Spam, Not The Kind You Eat

posted in: Blogging, Humor 0 comments

I’ve decided today will be a light blogging day so instead of hurting my brain coming up with something to write, I’ll share some hilarious spam comments that I get on a daily basis here. (Confession: my spam folder is the first thing I look at when I turn on my laptop.)

(I kept the spelling mistakes in as they’re just funny.)

Overly Fawning Spam

Now I know who the brainy one is, I’ll keep looknig for your posts. – You got that right.

There are no words to describe how bodacoius this is. – Pretty big word for a bot.

My hat is off to your astute cmomand over this topic-bravo! – Bots wear hats?

I’m out of league here. Too much brain power on dipsaly! – I blew you out of the water, didn’t I?

You’re a real deep thniekr. Thanks for sharing. – It’s because I have a big brain.

I’m not wohtry to be in the same forum. ROTFL – No, no you’re not. Especially with the way you spell.

Ppl like you get all the bnaris. I just get to say thanks for he answer. – Yes, people like me also get the most awesome spam.

Stands back from the keyboard in amaezmnet! Thanks! – You’re welcome, I am amazing.

God, I feel like I sholud be takin notes! Great work. – You should. You should also learn to spell.

Overly Confused Spam

Yeah, that’s the tieckt, sir or ma’am. – That’s ma’am to you, spam bot.

If you’re reading this, you’re all set, prander! – Spam bot makes word up, well done.

A rolling stone is worth two in the bush, tahkns to this article. – A little confused by your metaphors, aren’t you?

Overly Grateful Spam

I wanted to spend a mniute to thank you for this. – Go ahead, I have all day.

I don’t know who you wrote this for but you hleepd a brother out. – Glad to have been of service, brother.

Overly Into Sports Spam

Touchdown! That’s a ralely cool way of putting it! – No shit.

If informtaion were soccer, this would be a goooooal! – Yeah, baby.

This atirlce is a home run, pure and simple! – As simple as your mind.

Overly Emo Spam

It was dark when I woke. This is a ray of sunhisne. – Stop waking up at 6am, dude.

Fell out of bed feenlig down. This has brightened my day! – Falling out of bed is no way to start the day.

Thanks guys, I just about lost it looknig for this. – That’s what I’m here for, to prevent people from losing it.

Overly Enthusiastic Spam

Dag nabbit good stuff you wihppresnaperps!  – Go, you old geezer!

Super jzzaed about getting that know-how. – Not as pumped up as I am with your comment.

You couldn’t pay me to ingroe these posts! – Can I pay you to go away?

Full of salient potins. Don’t stop believing or writing! – Alright I won’t, since you asked so nicely.

Overly Political Spam

Knoweldge wants to be free, just like these articles! – I might start charging, thanks for the idea.

Information is power and now I’m a !@#$ing diactotr. – No need to swear, this is a family blog.

Wow, your post makes mine look febele. More power to you! – You may bow before my superiority.

Overly Hilarious Spam

Great hmemar of Thor, that is powerfully helpful! – Lightning of Zeus, this is stupidly funny!

If my problem was a Death Star, this article is a pohton torpedo.  – Best spam comment ever.

Linking up with lovelinks #21.

Your turn to write me the most awesomesauce spam comment ever!! Spelling mistakes get a bonus point!

 

 

Alison

Alison

Alison

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  • August 30, 2011 Kiddothings

    Hahahaha!! Funny! Now where’s my spam folder? Or do I have one?

    My fave is the first one to Overly Enthusiastic!

    My spam comment: You’re such a great writer.
    I think this comment will work for all kinds of posts, except maybe Wordless Wednesday.
    Kiddothings recently wrote…Linky LoveMy Profile

    • August 30, 2011 Alison

      That would be a perfect comment for WW!! Yes Blogger has a spam folder, but it keeps out a lot of spam. Come over to WP and enjoy these gems!!

  • August 30, 2011 Christi

    Oh, that’s funny! Okay, so what is with all the spelling mistakes? Here is one that I got recently, but I have no idea what it means:

    Andrew Schneider~ This is Chris-in-the-Morning with the weather and time– hours later than it was yesterday and cold.
    Christi recently wrote…My Daughter, My HeroMy Profile

    • August 30, 2011 Alison

      I don’t know what is up with the spelling mistakes – it took a lot for me not to correct them! And your spam comment is just mind boggling!

