I’m Sorry

posted in: Kids, Life, Monkey My Son, Pour Your Heart Out, Toddler 0 comments

You made it clear within minutes you were not having any of this.

You hated the place.

You wanted out. Out NOW.

You screamed. Cried. Hit. Bit. Kicked. Ran.

You pulled at my hand. Pleading. Let’s go, please, I don’t like it here.

You were angry. So angry.

You lashed out, unable to express yourself another way.

10 minutes. We lasted 10 minutes at breakfast with a friend I hadn’t seen in months, who was in town for only 2 days.

Profuse, repeated apologies.

Her kindness and understanding made it even harder for me to say, “I’m sorry, I have to leave, he’s not going to calm down otherwise.”

My mortification amplified my anger.

At you for being out of control in public.

At myself for feeling like I failed you, failed to teach you proper public behavior.

I drove home in anger. You sat in silence.

We walked in the door, your father greeted us, immediately struck by our mood.

My angry words were, “I cannot take him out. Cannot. It’s impossible.”

I strode off to the bedroom, saying “Please, please keep him away from me now.”

I could hear him cry. My child.  Crying into his father’s shoulder.

I sobbed. Cried big ugly tears into my pillow.

I questioned my abilities as a mother.

I realized my son, my 20 month old toddler, KNOWS I’m angry. He knows I’m mad at him. And that is what is making him sad.

That made me sad. And so very sorry.

For 10 minutes, I lay there, my heart broken at the thought that I’d hurt my son’s feelings. That I did not take his wants and needs into consideration, while I tried to take some adult time.

I went outside. He was sitting on the sofa, quiet and sullen.

His father, trying to mediate quietly. “I told him he should apologize.” Half-jokingly. We know he’s only 20 months, does he even understand the concept of apologizing?

“Say sorry to your Mama.”

My little boy got up, looked at me with his wide brown eyes, and climbed onto my lap, snuggled his head on my neck, into that space between my ear and my shoulder.

Just like he used to when he was a baby.

I stroked his head, inhaled the scent of little boy hair. Wrapped my other arm around him.

“Mama’s sorry too, baby. So sorry.”


 

 

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Alison

Alison

Alison

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  • September 14, 2011 Rach (DonutsMama)

    It’s so hard. I know you were frustrated. I get that way when Donut won’t nap. They can’t express themselves, but we as moms can’t always control their behavior either. You did fine. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Anyone would have been upset too. The important thing? You apologized, you told him you loved him, you held him close again. That’s what matters.
    Rach (DonutsMama) recently wrote…Changes: My First Year as a MomMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Rach. The non-napping thing really drives one nuts, doesn’t it?

  • September 14, 2011 Not a Perfect Mom

    you know babe…it happens…we all get angry with our kids even though we know that they are young and unable to express proper words…I’ve certainly been there…
    no worries sweet Alison…
    Not a Perfect Mom recently wrote…The Question of the Day-Target StyleMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Holly.

  • September 14, 2011 Natalie

    Awww that was so well written! I know it’s so hard to remember that they are babies or toddlers when they act like that and you just want to reason with them. So hard! Glad you got your snuggly bear 🙂
    Natalie recently wrote…Three Things That No One Tells You—by The Workaholic MommaMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Thanks Natalie! It was hard to write, this one. And I’m glad I got my snuggly bear too 🙂

  • September 14, 2011 Catheryn

    Oh dear… I know how that felt like. Been there, done that. And each time it happens, I feel so so so terrible but our children are so forgiving, always.
    Catheryn recently wrote…Hatyai – 9-11 Sept 2011My Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Yes they are, children have beautiful hearts. 🙂

  • September 14, 2011 Julie

    We had a battle of wills and patience today that my son clearly won. But it’s ok, because he’ll snuggle me in the morning and we’ll start over. This stage is full of learning experiences – for me!
    Julie recently wrote…Getting back out thereMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Thank goodness they’re too young to hold grudges! The toddler stage IS full of learning experiences for us.

  • September 14, 2011 Kristin

    I had a very similar scenario play out with Lil’ Bit not long ago.

    The thing is, I’m always struck by how forgiving she is. I’ll leave her sobbing angry, gut-wrenching sobs in timeout for up to two minutes – my own heart aching the entire time – and yet as soon as it’s over, she walks over to me, still sniffling, and gives me a hug.

