There Is Light

Three weeks, since he came and we became Four.

He adds to the bright light that is our life.

20 day old baby

But….

My initial holding-it-togetherness has been fraying slowly over the past week.

My home has become a battleground between Getting Sleep, Toddler Acting Out-ness, Baby Needs and My Sanity.

There has been tears, laughs, an air of resignedness, a pinch of hope and a smidgen of hilarity.

This, my Joy, has now become my Heartache.

My understanding of Twoness is limited. I know not how his heart and mind works anymore.

His love for his brother, evident. Yet, in his acting-outness, his hand which moments ago was gently stroking a baby hand, is now heading for the baby’s head.

His usual exuberance and cheerfulness, seemingly amplified to become noise, shouting, foot stomping, hands too quick to hit.

The tender moments are there, but lost in the sea of my quick-to-anger-sleep-deprived-brain.

My Mother Guilt swallows me whole in the quiet of the night, when the two pieces of my heart are sleeping in their beds.

There is the darkness, when my being wants to huddle in a small space and stay there.

Is this when people start to lose their minds, my 5.00 am brain wonders?

Then 7.00 am rolls along and this:

Toddler and baby brothers

There is light.

 

read to be read at yeahwrite.me

Alison
Alison Lee is a former PR and marketing professional turned work-at-home mother. After a 10-year career in various PR agencies, and of the world’s biggest sports brands, Alison traded in product launches and world travel, for sippy cups, diapers, and breastfeeding. Alison's writing has been featured on Mamalode, On Parenting at The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, Everyday Family, Scary Mommy, and DrGreene.com. She is one of 35 essayists in the anthology, My Other Ex: Women’s True Stories of Leaving and Losing Friends. In 2012, she founded Little Love Media, a social media consultancy specializing in blog book tours, and because she doesn’t sleep, is an editor at BonBon Break, an online magazine. Alison lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia with her husband and four children (two boys and boy/ girl twins).
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  • May 29, 2012 -dweej

    You are such a wonderful woman and mother. These dark, sleepless days will end soon. Hang in there, sweet friend!
    -dweej recently wrote…Dwija Googled…My Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Dweej. Will the sleepless days ever end? Because we’re always worrying about our kids, right? Even when they’re all grown up. πŸ™‚

  • May 29, 2012 Delilah

    Hang in there girl, you’re doing great. The first couple of weeks were my honeymoon period, then I fell apart and then I put myself back together. Cut yourself some slack, it’s a huge adjustment and you’re finding your way. I cannot get enough of the cuteness of your boys. They make me swoon.
    Delilah recently wrote…The Heart of a HomeMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      I’m slowly getting there – putting myself back together for the sake of my boys. And thank you – I o think they’re pretty cute too!

  • May 29, 2012 Phase Three of Life

    I only have a toddler – no second kiddo yet – but I would imagine that everything you are feeling and everything your little guy is feeling is so totally normal. I’m sure that doesn’t make it easier now, but I think this frustrating time will pass before you know it. I hope everything smoothes out soon! You’re doing a great job!

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      “This too shall pass.” That is my mantra. πŸ™‚

  • May 29, 2012 Robin

    I can only imagine. But you’re finding the light, and so I believe it will stay.
    Robin recently wrote…Grace in Small Things: #1My Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      I hope so, Robin. I hope so.

  • May 29, 2012 Heather C

    I can’t imagine how hard it is to deal with sibling rivalry. He loves his brother, no doubt… he just wants to make sure you still do too. Hang tough, you’re a good mom and you’ll know what to do. πŸ™‚
    Heather C recently wrote…Moi Le TempsMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Heather, for the faith in me I’m not sure I have. πŸ™‚

  • May 29, 2012 Alma

    Oh man, I’ve been there. Just when you think it gets easier you get hit with a reality curve ball. My kids are 8 years apart and we are still dealing with jealousy and the “i will never get enough attention” acting out. It was harder earlier but now that she is 3 and he is eleven the gap is evident but at times seems to be closing. Hang in there mama, I feel your sleep deprivation. Now off to battle my son to sleep!
    Alma recently wrote…Morning pop artMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Motherhood is just hard, isn’t it?

  • May 29, 2012 Life As Wife

    Oh I hope that light continues to break through the clouds for you!!

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Sam, I hope so too!

  • There is light! Just take one day at a time, or when the days are too long, just one minute at a time. The days are long but the years are short!
    Amy ~ Eat. Live. Laugh. Shop. recently wrote…Freedom is not free.My Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Amy! You’re right, the days are long, but the years are short. I need to be present and appreciate the small moments before they’re gone all too soon.

  • May 29, 2012 Susi

    I remember those long ago days when I had a 2 1/2 year old toddler and a newborn. I tell you, it too shall pass. Hang in there.
    Susi recently wrote…Instagram Sundays #6My Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      That is my mantra, Susi!

