When Your Toddler Makes You Their Bitch

posted in: Guest Post, Second Child 0 comments

My second guest this week is one of my favoritest (there is such a word, I say so) people on the Interwebs.

Tracy of Sellabit Mum is funny, smart, beautiful, inspiring, wears gorgeous clothes, has 3 awesome girls (who also wear gorgeous clothes, lucky girls), and visiting her blog almost daily makes me happy (and probably slightly stalker-ish).

I’ve even started stalking following her on her new social media endeavor with Jessica of Four Plus An Angel, Pin Savvy Social on all things Pinterest (because if you follow me on Pinterest, you’ll know about my epic Sweet Tooth Board).

When I was thinking about writers I love who have multiple children, to hold the fort for me this week, Tracy came to mind immediately. I knew she would write something thought-provoking, searingly honest and funny. And she did not disappoint. I love this post. And I love this woman. 

Thank you, Tracy. xoxo

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I will never forget the beautiful moment when Eloise met her newborn baby sister for the first time.  I was just moved into my hospital room from recovery after my emergency C-section, and I was holding baby Esther in my arms. Sweet and little, but now not looking all that little, two year old Eloise stood about five feet away and looked unsure of what to do. So I told her to come up on the bed for a snuggle and to meet her new baby sister.

So Eloise climbed up on the bed and then knelt on my incision and then I basically slammed my hand into her chest to stop her forward movement and threw her up in the air with my free hand while yelling “MOTHER F*CK$R HOLY HELL”  as loudly as possible, all while never letting go of baby Esther.

It was truly a beautiful moment.

So pretty much for the next year Eloise demanded nearly 120% of my attention while baby Esther sat and cooed in her bouncy seat while I played Eloise’s bitch, as to not damage her for life for how I made the introductions to the person who would now be sharing her mother for the rest of her life.

Well played, Eloise. Well played.

So here’s the thing. For me. Going from one child to two children was not difficult.  Mainly because you are usually guaranteed of one good child. Now if you end up with two whiners…….I seriously cannot help you. But your odds are good to get a gem.  Eloise was high-maintenance……”spirited” if you need that term, and the new baby, Esther just sat there and nursed and slept and pooped and giggled and got are chubby-wubby, cutest OMG I could just nibble on her all day.

And this made me lucky because I could focus all of my attention on Eloise. I’d throw a boob to Esther on occasion and life was good. I also took very few baby pictures of Esther, as gosh I hope she doesn’t ever find out that I wasn’t that perfect doting parent.

I knew that Eloise loved her sister but I also knew that she kind of loved her mom more. So I did what I needed to do.

And then this amazing thing happened. Esther moved. Like crawled and then walked and talked and could play games and build blocks and play baby dolls and then I sat there one day and watched these two little girls playing together and realized…

I NEVER HAVE TO PLAY CANDYLAND EVER AGAIN.

And I think about all of those emotions we have when we bring another baby into the home. “Will little Tommy feel bad?” “Will Anna be jealous?” “Do I give Mary enough of my time?” “Do I play favorites?” “Will this day ever end?”

And now realize that none of it, none of it matters because YES YES to all of those and NO NO to all of those because as parents of multiple children you cannot be all that or be all there or be everything to everyone all of time….

…..and in the end you pretty much gave those kids the best gift you will ever give them….

….and that is a sibling to grow old with.

Alison

Alison

Alison

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  • February 1, 2012 Jennifer Probst

    Brilliant post! I loved it! I am my the youngest one’s bitch! My first raised himself. I told him to sit and he did. He never cried. Life was good. Then second son came. I adore him to pieces -we are co-dependant on each other. But he made me work for it! He didn’t listen, and did bad things, and demanded things from me, so thank God, I didn’t have to deal with the older one for long, and now guess what! Guess frikkin what! They play together ALL DAY! Ilove my life. And I love this post!
    Jennifer Probst recently wrote…My Celebrity “Bad Mommy” Guest Post… by Optimistic Mom!My Profile

  • February 1, 2012 adrienne

    This is such a great post! Your writing rocks!
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  • February 1, 2012 Brianne

    So wonderfully written! So far I’m terrified by two but all these awesome posts may have me thinking differently by the end of the week!

  • February 1, 2012 Olivia Kelly

    Oh, Lord, I just laughed until tears ran down my face…because it’s TRUE. I had just run up a flight of steps TWICE, because my four year old couldn’t find his flippin’ Angry Birds stuffed animal, which of course he could not possibly got to sleep without. Did I mention I did this twice?
    Thanks for this timely and hilarious post!

  • February 1, 2012 jlweinberg/jen

    Ahhhhh, this brought back so many happy memories of my toddlers
    jumping onto the fresh c-section incision just when I would’ve been praising them for interacting with the new baby. You have company there, friend!

