It Matters

posted in: Blogging, Life, Pour Your Heart Out 0 comments

When I started blogging, I thought it’d just be me and my laptop. I’d just be posting interesting items from my online shopping experience here, and I’ll have a million readers who’ll thank me for showing them the way with gorgeous stuff for their babies, toddlers and themselves.

Come back when you’ve stopped laughing.

Right. As I was saying.

I didn’t really give a thought to those ‘readers’. Who they might be, where I might get them, how I’ll make them come back. I thought I’ll just post something and they’d come.

Duh. Just a couple of weeks into blogging, I discovered communities. Commenting. Twitter. Connections. People. Readers.

I went about plugging my blog. Blog hops (urgh), commenting, and tentatively entering the Twitterverse. My PR hat was on. I did what I thought I had to do to bring my readers in.

And then, my writing changed. I did writing prompts. linkups, memes. I stopped the hops, and concentrated on reading and commenting. I refocused myself and started writing about what I know, what I love. I wrote from the heart.

Blogging stopped being about the statistics. It was now about the people.

I made connections. I had readers, and occasionally, people commenting. Β I had ‘tweeps’ to chat with on Twitter.

I allowed myself the luxury of thinking I was a blogging force. For a day or so. *ahem*

Then I got to know people. The women behind the words. The minds behind the gorgeous blog design. The sense of humor behind the 140 characters. The hearts behind the computers.

When I say I got to ‘know’ people, I don’t mean I’ve met them in real life. I mean we’ve connected through each other’s blogs, Twitter and email, and gotten to know each other as wives, mothers, daughters, friends.

When we blog, we put ourselves out there. Some of us a little more than others. Our personalities come through by the way we weave our words together. The photographs we take and share. Β This is who we are, we declare.

From there, we form impressions of each other. We develop bloggy crushes and friendships. We collaborate and sometimes, are able to come together to make blogging and social media a career, a profession.

We get on our computers every day, connecting with these people we think we know, through what they put of themselves out there.

Or do we?

I’m sorry to rain on your parade. Not everyone you ‘meet’ online is the person you think they are.

You may jump in here and say, “But Alison, you haven’t MET any of these people, how can you say that??”

My answer? How you conduct yourself virtually offΒ your blog does matter.

When you agree to be a guest blogger for someone else, and you don’t send your post within the stipulated deadline. It matters.

When someone writes you a guest post, and you do not do your best to get it out there to be read, almost like you don’t care, because you didn’t write it. It matters.

When you say you’ll send someone information, offering to help with something, and you don’t. It matters.

When you never, ever visit another blog, or make a single comment, or do a tweet or retweet of their post (well, because you never visit their blog), despite their continued support of yours. It matters.

When you don’t at least acknowledge someone’s email or tweet. It matters.

When you don’t thank someone for a small kindness. It matters.

I know we are all busy. We have lives outside of the blog. Things that are more important, like looking after our children. Cooking dinner. Laundry. Taking the kids out to the park, to school, to activities. Spending time with our spouses, parents, siblings, friends.

But we do have this other life, this blog. Where we’ve invested time, money, thoughts and emotions.Β Where we have real friends. Where our actions (or non-actions) matter, and can hurt or lift.

Where it does matter.

I did not expect to be hurt by blogging. But I have.

I did not expect to be loved by blogging. But I have.

I did not expect to be pouring my heart out about how blogging has affected me, because hey, I was just going to write about awesomesauce products!

But, here I am.

 

Has blogging affected you like it has me? Have you had your feelings hurt? Have you had your day lifted just because someone left you a nice comment, or retweeted your post? Or am I just being silly?

Alison

Alison

Alison

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  • August 10, 2011 Janice

    This post rings so true! I thought blogging was going to be easy in the beginning too. Actually, I’m still stumbling and dusting myself off from time to time… But the moms I’ve met and am currently building friendships with are awesome, unique. This whole online friends thing is another ballpark of emotions and experiences. Maybe someday I’ll be lucky and actually get to meet the moms who support me, moms who I look up to (like you, Alison, and Stasha from northwestmommy.com), and moms whose blogs I read but don’t know me. I’m still learning though, and trying to find my “blogging voice.” Thank you for being around to keep me company in my journey through blogdom!
    Janice recently wrote…10 Favorite BooksMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Janice, thank you, for reading and for being a friend. I’m sure you’ll meet some of your bloggy friends, it’s all so possible!

  • August 10, 2011 mom2kiddos

    Well said/written. Blogging has affected me the way you’ve described it but I haven’t had my feelings hurt…yet. And I hope I don’t. You’re definitely not being silly because even if it’s a virtual relationship, these are connections with people you care about and who care about you. It’s true what you said about conducting yourself the way you would in real life, even in this virtual world. That matters.
    mom2kiddos recently wrote…My Dirty Mind Needs a Good WashMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thank you for validating my concerns. I hope you never encounter that hurt, it stings just as much as it does in real life!

  • August 10, 2011 Stasha

    You are not being silly! Not at all.

    I have been hurt and it sucks. If you take time to make the relationship, you kinda expect the ‘friend’ to reciprocate.

