You Were A Friend Once

posted in: Pour Your Heart Out 92 comments

You were a friend once.

Someone I connected with almost immediately.

Someone I traveled with.

Someone I roomed with.

Someone I shopped with.

Someone I schemed with.

Someone I talked to often even though we lived in different countries.

Someone I made time for each time I was in town.

Someone I made time for each time you were in town.

Someone I laughed with.

Someone I felt comfortable enough with to introduce to my inner circle of friends.

Someone I introduced family members to.

Someone I confided in and shared secrets with.

Someone I thought I’d be friends with forever.

Someone I trusted.

Someone I loved.

Then you betrayed that trust.

And you denied it.

And lied about it.

And made no apologies for it.

You were a friend once.

And you broke my heart.


Linking up with Shell at Things I Can’t Say for the 2nd anniversary of #PYHO.

Alison Lee is a former PR and marketing professional turned work-at-home mother. After a 10-year career in various PR agencies, and of the worldโ€™s biggest sports brands, Alison traded in product launches and world travel, for sippy cups, diapers, and breastfeeding. Alison's writing has been featured on Mamalode, On Parenting at The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, Everyday Family, Scary Mommy, and She is one of 35 essayists in the anthology, My Other Ex: Womenโ€™s True Stories of Leaving and Losing Friends. In 2012, she founded Little Love Media, a social media consultancy specializing in blog book tours, and because she doesnโ€™t sleep, is an editor at BonBon Break, an online magazine. Alison lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia with her husband and four children (two boys and boy/ girl twins).

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  • March 15, 2012 Alexandra

    Oh, A.

    I know how much this hurts.

    I will never understand it, but I know it hurts.

    Here’s to new friends on the internet, and all those that have grown to love you.

    I am so sorry.

    And don’t you love Shell’s PYHO? So many people look forward to that link up.
    Alexandra recently wrote…But Why Did She Do It?My Profile

    • March 15, 2012 Alison

      I love that you’re the first one here. And thank you. Time has healed that heart. Along with all my wonderful new friends. Like you. Though I always think of you as someone I’ve known for a long time. Because that’s how it feels. So, thank you.

      And yes, Shell’s PYHO is so, so, important to us.

  • March 15, 2012 Shell

    I’m so sorry, girl.

    It’s so tough when a friend hurts us like this. Sending you much love. xo
    Shell recently wrote…Pour Your Heart Out: Second AnniversaryMy Profile

    • March 15, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Shell. Love received and appreciated. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • March 15, 2012 Kimberly

    I think we have been living the same life, but worlds apart.

    I’m sorry you went through this. It hurts, to the core. Clearly it’s their loss. xo

    • March 15, 2012 Alison

      Absolutely her loss. Also? I’ve got you, dude.

  • March 15, 2012 Elizabeth

    Having your trust betrayed can be so painful! I’m so sorry for the loss of friendship you experienced.
    Elizabeth recently wrote…Wordless(ish) Wednesday: What’s That Coming Down the Street?My Profile

    • March 15, 2012 Alison

      It is, and thank you, Elizabeth.

  • March 15, 2012 Missy

    I’m sorry you got hurt, Alison. I am happy, though, that you are a strong enough woman to recover from it.
    Missy recently wrote…6 Bloggers Who Make a DifferenceMy Profile

    • March 15, 2012 Alison

      Thank you, Missy. Truth be told, my online friends in many ways have helped me through this.

  • March 15, 2012 Jessica

    I’m sorry you had to go through this. I went through a similar situation and it sucks.
    Jessica recently wrote…To Sell Or Not To SellMy Profile

    • March 15, 2012 Alison

      It totally sucks. Fortunately, I still have friends like you.

  • March 15, 2012 Stasha

    I am so sorry Alison. Hugs xo
    Stasha recently wrote…Dump truckMy Profile

    • March 15, 2012 Alison

      Hugs received and appreciated! xo

  • Your words cut deep (just like the hurt, I’m sure), and I almost teared up.

    I’m so sorry. Their loss!

    I love the way you wrote the post, by the way. So creative, pointed, and powerful. Great writing.
    Sharon {Grumpy, Sleepy, and Bashful} recently wrote…Writerโ€™s Workshop: DisneylandMy Profile

    • March 15, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Sharon, for giving me confidence in my writing. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • March 15, 2012 Catheryn

    Oh, I am sorry Alison.
    I can understand how that feels, putting your trust and faith in a friend and then only to discovered, all that went down the drain.
    But, don’t be discouraged as it is the once-friend’s loss not yours.

