Are You Judging Me?

posted in: Blogging, Mommy Bloggers, Motherhood, Parenting 151 comments

 

You see me with my tired eyes and eyebags

That concealer cannot hide

You see that it means I can’t be bothered

You don’t know that I stayed up all night with a teething baby

Are you judging me?

 

You see me with my hair in a ponytail

Sweaty loose hairs on my forehead

You see that it means I can’t be bothered

You don’t know that I’ve just spent two hours playing with the kids

Are you judging me?

 

You see me in an old tee shirt and yoga pants

Maybe a stain or two on it

You see that it means I can’t be bothered

You don’t know that I haven’t had time to shop for new things and that I have a baby who spits up on me

Are you judging me?

 

You see me in my most comfortable footwear (hello flip flops)

You see me with no makeup

You see that it means I can’t be bothered

You don’t know that I can’t handle a toddler and a baby while wearing wedges and that I don’tΒ actually want to wear makeup

Are you judging me?

 

You see a woman who doesn’t look as chic as you

You see a woman who looks like she forgot how to dress

You see a woman who’s allowing her toddler candy in a grocery store

You see a woman who doesn’t wear makeup

Are you judging her?

 

I see a mother who does get up and showered and throws on what’s comfortable and practical

I see a mother who puts most thought into her children and how to give them the best day possible, every single day

I see a mother who tries to make sure her pantry is stocked, dinner gets cooked and children get out and about, so what if bribery is involved

I see a mother who’s confident in her looks, her looks as a mother

Are you still judging?

 

It is so very easy to look at someone and pass judgment. Yes, we should hold ourselves to higher standards, we should always try to feel/ look/ do better. Because when we are better people, we are better parents. But to each her own. Allow each other the freedom to come to a parenting path, a self-loving path, at their own pace. Parenting is hard enough without mud slinging.

 

This here? This is a judgement-free zone. Take your judging elsewhere.

This post is inspired by The Momalog – read her post here about bitchy mommy bloggers.

 

Alison
Alison Lee is a former PR and marketing professional turned work-at-home mother. After a 10-year career in various PR agencies, and of the world’s biggest sports brands, Alison traded in product launches and world travel, for sippy cups, diapers, and breastfeeding. Alison's writing has been featured on Mamalode, On Parenting at The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, Everyday Family, Scary Mommy, and DrGreene.com. She is one of 35 essayists in the anthology, My Other Ex: Women’s True Stories of Leaving and Losing Friends. In 2012, she founded Little Love Media, a social media consultancy specializing in blog book tours, and because she doesn’t sleep, is an editor at BonBon Break, an online magazine. Alison lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia with her husband and four children (two boys and boy/ girl twins).
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  • October 17, 2012 Jessica

    Wait? We are supposed to wear makeup and heels when taking care of the kids? Damn. I’ve been doing this wrong all along.
    Jessica recently wrote…To The One That Made Me MomMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Haha! Time to shape up or ship out, lady!
      Just kidding. πŸ™‚

    • October 20, 2012 Alexa

      LOL me too!!

  • October 17, 2012 Maureen

    And I honestly used to judge the very fashionable moms I’ve seen at the malls here who doesn’t look like they had ever missed any sleep, their skin perfects, their hair perfectly blow-dried in beauty salons, perfectly manicured fingers with troops of nannies behind handling their children while I juggled to keep the diaper bag straps in place and tried not to loose a toddler. Guilty as charged, ma’am. It sometimes goes both ways. Awesome post, Alison!
    Maureen recently wrote…Herniated Discs Will Not Stop MeMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Yes, it does. Though from the ‘frumpy’ perspective of things, it’s usually more envy and a sense of wonderment (how do you do it??). I think the key here is: NANNIES. πŸ™‚

  • October 17, 2012 AnnMarie

    Oh, Amen, Sister!!!! A.M.E.N!!!!! I love you and I love this post because I am HER!!!!! I am, I am. I try…really, I do but I come up short. I am sleep-deprived..a shower is a luxury and I don’t like to wear make-up. I am sharing this!
    AnnMarie recently wrote…Essence of Now: Time Spent with FamilyMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Thank you for the love and the share πŸ˜‰
      You have like the busiest life ever, so getting out of bed is already a big deal. Oy.

  • October 17, 2012 thedoseofreality

    Damn this is awesome. AWESOME. I fully commit to be a lifelong, active member of the Judgment Free Zone!!!
    thedoseofreality recently wrote…Would You Rather: Kick Up Your Heels or Sing For Your Supper?My Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Thank you for your pledge!! πŸ™‚

  • October 17, 2012 Laura

    For the record, I have never judged you. You inspire me.