  • August 30, 2011 Kimberly

    Bravo! Your’e a true writre, a mastremidn indede.
    Kimberly recently wrote…VlogTalk: Fun in the SunMy Profile

    • August 30, 2011 Alison

      Hahahahahaha!! FULL POINTS for you!

  • August 30, 2011 Erica M

    You get the best spam. Mine is all lecture-y about topics and site traffic. OT: I see the best time to comment on your blog before you get 80 comments is 1:34 am U.S. central daylight time. Duly noted!

    • August 30, 2011 Alison

      I do get awesome spam! And I don’t ever get 80 comments – half of them are mine hee hee!

  • August 30, 2011 Jessica

    I get all kinds of spam in Polish lately. It all looks misspelled to me and one comment is longer than this entire post.

    • August 30, 2011 Alison

      You are amazing to be able to see spelling mistakes in Polish. I’d rather get Polish spam than the smut I’ve been getting!!

  • August 30, 2011 Barbara

    All of these are hysterical. I wish I hadn’t deleted my spam folder before reading this post, I think I had a couple of doozies to share here.
    Barbara recently wrote…InnsbruckMy Profile

    • August 30, 2011 Alison

      I’m convinced you’ll get more, I get hundreds daily!

  • August 30, 2011 tracy

    Oh I love spam comments. At times I consider approving them just for others to read and laugh.
    tracy recently wrote…Why We Will Never Be a Nielsen Family…My Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Spam comments make me happy.

  • August 30, 2011 Elena

    I hope to be a real deep thnieker someday too! I love the spam comments as well. Sometimes I read them because they make me feel better about myself. 😉
    Elena recently wrote…A First: Our Trip as a Family of FourMy Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Yes, I frequently look to them for a boost 🙂

  • August 30, 2011 Galit Breen

    Hee! Very clever friend! I love the “I’m sorry sir, but I must disagree.” with at least one word misspelled and often in response to a photo post.

    Again: Hee!
    Galit Breen recently wrote…The Magic of a Few Days AwayMy Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Hee hee, that IS funny!

  • August 30, 2011 Missy

    These are great. I can’t believe how silly some of them are. What I don’t get is WHAT IS THE POINT of spamming? What purpose does it serve the person who sets up the bot to do it? Does anyone know the answer to this?
    Missy recently wrote…Literal Truth about Binge DrinkingMy Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      If the point is to amuse us, I’m all for it! Hehe

  • August 30, 2011 Megan (Best of Fates)

    Aw, I’m a sucker for fawning spam.

    But, then, who isn’t?
    Megan (Best of Fates) recently wrote…Destroying a Dresser in 4 Easy Steps (Axe Included)My Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Yes, indeed. I love them. 🙂

  • August 30, 2011 RoryBore

    I don’t know why….but I get quite a bit of spam in Spanish…??? Am I a big hit there, or the akin to the village idiot…I’m not sure. but either way is fun.
    RoryBore recently wrote…Tuesday Coffee Chat – Rant or RaveMy Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Haha, I don’t think you’re the village idiot 🙂 Spam IS fun.

  • August 30, 2011 Far From Perfect MaMMa

    Oh my…this was awesome! Funny as I have seen the SAME SPAM on my blog! I think I will have to keep some of them around just to give myself a laugh. Thanks for a great post, when you didn’t even really post! 🙂
    Far From Perfect MaMMa recently wrote…Sometimes the mustard seed seems too largeMy Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Yes, these spammers love to get around. And good one for spotting I didn’t really write anything here. Hehe.

  • August 30, 2011 imperfectmomma

    LOL!!! You really do have the best spam.

    Heres one that I keep getting, always tickles my funny bone: What are you gonna do about 2012?

    Yeah…uhh…live my life? LOL
    imperfectmomma recently wrote…According to MonkeymanMy Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Hahaha! That’s a good one! I’ve never received that before.

