Do you know those mornings where you wake up and you just feel…. meh?
I had one of those mornings recently. I was feeling fatigued, heavy in the mind and body and I had the task of taking the toddler to his gym class by myself, unlike previous weeks where his father could come along.
I wasn’t feeling confident that he would behave. That I could do all the physical lifting that’s required in the class.
I did not want to go. Waaaaaaah.
I just wanted to crawl back into bed and stay there.
I was a bad mother that morning, those 2 hours between waking up and going out. I was short with my son. I was impatient and irritable.
And I did not know why.
We trooped out. Monkey sang along to his CD of songs in the car, while I drove the short distance to the mall where the gym was.
He giggled and said thank you when I helped him out of his car seat.
My trepidation rose as we approached the gym. Monkey covered his face, rubbed his eyes – his defense mechanism. And I could feel myself tense.
Shoes off, bag down. Circle time, here we come.
Monkey sat on my lap, looking around, unsure.
Two minutes in, he stood up and tugged at my hand.
He wanted to go to the gym equipment and so we went.
And my son lifted me up then.
He played. He explored. He tried the balance beam all by himself. He laughed. He hugged. He clapped. He cheered.
45 minutes whizzed by. Time to go, and a cheerful, “Bye bye!”
As is our custom, we went to a nearby cafe for brunch.
And he lifted me up again.
He sat on my lap, chuckling and speaking softly, quietly waiting for our food and drinks.
Finished, we stood up to go and I practically skipped to the car, my heart was so light.
Nap time, we cuddled together tight on his single bed.
And he said, Mama, Mama. I said, hey buddy, kiss?
And he did. He kissed me on my cheek. I giggled. And it was a blur of kisses and giggles and cuddles.
And I felt complete and light and sad at the same time, because I know that these moments are fleeting and the growing up never stops, and the occasional heaviness I feel robs me of what little time we have on this Earth to just be kisses and giggles and cuddles.
But on this day, my son lifted me up.
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