    I think I am mostly completely ok with how people perceive me. I know I’m always pushed to my limits and I have come to realize that I just can’t do more. My goal is to teach society to stop expecting so much from new Moms. πŸ˜‰ But sometimes, I feel less-than when I am with Moms who look like they are so well put together and I just don’t know how they do it.
    Laura recently wrote…ThankscomplainingMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      I don’t really think about the way other mothers look, and I hope they accord me the same courtesy. It’s not about how we look, it’s about how we love. πŸ™‚

  • October 17, 2012 ilene

    I freaking love yoga pants and would live in them all the time if I did not have to put on “real clothes” for work. and talk about being judged? I heard it from other moms for years while my kids were in daycare – because having them in daycare made me a “bad mom.” If only we could support each other and our differences – imagine what a force we women would be as a united front! Stop the judgement! Stop the madness! Ah.. that rant felt good πŸ™‚

    Clearly, I loved your message!
    ilene recently wrote…Rock My Root ChakraMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Rant away, Ilene! Yes, I always think to myself, why can’t we all just get along?

  • October 17, 2012 Alexandra

    Oh, yeah. BIBS.

    I read them once, never went back.

    HS mean girls. They wrote the most critical post on BlogHer, and never took into account the time and devotion spent by the BlogHer team in trying to put on a conference that would try its best to give the attendees what they wanted.

    With such huge numbers at a conference, nothing will be perfect. Ever.

    But they slammed the efforts on the BlogHer’s staff behalf.

    BlogHer is good people, truly trying to do everything they can, for a mammoth group of people with diverse interests.

    Can you even imagine planning on such a scale?

    Sorry to go off, I just remember reading them and feeling so relieved I’m not like that, and that I’m waaaay out of high school.

    Thank God.
    Alexandra recently wrote…It’s Never Too Late To Get InvolvedMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Well, there are people like you, so that more than makes up for the mean girls. πŸ™‚

  • October 17, 2012 Robin

    Applauding. I’ve looked an absolute fright for the last two weeks. I keep thinking I will make an effort one of these days, but you know what? I’m tired. And I have a newborn. And i just don’t care. I’d rather be sane than stylish.
    Robin recently wrote…The Sound of SilenceMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Mothers of newborns are totally exempted from being judged. We are too busy keeping the baby alive and well to worry about what people think how we look.

  • October 17, 2012 tracy

    Okay, I admit that I am judging the damn flip-flops. xoxo
    tracy recently wrote…I’m NearMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Hee! Funny lady. I know you’re so put together and that’s awesome, I love you for it. xo
      I’m also kinda glad I’ve seen you in your jammies. πŸ™‚

  • October 17, 2012 Kimberly

    I’d like to meet the mom who dresses in fancy clothes, wears heels, has make up on and her done, all while juggling the kids. I don’t want to judge her, I just want to know who the hell this made up person is. πŸ˜‰
    Kimberly recently wrote…A New MeMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Hah! You and me both, my friend!

  • October 17, 2012 Na. Teresa Grech Q. Racal

    BRAVO! For this post….
    Na. Teresa Grech Q. Racal recently wrote…Amaya’s GirlsMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Thank you, truly.

  • October 17, 2012 Olga

    You know, I wish there would be a judgement-free zone. Because what makes the baby stage so difficult is that not only do we have the baby’s interests in mind, but we also have to field judgement about the way we mother and what we look like while we are at it.

    But I guess there will always be those who judge and we just have to keep reminding ourselves that we don’t know everyone’s situation. A woman who appears to have it more together than we do might have more help around the house or might just be better creating a front.

    The thing is, that when it comes to our kids, it’s more important to us that they are fed, healthy, and happy. So yes, sometimes (okay, often!) what we look like won’t be something we’ll spend time on, but we don’t actually care.
    Olga recently wrote…Break Out of the Pizza BoxMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Exactly. It’s about priorities.

  • October 17, 2012 Lily From It's A Dome Life

    Yes! Love it.
    Lily From It’s A Dome Life recently wrote…This Is The Soundtrack Of My Life (Today)My Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Lily!