  • August 30, 2011 Aubrey Anne

    Whippersnapper! Ha ha ha ha ha! That one seriously had me laughing out loud. These are awesome.
    Aubrey Anne recently wrote…Please don’t ask me if you look like a ho.My Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Haha, glad you enjoyed it!

  • August 30, 2011 Heather H

    Why don’t any of the people programming the bots know how to spell? Or install a spell checker? Those are just horrible!

    And I’m glad to know I’m not the only one left in the world who bad spelling bothers. 😉
    Heather H recently wrote…E’s First Week of PreschoolMy Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      It took a lot for me NOT to correct the spelling mistakes!

  • August 30, 2011 Lady Jennie

    I don’t check my spam folder nearly enough. Maybe if I had more interesting spam to read I would. After all, knowledge wants to be free.
    Lady Jennie recently wrote…NappingMy Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Hahaha, yes knowledge NEEDS to be free. Go check your spam folder now!

  • August 30, 2011 Carrie

    Some of those are eerily familiar…wait, how DARE those bots leave the EXACT SAME COMMENT!!!

    Some nerve 😛

    Bots are hilarious. A few are so well done I really have to look at it and wonder: could some real person have ACTUALLY said this? THen I check the email it was sent from and Boom! Bye-bye spam.

    Visiting from lovelinks

    BTW, your comment box won’t LET me fix my spelling. Maybe this is why the bots have such bad spelling errors 🙂
    Carrie recently wrote…Indie Ink: Love for DummiesMy Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Haha, sorry, I don’t have an edit post plugin (hmm maybe I should look for one). Good point about the bot’s misspelling hehe.

      Yes, I have to take a good look at some to make sure they’re actually spam. They’re getting better everyday!

  • August 30, 2011 Laura

    I just switched over from Blogger to WP so I have a total of three spam comments. Luckily, one was awesome:

    “confirm my site. If you are interested in entourage, get the drift”

    Interested? In entourage? Am I ever! Confirmed!
    Laura recently wrote…Choosing ElmoMy Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Hahaha! Just you wait, you’ll get hundreds in no time!

  • August 30, 2011 Natalie

    LOL who knew spam had such a problem with spelling? Must of skipped out of all those spelling bees in elementary school!
    Natalie recently wrote…You Can Find Me…My Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Hah! I think these bots don’t speak English 🙂

  • August 31, 2011 RachelJoy

    Hmmm if I was a spam bot I’d write something like this:

    post This awesome was. die I happy can Now!

    Ok, now it’s your turn to unscramble the message =)
    RachelJoy recently wrote…The YinYang of MarriageMy Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Hahahaha!! Good one!

  • August 31, 2011 ML

    Gotta love that spam! I was getting a ton until I installed Askimet- it catches EVERYTHING! I kind of miss all those encouraging- if misspelled- comments though!!
    ML recently wrote…Feast of QuietMy Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Akismet still catches loads of spam these gems landed in the spam folder – I like to think there’s a good reason for that, hehe.

  • August 31, 2011 Kim

    Where in the world does all this spam come from? I just don’t get the inventors of spam, but then I also don’t get the people who think it is all real. But I’ve never met someone who thinks spam is real? Who are they?
    Kim recently wrote…Stepping Into ShoesMy Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      I would love to meet someone who thought spam was real. 🙂

  • August 31, 2011 Robin

    Your blog brings sunshine in my life.

    Seriously, it does. 😉 Love your categories!
    Robin recently wrote…This I Believe – Guest Post By Yael SaarMy Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Hee hee! I’m glad it brightens the day of at least one person 🙂

  • August 31, 2011 JDaniel4's Mom

    You get such an amazing array of spam messages.
    JDaniel4’s Mom recently wrote…Pause Life for a Moment- Mommy of a Monster and TwinsMy Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      I do, I love them!

  • August 31, 2011 Melissa {momcomm}

    You do get some good ones. Most of mine lately are completely unsavory!!

    The Death Star was my favorite.

