Yesterday, I exchanged emails with Kir, who very kindly asked me how I was.
I’m pretty sure she did not expect my verbal diarrhea-like reply, where I told her how I was struggling to find balance and rhythm with two kids. But gracious as she always is, Kir took my words and offered me her heart. Bless you, my friend.
From that conversation, I found myself telling her that this (and I quote directly from my email):
“I want to go workout. I want to go eat ice cream by myself. I want to have coffee with a friend for two hours without worrying about anyone.
I also want to be with my baby, soaking it all in because he’s my last baby. I want to make him smile all day and inhale his gorgeous baby smell. I want to go swimming with my toddler. I want to play trains with him. I want to cuddle with him after he wakes up from his nap and sing him Somewhere Over the Rainbow.”
Is it selfish? I don’t know. I veer from feeling “Yes, I can and should have wants,” – to “My children need to come first. Always.”
A jug fills drop by drop. ~ Buddha
My life jug is filling up daily with the joy of my children. Despite the challenges, the exhaustion, the guilt – they fill my jug.
To be whole though, I feel the need to fill this jug myself. By doing things I love. By looking after myself physically, mentally and emotionally.
So perhaps I have my answer.
It’s not selfish. It’s just jug-filling.
See how I rationalize things?
My friend Sarah of little white whale, a gorgeous blog filled with her beautiful pictures (she’s a photographer!) and thought-provoking words, provided me with the inspiration for this post, with that quote from Buddha. It’s her weekly the spill linky. You should check it out.
How would you fill your jug of life?