  • October 17, 2012 Christine

    Thank you for this. Seriously, thank you. So tired of the judging all.the.time.
    Christine recently wrote…What kind of race spectator are you?My Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Right?? Someone’s gotta say it. πŸ™‚

  • October 17, 2012 Christine

    We need judgement-free zones in all areas of our lives. I immediately thought of Ado when I started reading this post. How supportive and awesome of you to post this.
    Christine recently wrote…Our Trip to the Happiest Place on EarthMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      I’m there for my girls!

  • October 17, 2012 Tracie

    I love judgement-free zones.

    You know a secret? I didn’t wear makeup before I was a mom…because I generally don’t like it. Occasionally I’ll put a little on for a special occasion, but I gave up on wearing it every day in my middle school years.
    Tracie recently wrote…Important Television AdviceMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      You don’t need makeup, my friend!
      Inner beauty always shines through.

  • October 17, 2012 Ado

    Alison, this post is beautiful and poetic. Thank you for writing it – it really does represent most moms, at some point in their motherhood journey. Wish I had read this post when I was a new mom – it would have made me feel not so alone (motherhood can be pretty isolating, especially those middle of the night feelings that you’re still doing now).
    Thank you for speaking up for me on the BIBs site. I haven’t gone over to read whatever it is they are saying – it must be pretty bad since its driven quite a few if their followers over to my page in protest if their nastiness.
    You are a blogger I read and admire, you keep it real but minus judgment – thanks my friend. xo
    Ado recently wrote…When Mommy Bloggers Get BitchyMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      I’m sorry you had to deal with this. I’m glad it’s over!
      You know I’m here for you!

  • October 17, 2012 My Inner Chick

    Dear Alison Lee,
    I’ve always despised people who judge…
    including Myself….
    (when I’ve been stupid & ignorant to AaaaaSSUME)!

    Great Post! <3 xx
    My Inner Chick recently wrote…Mr. Craig, Kardashian Sucks, & Visualizing MetaphorsMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Thank you my friend! I think we’ve all been there, yes? But we’ve learned our lesson.

  • October 17, 2012 Mothering From Scratch

    {Melinda} I so agree … being a mom today is hard enough. Even if I don’t agree with another mom’s choices, I always try to give her grace. I don’t know her situation. I don’t know what she is dealing with or her limitations. I can’t see her internal struggles. Grace. We all need it.
    Mothering From Scratch recently wrote…stop and smell the rollupsMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Yes! Grace. That is perfect.

  • October 17, 2012 Mirjam

    We mother’s should really know better than to judge someone by their appearance. We should know better.
    And judging someone or putting someone down has never made anyone a better person.
    We need more judgement free-zones!
    Mirjam recently wrote…Vintage finds and flowersMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      We do! Sadly, the blogosphere is full of judgey people. All we can do is steer clear of them.

  • October 17, 2012 Deb

    I would much rather see a disheveled mom out in public that the mom who is perfect and gives “the look” to other mom’s who don’t appear as neat. I am a disheveled mom and proud of it. πŸ™‚
    Deb recently wrote…It is that time againMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      I think that we are first and foremost caring about our children, rather than our appearance πŸ™‚

  • October 17, 2012 Alma

    Loved this! I told my husband last night as I was getting ready for bed ” I promise not to look old and disheveled anymore”… He said “you dont look like that…but you may feel like that” … “maybe a haircut or a mani might help but you always look great to me.”
    Having a beau that sees all past that is good too.
    Thanks Alison for making me feel a little sexier today … in a “momma”way.
    Alma recently wrote…My 110th DayMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Your Captain is a keeper!

  • October 17, 2012 Leighann

    I so hope you haven’t experienced this. Mothers should be building each other up, not tearing each other down.

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      I haven’t personally, but I know people who have, sadly.

  • October 17, 2012 angela

    I try to remember that “look our best” means different things for different people, too. Some might focus on make-up, some on clothes, some always have impeccable nails, some might have beautiful skin because they steal their five minutes at night to work on a skin care routine. Just because I don’t like to leave the house without mascara doesn’t mean it’s a focus for everyone πŸ™‚ (I’ll do that but sometimes don’t have time to brush my hair before it goes in a bun … priorities …)
    angela recently wrote…Pain Thresholds and SuperheroesMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Exactly, you’re absolutely right, Angela. I tweeze my eye brows because I don’t want to scare small children, and I make sure my clothes are clean and decent. What more could one ask for right?

  • October 17, 2012 Elizabeth Flora Ross

    Amen, Alison! When moms attack one another, we all lose. There is no call for it. And when they call ou the troops to attack someone for them? That is not only cyberbullying, it’s cowardly. Sadly, I see it all the time. Wish there were more judgement-free zones out there!