    As someone who has a tough time getting my panties out of a wad, there’s a lesson to be learned there.
    Kristin recently wrote…Why Yes, I Am a Total BadassMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Yes, they teach us a lot more than we realize! Their hearts are still pure and beautiful, I hope my son will stay forgiving.

  • September 14, 2011 Jamie

    Ugh, these times really bite. Unfortunately it will happen again but I have a feeling the two of you will know how to handle it better. Often I’m too stubborn, I’m working on that!
    Jamie recently wrote…#momfailMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Oh it will happen again and again, I’m sure of it! I just hope we get better at dealing with it.

  • September 14, 2011 RoryBore

    as per everyone else, been there and done that – on more than a few occassions. in fact, every night at dinner my 23 month screams “MAMA, MAMA….” at me until I respond: “WHAT baby!!!” wait for it….”hi mama!” then I feel just horrible that I snapped. but seriously, she won’t let me talk to anyone else at the table. ever. It’s beyond frustrating. but that little “hi”…..it’s heartbreaking.
    one day I will be able to laugh about it.
    RoryBore recently wrote…Tuesday Coffee Chat – Back to SchoolMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      She just loves you that much! And yes, I know we will look back at these times and smile about how small they were and how foolish we were 🙂

  • September 14, 2011 Ado

    Pardon me, there, but who are you to say you’re – ahem – not a writer?
    Amazing, amazing and heart-wrenching well-written post.
    You described what every mother goes through with a two-year-old (ok in my case, 2 to 3 year old, it went on forever…)
    Then all the aftermath! The having to leave the restaurant, doubt your mothering skills, feel really adult-mad at your child, then sad, then guilt…ooooh what a post. Good one. Good writing.

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Ado, for your sweet validation of my writing, that means so much to me! And do they never grow out of it? The whole public display of I-do-not-like-this?

  • September 14, 2011 Galit Breen

    This is absolutely gorgeous Alison. And honest and true and all that is right with mothering- we make mistakes, we fix, and so do they. Lovely, truly.
    Galit Breen recently wrote…A Modern Love StoryMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Galit – I love how you summed it up, we make mistakes, we fix and so do they. Yes to all that.

  • September 14, 2011 Kimberly

    Alison, this was beautifully written. You described what every mother has gone through. It’s difficult, and you made yourself vulnerable here. I love your openness and honesty.

    And those toddlers? Completely have the ability to melt our hearts.
    Kimberly recently wrote…VlogTalk: So You Think You Can DanceMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Kim. It was hard for me to write, this piece, but I’m glad I did. My heart is mush around this Monkey!

  • September 14, 2011 Ann

    Oh, Alison…. I wish I could have hugged you both that day. Little Fellas sometimes have melt-downs. It happens and I think it’s wonderful that your friend understood! I’m sorry you cried, but it probably felt pretty good. …the hug was wonderful and I LOVE the picture! You’re awesome!
    Ann recently wrote…Roasted Vegetables on PolentaMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Thank you so much Ann. Your virtual hugs and support already mean a lot to me.

  • September 14, 2011 JamieAnne

    I know the feeling, feeling like you let your child down. I can tell that you are a good mom. I also know that you need adult time. 🙂 Toddler hood is hard, but your son is showing you how smart he is. I loved that he understood how to show his remorse.

    Hugs!
    JamieAnne recently wrote…Canning Apple Pie fillingMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      At first I was doubtful of his remorse, but in my heart, I know my son. He was remorseful in his own stubborn toddler way. And thank you for the hugs!

  • September 14, 2011 Desperate Housemommy

    This was lovely because of its honesty. I’ve so been there. We all have. Hugs.
    Desperate Housemommy recently wrote…(Almost) Wordless Wednesday: Lost in TranslationMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Sue. Thank you.

  • September 14, 2011 Frelle

    ouch. been there. and i have four kids and they are all older than 20 months. It hurts every time they know Im angry at them. *HUGS* mama. You took us right into your heart here.
    Frelle recently wrote…Guest Posting – War StoryMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Frelle, appreciate the hugs.