    Here’s mine: please do not delete this comment. it’s not spam. I’m raising money for a good cause and would like you to visit this link: http://www.YEAHRIGHT.com

    I hope that’s not a real URL but it probably is. LOL
    Melissa {momcomm} recently wrote…WordPress Framework Comparison: Thesis, Genesis and HeadwayMy Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Hahahahahaha!!! Spam that claims NOT to be spam! Good thinking, spam. I love the Death Star one too, I couldn’t dream that up ever.

  • August 31, 2011 Runnermom-jen

    Oh my gosh, I laughed out loud at the “overly hilarious” spam! TOO funny!!
    Runnermom-jen recently wrote…Places I LoveMy Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Hee hee, I did too!

  • August 31, 2011 Sarcasm Goddess

    I am so seriously jealous of your spam comments! My spam comments are so lame. And most of them are in another language, a language that uses characters that I don’t recognize.

    I am in awe.

    If stones were boulders, you’d be a pine tree in a field of tiny smaller trees.

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Hahahaha, that last line made me snort. Truly.

  • August 31, 2011 Hopes

    OH MY WORD!! It is almost worth the move to WordPress just so I can read the spam comments!! LOL! These are so HILARIOUS!
    Hopes recently wrote…The Final CountdownMy Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Hahaha! It is a plus point, I can tell you that.:)

  • August 31, 2011 Momma Teacher Lady

    I didn’t even know spam comments existed! These are great!
    Momma Teacher Lady recently wrote…What the $&!@ was that?????My Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Oh spammers love Wordpress blogs!!

  • August 31, 2011 Ann

    Oh, the Death Star…AND Photon Torpedo? True nerd that I am, this guy mixed his STAR WARS and STAR TREK metafors (do I get points for using the right word and spelling it FON-ET-ICK-LEE?
    Ann recently wrote…Crock Pot LasagnaMy Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Hahahaha!! I am not a Trekie or a Star Wars fan so I don’t know. I just thought it was too funny.

      • August 31, 2011 Ann

        It was hilarious! Without a doubt the best spammer comment! I love both Star Trek & Star Wars….I’m a geek!
        Ann recently wrote…Crock Pot LasagnaMy Profile

  • August 31, 2011 Shell

    These are hilarious!

    For such knowledge, I thank you.

    Oh wait, I need some misspelled words and weird links, too.;)
    Shell recently wrote…School Dress Codes… for ParentsMy Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Hee hee! It’s so difficult to deliberately misspell isn’t it?

  • August 31, 2011 Sarcasm Goddess

    I just got the best spam comment ever!!

    “All come out November 15 to marry. Congratulate me. Now go to you’ll rarely. Your site is somehow worthless and optimized malochitaem.”

    Yessss!

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      THAT is awesome. Truly.

  • August 31, 2011 Kid Id

    Loved the last one – at least it was clever despite the spelling errors, that’s something, right?
    I mean,”Great post, you really made me think. I’ve commented, now please follow me!”
    Kid Id recently wrote…Monday Blues (and Blacks and Browns)My Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Hee hee. It was funny, that last one. I wonder if the people who write that go out and Google pop culture references?

  • August 31, 2011 Ostriches

    HAHAH!
    I think your just the right persin to distribute the 1 milkion dollars I just inherited from a rich uncle overseas. Plese send me your bankaccount information.
    Ostriches recently wrote…Where Whittling Will Get You If You Dream BigMy Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Hahahahahaha!!! I get those in my email!

  • August 31, 2011 Carri

    I get the same type of spam! I made the mistake of thinking one was an actual comment (this was before I had the awesome spam filter) and I started getting about 70 of those A DAY. Stupid spammers.
    Carri recently wrote…Visit Me at Cookie’s ChroniclesMy Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Whoops! I’ve been getting a lot of smut (over 500) on just one post, and it was a guest post!

  • August 31, 2011 Rach (DonutsMama)

    Those are hysterical. I got a spam comment that said “Buy ‘roids.” Um, no thanks.
    Rach (DonutsMama) recently wrote…I Want A Refund { Just.Be.Enough}My Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Hahahahaha!! Good one!