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      This is why your work with The Mom Pledge is so important, Elizabeth!

  • October 17, 2012 sarah

    I just cannot wrap my brain around this whole ridiculous thing. Down with frumpy moms? Are those “other” mamas serious? Waaaay too many other daily happenings that have much more importance. I don’t have time to even think about why another mom might be going around without makeup and messy hair. And besides, that’s me! almost everyday! And I love it! More power to the frump.
    sarah recently wrote…the sunday spill–bringing back the little lovesMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      For the record, you’re rather beautiful, my friend. πŸ™‚

  • October 17, 2012 Natalie

    Girl oh girl…I think this is me! I recently went to a playdate at a local kid gym that has open play, and I looked at myself in the mirror and thought holy cow I have huge bags under my eyes and my hair is in a ponytail but looks like crap. Of course there were other cute moms there in boots…and I thought I bet they think I look like death!

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      I’m sure they saw that lovely baby in your arms and understood immediately. At least, that’s what I hope.

  • October 17, 2012 Kim

    You are so right, Alison. Motherhood is tough enough without adding the judgement of others into the mix. We should be supporting other moms and accepting of where they are in their journeys. It saddens me to see the mudslining. After all, raising happy, healthy children is a parent’s main objective, right?
    Kim recently wrote…They Are BrothersMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      It is indeed. It is mine, and clearly yours. Sadly, the Internet has created a special breed of moms who think it’s okay to judge others. Sigh.

  • October 17, 2012 Sue

    And that is why I hang out here. xo
    Sue recently wrote…A Race of Our OwnMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      And I love having you here. Enjoy Paris! (not jealous)

  • October 18, 2012 Jenni Chiu

    We need more judgement-free zones. I always knew this was one of them, though.
    Jenni Chiu recently wrote…I refuse to put that bumper sticker on my car.My Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      You are awesome. Thank you.

  • October 18, 2012 BIBS

    It was a pleasure chatting with you this morning…I truly mean it. Just because we don’t share the same perspective on certain things, doesn’t mean we can’t get along. As I said this morning, we all do the best we can.
    Nice post, well written without pointing fingers. I think you’ve inspired me to write a similar post from the other side of things…Don’t Judge…coming from my view of the world. I’d like people to see that underneath the makeup, real people with real issues and feelings exist…not “cartoon characters” and “mean girls. Let me know how you feel about that.
    Thank you for being up front and having the nerve to stand up to me, in person, as we know who each other really are. Regardless of our differing views on some things, I respect that, and you.
    Keep Rocking, B*tch….I mean that in the most complimentary way πŸ™‚
    BIBS recently wrote…Yep. I’m A BitchMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Exactly. We can agree to disagree and still play nice. No need for name calling and unnecessary mud slinging. I’m glad we had a civil discourse.

      I did want to write this from the other perspective as well, one para after the other, but it was getting to be a 1000 word post so I cut that. I did write about doing better/ making an effort here in a guest post, if you want to read: http://www.gfunkified.com/2012/09/great-expectations-writing-wishing/

      I do know that there are real people under the makeup and the high heels. Everyone has a story. Hence, no judging. I don’t look at someone like you, a fine lady, and think, she must have hired help or something if she manages to look so put together. No. If I did look at you and think something, it’d be, “Nice shoes! Wonder where she got them?: πŸ™‚

      Do write a post about your perspective. I do ask that you keep it as judgement-free as possible, that’s fair right?

      The respect goes both ways, my friend. Thanks for reading this and not going apeshit on me. πŸ™‚

  • October 18, 2012 Runnermom-jen

    no judging…I’ve lived and learned and am not justified to judge. To each their own, and seriously, we have NO IDEA what someone else is REALLY going through.
    Love and kindness and happiness goes a LONG way πŸ™‚

    I love this, Alison…and you too.
    xo
    Runnermom-jen recently wrote…HappinessMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Love and kindness – yes! It’s so simple isn’t it?
      Love you too. xo

  • October 18, 2012 Lady Jennie

    My immediate tight-knit circle is not at all judgy, but sometimes I get that on the schoolyard and it feels yucky. I’m past the stage where I have excuses though. πŸ˜‰

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      You’re a busy mother of 3, a devoted wife of one and a writer of an awesome blog. That’s what. πŸ™‚

  • October 18, 2012 Susi

    Alison. I read Ado’s post and I am just as outraged as you are. I thought this space was supposed to be for us to come together, to share our daily battles and to built each other up… not to put each other down. I’ve learned so much in this past year of blogging and met so many amazing woman the world over that it saddens me to see this. Why? Aren’t we all moms who try to do the best they can with what they have? I’m happily a part of your judgement free zone… I promise no judginess from me… EVER!!!
    Susi recently wrote…Cupcake Bosses {Wordless Wednesday}My Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      There are so many who try to drag others down. Fortunately, there are more who pull us up. Thank goodness for those women. Thank you for your kind words and support of Ado!