    I just love your writing and sense of humor. You always make me laugh 🙂
    jlweinberg/jen recently wrote…An Unlikely FriendshipMy Profile

  • February 1, 2012 Erica M

    Fun post, Tracy! Beautiful girls. You are very fortunate, and your writing tells me how grateful you are to have such a good life.

    Thanks, Alison, for the guest post. Go, blogcation!

    (I hate making new words out of the name blog, but what else is it? Blogbatical? Blogiatus?)
    Erica M recently wrote…yeah write #42 is openMy Profile

  • February 1, 2012 Brittany

    Yes! Love me some siblings. Why the hell does my husband not understand why I want 4 kids so much? Yeah, one reason is that then there would be an even number and I might escape candyland forever!
    Brittany recently wrote…How Some Shit Turns to SunshineMy Profile

  • February 1, 2012 tracy

    Thank you for having me Alison. I hope favoritest is a word. I am using it in every sentence starting NOW.

    Enjoy your vacation. Don’t drink too much…I kid I kid.

    Love you to pieces.
    xoxoxo
    tracy recently wrote…A Friend of ConvenienceMy Profile

    • February 2, 2012 Alison

      Well, we’ve just MADE favoritest a word!! Thank you for your gorgeous from-the-heart post, Tracy. Love you. xo

  • February 1, 2012 Kimberly

    I agree. Giving them a sibling is the best gift you can give them. Watching them grow up together is amazing.
    Kimberly recently wrote…This Used To Be My Safe PlaceMy Profile

    • February 1, 2012 tracy

      It truly is. I love being a bystander in their relationship – it’s truly beautiful.
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    • February 8, 2012 Kristin

      Except when that sibling has severe anger management and emotional issues and grows up to be a deadbeat and a mooch who lies, steals, and emotionally abuses his entire family. Like my younger brother – with whom I’ve never been close, even when we were kids, and who is currently once again putting my family through hell.

      Sorry – not to be a downer and rain on a truly beautiful post, but having a sibling isn’t always a gift. And when my parents are gone, I’ll grow old with my husband and daughter. And I’m perfectly OK with that.

      Hubs and I also feel completely fulfilled with only one child and will not be having anymore. I think the number of children someone chooses to have is, much like the decision to work or stay at home, a very personal choice and not “one size fits all.” So, much as I lurves you, Kim, blanket statements like this one raise my shackles a bit.

      Again, I’m sorry. I mean no disrespect.
      Kristin recently wrote…It All Comes Down to Meg RyanMy Profile

  • February 1, 2012 Elaine

    I think the sibling relationship is one of the most amazing things.

    And that photo? PRESH-CIOUS!!!
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  • February 1, 2012 Just Jennifer

    Loved this! I think I’ve enjoyed everything I’ve read by Tracy, tho.
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  • February 1, 2012 RoryBore

    Okay, I already laughed so hard I nearly peed just reading the title. seriously, I had to take a potty break myself half way through. Because I can completely relate! The C Section toddler stomp, the nursing while multi-taking olympic ability that is required, Candyland…it ALL. brilliant, brilliant post. loved every minute.
    My son wasn’t so thrilled with #3 gift though, another sister. he stormed out the room declaring there were enough girls in this house.
    I think she’s growing on him though.
    RoryBore recently wrote…Tuesday Coffee Chat: The Hard Truth of ParentingMy Profile

  • February 1, 2012 Dana

    Tracy, as always you tell it like it is. For some strange reason Candyland has never crossed over the Bungalow threshold. I’m thinking this is a good thing.
    Dana
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  • February 1, 2012 Ado

    Oh I loved this!
    My favorite part was when you realized you NEVER HAD TO PLAY CANDYLAND AGAIN! Ha! (-:
    Ado recently wrote…Moms I Admire: Christine of The Aums MamaMy Profile

  • February 1, 2012 Galit Breen

    Oh yes, love that last line! They are absolutely stunning together, aren’t they?

    {Love this ladies!}
    Galit Breen recently wrote…Loosen, But Don’t Let GoMy Profile

  • February 1, 2012 Fiona McDonald

    Brilliant post – I literally laughed out loud! I only have one toddler, but I am definitely his bitch! Your girls are adorable, you’re a lucky lady Tracy! x

  • February 1, 2012 Nicole

    I love that last little bit there, “And in the end, you gave them the best thing you could have….a sibling to grow old with.” LOVED that. Well written Tracy!
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  • February 1, 2012 Arnebya

    I am such the boy’s bitch. The girls were so easy, laid back. This one? MOMMYMOMMYMOMMYMOMMOMMOMMAMAMAMAMOTHERMOMMYMOMMYMOMMY all day long. And I wouldn’t change it a bit. When the three of them play together and I realize I can actually get up, walk away from the marathon session of the memory game (b/c he’s only flipping over the same two cards anyway asking why he can’t find the damn hot dog)…that’s the happiness that siblings bring.
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  • February 2, 2012 julie gardner

    OHMYYES.

