What Motherhood Isn’t

posted in: Motherhood, Parenting 177 comments

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(Jessica of Four Plus An Angel made me this graphic, isn’t she lovely?)

Motherhood isn’t choosing a natural birth over a Caesarean section.

Motherhood isn’t opting for pain management options over braving the pain.

Motherhood isn’t choosing to give birth at home or at the hospital.

Motherhood isn’t trying to breastfeed or going straight for formula.

Motherhood isn’t deciding to breastfeeding for one week or one year.

Motherhood isn’t about choosing attachment parenting over Baby Wise parenting.

Motherhood isn’t defined by co-sleeping or straight into the crib.

Motherhood isn’t about choosing to let your baby cry it out or to soothe them each time they whimper.

Motherhood isn’t about opting to start them on solids at 5 months or be a stickler and starting them at 6 months.

Motherhood isn’t about choosing to potty train them at 2 or 3.

Motherhood isn’t about whether it’s right or wrong to keep them home for another year when they’re 2, instead of enrolling them in preschool.

Motherhood isn’t about choosing to stay at home or work full time.

Motherhood isn’t a competition.

Motherhood isn’t a war between women.

What motherhood is this…..

… bringing your baby into this world, safe and sound, no matter how they come, C-section or natural, with or without pain management, in your own home or at the hospital.

… nourishing them with what they need to survive and thrive, whether it be from your breast or a bottle.

… doing what feels right for you and your baby, be it sleeping together on the same bed, in the same room in a crib (them, not you), or in their own room; whether you let them learn to self-soothe or do the soothing.

… continue to nourish them, whether they start solids earlier or as recommended, because you know your child and their needs best.

… learning to take cues from your children on when they’re ready to do something new, be it potty training, trying new foods, or going to preschool.

… loving them, providing for them, being there for them, being an anchor and a safe place for them.

… being their teacher and their guide.

So let us all stop the wars on who’s right and who’s wrong.

Let us stop judging each other, all of us mothers, on how we each raise our children, just because we do things differently (with the extreme exceptions of abuse and so on).

Let us be there for one another.

Let us support each other in our daily mothering decisions.

Let us offer suggestions when asked.

Let us accept those suggestions with an open mind and heart.

Let us cheer each other on, and be happy for one another.

Let us commiserate together when things get hard.

Let us mothers unite.


I wrote this 5 days ago before I heard/ knew about the “Mommy Wars” that Anderson Cooper and his producers seem intent on perpetuating. I’m thinking it’s serendipity – this post needed to be written, and published this week.

What does motherhood mean to you?

 

Alison
Alison Lee is a former PR and marketing professional turned work-at-home mother. After a 10-year career in various PR agencies, and of the world’s biggest sports brands, Alison traded in product launches and world travel, for sippy cups, diapers, and breastfeeding. Alison's writing has been featured on Mamalode, On Parenting at The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, Everyday Family, Scary Mommy, and DrGreene.com. She is one of 35 essayists in the anthology, My Other Ex: Women’s True Stories of Leaving and Losing Friends. In 2012, she founded Little Love Media, a social media consultancy specializing in blog book tours, and because she doesn’t sleep, is an editor at BonBon Break, an online magazine. Alison lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia with her husband and four children (two boys and boy/ girl twins).
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  • January 11, 2012 Jessica

    I love this! And, I couldn’t agree more with all you’ve said here. Motherhood is understanding that there are a million and one ways to be a mother and accepting that each and every one of those ways is no better or no worse than the other.
    Jessica recently wrote…My mantra for 2012My Profile

    • January 11, 2012 Alison

      Exactly – no way/ method/ style is ‘better’, it’s just what works for you.

  • January 11, 2012 Jess

    It is good timing for this post. We need to get along instead of fight and compete. Support is key.
    Jess recently wrote…Failure Is Not An OptionMy Profile

    • January 11, 2012 Alison

      Yes, much like in the blogging world!

  • January 11, 2012 Lance

    All 3 of my daughters are bottle fed, caesarian born, sometimes McDonalds’ fed brilliant beautiful little ladies who are in the top of their classes. But some interweb moms and dads say I suck as a parent.

    There should be more posts like this. Thank you.

    and thank you for visting Helene…hope you read more of the story
    Lance recently wrote…World Wide SuicideMy Profile

    • January 11, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Lance, for commenting. Parenting is hard enough without the judging.