  • August 31, 2011 Elaine

    Oh my gosh girl, you get a lot of spam!! At least it’s entertaining!! 😉

    Here’s the latest one I got – “Your point is valueble to me. Thanks!”

    spelling error and all… he he!
    Elaine recently wrote…Lunchbox Love (A Giveaway Too!)My Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Hee hee!! Spam makes me smile. 🙂

  • August 31, 2011 Kir

    I only get spam once in a while which just goes to show HOW LAME I AM. 😉

    LOL

    I loved this….you are awesome and worthy of all these COMMENTS. 😉
    xo
    Kir recently wrote…Pour My Heart Out: Why Perfection is OverratedMy Profile

    • August 31, 2011 Alison

      Hee hee!! Thank you, who knew spam could make one feel so good? 🙂

  • August 31, 2011 My Inner Chick

    Mama Alison,
    Ohhh, I forgot that spam PISSES me of royally!
    Especially when it gets into my “Stop Domestic Violence” page and says—“Dude, this is great stuff. LOL.” I swear, I went NUTS!! x
    My Inner Chick recently wrote…You Know What Gets On My Nerves?My Profile

  • August 31, 2011 Aleta

    At least your spam is interesting! For me, I get the “fitness spam” on my blog. “Buy this new fitness equipment” type of nonsense or.. best yet the “American Women are horrible” – I received that twice. Grrr.

    But now you have me thinking of spam. The food spam. Did you know that people in Hawaii love spam. If you go to a McDonald’s in Hawaii – you’ll see the typical breakfast foods AND…. “Eggs, Grits and Spam.” That’s right – they like spam with breakfast!
    Aleta recently wrote…I is forMy Profile

    • September 1, 2011 Alison

      I am grateful to the spam I get because it just got me a blog post!! Malaysians like spam too, they pan fry it and have it with bread!

  • September 1, 2011 Leigh Ann

    Looks like we get a lot of the same bots! So funny. Mine has thinned out a bit, thank goodness!
    Leigh Ann recently wrote…iPhone Photo Phun – End of Hell, I mean summerMy Profile

    • September 1, 2011 Alison

      Mine is still coming in thick and furious and I don’t mind one bit hehe

  • September 1, 2011 Lola

    Am I the only one who gets Viagra spam every day? Do I LOOK unsatisfied? For the last time, my husband does not need Viagra. Um, yet. On second thought, maybe I should go ahead and contact these people.
    Lola recently wrote…Can I have some Porn with my News?My Profile

    • September 1, 2011 Alison

      Hahahahahahaha!! Funny lady, as always.

  • September 1, 2011 Alexis

    I rarely look at mine (they’re all filtered) but like you I LOVE the ones that rave about the quality of my writing. I like to imagine that they’re real. If they weren’t selling penis enhancement drugs I might just let them go through 😉
    Alexis recently wrote…5 Reasons Your Baby Hates the CribMy Profile

    • September 1, 2011 Alison

      I do love the fawny ones, they make my day hehe.

  • September 1, 2011 JamieAnne

    Those are so funny! I like to giggle at my spam folder too, but your is obviously very active!
    JamieAnne recently wrote…Where I went…WednesdayMy Profile

    • September 1, 2011 Alison

      It’s far too active!

  • September 2, 2011 Kristin

    I love reading my spam comments! I get a lot of the same over-fawning spam as you. Sometimes I get bitchy spam and that hurts my feelings. But most of my spam in super complimentary and makes me feel like a million bucks!

    And I about died at the comment about Thor and your response.
    Kristin recently wrote…Ill HumorMy Profile

    • September 2, 2011 Alison

      I did get a couple of not-so-nice ones questioning the source of my ‘information’ – on a Wordless Wednesday post.

      Hee hee, you’re the first person to comment on my responses!

  • September 2, 2011 Leighannn

    You get AWESOME spam!!!
    I get penis enlargement offers and viagra notes.

    What are they trying to tell me Alison?
    Leighannn recently wrote…You Want More?My Profile

    • September 2, 2011 Alison

      I think they’ve mistaken you for a man. I get some of the same ones too!

  • September 4, 2011 Charlotte

    LMAO!!! I REALLY need to check my spam folder more often 😉
    Charlotte recently wrote…Finding Love: Brandy’s Happily Ever AfterMy Profile

    • September 4, 2011 Alison

      You should, it’s hilarious!

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