  • May 29, 2012 Brandy

    I’m right there with you. I’ve got a toddler and a nine month old and we’re still sleep deprived over here. So all those feelings are normal. At least they are for me! (And a lot of other moms. You’re not alone.)
    Brandy recently wrote…Zoo UmbrellasMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      It is good to know I’m not alone!! I expect to be sleep deprived for at least another 2-3 years πŸ™‚ Good luck to you Brandy!

  • May 29, 2012 Alexandra

    We just need to hold on to those moments of light.

    That’s what pulls us through.

    It’s when we start to see only darkness, that we drown.

    Hang on to that light, A…there’s more coming.

    And soon.

    You’ll see.

    xo
    Alexandra recently wrote…For Those Buried At Arlington CemeteryMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      I believe you, A. I believe you. xo

  • May 29, 2012 Erin

    Way to go! You’ve made it 4 weeks. Shortly after my second son was born I remember thinking over and over ‘we should have waited’. They are too close in age. Things began to kick into gear around 6 weeks. My boys are 2.5 year apart.
    Erin recently wrote…Memorial DayMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      6 weeks? OK, not long for me now πŸ™‚ My boys are about 2 years, 4 months apart – very close to yours.

  • May 29, 2012 Bonnie Way

    Beautiful. The first six weeks were the hardest when I had my second daughter, so you’re almost through the worst of it. My daughters are just over two years apart and it is a tough time to welcome a younger sibling. Yet now, when they are four and two, they are best friends and starting to play together really well. πŸ™‚ Thanks for sharing – and ask for help when you need it. If I was closer, I’d come babysit so you could sleep. πŸ™‚
    Bonnie Way recently wrote…Book Review: Bringing Up Girls by Dr. James DobsonMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Aw, thanks Bonnie. I wish you were closer too! You’re the 2nd person to say that the first 6 weeks is the crunch time, so I’m hanging onto that!

  • May 29, 2012 christine

    This is beautiful. And so honest. It is hard. It can be so hard. The struggles and the guilt and all of it is so Normal. I promise. It will get better, and hold onto those moments that keep you afloat. You are doing an amazing thing. You are an amazing woman!
    christine recently wrote…How To Get Out of Doing Yard WorkMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Thank you so much for the encouragement, Christine. It’s already getting better, very slowly, but we’re getting there.

  • May 29, 2012 Bruna

    Oh Alison, you’ve taken me back to when Little H was born and Little B was only two. It was hard but we overcame the challenge. Monkey just needs time. You, just need SLEEP ! Sending you a great big HUG!
    Bruna recently wrote…a household of pinkMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      You’re right, time and sleep!! Thank you for the hug!

  • May 29, 2012 Elaine

    My oldest was a little older when his baby brother was born but I still remember these moments, and especially that transition from one to two. Hang in there mama, soon they will be running together and laughing…

    xo
    Elaine recently wrote…About this photography thing…My Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      The running together and laughing? Cannot wait. BUT, I also realize this baby/ toddler time is unique and has some gorgeous moments, so I don’t want to miss those or wish them away.

  • May 29, 2012 Kimberly

    There is light and there is hope. You’re doing a great job. It’s an adjustment period now, but it will get easier. I promise.
    Kimberly recently wrote…A Full SeasonMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      I’m hanging onto your every word and promise, #twin! It’s what gets me through the day.

  • May 29, 2012 Mark

    “Quick to Anger Sleep Deprived Brain”, I remember that! Mine lasted for about 10 years. Take it easy.
    m.
    Mark recently wrote…"She works hard for the money"My Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      10 years???? I have no words.

  • May 29, 2012 KIR

    Oh my sweet beautiful friend…those boys of yours are gorgeous. I want to just come and hug you..tell you everything is going to be ok and that it won’t last..Monkey will not be 2 forever and the baby (who is delicious) will not be small much longer. Silly words really, since it will always be “something” now with brothers in ur world but the love and miracles you’ll see will outweigh the bad stuff, the confusing stuff, the frustrating stuff. You are such a good, amazing mom….your bheart will sleep and rest and find its way…and I”m here to read your words as you get there.
    Love u sweets. Xo
    KIR recently wrote…The Lucky 7 Meme, a Snippet Of My WritingMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Kir, thank you for your beautiful words as always. Your friendship, support and belief in me means so much to me.

  • May 29, 2012 Bee

    I was there once too almost 8 years ago. My son changed from the sweet, loving child I knew when my daughter was born. He was still all those things but more glimpses. I think it had to do with being two and not being the whole center of mommy and daddy’s world anymore. Sharing is tough, especially at that age. Hang in there, the other side is worth the struggles now. You are not alone. {{Hugs}}
    Bee recently wrote…Bacon Cheddar Mashed Potatoes #KernelSeasonsMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      The other side is what I’m looking forward to. Thank you Bee!