  • September 14, 2011 Stasha

    There will be days like that. Mine is a sweetheart but always acts up on rare occasions I meet my peers. I always felt it is becasue somebody else has my attention and time. Who knows. I always feel bad after we fight too. But it is good for our children to see the whole spectrum of feelings. You cannot always approve of his behavior.
    Stasha recently wrote…Wordless WednesdayMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      My friend actually suggested that, that it might be because he feels like he was competing for my attention, but you’re right, who knows.

  • September 14, 2011 Robin

    Oh honey. Been there. More than once, sadly. Your need for adult time, especially with someone you haven’t seen for a long time, is totally valid. I guess we’re just in that stage where their needs sometimes trump ours. It’s hard, and natural to be angry about that. But always great when we can apologize to each other.
    Robin recently wrote…First Day of PreschoolMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      I think their needs trump ours forever. At least it feels that way!

  • September 14, 2011 Courtney

    Yes. This. 100 times over. It’s such an emotional train-wreck when we feel like we are the ones upsetting our children. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve been in this same situation and ended up feeling guilty for being mad.
    Courtney recently wrote…Everything to EveryoneMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      We have to learn to forgive ourselves, as our children forgive us, right?

  • September 14, 2011 Kiddothings

    What an emotional post. I usually say sorry to my kids too when I felt I’ve wronged them. Takes all the blues away with those 2 words. And I’m glad my kids have learnt to say it too, even my little girl.
    Kiddothings recently wrote…Picnesday #4 – Scrapbooked BabiesMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      It’s just a word yet, sometimes it’s the hardest one to say, isn’t it? Teaching kids to apologize, so important.

  • September 14, 2011 Jessica

    I have had many moments like this before. I lose my temper easily sometimes and overreact with my kids. It will be okay.
    Jessica recently wrote…Meet Money and PitMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Yes, it’d be okay. I have to remind myself of that.

  • September 14, 2011 Tania Elfersy

    So well written. You really are a “writer” and you did make me cry. Just came out of a similar moment myself, with my three year old.

    Hope you find some quality adult time soon.
    Tania Elfersy recently wrote…Parenting Under the Influence . . . of Tiger MomMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Tania, sorry to make you cry! I hope I do too.

  • September 14, 2011 Mirjam

    I’ve been there too, soooo many times.
    I used to feel really bad about these moments. But I came to realise that it’s okay for my children to see that I’m a person with needs and wants and that I’m certainly not perfect. I talk to them afterwards, explain my reaction and cuddle and kiss.
    And I see with my nine year old son, that he’s slowly learning that it’s not All about him All the time, but about others too.
    Thanks for being honest.
    Mirjam recently wrote…Forest greenMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Mirjam for sharing your experience. Yes, I do think that it’s okay and good to let our children see our emotions, the whole gamut.

  • September 14, 2011 Barbara

    Oh I’m sorry! Big hugs! I think we all get frustrated sometimes. I know that I’ve snapped at my 22 month-old too for the same reason. A mom’s hug and kiss at the end of the day is all he needed to make everything all better.
    Barbara recently wrote…23 weeksMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Children are just pure and lovely, aren’t they? Thank you for the hugs!

  • September 14, 2011 Kir

    Oh Alison I am so sorry that your lunch was cut short (because we all need those kinds of afternoons to decompress) and that your day turned into tears for you and Monkey. While I know a 2 yr old is not capable of knowing what he was doing, how important those few hours were to you, I also know that I have been very upset my own kiddos when they do the same thing. I know in the best of both worlds we let them be children and we still get our adult moments…for me the jury is still out on how much I let them get away with before I feel resentful.
    Yet, I know you felt so bad about his feelings too..and at 20 months he has no idea how much that afternoon meant. He only knows his mommy loves him and you haven’t failed him with that at all. You are a phenomenal mom, even when you are thinking you are not. Those are the moments that you are being the “best mommy ” to Monkey. Xo
    Kir recently wrote…RemebeRED: ConnectedMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Kir for your thoughtful comment. And for your kind words about my mothering! Now, if we can only get the best of both world…. 🙂

  • September 14, 2011 Tara R.

    My kids are much older, so I’ve been through this many, many times. I don’t think it is necessarily a bad thing that we show our children that we are disappointed or upset at how they behave. How will they learn about consequences of bad behavior if they never see that. Like you, if I feel I’ve over-reacted I apologize, children need to see that too. This sounds like a teaching moment for everyone. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you and your son are working it out together.
    Tara R. recently wrote…Life is beautifulMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Tara, you’re right, this is a teaching/ learning moment for both of us. I know it won’t be the last one either.