      Your girls are lucky to have you as a dad!

  • January 11, 2012 Shell

    Perfect description of motherhood!
    Shell recently wrote…What is Okay to Post Online When it Comes to Our Kids?My Profile

    • January 11, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Shell!

  • January 11, 2012 Kierstyn S.

    Great post! Mothers should always support each other. Unfortunately, it’s not always the case.
    Kierstyn S. recently wrote…Even moms do things they are not proud of, right?My Profile

    • January 11, 2012 Alison

      It appears that it is not the case more often than not, which saddens me. Which is why I felt compelled to write this.

  • January 11, 2012 Elena

    I love the ‘let us all stop the wars on who’s right and who’s wrong’ – so very true! I’ve always believed that there are a million different ways to parent. You do what’s right for you, but it might not be what’s right for someone else. Fabulous post!

    • January 11, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Elena! This has been weighing on my mind for a long time. When I hear mothers talk, and take to social media bashing someone else’s choice, it saddens me. Parenting is already hard enough, why make it harder?

  • January 11, 2012 Runnermom-jen

    Amen sister!! SO true! What works for one doesn’t always work for another.
    XO
    Runnermom-jen recently wrote…BrokenMy Profile

    • January 11, 2012 Alison

      If only more people realized that!

  • January 11, 2012 Leslie

    Bravo! I still can’t believe how many horrid looks I got at my pre-natal class (pregnant with my first) saying I expected to have a planned C-section (I have an 80% chance of breach presentation with any pregnancy; so it’s not much of a choice!) As long as the kids are healthy and safe, that’s what’s most important!
    Leslie recently wrote…{Inspiration Board} Tangerine TangoMy Profile

    • January 11, 2012 Alison

      Yes, exactly! The important things seem to slip the narrow minds.

  • January 11, 2012 Krystyn

    So very very true! I just commented on a FB post that moms are the worst about judging each other. We feel the need to justify our decisions by putting other mothers down when their decisions don’t agree. It’s sad and wrong. And, what’s worse, so many of those “decisions” aren’t even our decisions at all!
    Krystyn recently wrote…We don’t need no stinkin’ boysMy Profile

    • January 11, 2012 Alison

      Yes, it is sad, that people feel the need to justify their actions by condemning someone else’s. Why can’t we all be respectful and just get along?

  • January 11, 2012 Jen Has A Pen

    This is excellent. Clearly I’m not necessarily part of this club yet, but I think the competitiveness and judgement has got to be difficult. Well said, Alison.
    Jen Has A Pen recently wrote…Photo GratitudeMy Profile

    • January 11, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Jen. When you join the club someday, I hope you don’t have to encounter many of the judginess!

  • January 11, 2012 Jackie

    For lack of a better word: WORD! You go Alison!
    Jackie recently wrote…Got a JobMy Profile

    • January 11, 2012 Alison

      Hah! Thanks Jackie!

  • January 11, 2012 Life As Wife

    The things you point out in this post are the things I have had the hardest time with when I became a parent. Why is it a competition? Why does everyone judge? As long as someone is not hurting their child – let it be!
    Life As Wife recently wrote…When Will It End?My Profile

    • January 11, 2012 Alison

      I wish I could answer your questions – my thoughts are these: some women hold themselves to some kind of impossible standard, and this attitude stems over to others around them. So if they feel that having a baby naturally with no painkillers is the way to go, then someone who chooses to have an epidural or a C-sec, automatically is “not as good as them”. And they show it in their statements, like “Why don’t you try bear the pain first?” and so on.

      We really should be saying, good for you, have a safe birth.

      I hope with this post, I can persuade those mothers to have a different perspective.

      • January 12, 2012 Rina

        Actually, to take your comment further, I think it’s more about the fact that mothers hold themselves to some standard that’s possible for them, but not so achievable for others. For instance, I have a friend who breastfed her son, who is allergic to soy and dairy, for over a year. She had to cut all sorts of things out of her diet. She says that she doesn’t judge mothers with the same issue that decided to wean their babies, because she’s quite a foodie – she enjoys a challenge and likes discovering new recipes and loves making her own food from scratch. However, another mother might find this an overwhelming thing to deal with and virtually impossible to do. Where we go wrong is when we assume that other mothers are able to deal with … (fill in your strength as a mother here) and forget that what was surmountable or natural for them might be virtually insurmountable for another parent in the same position.
        Rina recently wrote…Helping people make informed choices – it’s not rocket science, but Darcia Narvaez just didn’t nail itMy Profile

        • January 12, 2012 Alison

          Rina, you’re right of course. I’d like to add as well, that those who judge, usually don’t take into account the different circumstances of that particular mother. Which is why I think being accepting is so important.