  • You have captured new sibling-ness so perfectly. My daughter had a very hard time when my son first arrived. When we arrived home from the hospital she cried as though her heart was broken for 2 hours! And it took her quite a while to really begin to accept him. We too had those moments where gentleness turned all too quickly to roughness. I felt those moments of quick anger, but I learned that that was when she needed my love and attention the most (even thought those were the moments I felt least like giving it) and when I reached out to her, that was all she really wanted. In time they became best friends and did everything together…. until their little sister came along πŸ™‚ If you’re interested (and don’t already know about them :)), there are some wonderful picture books on new siblings – Penguin Post, Julius The Baby Of The World, Mine!, Not Yet, Rose and others – lists of all kinds of picture books here: http://susannahill.blogspot.com/p/just-right-books.html
    Susanna Leonard Hill – Children’s Author recently wrote…The Birthday Contest Finalists! – Vote For Your Favorite!My Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Thanks for the link, Susanna!

      That is a good point, giving him the love and attention when he needs it, even when I’m not up for it. I’m consciously trying to do that now.

  • May 29, 2012 tracy

    Going from one to two is so very hard. But there is so much more light to come. Siblings are a beautiful gift. xo
    tracy recently wrote…A Risky LifeMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Yes, they are. I’m hanging onto all the light and bright spots.

  • May 29, 2012 Kimberly

    My best friend is going through the same thing. I watched as he son came at the baby with a hockey stick.
    I will tell you that I was a hellion when my sister came around. Those are some of my first memories. I’d pull her out of her car seat and sit in it so that I’d get attention….all…the…time…Yea, I was a total jerk.
    But it’s normal. Baby rocks the boat and Monkey isn’t the center anymore. It’s nothing that you are doing or aren’t doing. You’re giving him love and that’s all he needs.
    You are doing a wonderful job Mama. The 2’s are hard. But you can do it.
    I’m always here and I hope that you know that. xo
    Kimberly recently wrote…SatchelMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Thank you for being there for me, my dear friend. That means so much.

      And I’m not keeping hockey sticks or similar weapons lying around. Good reminder. πŸ™‚

  • May 29, 2012 Kimberly

    Your awareness…your articulation…your patience…all will see you through this transition. I had none of that clarity when I had my second son. I am in awe of your maternal love, I truly am. xoxo
    Kimberly recently wrote…Please don’t send me to jailMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      You’re too kind, Kimberly. I’m short on patience, but I’m trying!

  • May 29, 2012 kgwaite

    Beautiful pictures! It will get better. Hang in there!
    kgwaite recently wrote…ParadeMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      I’m hanging, tight!

  • May 29, 2012 Jessica

    There is definitely light and I’m so glad you can see it Alison. Sending lots of love and strength and sleep to you.
    Jessica recently wrote…RainbowsMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      I’ll take everything I can get, thank you Jessica. πŸ™‚

  • May 29, 2012 Victoria KP

    You’re doing great! I had a 2-year-old and a newborn at the same time and I just felt like I sucked at it. My temper was quick and my patience was non-existent. But now, the boys are 7 & 9 and love me and each other fiercely. I must not have been doing as badly as I thought!
    Victoria KP recently wrote…100 Word Song: Me TooMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      That’s really good to know. That you survived and that they thrived.

  • May 29, 2012 Natalie

    I will soon be there my friend…your little Monkey looks so big now…look at all his hair! Those first few months are just a blur…and I can’t imagine what it will be like with 2!
    Natalie recently wrote…A Little Sunshine & Water Does the Body Good!My Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      I won’t lie – it won’t be easy. But you can do it, my friend!

  • May 29, 2012 AnnMarie

    There will be more light to come. This is a hard transition. I remember it well. It is hard balancing everyone’s needs as it is but even harder when two of them can’t tell you what those needs are. You really are doing great because you recognize it for what it is and it will get better. I love the pics of your beautiful boys!
    AnnMarie recently wrote…Baseball Part 2My Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      I think that’s the problem, that they can’t tell me in MY language what they need, and it’s a whole lot of guessing going on! It will get better, it will get better, it will get better. Yes, I’m repeating that daily.

  • May 29, 2012 Kristin

    As long as there’s light, you’ll be fine. If there’s one thing I’ve taken from my struggles with depression over the years, it’s that. The light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. Hold onto its hope and you will, at some point, again bask in its warmth. XOXO
    Kristin recently wrote…Friday Tapas: The One Where I Eat CrowMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Kristin. I am holding on, tight.