  • September 14, 2011 JDaniel4's Mom

    I have had this happen before. Sometimes I need escape to the bathroom for a minute to pray and do deep praying before I can handle the situation.
    JDaniel4’s Mom recently wrote…Back to School Traditions Thank You and a New Traditions Link Up NewsMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Running to the bathroom for a minute has worked for me too 🙂

  • September 14, 2011 Dr. G

    Don’t underestimate the great lessons this taught your son. He learned that his behavior effects how his mama feels, he learned the power of apology and reconciling. He is just starting to learn the responsibility of loving someone and treating them well, and he learned the joy of forgiveness. In the long process of teaching our kids to be responsive, loving people, arguments are really awful, but also important!

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Thank you for your perspective Doc! I do hope he has absorbed something from this experience.

  • September 14, 2011 Sweaty

    Ah… yes, I know the feeling… basically like sh*t ’cause there’s no better word to describe it, right? And when the emotions stabilized, we’re left feeling so guilty because after all we’re the adults, and theirs are still pure and young minds…

    I’m here to tell you that despite what happened, you’re still a great mother. You are doing the best you can. There are no guidebooks that can prepare us for these, especially us first-time parents. We as parents are learning as we go, too.

    Hugs to you, my mama friend 🙂
    Sweaty recently wrote…Wise Words: Wordful and (Not So) Wordless WednesdayMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Thank you dear friend. The books don’t even come close to teaching us what to do in such situations!

  • September 14, 2011 Jaime

    Aww, I’ve had this experience several times now. I could feel your sadness right through this post. Big hugs to you. This motherhood thing is so emotional, isn’t it?! My word!!
    Jaime recently wrote…A Day in the Life of a Working (Harried) MomMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Oh it so is! Thank you for the hugs, much appreciated.

  • September 14, 2011 My Inner Chick

    Mama, Alison,
    So Honest. So beautiful. So relatable
    thank you for sharing what it’s truly like to be a mother. It’s damn hard….but LOVE always prevails.
    Superb Post. xx
    My Inner Chick recently wrote…My Inner Chick’s First Givaway!My Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Thank you, yes, love prevails!

  • September 14, 2011 Diane

    I think all of us moms can relate to this one. I know I certainly can.

    But this was so powerfully well written that I think even someone who has not yet been there could truly get a feel for what motherhood sometimes is. Even when they are at their worst, we still love them unconditionally and somehow manage to see their sometimes bad behavior as a direct reflection or ourselves.
    Diane recently wrote…Dexter…The Wiener Dog OutlawMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Diane, for your kind comment. It’s comforting to know that so many can relate, and that I’m not alone in this sea of motherhood emotions!

  • September 14, 2011 Anastasia

    They just break your heart sometimes. I’m glad you guys had a good moment after such a hard time. That’s what matters.
    Anastasia recently wrote…How the Internet Turned Me Into a Criminal-Remembe(red)My Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Yes, I’m glad for our reconciliation. Thank you.

  • September 14, 2011 Book4MyDaughter

    I think you capture the emotion that both a mother and a child feels when there is conflict. I have been there SO many times! Sometimes, it’s hard to know where the child’s bad behavior starts and ours begins. As my children have gotten older (6 and 11), I try to never lose my temper, because more often than not, when they have done something wrong, if I flip out, I’ll feel so guilty that they’ll virtually get away with it. I still put myself in timeout when I don’t think I’ll be able to keep my temper in check. It’s so hard being a mom, and although I think it is necessary AND wonderful to empathy for your children, I don’t think we should beat ourselves up to much.

    Thanks for sharing.
    Book4MyDaughter recently wrote…After September 11th: Our StoryMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Thank you for reading, and for sharing your experience. Putting ourselves in timeout, I think THAT is important.

  • September 14, 2011 Missy

    Oh, I’m so sorry. It wasn’t until my 2nd child that I realized how unfair it was to us BOTh to want a really young child to do an adult activity. 20 month olds just aren’t made for long, sit down lunches. But I know exactly why you took him – this was your FRIEND and you wanted to share the love of your life with her. Then when things went downhill . . . well, let’s just say I’ve been there more times than I can count.

