I love movements.
I love movements that challenge.
This week, I came across Things I’m Afraid To Tell You, a movement inspired by Jess from Makeunder My Life who wrote a post called Things I’m Afraid To Tell You. Ez of Creature Comforts then took the idea, ran with it and even designed the image you see below. It was such a great idea that the Huffington Post published an article about it. And now, Lisa of joycreation is determined to keep it going.
Coincidentally, my friend Sarah of Little White Whale kicked off her new linky, spill up, where she gives a quote as a prompt, and you write a post about it (or post a picture). Her quote this week was from Vincent van Gogh, “What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?”
To not be afraid is to be courageous, yes?
So here I am, putting on my big girl panties and courage armor, to attempt to tell you a few things I was afraid to share.
I am moody. My mother used to tell me this, “You are SO moody” Bullshit, I’d think. But you know, she was right. I was moody. I am moody. There are times where I just feel gloomy. They are bouts and they come unexpectedly. I could wake up bursting with sunshine, and an hour later, a cloud would descend and wipe that sunshine right off my face. It makes me incredibly difficult to live with. I’m sorry, husband, children.
I am fascinated with true crime. I’ve never told anyone this. Aside from my husband and possibly my sister, no one knows that I am almost an expert on morbid subjects of serial killers and true crime. I watch true crime TV shows, I read true crime books, I even regularly check a true crime website. Before you run away screaming wishing you’d never met me, let me assure you, I have no criminal predilections. I am merely curious in the why of criminality. I am a student of how minds tick. I did a course in Criminal Sociology in university, because I was interested in learning why people do what they do. It’s just…. fascinating.
Now, come back here, I promise I won’t hurt you. I might psychoanalyze you to death though.
I fear failure. Many people fear failure, but, I FEAR failure. It was a main driving force in my previous life as a corporate ladder climber. I threw myself into work and nearly killed myself trying to be perfect, because I feared to fail. Now that I’m a mother, I’m constantly questioning every thing I do because I’m afraid to fail my children. I fear I will screw them up in some way because I failed at some aspect of parenting.
I am a half-assed housekeeper. I like neat. I like clean. I like organized. On the outside, my home reflects all that. But if you open drawers, run your finger across my countertops, look under my sofa – you will find a jumble of items just thrown in to get them out of sight; you’ll find that your finger comes away slightly sticky; you’ll see crumbs and my toddler’s toys. I do just enough to give the illusion of a clean, neat house.
I am a non-starter. I cannot even begin to tell you how many ideas I’ve had to do something. Start a new business, embark on projects, go on girls-only vacations, try something new. They remain just that – ideas. I talk about them with friends and family. I research the heck out of them. Then I don’t do anything. I sit on them. I dig them out once in a while and sigh. Then they go back into that place of unused and unloved.
Now that I’ve told you the things I was afraid to tell you, I should move onto the courage bit, yes?
I will attempt to keep house better.
Hah! Got you.
In all seriousness, I need to overcome my non-starter habit. I need to be courageous, step up to the plate and do something completely out of my comfort zone.
I have mentioned this before to a few friends.
I think it needs to go beyond being an idea. If I write it down here, if I pledge it to you (and me), then maybe, just maybe, I will have the courage to do it.
I will run a marathon in 2013.
Wish me luck. I need it.
Is there anything you’re afraid to tell anyone? You can tell me. Shed the fear.