  • At one point the light will stay on. Trust me.
    Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes recently wrote…Tying up loose ends, featuring demented bureaucrats, needles, ice cream and bike accidentsMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Oh I cannot wait for that time!

  • May 29, 2012 angela

    Find the moments of light and hold onto them. Don’t be so hard on yourself, and don’t focus on the spaces of darkness when you’re in bed at night. It will take time to adjust, but you will do it, the four of you together.
    angela recently wrote…Happy Memorial DayMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      I hope so, Angela! Thank you. xo

  • May 29, 2012 stephanie

    Sleep-deprived is the operative phrase here, I think. It’s difficult to see the light through unfocused eyes. I know you’ll weather it beautifully as your love for your boys shines through in abundance. They see it.
    stephanie recently wrote…If You Meet the Buddha on the Road…My Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Thank you for your reassuring words, Stephanie.

  • May 29, 2012 julie gardner

    Jack did the same thing with Karly…

    He was also a fan of the “aggressive hug” wherein one pretends to be hugging his baby sister but is instead grinding his skull into her belly…

    But they are best friends now.
    There is plenty of light.

    Hold on.
    julie gardner recently wrote…Today call me LowMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Oh Monkey does the aggressive hug too!! It starts off all sweet and he starts to overdo it and I have to gently lob him off.

      I’m hanging on to all your wise words. Thank you.

  • May 29, 2012 Carrie

    You’ll be seperating those two so many more times in the future. Don’t worry, the vulnerability of the baby days will pass quicker than you can imagine and then you’ll be disciplining both of them and asking, “Why can’t you two just get along”. But in sparse moments throughout the day you’ll see the love for each other underneath all that and it will make it all bearable. My kids are close in age and are all walking, talking toddlers now. They love and hate each other equally. I wouldn’t have it any other way! πŸ™‚ – well okay maybe a little more love.
    Carrie recently wrote…To PretendMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Oh I can see that! That’s the light I’m hoping will come through really soon. Thank you Carrie.

  • May 30, 2012 erin margolin

    oh alison, how i can relate. oh mama….we are in this thing together. you are not alone. sleep deprived & quick to anger are all i know right now, too.

    and the guilt. always the guilt is there.

    xoxoxoxo
    erin margolin recently wrote…I am Worth Hearing.My Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Erin, it’s assuring to know I’m not alone. But I’m sorry you’re still going through this months later. Hugs to you. xo

  • May 30, 2012 Julia

    There is always light and I think it’s that light that gets you through all those tough moments of motherhood.
    Julia recently wrote…In TransitionMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Oh I sure hope so, Julia!

  • May 30, 2012 Lady Jennie

    First of all I love the pictures as much for their artistic quality as for their cute content. πŸ˜‰

    It was bound to hit a road bump – it was. Twoness and threeness doesn’t come without a few bumps along the way, but both your boys can handle it. (And so can you). πŸ™‚
    Lady Jennie recently wrote…Young Lady’s PrayerMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      They can handle it, yes. I will HAVE to handle it, yes. πŸ™‚

  • May 30, 2012 Missy

    It’s rough and beautiful all at once. When the adrenalin wears off (after about a month or so), it gets tougher. But each day you get better at navigation, even if you don’t feel like you are.
    Missy recently wrote…UGH. Teacher Gift TimeMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Isn’t it supposed to get better and easier? πŸ™‚

  • May 30, 2012 Nikky44

    Those are hard beautiful days. You forget everything about yourself and your day is completely devoted to your little family. You get exhausted yet your heart is full of love. Stay strong, because the body will rest sooner or later, but those moments won’t come back, so let them happen and enjoy them
    Nikky44 recently wrote…Heart-SistersMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Wise words, Nikky. Thank you.

  • May 30, 2012 JDaniel4's Mom

    It is wonderful that they are both sleeping well. I hope that this stage passes quickly.
    JDaniel4’s Mom recently wrote…Pause Life of a Moment: Packing Prayers Before A TripMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      I hope so too!

  • May 30, 2012 Jessica

    It’s very tough in the beginning, but please believe me when I say that, with time, it will get easy. They will become the best of friends and play fair, usually, and you will have more light filled moments than dark ones. Just enjoy this time, breathe through this time, and experience this now, right now– the good and the bad.
    Jessica recently wrote…I want to be here when I’m hereMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      I believe you, Jessica, because you’ve lived through it! Thank you.

  • May 30, 2012 Asianmommy

    Aww…they are adorable together. It’s a tough time–you’ll get through it!
    Asianmommy recently wrote…Free or Cheap Summer Movies for KidsMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      I know it, thank you!