    Anger at my child over not “just behaving.” Anger at myself for taking her in the first place. Anger even at the friend who was sympathetic, because like you said – that can make it even more painful.

    I’m sure this was just as painful to write as it was to live through. You wrote it beautifully and helped us all feel exactly what you felt.

    Hug.
    Missy recently wrote…You Can Learn A lot From . . .My Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Missy, thank you for understanding. You’re right, I knew in my heart that I shouldn’t have brought him along, but I so wanted her to meet him. That it didn’t go well, was not a big surprise. Thank you for the hug!

  • September 15, 2011 Kyla

    He’s a toddler. You didn’t fail him. I feel like this alot of the time. Infact yesterday, I had to give my daughter a time out at someones home that we had never been too. It was brutal.
    You are doing fine. I hope you enjoyed the snuggles at the end.

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      I hope you and your daughter are okay after that! I did enjoy the snuggles 🙂

  • September 15, 2011 Shell

    Oh girl, I get this. There have been times when I’ve closed the door to my room and sat on my bed and cried b/c I was so angry… or disappointed… or hurt… and just couldn’t take it any more.

    This motherhood thing- is NOT easy.
    Shell recently wrote…Pour Your Heart Out: I Miss My FriendsMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      No it is so NOT easy, and I have a feeling it only gets harder! Sometimes we just need a good cry, right?

  • September 15, 2011 Christi

    awww, poor mom and poor son. I think every mom can relate to this, though. Just remember: it’s okay to be frustrated with him and it’s okay to need a break from him! I also think it’s incredibly wonderful to offer an apology to your child. Such a good example to set! M
    Christi recently wrote…WordFULL Wednesday: Eco WeekMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      I like to think that by apologizing, I am teaching by example 🙂

  • September 15, 2011 Mama, Hear Me Roar

    Oh Alison, it’s so hard being a mother.

    We want the best for our children and yet we our adult needs are important too.

    You ended up in each other’s arms. Love can heal a multitude of wrongs.
    Mama, Hear Me Roar recently wrote…ChangeMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Thank goodness for hugs and love!

  • September 15, 2011 Carri

    We all have our slip ups, Alison. It’s okay… we’re only human. We moms need our adult time, our down time, our time to be ourselves, and it’s so hard when you just can’t have it.
    You’re an awesome mom, so don’t let this get to you. Monkey has forgiven you, so it’s time you forgive yourself! HUGS
    Carri recently wrote…The Money PitsMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Kids have such big hearts, don’t they? Forgiving myself is harder, I am trying though! Thank you for the hugs.

  • September 15, 2011 The Mommy Therapy

    Oh Alison, I have had that feeling, that moment of guilt mixed with sadness and a side of anger. I’ve had it many times in the last 6 years. I’m pretty sure I’ll have it again.

    So sweet that you two reconnected quickly!
    The Mommy Therapy recently wrote…Apparently Aiden Is A Better Person Than I AmMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      I don’t think it ever ends, these gamut of emotions, does it?

  • September 15, 2011 Amanda Austin

    Whew, I’ve been there. Usually it’s when Luke won’t go to sleep or stay asleep and I’m tired, too. I get impatient with him but he just doesn’t understand.Gosh, now I just want to go home and snuggle my baby!
    Amanda Austin recently wrote…#ippp: Randomly cuteMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      I hope you did snuggle your cute little boy!

  • September 15, 2011 Christine

    This is really touching. It’s so hard to find the balance between letting our kids know that we don’t like their behavior, that it is in fact making us angry, and letting them know that no matter how angry we get we still love them. It’s a lot. I’m not even sure I understand it and I’m a little older than 20 months.
    Christine recently wrote…The Merry Old Land of Oz.My Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Now that you’ve put it that way, yes, I do not blame him for losing it! 🙂

  • September 15, 2011 Jayme (RandomBlogette)

    I have been there so many times. Even this morning. Sometimes it is so hard to remember that they are kids and sometimes can’t deal with adult situations no matter how much we want them to and they also can’t deal with their own emotions. Just remember that you are not alone! We have all been there!
    Jayme (RandomBlogette) recently wrote…And So It Begins…My Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Thank you, it’s good to know I’m not alone!