    Jack = Eloise.
    Karly = Esther.

    It’s like I’m your twin without the C-section scar. And the third child. Oh yeah and also I’m older.

    Crap.

    (Still. Cheers to giving our kids the best gift they never knew they wanted.)
    julie gardner recently wrote…Today call me laidMy Profile

  • February 2, 2012 Jen

    I know that ‘step on c-section spot’ well. My son did it to me too but I didn’t have your response that was awesome.
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  • February 2, 2012 John

    Truly, a great post, Tracy.

    I really wonder what damage I’ve done to mine, with CJ only having six months of “being the baby.” But, until they were both mobile, he was the one who needed the constant attention, and she was just fine on her own. Seriously, I remember days when it was just me & the kids, and I’d have to remember to check on Leila because she was napping or contenting herself with her own fingers.

    Those days, of course, are long gone. We haven’t even gotten to the stage where Candyland means antyhing, other than “ooh, something else to put in my mouth.”

    But, then we’ll have two kids playing Candyland, and that will be amazing.
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  • February 2, 2012 Jessica

    I love this and am still grimacing from the step on c-section part. Sawyer was the same, all he needed was my boobs and he was happy, thank goodness because the entire rest of my body was covered by 20 month olds.
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  • February 2, 2012 Not a Perfect Mom

    with four kids someone always has a playmate…
    me likey…
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  • February 2, 2012 Alexia

    Thanks Tracy! I TOTALLY needed this today. I have a high-maintence two year old and we’re expecting her sister to be born in about seven weeks. My sister (a Tracey) is two years younger than me and my absolute best friend in the world. I’m hoping my girls will be just as sweet as your Eloise and Esther. And hopefully as sweet and cute as Astrid. 😉
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  • February 2, 2012 MommaKiss

    Yes yes yes to all y’all! Especially that “hop on up” right on the fresh incision. I knew going from 1 to 2 would be hard…On Me. Not them. They were thick as thieves from the start.

    p.s. you make cute babies.

  • February 2, 2012 Jessica

    My kids are 5 1/2 years apart and it’s so nice that my oldest takes over and does some of the stuff with her sister that I would have had to do. Now I can just sit back and supervise instead of having to play Candyland over and over.
    Jessica recently wrote…When Mommy Naps…My Profile

  • February 2, 2012 Laura

    This is awesome and totally what I need to hear as I’m preparing to bring my second into this world. Except the part where you said I am likely to get at least one good one. Because my first is pretty darn great and I would kind of like the second to be just as well behaved.
    Laura recently wrote…I Was Home – Faces of a FamilyMy Profile

  • February 2, 2012 Dwija {House Unseen}

    Oh my goodness, what a sweet, sweet post. Love!
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  • February 2, 2012 Frelle

    hilarious and true and a little bit poignant at the same time. LOVE. 😉
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  • February 2, 2012 Leslie

    What a great post! I actually laughed out loud about the leaning on the incision…but totally understand needing to dote on one child for a while. Looks like you raised some fantastic girls!
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  • February 2, 2012 Missy

    beautiful, Tracy. Just beautiful. And so very, very true.
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  • February 3, 2012 Mrs. Weber

    Of course I had to read this for the headline alone!

    I’m nervous about going from 1 to 2 this summer, but reading this makes me feel so much better…a sibling is the best gift for all in the end, right?!
    Mrs. Weber recently wrote…Taking Cues from a ToddlerMy Profile

  • February 4, 2012 Rachelle

    LOVE this and it’s sooo true!! Thanks, Tracy.

  • February 4, 2012 Emmy

    Awesome post! And yes, you can’t do it all and shouldn’t and they still survive and thrive. And I do love when they play together.
    Emmy recently wrote…The Weekend Just for MeMy Profile

  • February 8, 2012 Kristin

    Beautiful post, Tracy. I’m a one-and-doner myself, but I think sibling relationships, when they’re healthy, are among the most precious gifts a parent can receive.

    Unfortunately, my own relationship with my only sibling – a brother – is decidedly UNhealthy, so my perspective is jaded. I wish it didn’t have to be that way, but it is and, after many years of hoping otherwise, I’ve accepted the sad fact that it probably always will be. This is one of several reasons why I’ve decided to have only one child.

    That said, I love seeing, hearing, and reading about healthy sibling relationships. And the one your girls share is especially beautiful. 🙂
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