    Catheryn recently wrote…Happy Little OnesMy Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Catheryn, for your kind words.

  • March 15, 2012 Paulette

    Oh wow. That’s powerful release right there. No one should have to experience that. Sadly, their are people who so clueless to how they make others feel.
    Paulette recently wrote…30 Topics ~ You In The Corner, Let’s TalkMy Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Sadly, it seems most of us have had a friend betray us. And you’re right, there are people who appear oblivious to the feelings of others. Such is life.

  • March 15, 2012 Galit Breen

    Sadly, I know this and get this.

    (I’m so sorry.)
    Galit Breen recently wrote…InspiredMy Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Galit. I’m lucky though – I have so many good friends like you. xo

  • March 15, 2012 Jen Has A Pen

    I haven’t dealt with something like this in MANY years and the sting is still there. I am sorry, Alison. I know it’s rough. ๐Ÿ™
    Jen Has A Pen recently wrote…Wienerful WednesdayMy Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      It’s been 5 months now, and I’m over it. But it felt good to write it down and let it out! Thanks babe.

  • March 15, 2012 Christine

    My heart hurt when I read this. Betrayal, particularly by a friend, just plain hurts and cuts deep. I can totally relate. Time heals but it’s never quite the same. I too love the way you wrote this post.
    Christine recently wrote…No Turning Back – Injury UpdateMy Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Christine. No, it’s not quite the same. I do miss her, but I don’t think I can ever be friends with her again.

  • March 15, 2012 Jordan

    I have definitely been there. Its sad after you lose someone you were so close with. My BF and I were joined at the hip for 12yrs then as we grew and got into new relationships we started to drift. Now we are at the point we Never talk:( it breaks my heart. I miss her. The sad thing is she only lives 20mins away. However its been 3yrs since we last spoke. I don’t see us coming together as friends anymore, but it doesn’t make me miss her any less. Its sad really:( so yes in answer to your twitter question. I can relate…unfortunately….

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      It’s so sad that so many of us have been in the same boat. So sorry about your friend.

  • March 15, 2012 Kristen

    Oh. I had this exact friend. From when we were 10. My last year of teaching, she even worked in my same building. But… sometimes you can’t forget the broken promises and lies. Big hugs. I miss her too…
    Kristen recently wrote…I thought I was a Bully. I guess I’m Not.My Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Kristen for the hugs. So sorry about your friend.

  • March 15, 2012 Rusti

    the breaking of such a close friendship always sucks, so SO much… I’m sorry you had to deal with it ๐Ÿ™ I’m thankful to have had very few of these – but the worst one sticks the longest. hugs to you friend. xoxo
    Rusti recently wrote…blessed, and thankfulMy Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Rusti. It does suck, but I still have awesome friends! Like you ๐Ÿ™‚

  • March 15, 2012 Dana K

    Ugh. Been there; done that. I’m sorry. Breaking up with a friend can be worse than breaking up with a boy/girlfriend. {{{hugs}}}
    Dana K recently wrote…A Lesson in Ordering MagazinesMy Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Yes it actually is! (thank you)

  • March 15, 2012 Arnebya

    What I’ve never been able to understand is the denial, the lies. In adulthood. Up to a certain age, I think “I don’t know why” is an acceptable answer b/c at, say, 8, you truly may NOT know why you’ve done something or lied about something. But as an adult who as spent time with me, loved me, been told my secrets, my fears, my dreams, my goals? No. Was it worth it to lose my friendship? I AM A GOOD DAMN FRIEND!

    I’m sorry this happened to you. Just sorry.
    Arnebya recently wrote…I Entice Nurses With My BosomsMy Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Yes, absolutely!! And thank you for commiserating.

  • March 15, 2012 Andrea

    I’m sorry. I definitely know first-hand how it can be so awful to lose someone you care about. And the way that things happen can be worse than the actual loss sometimes. Sending you hugs and strength and wishing you well and happiness – enough and then some to move on and more.
    Andrea recently wrote…I remember. And I learn.My Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Andrea. I’ve definitely moved on!