  • September 15, 2011 Jen Burden

    Awwww!!! It happens. It’s so hard to be doing, doing, doing and then the one moment you want just a tiny little something for yourself, a lunch with your friend, you can’t even have that. It’s overwhelming! But, that’s the great thing about blogging. Going through these times makes you feel less alone in your feelings. We’ve all been there! 🙂

    Jen 🙂
    Jen Burden recently wrote…CANADA: A Survival Guide For My ChildMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Blogging certainly helps me work through my feelings, and the support is undoubtedly wonderful.

  • September 15, 2011 Jenn [ Crippled Girl ]

    *hugs*

    I wish I had a story to share with you to sympathize, but no babies here yet. But – I think we all need those 10 minutes of crying in the pillow sometimes.
    Jenn [ Crippled Girl ] recently wrote…PrioritiesMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Crying is so therapeutic. And thank you for the hugs.

  • September 15, 2011 Jessica

    I really get this. I try to tell myself that it’s good to show them that I make mistakes and can apologize, too, but getting rid of that initial guilt is awfully tough. And we need our adult time! I’ve been taking the advice of a friend and saying, “What are you, 3??” to my older son when he makes it impossible for me to do what I want to do. It makes me laugh, especially when he stops his tantrum, looks at me seriously, and says, “Yes, Mama. I’m three.” Ha.
    Sorry you didn’t get to spend time with your friend and then had to say sorry to the toddler. It’s not easy with small people.
    Jessica recently wrote…IrrationalMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Your friend’s advice is pretty good! It’s very hard with small people. Thank goodness they’re so worth it. 🙂

  • September 15, 2011 Runnermom-jen

    Awww, I’m so sorry Alison. We ALL have moments like that as moms. I think it’s good when we do, and then realize how sorry we are, it means we have a conscience! Loved this. XO
    Runnermom-jen recently wrote…Magic Moments…My Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Jen. It’s good to know we are all in this together!

  • September 15, 2011 Lady Estrogen

    Ugh, I really know that feeling.
    Then, I have to remind myself that they are totally and utterly irrational at this age… times two. BAH.

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Oh yes, it’s times two for you, isn’t it? How do you do it?

  • I know that feeling all too well…
    Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation recently wrote…Magic Moments: Family StyleMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      This mothering thing is so hard, isn’t it?

  • September 15, 2011 Hopes

    Oh the battle of wills is such a hard and exhausting one.

    I’ve had several days where once my husband gets home, I hand the baby off and go up to my room and sob. We put so much pressure on ourselves to be a good patient parent who can read our childrens cues. But sometimes, sometimes we just want to have breakfast with a friend!

    Big hugs to you mama.
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    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Yes, sometimes, we just want to have breakfast with a friend! Thanks for understanding and for the hugs!

  • September 15, 2011 Asianmommy

    So sorry–we all have moments like this. & we’re all just doing the best we can.
    Asianmommy recently wrote…Cheesy ChumsMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Yes, I try to remind myself that I am doing my best.

  • September 15, 2011 Anna-Leigh

    I can totally relate. My girl just turned two in June and as of the last two week has developed quite the toddler attitude. I get so frustrated I have to walk away myself. We seem to butt heads constantly these days. One day at the time is all we can do, hugs!
    Anna-Leigh recently wrote…My Ray of SunshineMy Profile

    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Yes, one day at a time. Sorry you’re having a hard time. Hugs back!

  • September 15, 2011 Elena

    We all have these days and I’m so sorry you had one. It’s so very tough when we get angry and then they sense it. You’re a good mama and doing your very, very best.
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    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Aw, thanks Elena, really. Thank you.

  • September 15, 2011 Leslie

    Awww. I’ve definitely had some moments when I’ve lost it with T. It’s so hard to balance everything that parenting entails with natural human emotion. Hugs!
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    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      It can be incredibly hard. Thank you for the hugs!