          Thank you for weighing in!

  • January 11, 2012 Brittany {Mommy Words}

    Well said Allison. I am so sick of all this negativity and ready to support mothers everywhere who love their kids even if they do things differently than me!
    Brittany {Mommy Words} recently wrote…Add Pinterest Pin It Button to Every Post & to GetSocialMy Profile

    • January 11, 2012 Alison

      You and me both sister! We should start a club 🙂

  • January 11, 2012 Kimberly

    Love this! As a mother we do what’s right for ourselves and children, and nobody can judge that. We need support, not the judgements and negative comments.
    Kimberly recently wrote…My Favorite Christmas GiftMy Profile

    • January 11, 2012 Alison

      Thanks Kim!! You and I both know first hand what support can do for us in the hard times. If only many more realized the benefits to that, rather than waste energy judging.

  • January 11, 2012 Elaine

    Yes, Yes, YES, YES, YES!!!!!!!!!!

    I love you even more for writing and publishing these words Alison. I hope we can unite. We are ALL in the trenches together!!

    MWAH!
    Elaine recently wrote…Some Same SomethingMy Profile

    • January 11, 2012 Alison

      Hee, thanks Elaine!! Your comment means so much to me because it’s awesome to know that someone else feels the same way. Trenches is the right word!

  • January 11, 2012 Just Jennifer

    Here here, Alison! I wrote a post similar to this when I took The Mom Pledge. This is a great post. Glad you wrote it.
    Just Jennifer recently wrote…Why I Love the Serenity PrayerMy Profile

    • January 11, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Jennifer!

  • January 11, 2012 Julia

    Amazing. I absolutely agree and thank you for writing it so well. I will be passing this on. Wonderful!
    Julia recently wrote…Wordless WednesdayMy Profile

    • January 11, 2012 Alison

      Julia, thank you for your kind words, and for sharing this post. It means a lot to me!

  • January 11, 2012 RoryBore

    is it possible to give a standing ovation online?

    no matter, take your bow
    RoryBore recently wrote…Quotable Bits – Wisdom from CamelotMy Profile

    • January 11, 2012 Alison

      You’re too kind, thank you!!

  • January 11, 2012 deborah l quinn

    sing out sister! What is to gain from dividing women among themselves and fostering competiveness & judgements? What matters is giving each mother, each parent, each family (however it’s configured) the support needed so that the individuals (children AND parents) can thrive. Seems so simple. Your post is eloquent and necessary. Thanks.
    deborah l quinn recently wrote…purple glitter jesusMy Profile

    • January 11, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Deborah! YOUR comment is eloquent 🙂

  • January 11, 2012 Kiddothings

    I didn’t even know about the war until I read this. The hottest news over here lately has been Anwar getting acquitted.

    Well said and I totally agree with everything.
    Kiddothings recently wrote…Picnesday – Domestically PinkMy Profile

    • January 11, 2012 Alison

      Hah, you can tell local news don’t interest me (though I did know about the Anwar case).

      And thank you!

  • January 11, 2012 Jessica

    As long as a child is made to feel loved – that is what matters in our journeys & choices as mothers!
    Jessica recently wrote…Cherry CrumbleMy Profile

    • January 11, 2012 Alison

      Jessica, yes, exactly that!

  • January 11, 2012 Ann

    PERFECT! Good for you! ….and I agree with every word!
    Ann recently wrote…Beef Tips Over RiceMy Profile

  • January 11, 2012 My Inner Chick

    Unite. Support. Lift Up.

    You nailed it, Mama A. Xx
    My Inner Chick recently wrote…my beautiful distractionMy Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Kim. xo

  • January 11, 2012 angela

    This is so lovely and well-written and needs to be heard.

    Supporting each other would make ALL of us stronger as mothers.

    We can agree that women need different jeans and different lip gloss shades, but we can’t agree that different families need to parent in different ways. That’s kind of sad 🙁

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Angela, you are right. Why can’t we all just get along and accept that there will be differences?