  • March 15, 2012 molly

    My heart has healed now but I have felt this pain too. I’m so sorry.
    molly recently wrote…what’s next?My Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Molly. I’ve healed, somewhat. It felt good to write it down and let it out!

  • March 15, 2012 Elaine

    Oooph. So hard and sadly I can surely relate. Hugs girl…
    Elaine recently wrote…I made her a skirt…My Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Thanks Elaine ๐Ÿ™‚

  • March 15, 2012 Rach (DonutsMama)

    Yup, totally get this. Hence yesterday’s post. I know I’m not perfect in my relationships, but I do try to be a good friend and when it’s brought to my attention that I’m not, I will try to fix it and try harder in the future. I don’t know why other people continue to pile on the nonsense. What do they gain??

    I’m sorry that this happened to you. It’s very hurtful.
    Rach (DonutsMama) recently wrote…PYHO: Use Your WordsMy Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      It’s awful isn’t it? When people don’t seem to value the friendship as much as we do?

  • March 16, 2012 Natalie

    Oh no! I’m sorry to hear this! You deserve much better!
    Natalie recently wrote…Goodbye Baby–Hello Toddler Boy!My Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Thanks Natalie. I do and I have moved on. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • March 16, 2012 frelle

    Im so sorry your heart was broken by a friend. Mine was too. I’m still not ready to write about it. I cried for 3 hours, over the loss of a female friend I had for 8 years. And it still hurts very badly when Im reminded of how close we were.

    Im grateful to know you through the internet, and glad to call you a friend. *HUG*
    frelle recently wrote…Five ReasonsMy Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Frelle, so sorry about your friend. It hurts, and time does heal, but it still hurts. I hope your heart heals fully soon.

      And I’m grateful for your friendship!

  • March 16, 2012 Mama and the City

    Those that we once thought, felt and treated as friends hurt so damn much when they leave our lives.

    It still hurts me the loss of one I thought it was my friend. I guess, in the end I really wanted to be that way but it didn’t. I miss my “friend”.
    Mama and the City recently wrote…Bad Host, Good HostMy Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      I’m sorry you lost your friend too. It sucks.

  • March 16, 2012 Kim Pugliano

    Wow have I ever been there.

    Kim Pugliano recently wrote…Comment on Mama Drama by BridgetMy Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Sorry you’ve had to go through it too, Kim.

  • March 16, 2012 Robbie

    oh no! There is nothing worse than betrayal! Sorry this person is not who you thought he/she was!
    Robbie recently wrote…Fighting a Hard BattleMy Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Robbie ๐Ÿ™‚

  • March 16, 2012 JDaniel4's Mom

    It is so painful when this happens. I am sorry that weren’t wise enough to realize yours was a friendship not worth losing.
    JDaniel4’s Mom recently wrote…Quest to Find Answers to His QuestionsMy Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      It does hurt, but I’m more or less over it. Thank you for your kind words!

  • March 16, 2012 Michelle Longo

    So honest. Sorry you had to go through that.

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Michelle.

  • March 16, 2012 Kelley

    I think I’m going to cry! This was beautiful. So poetic. So heartbreaking.
    Kelley recently wrote…I’m telling on my children over at NickMom!My Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Aw, thanks Kelley for your sweet words.

  • March 16, 2012 Jessica

    Oh, Alison, this post really resonated with me. Something of what you’ve described here is what I’ve been dealing with these past months. I know it’s important to forgive and forget, but when trust is betrayed with a friend you assumed loyal, how can you move forward from that?

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      I hope you resolve what you’re going through, Jessica. It’s so hard and it sucks. I’ve moved forward because I really have to, no time to dwell.

  • March 16, 2012 Kristen

    As I read this, I could feel my adrenaline pumping! I wanted to know who would do such a lousy thing to you and I wanted to beat them down! I’m protective of people’s hearts that I adore. You happen to be on that list!
    Kristen recently wrote…I Didn’t Realize We Had a Maid…My Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Aw, thanks Kristen!! Very sweet of you!

  • March 16, 2012 Practical Parenting

    Oh, Alison…I know this pain. I wish I had some words of comfort. I wish I could reach through this screen an hug you. Heartache at the hands of a friend is so very sad…and also unfair. Sending hugs. xo
    Practical Parenting recently wrote…BalloonsMy Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Katie. Virtual hugs are wonderful!

