they are better than if I had had sons. Regardless of gender, children/people are special and they will grow up as they have been raised.
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    • November 21, 2012 Alison

      You are absolutely right.

  • November 27, 2012 Kir

    I want to write a VERY LONG answer to this post, I read it when you wrote it and have never found the time to be able to answer it the way I want to.

    In my experience I think that the stereotype is true, it does not make me happy, but I also see my brother and my husband and his brother taking much less care of their mom than my sister and I (and my SIL for my MIL..My MIL actually lives with my SIL right now and my other BIL called all of us on Thanksgiving looking for his mom’s phone number because he had “lost it again”. It makes me sad, but he has embraced his wife’s family (and parents) more than his own mom)

    that said, I know that John would do more for his mom if she lived alone . When she did and my FIL had passed, we visited frequently but we also lived more than an hour away so getting to her was an issue. My SIL lives closer, only about 15 minutes and because she is the DAUGHTER of a croatian /italian family (yes that has a LOT to do with it) she is almost ‘Expected” to do things.

    My MIL also speaks a completely different language than I do, so understanding or taking her to the doctor would be a wasted effort on my part. There are lots of little things that inhibit my own care of her.

    I know that John would step up if he needed to…but his other brother, it’s just not likely.

    now with Gio and Jacob…well my hope is that they will. That there will be no sister to take the reins and their hearts will open to their parents who are elderly. I used to hate that expression “Mama’s boys” because I hated dating them ….but I truly want my own sons to be “Mommy’s boys”.

    becoming a mom taught me lots of lessons, this is one of them. My job is to raise my sons to see me as their parent and not their obligation…right?

    this was such a great post, I’ve been thinking of it for a while. xo
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  • November 27, 2012 Tonya

    I could not agree more! And I am a daughter.
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