  • January 11, 2012 Galit Breen

    Perfect. Timely. xo
    Galit Breen recently wrote…Letters for YouMy Profile

  • January 11, 2012 Tonya

    This is beyond awesome!! So well said, Alison.

    I will be Stumbling and Pinning and adding this to my favorites.
    Tonya recently wrote…A Moment Of GraceMy Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Tonya, thank you for sharing this, it means a lot to me!

  • January 11, 2012 Barbara

    Great post. I think we all need to be more tolerant and accepting of each other’s decisions. We are all mothers after all.
    Barbara recently wrote…Dear Nathan…My Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Barbara. Tolerance is key.

  • January 11, 2012 Kir

    Oh this is just spectacular….honestly there is nothing I can say to you about it because you know how good this is…but Wow Alison…every mom/dad/ and people who are not parents yet should read this….because the important thing in his is that every child is loved, wanted, nourished and cherished….and that…is what is going to make our world brighter.
    Kir recently wrote…Meet Me at Alison’s Place: My amazing visit to Mama Wants This!My Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Kir. As always, your words make me smile.

  • January 11, 2012 Courtney Kirkland

    Amen. Motherhood is hard enough as it is without having to compete with every other parent out there.
    Courtney Kirkland recently wrote…Things I Wish I Could SayMy Profile

  • January 11, 2012 tracy

    Thank goodness motherhood isn’t about choosing between wine or coffee..because I’ll take both please. xo
    tracy recently wrote…What I Wore Wednesday – Bobiam Tee Shirt GiveawayMy Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      I love how you find the humor in everything – love you. xo

  • January 11, 2012 Andrea

    You completely nailed it Alison. Motherhood is different for everybody, and we should all unite instead of fighting over our differences. Thank you for this 🙂
    Andrea recently wrote…Ty’s Adventure With The IceCapsMy Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Thank YOU for reading.

  • January 11, 2012 JDaniel4's Mom

    This post is so well said! Communicating with a caring heart and really supporting other moms is what is important. I stumbled this post.
    JDaniel4’s Mom recently wrote…Helping to Build with Couch CushionsMy Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Deirdre! And yes, communicating, supporting, that’s what we need.

  • January 11, 2012 Eric Storch

    Hi Alison! I’m not a mom, but I have to agree with you. Being a good mother comes form inside, not from a book, DVD or workshop. Only YOU know what’s best for your child.
    Eric Storch recently wrote…I Should Be Working for GeekSquadMy Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Eric, I always like to hear a man’s point of view. Thank you, for saying it as it is.

  • January 11, 2012 By Word of Mouth Musings

    and you mailed it too him right?
    because you should. Totally!
    By Word of Mouth Musings recently wrote…Out with the Old, but what is new?My Profile

  • January 11, 2012 Kimberly

    Amen.
    Kimberly recently wrote…CowbirdMy Profile

  • January 11, 2012 Natalie

    Wow Alison this was really beautiful! This is so true. You defined it perfectly!

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Natalie!

  • January 11, 2012 Evonne

    Yes, yes and yes!!

    Motherhood is about doing what we feel is best for our child. We all need to support each other because this motherhood thing is hard.
    Evonne recently wrote…I understand, but stopMy Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Exactly – it’s hard enough without people putting on their judgey pants!

  • January 11, 2012 Jenn

    So well said Alison! I am not certain when motherhood became a full-contact sport complete with all sorts of trash talking and yet here we are.

    I can’t say anything more because you totally hit the nail on the head . . . and I am not even going to try and compete. 😉
    Jenn recently wrote…Florida in PhotosMy Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      I love that you said it’s become a contact sport + trash talking! 🙂

  • January 11, 2012 Jessica

    Amazing post, amazing Alison.
    Jessica recently wrote…The Bachelor: Blogger EditionMy Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Jessica thank you. For your comment, kind words, support and sharing of this post. xo

  • January 11, 2012 Ali

    So true Alison. We all do things for different reasons. Period!
    Ali recently wrote…WTF Wednesday – The "Why That’s Fabulous!" EditionMy Profile

  • Amen! So true. I simply hate how judgmental mothers are about each other.
    Amy ~ Eat. Live. Laugh. Shop. recently wrote…Dinner this week.My Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      It drives me insane, the judgey people!

  • January 11, 2012 liz

    The mommy wars are completely ridiculous, and I find that those who engage in them are actually quite insecure.