    I love the people who live in my computer and would do just about anything for them. . .

    Sometimes though, I think I wear my heart on my sleeve and get hurt too easily.

    Sigh.

    Hang in there!
    Stasha recently wrote…DistractionMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Stasha. I’m sorry you’ve been hurt, it sucks. Yes, wearing your heart on your sleeve does make one more vulnerable. We need to put on our armor!

  • August 10, 2011 Clare

    You said it all so perfectly! I had NO idea what I was getting into when I first started writing my blog, but I soon learned that the blogging community matters. A lot. I love that I have found so many great bloggers I can relate to, including yourself. I had no idea that i would “meet” so many awesome, inspring people, jwithout ever having seen them in person. I feel like I have a slice of my life that wouldn’t be there because of blogging. It hasn’t always been easy, but I am proud of myself that I took the scary leap into the blogosphere!
    Clare recently wrote…Oh, it’s just me, Mom, the Destroyer of Fun.My Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Clare. I love what you said – that you won’t have that slice of life if you weren’t blogging. So true!

  • August 10, 2011 Krista

    AMEN. I’m so glad you wrote this!! There’s another side to being a blogger that no one talks about. Sometimes people don’t do what they say they will, sometimes they ignore you, sometimes you feel left out. I never would have understood that. And even now I feel a little silly for saying it. But it’s true.

    On the other hand, I’ve gotten to know so many people, been inspired either by the way they write or the challenges they overcome. People I “met” online were the first to get a text message when I had my son, they were the ones the to text me when we found out I had to have a c-section & virtually held my hand.

    It’s crazy how it all works. & unless you’re in the thick of it, you don’t understand.
    Krista recently wrote…an introduction to his villageMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Yes, exactly, non-bloggers would be like, what? Why are you so emotionally invested in people you’ve never seen in person? But it does matter, our words, our intentions, all of it. Thank you for understanding.

  • August 10, 2011 Kate F.

    Alison, I loved reading this post. I am very new to blogging. I am very new to twitter. And I do find it overwhelming. I am happy if I get a post up a week. I know that sounds small. But after 3 kids, blogging for a non-profit (that actually pays me!) and teaching college kids one day a week… my personal blog… my outlet is just that. MY outlet. One of the reason I don’t get more content out there is because I feel it is more important to connect with others. So I spend a lot of evenings, catching up on my Google Reader, commenting… and retweeting. Why would I do this when I can barely get one good post up a week on my personal blog? Because… I know how important it is and how great I feel when others connect with me via comments, retweets, facebook, etc.

    I really connected with this post. With your story of blogging. With your feelings of hurt and friendship associated with blogging. I am just know starting to feel these things. So glad I decided to add you to my reader πŸ™‚
    Kate F. recently wrote…Outlasting Life with a MemoryMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Kate, for your comment, your understanding, and your add πŸ™‚ I think you’re on the right path to building the relationships in bloggyland, you’ll be great!

  • August 10, 2011 Shell

    Everything we do online shows who we are- not just our blogs, but everywhere.

    I have been hurt. Sometimes it was something overt, like flat out nastiness directed at me. And other times, things much more subtle and perhaps not intended. Those, I try to think aren’t intentional- some are and some aren’t.

    But, I’ve made amazing friendships and when you open yourself like that, there’s always the chance of getting hurt, too. Wish it wasn’t like this.

    This was beautiful! I saw you tweeted it, but didn’t see it linked yet, so I linked you this morning.
    Shell recently wrote…Pour Your Heart Out: When I Let You Be HurtMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Shell, thank you – for it all. For PYHO, for understanding, for commenting. You are the epitome of the blogger ideal – you are caring, you share, you understand, you relate and you give back. All of us should aspire to be like you.

      And yes, some slights are completely unintentional, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. Some though, just plain sting.

  • August 10, 2011 Rach (DonutsMama)

    Oh my gosh, I am so glad you wrote this! I felt like I was off to a very rough start when I started blogging and I did get my feelings hurt by people never commenting, by saying “Follow me and I’ll follow you,” but then never seeing them again. I’ve sent emails to people only to never hear back. I’ve tried talking to people on Twitter only to be completely ignored. But now, several months into this, the good I’ve found has more than made up for the bad from when I first started. And hopefully it’ll keep getting better. I really have made some great friendships. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t bothered by the unkindness shown toward me, but I’m getting over it and doing my best to be a good bloggy friend.
    Rach (DonutsMama) recently wrote…What I Love About Him, Sawdust & AllMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Rach, I remember you had a rough start. I hope I was a friend to you then and helped you through some of that. You certainly helped me by being a good friend and tweep! I’m so glad you’ve found your feet and your tribe, you deserve it!

  • August 10, 2011 Stephanie

    Amen! This is so true. It does matter. Your behavious and how you treat others, how you show your respect for those you meet, matters!
    Stephanie recently wrote…Setting my blogging goalsMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Stephanie!