  • You are in such a hard period. Hugs to you. Does it make you feel any better that I thought I was going to crack during that time in my life? That I did make it through and even look back on it and wish I could return…for 15 minute visits every third Tuesday in months that end in “h.” πŸ™‚ Ellen
    Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms recently wrote…The Best Homes Are People Not PlacesMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Ellen, I wish you lived closer so that you CAN visit and hold the baby and/ or play with the toddler! And glad to know that one does make it through πŸ™‚

  • May 30, 2012 jlweinberg/jen

    Oh, sweet lady! It is very, very hard those first few months as you are getting your footing. Everyone is adjusting and it is super challenging. Most especially for the mama. Tears, anger, aggravation are all normal and it’s okay to let it out. Please don’t beat yourself up, friend. It really does get easier. Every day you learn a little bit more about how to manage and if you hold onto the light, the load will lighten. Sending you a huge hug and so much light.
    jlweinberg/jen recently wrote…Visit Me In The Powder Room!My Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Oh thank you Jen, for your assuring words. We’re slowly adjusting, and we have more and more of the light and good moments day by day. And thank you for the hug!

  • May 30, 2012 Jessica

    I don’t know what it’s like to have a toddler and a newborn but I do know the adjustment is not easy from one child to two children. But it does get easier and there is light in between the darkness. You will be okay.
    Jessica recently wrote…If Tomorrow Never ComesMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Yes, I will be. Thank you, Jess.

  • May 30, 2012 Dawn Beronilla

    It can be so very tough, this adjustment from 1 to 2. We had our youngest when our middle boy was almost 2, so the ages of ours are similar to yours.
    Just like everything, it gets better. Not to mention easier and even more perfect than the little glimpses of light reveal.
    Congratulations!
    Dawn Beronilla recently wrote…Sunshine And Rainbows Start With You.My Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Thank you so much, Dawn. I look forward to it getting better and easier!

  • May 30, 2012 Mayor Gia

    Yikes, that’s a bit stressful. I’m sure he’ll adjust soon enough.
    Mayor Gia recently wrote…Awards, Announcements, and Other ThingsMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      I hope so!!

  • May 30, 2012 Katie

    You write about motherhood so beautifully. This post made my heart sing and ache. Hoping these darker days pass soon, and the light shines through.
    Katie recently wrote…One Potato, Two PotatoMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Thank you so much, Katie.

  • May 30, 2012 My Inner Chick

    **My Mother Guilt swallows me whole in the quiet of the night, when the two pieces of my heart are sleeping in their beds.**

    Pure Poetry, Mama A. Xxx
    My Inner Chick recently wrote…21 Things I Learned After Your MurderMy Profile

    • June 1, 2012 Alison

      Such a huge compliment, Kim. Thank you. xo

  • May 30, 2012 Leighann

    I so understand the toddler twos. I’m in the “No!” stage right now and trying to redirect attitude. But we don’t have another baby to manage as well.
    So glad you’re writing about it.
    Know you aren’t alone.
    Leighann recently wrote…The Hunger Games… of PeeMy Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Leighann. It’s good to know I’m not alone. And yes, twos are so hard!

  • May 30, 2012 MonkeyMomma

    I just had my second child in March and I could soooooo relate to your post. You expressed every thought, feeling and fear I have had for the past 2+ months. From my experience child #1 does adjust to becoming a sibling and everyone starts to sleep a little more, it just takes some time for everyone to adjust to the jump from 3 to 4 and find their niche. We aren’t quite there yet but are getting closer. Good luck πŸ™‚
    MonkeyMomma recently wrote…Glimpse of a NightmareMy Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      Good luck to you too!

  • May 30, 2012 francerants

    Alison, catching up on your posts.

    Beautiful, wait I take it back, HANDSOME baby boy.

    And although I am commenting here, I’ve read all your posts. Where you get the energy and will power to write them, given what I know you are going to…amazing.

    My favorite post was your take on your postpartum body.

    Have fun with your ‘boys’. xoxo France
    francerants recently wrote…Just Give Me My Damn Coffee AlreadyMy Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      Thank you France, for reading & commenting! I miss you and your writing!

  • May 30, 2012 Natalie

    Yeah, I know this feeling. It took me 4.5 months to get my bearings. The light will eclipse the dark. It will. And for now, just hang onto the light when you find it.
    Natalie recently wrote…Preschool NostalgiaMy Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      I’m so glad you’re past it! I’m hoping it’d take me less than 4.5 months to get MY bearings πŸ™‚

  • May 30, 2012 Kristin

    I hope you keep finding the light. They are beautiful. Congratulations!

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      Thank you so much Kristin!

  • May 30, 2012 Leslie

    Well, now I know I can ask you about sibling issues when we’re dealing with this in a few weeks. We’ve already had a discussion with T’s pediatrician and she basically told us to expect this type of behavior to go on in waves for a while. So frustrating, but worth it in the long run!
    Leslie recently wrote…Memorial Day RecapMy Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      Good luck to you Leslie! Yes, everyone I spoke to says it’s transitional and this too shall pass.