    On a different note, I found that I was much less sensitive to so many of these things mentioned the second time around.
    liz recently wrote…Pink Ear Plugs: All The Cool Kids are Doing ItMy Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      I agree with you Liz – the ones who engage are insecure. They seem to feel the need to put someone else down to feel better about themselves. Which is sad.

      I’ve never cared what other people think of my parenting choices – but it weighs heavily on me to know that moms are being judged, every day. It’s hard enough as it is, do we really need someone telling us we’re doing something ‘wrong’?

  • January 11, 2012 Elizabeth Flora Ross

    Hear, hear! It’s no secret where I stand on this matter, and I’m so proud and happy to see many other women sharing a positive message! Well said!

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      In part inspired by you and The Mom Pledge, I felt the need to express my point of view. Thank you!

  • January 11, 2012 Maricris of Zensible Mama

    You tell ’em girl! Motherhood should be a seamless and undivided department. Mother’s all over the world are that mothers. We may differ in culture and race but we all share one common thing, we are mothers. Amen!

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      You’re right! Sadly, some mothers think they’re ‘better’ than others. Sigh.

  • January 11, 2012 Lisa

    What a terrific post. We’re so quick to judge. It’s sometimes hard to remember, that people are doing what’s best for THEIR family, just like you are doing what’s best for YOURS.

    Stopping by from PYHO.
    Lisa recently wrote…PYHO: The Man PeriodMy Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Thanks Lisa, for stopping by. Yes, that’s my point exactly. We do what is best for our families, no one else’s.

  • January 11, 2012 Ado

    Lovely list on motherhood – especially appreciated in the wake of all this Beyonce frenzy!
    Ado recently wrote…Wordless Wednesday: Our HouseMy Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      I should also have added this: no matter how we bring our children into the world – by surrogacy, adoption or actually birthing them, we bring them into a world where they’re loved and wanted. Right? 🙂

  • January 11, 2012 Alexandra

    I know you wish this could change, but it never will.

    There will always be those that think their way is the only way and the right way and they will loudly and publicly judge.

    The biggest thing we can do is BE the change we want to see in the world.

    Do that, A, keep doing that.

    xo
    Alexandra recently wrote…Yeah. It Hurt A Little.My Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Alexandra. I hope that by writing this, I can be a tiny whisper of a wind of change.

  • January 12, 2012 Mirjam

    Such a powerful post Alison, I was nodding my head all the way to the bottom of the post.
    *standing with a fist* Let’s encourage each other and unite! XO
    Mirjam recently wrote…Wandering heartMy Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Yes, let’s! xo

  • January 12, 2012 Amanda Austin

    Sad that the media feels the need to pit mothers against one another for the sake of ratings, isn’t it? Considering we’re their target market/bread and butter. Something ain’t right about that…

    I agree with this all. Love your baby, keep your baby safe, raise a happy, healthy child. That’s it.
    Amanda Austin recently wrote…1400 miles in photosMy Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      The media does what it does because it’s their job – or so they say. Clearly, they are onto something though because hell, there are so many mother out there who WILL engage in this pointless discussion of who is doing what right/ wrong.

      We mothers, need to be the change. And you’re right, we love them, raise them right and be there for them. The way that’s right for US.

  • January 12, 2012 MommaKiss

    a) I love the word Serendipity. A lot.
    b) motherhood to me is flexibility. that about covers it. my heart is flexible. my sleep schedule. my temper. my legs!!
    MommaKiss recently wrote…Easy squeezyMy Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Me too, I use it at every opportunity, haha.

      I like flexibility!

  • January 12, 2012 Kristen

    Great Post. I firmly believe this to be true. I only learned of the “mommy wars” this morning (been a little busy.) And… I wrote a post of my heart (At Shell’s) that goes against everything I ever say. Now I can’t help but wonder if people think I’m taking a side in the Mommy Wars. *sigh* ‘Cause – the side I’m always on … is Mommy Love. Again – loved the read. Kristen
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    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Love IS the answer, Kristen. Thanks for stopping by!

  • January 12, 2012 Miss Marina Star

    Can I just say yes, yes, yes?!

    I loved, and truly identified with, this post. Although, I’ve been so very lucky online to not have any negativity yet. In real life…not so much.
    Miss Marina Star recently wrote…Still Hungry!My Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Marina. I think all moms have had some kind of negativity with regards to our parenting decisions. As long as you know what you’re doing is right, it’s really no one else’s business.