  • October 18, 2012 Rach (DonutsMama)

    You know, I walked into my 1st moms meeting looking so dreadful and I was amazed at how put together some of the moms were. I almost felt betrayed! I was all “I have a newborn, you’re lucky I showered!” I admit I judge the moms dressed to the nines b/c I have no clue how they do it. But alas, I’m still the mom in yoga pants or wrinkled khakis with no makeup and a ponytail.
    Rach (DonutsMama) recently wrote…Graco Snugride Event at Babies R UsMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      I think some moms give up a little something to throw in the extra time/ finances to look good. It’s about priorities, really.

  • OH but I am judging you! I’m judging that you are a marvellous person!
    And flip flops are fashionable, nah!
    Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes recently wrote…Memories captures : sisterhoodMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Aw, you’re a sweetheart!

  • October 18, 2012 Amanda

    I think one of the great things about motherhood is that I now have an EXCUSE to sometimes say “meh” when it comes to my appearance. If I’m dragging a three-year-old and a newborn around while wearing my sweatpants and no makeup with messy hair, I think people will understand. It’s when I’m not with them that I feel more pressure to look good. Besides, our kids are so cute, no one is looking at US – they’re too busy making eyes at our kids! πŸ˜‰ But you’re right, we all need to cut each other some slack. I try to meet other tired mama eyes with a knowing and empathetic smile.
    Amanda recently wrote…SmileMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Empathy and kindness and grace. That’s all, isn’t it?
      I do make an effort if I go out without the kids (which is rare), but then I’m not with kids, so people don’t see me as a mom πŸ™‚

  • October 18, 2012 Elizabeth Kane

    Beautifully written, Alison. And if someone still can’t see what’s truly important behind pony tails, flip flops, and yoga pants after a second look, their judgment is worthless!

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      You’re absolutely right, Elizabeth!

  • October 18, 2012 Not a Perfect Mom

    what you just described is me about 4 out of 7 days…and I can’t stand those bitchy judgey moms…and when I see them looking at me because I’m not at my best I just want to give them the finger
    Not a Perfect Mom recently wrote…I Would Be A QueenMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Hahahaha!!! I love your honesty.

  • October 18, 2012 Cyndy

    Love this!
    WHO has time to judge other people? I just dont understand. My time is better spent trying to keep my own crap together.
    My kids are older and I still look a hot mess half the time! lol

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      I think some people make the habit of looking at others when they’re out and about? I don’t know. Usually when I see a mom with kids, I’m looking at the kids and swooning πŸ˜‰

  • October 18, 2012 Blond Duck

    Not at all!
    Blond Duck recently wrote…LadyfingersMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Because you’re awesome!

  • October 18, 2012 Kristen

    Yay! Because I am always late, have dark rings around my eyes and my hair goes in every different direction with these curls. So happy I can show up here the wreck that I am! (Btw, miss you! I’ve barely been on blogs lately. Life is crazy!)
    Kristen recently wrote…Breast Cancer AwarenessMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      I only see your heart, not your messy hair or undereye bags πŸ™‚

  • October 18, 2012 Erin

    What a great post!
    Sometimes I feel as if people spend too much time judging other people. Until you walk a mile in another person’s shoes you have know idea about where they have come from.
    Erin recently wrote…She’s Simply AmazingMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Right?? I wish more people see that.

  • October 18, 2012 Natalie

    Yep, that’s me with the food stains on my shoulder. I wish they weren’t there, but the baby likes to ride. What am I gonna do?
    Natalie recently wrote…SomedayMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Funniest comment ever. πŸ™‚

  • October 18, 2012 Stephanie

    I’ve told my cousin this before – I only started wearing make-up, buying nicer clothes (and even nice lingerie and heels) after I became a mother. A single mother, which is weird I know, because it’s like I don’t even have anyone in particular to look nice for. I also have to work whilst being a full-time single parent (at night after putting the baby to bed), plus take care of all the other household responsibilities. But. I make time, I shave my legs, I put on clothes which I think I look good in, wear make-up, for me. Because it makes me feel better about myself, and feeling good about myself makes me a better parent, so I can face the next day even though I’m by myself. While I understand some mothers don’t have the luxury of a ridiculously low-maintenance baby, don’t judge or be quick to assume that all put-together mothers have nannies or lots of help. Of course, it doesn’t mean that people should be mean to each other either.