  • May 30, 2012 Shannon

    It’s wonderful that you are taking pictures and writing about this time. I have four kids, but the very hardest time was after my second child arrived and my first son was 2 1/2. I have almost no pictures and really not much memory of the time. I really regret that. You are doing beautifully.
    Shannon recently wrote…Safer Lives When We Played With KnivesMy Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Shannon. This is hard, but I know this too shall pass.

  • May 30, 2012 Kristin

    Twos are hard, and having two is hard. Way more than double the work of one. Keep at it! Acknowledge the difficulties, and know that once they can play together, you’ll get more moments of joy. Until they fight. But then later, more joy. πŸ™‚
    Kristin recently wrote…Glad I Saw It: Outdoor SeatingMy Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      It’d always be push and pull of love/ hate between siblings right?

  • May 30, 2012 Galit Breen

    Oh sweet friend.

    This is normal.

    And fleeting.

    And then more normal.

    I promise.

    I do.

    Sending you sleep and chocolate and a smidge of wine. But mostly friendship. Love you.

    (You’ve got this. I promise.)

    xo
    Galit Breen recently wrote…A Storm in the NightMy Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      Thank you my friend – your words mean so much to me. Love you too. xo

  • May 30, 2012 Ladygoogoogaga

    That baby is so cute!!! Did nobody warn you that going from one to two is impossibly difficult??? It gets better!!!!
    Ladygoogoogaga recently wrote…Birthdays, Bikes and BruisesMy Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      Oh yes, I was warned. I was. So glad it gets better!

  • May 30, 2012 Heather

    I *LOVED* this post. It is the story of my…year. Beautifully written.

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      Aw, thank you Heather.

  • May 30, 2012 Shiftless Mommie

    These photos are so precious!

    My 2 year old has her moments with her little sister, but now little sister is old enough to fight back. Being 2 is all about frustration. They want to express so much, but they don’t have the words yet, even if they are talking.

    The love is there. Don’t rely on yourself to see it because, like you said, you are going through your own sleep-deprived stresses. But it is there.
    Shiftless Mommie recently wrote…True BlueMy Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      Thank you, that is reassuring to know!

  • May 30, 2012 jamie

    wow! I can’t imagine that! But seeing those lovely pictures and knowing you’re finding the light, I’m sure you’ll be just fine πŸ˜‰

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      I sure hope so!

  • May 30, 2012 Barbara

    These dark days pass much too soon and you find yourself longing for them again. Maybe not the sleepless nights, but those first precious weeks.
    Barbara recently wrote…Dear NathanMy Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      I’m not sure I’ll be longing for these first weeks, but I’m recording it all anyway πŸ™‚

  • May 30, 2012 KalleyC

    I’ve heard about the transition from 1 to 2 is hard. Like you I don’t have any experience in it, but I can just imagine that it’s hard.

    For everyone, including your oldest it’s a difficult transition. Time, is all I can say that can help things out. It’s great that you’ve already seen the light out of the tunnel.
    KalleyC recently wrote…It’s All About Our PerceptionMy Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      It is hard, but I know it’s transitional. I’ve just got to hold on to the better moments to get me through!

  • I love that you ended it on hopeful note. You are in trenches now. They make it hard so you won’t have tons of them. I’m glad in the midst of the crazy you can find the cuddly and sweet too. Beautiful babies. Erin
    Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms recently wrote…The Best Homes Are People Not PlacesMy Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      Thank you, Erin. Yes, it definitely feels like I’m deep in the trenches right now! We’ll get there, eventually.

  • May 30, 2012 Vivian

    I remember that time and it is not easy but it is so quick and the difficult transition is over. Before you know it they are all grown up.

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      As they say, the days are long but the years are short, right?

  • May 30, 2012 christina

    yes and the light is so beautiful.
    christina recently wrote…WW: 10 years in one fileMy Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      That it is.

  • It gets better – I promise. This post made me miss that time in my life so much.
    Musings of a Writer Mom recently wrote…Daddy knows bestMy Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      I know it will, I’m hanging onto that!

  • I have another 14-16 weeks until being put in the same position. The anxiety is creeping up on me slowly but surely. Sounds like you are doing just fine, Alison.
    Jay- The Dude of the House recently wrote…Goodbye Grandma FranMy Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      Jay, I didn’t know you guys are expecting #2 – congratulations! I think you’ll do just fine too.

  • May 31, 2012 Mrs. Weber

    I’m so thankful for you just being real here — no need to sugar coat it, balancing two will be much different than one.