  • January 12, 2012 christina

    SE.RIOUS.LY!
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  • January 12, 2012 Stasha

    I love this post Alison. I soaked it up.
    Stasha recently wrote…Wordless WednesdayMy Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Stasha, you are awesome, as always.

  • January 12, 2012 Paula

    here here! Very well put.

  • January 12, 2012 Momma Teacher Lady

    Love this and plan on sharing it!

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Thank you very much!

  • January 12, 2012 Mrs. Weber

    I couldn’t have said this better. I’ve been wanting to write a post with this same idea, and didn’t know where to begin. You captured my thoughts exactly!

    As moms we all need to stop judging and start supporting each other. It’s impossible to know/understand what another mom is going through unless you are in her exact shoes. Great job capturing this!
    Mrs. Weber recently wrote…If Moms Ruled the WorldMy Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Lauren! I think you should write the post that’s swirling in your head. Would love your perspective!

  • January 12, 2012 Lori

    Very nice! And motherhood is also walking out of the hospital the same size you were when you went in, in the same clothes, three days later. Our children are our children, no matter how they come to us. Lo

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Yes, exactly! I really should have added this line: Motherhood isn’t about how a child came into your life, be it adoption, surrogacy or birthing. You’re so right!

  • January 12, 2012 Lola

    Go Alison! This is why I love you so. You are such a wonderfully positive person. I have a question though…
    is motherhood training your kids to mix you a frozen margarita with a slice of fresh strawberry when they get home from school? Because If so, without getting competitive…I think I might be a really good mom.
    Lola recently wrote…The Vagina WhispererMy Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Thanks Lola!! And I KNOW you’re a very good mom 😉

  • January 12, 2012 Missy

    Amen sister! Between you and Tracy, I have GOT to watch this Anderson Cooper thing!
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  • January 12, 2012 Sarah B.

    One could even argue that motherhood isn’t even about bringing a child into the world (after all, 13-year-olds and crackheads and any number of women not fit to parent can do that)…there are plenty of women who are mothering children whose time in utero and births they had absolutely no control over, because they adopted those children. Don’t leave those mothers out. 🙂

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Sarah, you are absolutely right. I need to add this: Motherhood isn’t about how a child came into your life, whether by adoption, surrogacy or birth.

      • January 14, 2012 Sarah B.

        I think it would be just perfect if you added that. 🙂

  • January 12, 2012 Dina

    I’m so glad you wrote this post, and it is very serendipitous. Personally I love to hear about different mothering techniques and theories just like I love hearing about different holiday traditions. I just find it interesting as long as it is not judgmental.
    Dina recently wrote…The Toddler Cold v The Man ColdMy Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      There are so many ways to raise a child right, isn’t there? 🙂

  • January 12, 2012 Mrs. M

    AGREED! We need to support each other more and embrace that we are all on the same journey, just taking different paths.
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    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      I love that! Same journey, different paths, well said!

  • January 12, 2012 Leighann

    Sigh.
    Wouldn’t that be great.
    No more judging.
    No more mean words between mothers.
    Just support….
    Leighann recently wrote…The Caterpillar on her ArmMy Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      It would be. One mother at a time….. 🙂

  • January 12, 2012 Kimberly

    This is beautiful.
    I fear though that no matter how many of us are trying to stand united there are always a trillion others ready to squash us.
    I don’t understand why our choices are any body else’s business.
    Sigh.
    Kimberly recently wrote…Ode To The Christmas Tree…Just In Case You’re Not Sick Of Christmas PostsMy Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      That is true. But one mother at a time, I say. It’s like my life mission now 🙂

  • January 12, 2012 Kristen

    Alison, This was beautiful. Mom’s should unite instead of divide. We are all here to see that the ones we love grow up healthy, happy & safely. The world could be an amazing place if we all just showed each other some compassion instead of judgement.

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Yes, compassion! We need more of that. In spades, in fact.

  • January 12, 2012 jlweinberg/jen

    Perfectly said. Beautifully writter. Thank you!
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    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Thank you for reading!

  • January 12, 2012 Carol Webb

    Just beautiful. I couldn’t imagine living life not being a mother. Mothers are the glue that holds families together and definitely something to be proud of.
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  • January 12, 2012 ChiMomWriter

    Perfect. I wish this was handed out to new moms at the hospital.
    ChiMomWriter recently wrote…Nursing, Milestones and HindsightMy Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Oh yes, me too.