  • March 16, 2012 grace

    yikes. would it be a compliment to tell you how terribly sad this post is???

    ay ay ay.

    (hugs) (to you AND me) lol. =)
    grace recently wrote…“May you live in interesting (pornographic) times.” -Chinese ProverbMy Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      It is and I accept the compliment!

  • March 16, 2012 Delilah

    I’m so sorry. Been there. As I’ve gotten older I’ve become much more careful with who I choose to let close to me.
    Delilah recently wrote…To Whom It May Concern: Notes of AnnoyanceMy Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Yes, definitely more discerning with people now.

  • March 16, 2012 jlweinberg/jen

    Alison, My heart hurts for you just reading this. It is so painful to be betrayed by someone you love and trust. You aren’t alone & are very much loved by all of your blogging friends ๐Ÿ™‚
    jlweinberg/jen recently wrote…Signed, Sealed, DeliveredMy Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Thank you so much for your sweet words. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • March 16, 2012 Mrs. Weber

    I think most of us have someone like this in their life ๐Ÿ™ It’s so tragic, but you’re not alone.

    And at least you have all of your bloggy friends now, right? ๐Ÿ™‚ And we love you no matter what!
    Mrs. Weber recently wrote…Disney on Ice presents Treasure TroveMy Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Yes, thank goodness for all my awesome bloggu buddies!

  • March 16, 2012 Kimberly

    Gosh. I am so sorry. Friends like that don’t deserve your heart and loyalty. I’m so sorry that this friend trampled you. Jerk face.
    Not you.
    The friend
    Kimberly recently wrote…Odd Conversations Brought To You By The HusbandMy Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Hee! It’s good to know you’re in my corner. You and Chuck Norris.

  • March 16, 2012 My Inner Chick

    —And reading this breaks my heart, too, Mama A.

    …Because we can all related on some level to what you are saying.

    I despise when my heart hurts.

    Love flowing…. Xx
    My Inner Chick recently wrote…Oh My GagaMy Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Thank you for the love, Kim.

  • March 16, 2012 Jen Burden

    I’ve been here before, too, Alison! I feel your pain.

    Jen ๐Ÿ™‚
    Jen Burden recently wrote…NORTH CAROLINA, USA: A Journey Through Post Partum DepressionMy Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Thanks Jen!

  • March 16, 2012 Kir

    I have a friend in my life (well not anymore) who I felt this way about. Who I trusted and thought we’d be friends forever…and now that we are not, now that she has been out of my life for almost 9 years…the hurt is still raw and sad and throbs when I least expect it.

    I understand and I’m sorry my friend.
    Love U!
    Kir recently wrote…The Post Where My Sons Prove They Donโ€™t Know Anything About SexMy Profile

    • March 16, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Kir, and I’m sorry about the loss of your friendship. Love you too!

  • March 17, 2012 Lady Jennie

    Ugh. I’ve had 3 major friend break-ups and they are almost worse than a boyfriend. But life is too short to pine after people who are not worth it.
    Lady Jennie recently wrote…Salade NiรงoiseMy Profile

    • March 17, 2012 Alison

      You’re right, totally not worth it, which is why I’ve absolutely moved on. It felt good to write it down and let it out!

  • March 17, 2012 Runnermom-jen

    Ugh, you totally deserve better, Alison.
    So sorry.
    Runnermom-jen recently wrote…Wordish WednesdayMy Profile

    • March 18, 2012 Alison

      Thanks Jen. I know I do, which is why I dumped her. Sigh.

  • March 18, 2012 Tonya

    I’ve had that “someone” in my life once before too and it hurts just thinking about it. As I see it, and I believe you should too, it’s their loss. xoxo
    Tonya recently wrote…ConnectionMy Profile

    • March 18, 2012 Alison

      I’ve moved on more or less. It just felt good to be able to write it all down here!

  • March 19, 2012 Laci

    I know that hurts. I hate being let down and I especially hate being let down by someone who I thought would always be there for me. I’m sorry!
    Laci recently wrote…Project UnbreakableMy Profile

    • March 19, 2012 Alison

      Thanks Laci!

  • March 19, 2012 nikky44

    That is EXACTLY how it happened, and it’s about this same person that I wrote last week a blog post “celebrating her Birthday

    • March 19, 2012 Alison

      Nikky, I’m sorry this happened to you too. It’s hurtful and it sucks.

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