    Just think of the future when scrumplet can defend himself πŸ˜‰ and you’ll miss this stage…right?! Love reading these posts so I can gear up for baby #2 myself!
    Mrs. Weber recently wrote…Summer Bucket List 2012My Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      Oh yes, it’s TOTALLY different. I wish you luck when your second comes along, but I know you’ll do just fine πŸ™‚

  • May 31, 2012 Michelle Longo

    Those early days are hard. I can’t imagine doing it with two. Hang in there, Mama. Those babies are beautiful.
    Michelle Longo recently wrote…Uncool.My Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Michelle. Truly.

  • May 31, 2012 Susan

    hugs and strength to you. your family is gorgeous!
    Susan recently wrote…There’s Something About HarveyMy Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      Hugs and strength is exactly what the doctor ordered, thank you Susan.

  • May 31, 2012 Runnermom-jen

    Oh yes, I remember this. The “honeymoon stage” is over…for a while anyway. It WILL get better again! I promise πŸ™‚
    Hang in there mama.
    xo
    Runnermom-jen recently wrote…Everyone Has a StoryMy Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      I believe you! (I have to, want to, believe you :))

  • May 31, 2012 vanita

    girl there is no argument that caring for two so small is difficult. but what makes it harder is lack of sleep. is there no one who can take a shift off your hands? Damian is 14 months older than natasha. they are 3.75 and 2.5 year old now. and the fight for mom’s attention is still there. i’ve learned damian’s deal. especially since he speaks so well now. when he sees me hug or kiss natasha, he asks me to hug him too, kiss him too. he needs to be reassured that i still love him. he doesn’t get like this around the older siblings. they were always there. but this younger one came along and took some of his mommy time. however, have hope, there are many great times between them and it will get better for your boys too. though keep an eye on your little man. my niece was 3 and tried to drag her baby brother by the foot to flush him down the toilet. she couldn’t help it. she said if he was gone mommy and daddy would love her again. she needed reassuring too. your boys will be find and this is all expected. right now, take care of you TOO. it will make caring for them easier. big hugs to you girl. great big hugs.
    vanita recently wrote…WordPress Blog Theme GiveawayMy Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      Oh my, thank goodness my toddler hasn’t tried to flush the baby down the toilet!!

      Alas, night shifts are mine due to breastfeeding (and I’m reluctant to pump and start the baby on the bottle for various reasons), so waking up 2-3 times a night is a must.

      I do know it’s transitional, it will pass and it will get better. I just hope it’s sooner rather than later!

  • May 31, 2012 Pop

    How adorable! When we went from 1 to 2, it was a huge, huge challenge. But you’re right, there is light.
    Pop recently wrote…It’s a Boy!My Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      Thank you – it is a big challenge. But we’re getting there.

  • May 31, 2012 Bill Dameron

    They are beautiful. How could you not think that all is right with the world when looking at them?
    Bill Dameron recently wrote…The Best for LastMy Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Bill – that is a good perspective and the right one. Sometimes it’s hard to see the good amidst the craziness, but thank you for the reminder.

  • June 1, 2012 deborah l quinn

    i can only echo what others have said: it will get better (altho the cynic in me says…might take a while); your humor and insight will go a LONG way towards making sure everyone is okay; get help if you can…and if Big Brother will use electronica (iphone wii ipad television WHATEVER) now is the time to use it, while mommy just siiiittttsssss herrrrrrre on the couchzzzzzzzz
    (seriously. not really joking b/c your lack of sleep makes his toddlerness harder to take: a catnap on the couch or floor while he fiddles with some kind of gadget: priceless). they’re beautiful, by the way – and it’s going to be okay.
    deborah l quinn recently wrote…Monday Listicle: HomeMy Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      I do use the electronic babysitters and I do grab catnaps here and there – did you have a peek into my life?? πŸ™‚

      (although the catnaps is more like me dozing off accidentally)

  • June 1, 2012 Adrienne

    Oh Allison, my heart goes out to you. I remember how heartbroken I was when my oldest (the apple of my eye, my sweet baby, my angel, my only child) became big brother. He was older. 6. I’m not sure if that made it better or worse. It’s so hard to adjust, but there is light in every new morning! So glad you’re seeing it. Beautiful!
    Adrienne recently wrote…Disney Princesses, Life Insurance, and Therapy…My Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Adrienne! Yes, a new day brings new hope, and one step closer to things being okay.

  • June 1, 2012 Fannie

    Such a lovely post and so descriptive. I remember those days. Your little one is doing just what he is supposed to do. Show signs of love sometimes and jealousy at other times. Hang in there and congratulations on your new precious little one.

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Fannie.

  • June 2, 2012 Charlotte

    They are so beautiful, Alison. I wish I had words of encouragement to offer to you, but I don’t have any experience in the matter. I can only offer my ear when you need and a shoulder for whenever.