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Nope, no judging. Which is kind of the point here. The judging does go both ways. And I’m for NO judging either way. I don’t envy mothers who look put together, I applaud them. I do believe that you need to look after yourself so that you can be a better parent.

  • October 18, 2012 Elaine A.

    I quit judging people the day after I had my first kid. Oh YEAH I did. πŸ˜‰ No judgement here. But I’m sure people have judged me before. Just yesterday I went to the zoo with the kids and I did not shower or put make-up on before we went. I mean, we were going to hang out with a bunch of stinky animals in 85 degree weather. Of course I saw 5 people I knew. Damn small town. I doubt any of them were judging me because they’ve been there. But who knows for sure.

    Thanks for this post. As is usually the case, you said what I feel. πŸ™‚
    Elaine A. recently wrote…Red Rose Teas {Review & Giveaway}My Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Gosh, a zoo is no place to wear make up πŸ˜‰

  • October 18, 2012 Ben

    Definitely judging, but only for the better, cause I always love the creative approach you take to your “posts”

    ps. I air quoted that while typing only cause they always seem to be more than just a post
    Ben recently wrote…Cobypic is…My Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Why, thank you Ben.
      Also, thanks for reading my mommy blog, you’re like one of two men who do.
      Wait, maybe you’re the only one now. πŸ™‚

  • October 18, 2012 Dominique Goh

    I can relate to the dressing comfortable. I agree no judging we are doing our best as moms and it’s hard enough.
    Dominique Goh recently wrote…My Special Boy- Doggy BoyMy Profile

    • October 20, 2012 Alison

      Yes, it is, we should be supporting each other!

  • October 18, 2012 Bev

    Beautiful post! I’m not yet a mother myself, but I worked in a family support program for years and I understand from talking to my coworkers and families we served how challenging parenting is and how hard most parents work. It always astounds me when I hear stories of parents being judged by others–you never know the whole story.
    Bev recently wrote…Simply Bons: An Interview with Bonnie AlexanderMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      Thanks for weighing in, Bev!

  • Wonderful post that I judge to be supportive perfection. Ellen
    Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms recently wrote…It Was A Beautiful Weekend For . . . A Trip To The HospitalMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      πŸ™‚ Thank you Ellen, for commenting even though my blog wasn’t nice to you.

  • October 18, 2012 Kristin

    I’ve come across BIBS several times (I think via Yeah Write) and the main issue I have with them isn’t so much what they say but HOW they say it. Angry, obscenity-laced rants complaining about and shaming entire subsets of people – especially other women – just aren’t my brand of humor. Erma Bombeck once said, β€œWhen making fun of people, target yourself first.” So, so true. Not to mention there’s dry humor and then there’s just being sarcastic and rude – and A LOT of people confuse the two.

    So, the main issue I have with that BIBS post slamming frumpy moms isn’t that it’s offensive. It’s that it *isn’t* funny.
    Kristin recently wrote…Teachable Moments for Brands and BloggersMy Profile

    • October 18, 2012 Alison

      I agree. It’s not really what they write, it’s just how they tone it.
      They are certainly not for everyone!
      However, I have to say, ‘Bitch1’ has responded well to the aftermath – both from my talking to her on Facebook and on her comment on this post. Plus she and Ado have settled this like grown women (finally), so all’s well that ends well!

  • October 18, 2012 KalleyC

    Excellent post. We all face and handle parenting differently, and I totally agree that we should all be allowed to do what’s best for us and our family. Most days I don’t wear make up, and you can find me on the floor with my daughter playing or at the park. It’s what’s good for her. Heavens know I can’t run after her with heels (well can’t run now regardless).
    KalleyC recently wrote…Laying LowMy Profile

    • October 19, 2012 Alison

      I just wish all this judging and the ‘mommy wars’ will just end. Once and for all.

  • October 19, 2012 Stasha

    passing judgment is setting yourself up for failure. Cause we all know what comes around goes around. Plus I am too busy pulling my own dirty hair into a ponytail to judge anyone else’s πŸ˜‰
    Stasha recently wrote…Bank talkMy Profile

    • October 19, 2012 Alison

      I love your perspective – yes, we are indeed setting ourselves up for failure should we judge.
      You’re so pretty in a ponytail.