  • January 12, 2012 Laura

    A-to-the-MEN! What an incredible post, Alison! I couldn’t agree with you more. And though it’s fun to explore the varying avenues parents take in raising their children, everything you’ve just said is true. Sharing this for sure!!!!
    Laura recently wrote…It’s not so much the the sibling rivalry that worries us. It’s the sibling love that’s got us concerned.My Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Thanks Laura!

  • January 12, 2012 Mandi

    Amen sister! Love this post.

  • January 12, 2012 Bonnie Way

    THANK YOU!!! I think the Mommy War are ridiculous and that as parents we need to support each other, not be divided by what parenting philosophy we follow. We’ve had family members get mad at us because we parent differently than they do and I just want to cry and say, “We’re all parents trying to do the best for our kids and that’s all that matters.”
    Bonnie Way recently wrote…My New GlassesMy Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Yes it is ridiculous isn’t it? When all we’re doing is what is best for the children. The important things seem to be forgotten in the midst of soapbox diatribes. Sigh.

  • Alison, you always get right to the heart of the matter. No two children are the same. How could it be possible that mothers should mother the same?
    Kimberly at Rubber Chicken Madness recently wrote…(x+y) + wine/tired =?My Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Yes! That is so well-said, Kimberly.

  • January 12, 2012 Stephanie

    Motherhood is focusing on myself, my children, my family. Motherhood is knowing that I am doing the best I can. Motherhood is admitting when I have made a mistake and working to fix it. Motherhood is nourishment, support and love. Motherhood is hugs and kisses. Motherhood is letting them help even though it will take five times longer. Motherhood is knowing when to let go.
    Stephanie recently wrote…These are NOT New Years resolutions!My Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      I love all that Stephanie. Yes, yes and yes!

  • January 12, 2012 Jamie

    I already told Tracy this but I’ve always wanted to start a group called Mind Your Own Boobs… let’s make t-shirts!
    Jamie recently wrote…once we were ONEMy Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Oh yes, LET’S!! #MindYourOwnBoobs

  • January 12, 2012 Rusti

    this is abso-frickin-lutely perfect Alison. could not say it any better than that. love love love it. thank you for writing it, posting it, sharing it… it definitely needed to be written, thanks for doing it so beautifully. xo
    Rusti recently wrote…a lesson learned…My Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Rusti, I’m so glad you love it!

  • January 12, 2012 Emmy

    This is beautiful! And yes, as moms we do just need to be there for each other.
    Emmy recently wrote…Power of Moms Retreat GiveawayMy Profile

  • I LOVE this…the battling, soapbox is so unnecessary and silly. Every mom is doing the best they can, how they can, in the circumstances they are in….never judge….

    And for me motherhood is love and fight. Love them with all you have and fight for eveything they need and fight to make them the best people you can…with love, compassion, empathy, trust, discipline when needed and appropriate and teaching….but above all else love. They are precious gifts, never to be taken for granted. As known by Jessica who made your fab logo…it’s not a given, they are a gift. Lovely post Alison.
    Shannon from mynewfavoriteday recently wrote…Goose in a Bottle?My Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      I love that – love and fight. Yes!

  • January 12, 2012 Catheryn

    I love this Alison!
    I cant help but to agree more with ‘motherhood is not competition’. 🙂
    Cheers to Motherhood!!
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    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Cheers indeed! Thanks Catheryn.

  • January 12, 2012 Maureen

    Preach it, Mama! I agree wholeheartedly with everything you said here. It’s time to put an end. Motherhood and parenting is not easy and we all are just trying to do whatever works for us. That’s what matters to find what works for us and our own children. Well said!
    Maureen recently wrote…A Gift That Keeps on Giving: 1 Bracelet – 1 Child – 1 Week of FoodMy Profile

    • January 12, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Maureen!

  • January 13, 2012 elizabeth-flourishinprogress

    This is so beautiful, A. I think we all needed to be reminded at times of these very important truths.
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  • January 13, 2012 Sara

    You captured the me vs you stuff that mothers are faced with perfectly! The wonderful thing about parenting is that we have CHOICES. There are so many ways to parent, and really, children have different needs, which influence the way we parent. Great post.
    Sara recently wrote…Are you a rock or a diamond?My Profile

    • January 13, 2012 Alison

      Yes, choices. It’s unfortunate that some mothers see fit to condemn/ criticize the choices other mothers make. I hope to change this! Well, one mother at a time.