    You are doing a brilliant job though. I can tell you that. XOXO
    Charlotte recently wrote…so you say my ex is marriedMy Profile

    • June 2, 2012 Alison

      Oh Charlotte, thank you sweet friend. xo

  • June 2, 2012 Amy

    Lots of hugs & love to you! I’ve been exactly.there and it’s a bittersweet place to be. You are such an incredible momma, the boys are beyond lucky to have you! Hang in there, I can only tell you that it WILL get better, and it will get better SOON. Toddler will settle down & settle into this new routine. In the meantime, I love that you can start fresh each day my friend. Hugs to you!
    Amy recently wrote…5 things I’m proud of {listable life}My Profile

    • June 3, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Amy!! I am looking forward to when things do get better. I think it already is, slowly but surely.

  • June 3, 2012 thedoseofreality

    Stopping by from SITS.
    You are just SO in it right now, you know? Like you can’t even begin to imagine how it will get better from here. The day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute of it all right now, but it gets better. And easier. And harder. And easier. And then harder. And on and on it goes.
    I promise you that those bigger hands stroke more and hit less. As your little one becomes more interactive, your heart will swell watching your big one teach his brother things. They are best friends for life, those two, all because of you. πŸ™‚
    thedoseofreality recently wrote…The Dose of Reality’s Summer Reading GIVEAWAY!My Profile

    • June 3, 2012 Alison

      I look forward to that – when they really start to interact meaningfully! Thank you for stopping by!

  • June 3, 2012 Jennifer Worrell

    This is such a beautiful post, and so true! Congrats on being a mother of two. It’s insane and magical all at the same time, isn’t it?

    • June 3, 2012 Alison

      Oh yes, it is, insane and magical!

  • June 3, 2012 Danielle

    This was me about 10 weeks ago. My son is 22 months and my daughter is 4 months. It gets very crazy around here! My mantra is right out of one of my favorite country songs…”it won’t be like this for long”. It gets me through some of those harder times and helps me remember that I will look back on these days and miss them some day (just not someday soon). Have fun with those beautiful children.

    • June 3, 2012 Alison

      You’re right, we WILL miss this time. Some day. Hope things are less crazy for you real soon!

  • June 3, 2012 grace

    beautifully said. My boys are a full 4 years apart, so I didn’t quite feel that same desperation, however my youngest is two right now and the idea of adding a newborn makes me….. sigh deeply. You will get through it, and it won’t always be this hard, and your oldest won’t always be two! Please rest well….that’s the best thing you can do for them and for you.
    grace recently wrote…When the people you love are lying through their nasty teethMy Profile

    • June 3, 2012 Alison

      You’re right – being less sleep deprived means I will be less stressed and more patient!

  • June 3, 2012 Jen Has A Pen

    I’m sure this has been such a transition. I can’t imagine how tired you are, but I hope things start clicking along soon enough. I think your boys are GORGEOUS! And so are you, homegirl. πŸ™‚

    • June 3, 2012 Alison

      Aw, thank you Jen! We’re getting there, slowly but surely.

  • June 3, 2012 Katie

    When you can see the light? You know the darkness can’t win.

    Just remember that.

    The darkness never wins; the light ALWAYS wins.
    Katie recently wrote…Bloggers Who Make Me Go BOOM! {16}My Profile

    • June 3, 2012 Alison

      I’m writing that down as a reminder. Thank you, my friend.

  • June 5, 2012 Nicole

    You are stronger than you imagine and when I was in the throws of life with the twins as newborns I just told myself on the worst days that tomorrow was a new day and I had an opportunity to start again and that those days of sleepless nights and exhaustion weren’t going to last forever. You are a lovely person and no doubt a wonderful mother. Your oldest son will come around in time and realize that there’s enough love and attention for them both. Big hugs to you!!!
    Nicole recently wrote…My Interview with Guy Fieri {A Testament to the Power of Social Media}My Profile

    • June 23, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Nicole. I can’t even imagine having twins πŸ™‚ Yes, there’s always tomorrow!

  • June 8, 2012 Laura

    Allow me to quote you:

    “I know exactly what you mean, this thing you write of so eloquently. xo”
    Laura recently wrote…The Love of a MotherMy Profile

    • June 8, 2012 Alison

      So sorry for the hard – *hugs*

  • June 23, 2012 Tonya

    As long as you are doing the best you can and I know you are, that is all you need to worry about. The best you can. For right now. For both your babies and yourself.
    Tonya recently wrote…I’m Ready!My Profile

    • June 23, 2012 Alison

      Sometimes, I don’t know what my ‘best’ is, you know? It’s a day-to-day thing now. Sigh.

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Alison Profile PictureI'm Alison. Writer, a mother of four (two boys and boy/ girl twins), social media enthusiast and book lover. A believer in the power of chocolate and hugs. Chugging coffee as I type. Want to know more?

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