  • October 19, 2012 By Word of Mouth Musings

    Bitchy Mommy Bloggers – what is this thing of which you speak? πŸ˜‰
    By Word of Mouth Musings recently wrote…What is a blog? Or Breathe? I couldn’t decide … it is that kind of life …My Profile

    • October 19, 2012 Alison

      Well Nicole my dear, I wouldn’t know, seeing as all my readers and friends are super awesome πŸ™‚

  • October 19, 2012 adrienne

    Great post, Alison! On the flip side of this, I think it’s important to remember that those beautiful women dressed to the nines isn’t to be judged either. So often I see an intimidatingly gorgeous woman, who appears to have it all, including a coordinating purse and shoes, and think WTH? How does she do it. She probably has a story too, and I’m sure I DON”T know what it is. Great reminder to check myself.
    adrienne recently wrote…When Your Kid Calls You OutMy Profile

    • October 19, 2012 Alison

      There is absolutely a flip side and I’d actually written it down, para for para with this, but it turned into a long ass 1,000 word post so I had to cut that out, sadly. I hope when I say judgment-free zone, people understand that it’s completely judgment-free, from all sides. I don’t look at someone well put-together and think, gosh you must either neglect your children or you have a maid. πŸ™‚

  • October 19, 2012 Asianmommy

    Love this idea!
    Asianmommy recently wrote…"To the Arctic"My Profile

  • October 19, 2012 Kiran

    I see a woman who is devoted to her children. Who prioritizes their well-being over her appearance. Who realizes that there will be days when she will put on the makeup and the fancy outfits, but that her life isn’t like that anymore. And she is still beautiful, no matter what she is wearing or the spit up that’s on her.

    Judgment is a part of life – but if I were to judgmental here – it would be to say that you’ve got it down, sister. And you are doing perfect the way you are.
    Kiran recently wrote…The Purple SariMy Profile

    • October 20, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Kiran, your words mean so much. Truly.

  • October 20, 2012 Julia

    No judging here!! I thought that was all just a part of motherhood. Is is not??
    Julia recently wrote…New Look, Same MeMy Profile

    • October 20, 2012 Alison

      It is! I wish everyone would just realize that!

  • October 20, 2012 Janice

    Amen, sister. Amen.
    Janice recently wrote…A Little MagicMy Profile

    • October 20, 2012 Alison

      Thank you, Janice.

  • October 20, 2012 Alexa

    Amen Alison!!! I love it! Your post pretty much describes what I look like every day. it’s not that I DON’T want to look nice… I just don’t want to sacrifice something else in order to do it!
    Alexa recently wrote…The innocentMy Profile

    • October 20, 2012 Alison

      Thanks Alexa, it’s about priorities, isn’t it?

  • October 20, 2012 karen

    I SO LOVE THIS POST…thsat always bothered me that moms would attack or pass judgement on other moms. You truly have no idea what one mom is going through, we all need to support each other.
    karen recently wrote…Look and walk over the junk.My Profile

    • October 20, 2012 Alison

      Exactly, Karen. I hope that in my lifetime, that ALL moms would finally unite and stop shitting on each other.

  • October 20, 2012 Tonya

    I love every freaking word of this. Passing judgement of any kind is bad enough, but there is something about moms doing it that just sucks even more.

    Thank you for writing this, Alison!
    Tonya recently wrote…Dear BabyMy Profile

    • October 20, 2012 Alison

      I’m so, so tired of moms criticizing other moms for something as superficial as appearances. I mean, really? Find something else that’s actually worthwhile to fight for.

      Thanks Tonya, for your support!

  • October 20, 2012 JDaniel4's Mom

    Unless we are walking her shoes we don’t know what her day is like.
    JDaniel4’s Mom recently wrote…It’s Pumpkin Time- Read.Explore.LearnMy Profile

    • October 20, 2012 Alison

      You’re absolutely right.

  • October 20, 2012 Ginny Marie

    From reading all the comments, I can see there is a back story I’m not familiar with, but this is a great post that stands on its own. So we’ve moved the mommy wars from working vs. stay-at-home, breastfeeding vs. bottle, to appearances? Gah!
    Ginny Marie recently wrote…Freaking Out About AppearancesMy Profile

    • October 20, 2012 Alison

      It’s not my back story to tell, but if you want to know more, follow the link at the bottom of my post and you’ll see. If you want to. Needless to say, some moms are still judging. Sigh.