  • Wonderful! I had to share this on my Facebook Page for all my fans and friends to read also.

  • January 13, 2012 Kristin

    I’m a few days late to this, but excellent post, Alison. And yes, the timing of it was impeccable.

    I wish all it took was perspective like this to make those who judge others see the light. Sadly, though, I think there are always those who will wage the mommy wars.
    Kristin recently wrote…Babyonce and the Mayan Calendar: Coincidence?My Profile

    • January 14, 2012 Alison

      Sadly, you are right. There will always be someone, happy to engage in this silly so-called war.

  • January 14, 2012 Rach (DonutsMama)

    NO KIDDING!! All of this. I know since becoming a mother I’m less (hopefully) judgmental because I realize that the majority of us are doing the best that we possibly can. And all our children are different and have different needs. So let’s stop judging and acting like we have all the answers because nobody does! Thank you for writing this.
    Rach (DonutsMama) recently wrote…Life’s Lessons: Naps Are AwesomeMy Profile

    • January 14, 2012 Alison

      Thank you for reading and weighing in, Rach. And you’re right, no one has all the answers. We only have the answers for our own situation.

  • January 14, 2012 Practical Parenting

    This? Is perfection. I love it. Thank you.
    Practical Parenting recently wrote…10 Tips for Teaching Assertiveness SkillsMy Profile

    • January 14, 2012 Alison

      Katie, thank you. Your post was wonderful too, hit the nail on the head.

  • January 15, 2012 Amanda Wilfong

    I am a new follower to your blog and so glad I found it. What a great post. Amazing!
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    • January 15, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Amanda, for coming by. Do come back 🙂

  • January 15, 2012 Jill

    very VERY well said.

  • January 16, 2012 Sweaty

    You’re definitely on the mark, Alison. Motherhood isn’t a competition. Not by any means. It’s crazy to put what should be viewed as a both a privilege and a blessing that is motherhood into some sort of contest of who knows better than the rest.
    Sweaty recently wrote…Flavor (and Best Scoop of the Week!)My Profile

    • January 29, 2012 Alison

      Couldn’t have said it better, Sweaty.

  • January 17, 2012 Charlotte

    Well said. I haven’t heard about this Mommy Wars you reference here (though I’m saddened my man Anderson has anything to do with this) but I couldn’t agree more. There is so much judgment out there and I think more of a support system should always be in place. I like this very much.
    Charlotte recently wrote…an open letter to “Alex”My Profile

    • January 29, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Charlotte. I hope that when your time comes as a mother (if that’s the path you choose), you’ll have the support that we all need 🙂

  • January 29, 2012 Sara

    Wow. As I read this I first thought of my own battles with mom guilt over some of these issues. I was thinking I hadn’t really felt the “mom wars”/competition/judgement” from other moms…then I realized I was only thinking of my peers. I got it from my mom & her frieds. I’m not familiar with the Anderson Cooper aspect of it all.Great post. It made me think.
    Sara recently wrote…14 Days of ValentinesMy Profile

    • January 29, 2012 Alison

      Thank you Sara!

  • I’m only a fur mom so I’m on out outskirts of motherhood, but I see the back and forth and I love your post. It’s beautiful.

    Happy SITS Day!
    Kimberly Gauthier, Photography Blog recently wrote…Valentine’s Day is a Scam Until I See a Few Cool Red CamerasMy Profile

  • February 9, 2012 Joanne

    How true and beautifully said.
    Joanne recently wrote…The Life of a Building (Memories of Laboure Hall)My Profile

  • February 9, 2012 Tara

    Motherhood ISN’T easy!
    I agree that mothers should unite because it is a unique sisterhood that no one else can understand!
    Tara recently wrote…You know your a mom when…My Profile

  • February 9, 2012 Tricia

    Love this! You’ve said it better than anyone ever has.

  • February 10, 2012 Martine

    Motherhood is an upward climb. Well said, Allison!
    Martine recently wrote…Home Office Inspiration: Eclectic white spaceMy Profile

  • February 11, 2012 Tricia Oakes

    Beautifully written, and so true.

    Happy SITS Day!

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Alison Profile PictureI'm Alison. Writer, a mother of four (two boys and boy/ girl twins), social media enthusiast and book lover. A believer in the power of chocolate and hugs. Chugging coffee as I type. Want to know more?

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