  • September 15, 2011 Leigh Ann

    Oh Alison, you KNOW I know your pain! It hasn’t happened too often that we’ve had to leave, but it’s definitely happened enough times and it’s oh so embarrassing. And so funny how at such a young age they can pick up on the anger and sorrow you were feeling. Hugs.
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    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Thank you for the hugs! Monkey is very sensitive to my moods, I think it’s because we are super close, and he’s a sweet sensitive little boy. When he’s not being a brat in public that is 🙂

  • September 15, 2011 Bruna

    Alison. Two Things. You are beautiful. Your son is adorable. I *love*, love, love the photo at the end of your post. What a sweet tribute to your son. We’ve all had those moments. It’s tough. It’ll pass.
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    • September 15, 2011 Alison

      Aw, thank you Bruna, for all that, really, it means a lot to me. It is tough, and I do hope it will pass. I have a feeling that we will have other challenges when he’s older though 🙂

  • September 15, 2011 Mrs. Weber

    I have tears in my eyes. What mother hasn’t been through this? It’s bound to happen. It doesn’t make you a bad mother. You handled it beautifully and I’m glad little man gave you cuddles to reassure you.
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    • September 16, 2011 Alison

      Aw, thank you Lauren. I hope I will be better able to deal with his public tantrums in the future!

  • September 16, 2011 Aubrey Anne

    Loved this so, so much. Linked to it at http://www.waytoomuchaubrey.com (post “We Suck Sometimes”). Seriously, thank you for writing this so honestly.
    Aubrey Anne recently wrote…We suck sometimesMy Profile

    • September 16, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Aubrey, for your comment and the link back.

  • September 16, 2011 jacqui

    I’m glad you and Monkey kissed and made up! None of us behave the way we should all of the time…not even 20 month olds or their moms. But you both felt bad that the other one felt bad and tried to make it better…that’s love.
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    • September 16, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Jacqui. Fortunately there’s a lot of love here. 🙂

  • September 16, 2011 Tatter Scoops

    Awww…I’ve been there before. Feeling like I could never ever bring my boy to meet my friends. It does get better believe me…this is not just a tale. There were times where I was so frustrated but looking at my son now and how I can again enjoy a good meal and some chats with friends…those early screaming-his-head-off days felt a million years away. That picture is priceless btw! 🙂
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    • September 16, 2011 Alison

      Thank you, I know that this too, shall pass. And thank you.

  • September 16, 2011 Lady Jennie

    This just expresses so much – the need we moms have for our time with friends (to stay sane) and the incredible love (and sometimes guilt) we have for our children. Beautifully written Alison!
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    • September 16, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Jennie, appreciate your beautiful comment. 🙂

  • September 17, 2011 Jackie

    Omg, I seriously almost cried reading this because I had moments like this with my son when he was younger. I would complain all the time about how impossible it was to go out with him. He only did it with me too so that kind of made me even more upset. But, as time went by, he got better.
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    • September 18, 2011 Alison

      Yes, he only does it with me too! I do hope that this will soon pass.

  • September 18, 2011 Leighann

    This I can relate to.
    I have to remind myself sometimes that my daughter cannot sit for extended periods of time like I can.
    But the frustration when an outing is ruined still can occur.
    Xo
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    • September 18, 2011 Alison

      Thanks for your understanding and empathy 🙂

  • September 19, 2011 tracy

    This was my weekend in a nutshell. Love you.
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    • September 19, 2011 Alison

      Sorry you had a rough weekend. Love you too! xo

  • September 20, 2011 Jen Has A Pen

    Awww man…. breaks my heart. For both of you. I know how excited you were to see your friend. So disappointing, but I’m glad she understood. It’s interesting to see the moment when your baby is able to decipher adult emotions – when your baby become less baby and more boy. I’m seeing a theme this week from mom’s posts who seem to show them feeling guilt of some sort for disappointing or disciplining or simply having trouble communicating with their kids. It’s got to be hard.

    • September 20, 2011 Alison

      It is incredibly hard. There’s a fine line between disciplining and just plain losing it. And I didn’t want to cross that line. It’s going to be one hard and interesting road!

  • October 22, 2011 Lourie

    Oh bittersweet…and I think we have been there. I found you over at Shell’s. Loved your post today.

    • October 22, 2011 Alison

      Thank you for popping over Lourie! Glad you liked my post 🙂

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Alison Profile PictureI'm Alison. Writer, a mother of four (two boys and boy/ girl twins), social media enthusiast and book lover. A believer in the power of chocolate and hugs. Chugging coffee as I type. Want to know more?

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