  • October 20, 2012 Emily

    Amen! I’m in a very similar state of affairs and I see those looks… And my best friend, is one of those people who always looks put together and perfect and people judge her for that too…. Ay mamas! We’re all in this together!
    Happy Sharefest.
    Emily recently wrote…Weigh-In Wednesday: Week 1My Profile

    • October 20, 2012 Alison

      The judging goes both ways, yes. Isn’t it sad that we’re still talking about this issue? Sigh.
      Thanks for stopping by Emily!

  • October 21, 2012 another jennifer

    Love it! I could care less about what other people think when they see me in my sweats. They might be judging me, but they have no idea what great things I do in those sweats – being a mom, running a business, etc. I don’t understand why people get so judgmental. I hope you’re not getting unfairly judged. If so, those people suck. πŸ˜›
    another jennifer recently wrote…Philanthropy Friday: Scoring Climate LeadershipMy Profile

    • October 22, 2012 Alison

      It’s not the clothes that make the woman, or something like that, right? And go you!

  • October 21, 2012 Leslie

    How can I judge you when I’m covered in spit-up and the ponytail I thought was cute is now frizzed & sagging? Judging others on such things is such a waste of energy. You are fantastic-remember that!
    Leslie recently wrote…{Memories Captured} My GirlsMy Profile

    • October 22, 2012 Alison

      Yes, energy that can be better put elsewhere! And thank you. So much.

  • October 22, 2012 Katie

    Oh friend. this post is awesome. I put so many expectations on mySELF and then I judge MYSELF. If I want others to be kind, I need to be kind to myself.

    LOVE this.
    Katie recently wrote…Project 365 {week 42}My Profile

    • October 22, 2012 Alison

      You are right. Being kind to ourselves first. Why is so hard for us to remember that? xo

  • October 22, 2012 Marta

    Oh Alison, I loved this. I have tried so hard to say away from that. Even a long period of time when the majority of my friends were men having been so scorned by women. Burned by those that were supposed to me my friends. It’s hard, it’s terrible. And still I have the hardest time trusting women when everything is competition, and judgement and gossip.
    Marta recently wrote…That Time of Year (Giveaway!)My Profile

    • October 22, 2012 Alison

      It’s not just motherhood is it? It’s in the workplace, even in the family. We women need to be kinder. To ourselves and each other.

  • October 22, 2012 Kir

    oh Alison, you always know just what to say, how to say it…we as women need to just be KINDER to ourselves and each other.
    I don’t judge other moms, because I have learned that doing that means I believe I live in a glass house about it…and I don’t.
    I am just as human, just as fragile, just as “WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING??” as everyone else.
    No one has the answers, not one of us has perfect children , but we do have the family that works for OUR FAMILY and that is what is important.

    Don’t worry I am never going to judge anyone, I’m too busy trying to figure out how the hell to get things done in my own life.
    LOL
    Kir recently wrote…Stream of Consciousness: Everybody Plays the Fool..Sometimes?My Profile

    • October 23, 2012 Alison

      You said it all better than I ever could. Thank you my friend.

  • October 23, 2012 Galit Breen

    I’ll be judge-free with you! In yoga pants! With oreos in hand! Love you! xo
    Galit Breen recently wrote…Pantene Beautiful Lengths {Locks of Love}My Profile

    • October 23, 2012 Alison

      Oh thank you my friend. Love you too. xo

  • October 23, 2012 ava

    Beautiful post from a beautiful person inside out! I am for this “judgement-free zone”!
    ava recently wrote…Now My DogMy Profile

    • October 23, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Ava.

  • November 12, 2012 Melanie

    Ha! I always bribe my son with a donut in the grocery store! I don’t care what everyone else thinks. He runs straight to the donut counter and picks one. Then he sits in the cart happily eating his donut for the whole trip. It makes him happy, my life easier and now I call it a ritual instead of bribery.
    Love this post. It really hit home.
    Melanie recently wrote…Kids on the MoveMy Profile

    • November 12, 2012 Alison

      Hah! I think that’s a brilliant idea and absolutely nothing wrong with it. Thanks for reading Melanie!

  • November 15, 2012 Ewa "Mom Photographer"

    Amen, Alison. Amen!
    Ewa “Mom Photographer” recently wrote…365 Self-Portrait Project (week 44th)My Profile

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