  • August 10, 2011 Pamela

    This is really true; all of it! I am a pretty new blogger, and have struggled with trying to find the best way to connect with my limited time without sacrificing the needs for connection with my family. Sometimes it means choosing to participate to a lesser extent in the online community building, I know is an important part of blogging. Sometimes I’m ok with that; other times, I wish I had more to give to the interesting writers I’m reading, because true relationships are only as good as what you both give to them. Thanks for capturing an important part of that reciprocity in such a poignant way!
    Pamela recently wrote…Ten Love Lessons Over Ten Years of MarriageMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thanks Pamela, for reading and commenting. It is hard to balance our lives with the needs of blogging. Once a balance is struck, the rewards are immense. Some days I still struggle with it. I give my all to my family, AND to blogging. It’s exhausting. But I love it! I try to unplug on weekends and that helps. I hope you find that balance and see you around!

  • August 10, 2011 Diana

    So true – if you’re going to blog you need to remember you are still part of a community and conduct yourself as you would IRL. I make it a point to apologize when life gets too busy and I get behind on reading, commenting and answering emails. I don’t guest post now because I know it wouldn’t be a good post – I barely have time for my own blog! I wouldn’t want to inconvenience someone else too though!
    Diana recently wrote…PYHO – Making Me a PriorityMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Diana, you have the right attitude! By no means am I demanding that everyone reads 100 blogs and comments everyday, AND get on Twitter, it’s impossible. But when one does take the time to do what they can, that’s great. You basically get out of blogging what you put in.

  • August 10, 2011 Jaime {james & jax}

    I wish all bloggers would read this! Blogging is a community. But I guess like all communities, there’s always that one inconsiderate neighbor. Sigh.
    Jaime {james & jax} recently wrote…Parenting Is Just Like CollegeMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Haha yes, great analogy!

  • August 10, 2011 Elena

    So very true! All those little things make up who we are, and just like in real life, some people will always let us down. It sucks. Sending you a virtual hug!!
    Elena recently wrote…BlogHer ReflectionsMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Elena!! Thank goodness for people like you, always lifting the rest of us up πŸ™‚

  • August 10, 2011 Frank

    Well written loved it

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thank you.

  • August 10, 2011 Mama Track

    Love this. It is so true. We are all busy, but making an effort–at least a little one–makes a huge difference. I actually stopped following some people and their blogs lately because I didn’t like their actions.

    Thank you for sharing this!
    Mama Track recently wrote…What I Love About HimMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Natalie. I did the same, with the unfollowing. The blogosphere is too big to waste time on people who make us unhappy. Thank you for reading!

  • August 10, 2011 angela

    Some people say that people can be more cruel on-line, because it’s so “anonymous”. I am not perfect, but I do try to practice reciprocity, respect, and kindness with my words and my actions in the big world of blogging.

    I am sorry you’ve been hurt, because you are one of the most supportive and kind people I’ve been lucky enough to come across through my blogging journey.
    angela recently wrote…Birthday WishesMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      You are fabulous with reciprocity. And thank you for your kind words. It means a huge bunch to me. xo

  • August 10, 2011 Leighann

    Oh my friend! This is so very very true!
    We really do put ourselves out there when we blog. We love connections and commenting. When they don’t come in return it stings.

    I have had my fair share of hurt, of slaps in the face, and I have wondered if it was my writing or something I said but then I have a good look at that bloggers patterns and realize it’s them.. not me.

    I agree with you! Things need to change. Not ONE single blogger is going to change the world. We work together!!

    Great post Alison! XO
    Leighann recently wrote…Summer has been F-U-NMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Time to start a revolution eh? πŸ™‚

      And yes, sometimes it is them, the blogger, not us. And I realize it’s not always intentional, the slights, the hurts. It’s just being unaware, and that’s my mission: to create awareness!

  • August 10, 2011 Gina aka Slappy

    I agree 100% !!! I would agree even more if there was more than 100%. I have been so hurt by people that I don’t even really know when they don’t take the time to answer Tweets or e-mails. If you are not interested in working with me, that’s fine, but to simply ignore me is not nice at all. Would somebody do that in a real live conversation? I hope not.
    Gina aka Slappy recently wrote…Should A Blogger Be Censored?My Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Yes, exactly that. We should treat people online as we do in real life. I’m sorry you’ve been hurt, completely undeserved!

  • August 10, 2011 Kristin

    As I said just last week, I think in many ways blogging is like running a business and you should conduct yourself with the integrity and professionalism central to the role. And based on that, yes, all of the things you mentioned definitely DO matter. Great post, Alison.
    Kristin recently wrote…Guest Post: MotherhoodoriotosisMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thanks Kristin!!

  • August 10, 2011 Evonne

    You are not being silly at all. When I first started, I thought my blog would be like a journal. Then I discovered those communities. I have been lifted up and I have been let down. Even through the rough patches, I am glad blogging is more than I originally thought.
    Evonne recently wrote…So much to say – I feel like DMBMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Hi Evonne, thank you for validating my concerns. I’m very glad for blogging. The good definitely outweighs the bad.

  • August 10, 2011 Natalie

    There are definitely some people out there that just want to “receive” and not “give.” They want you to just comment and follow and they don’t return the bloggy love. I just started blogging this year, and I never knew I would enjoy it or meet such wonderful people. However there is the dark side to it as well!
    Natalie recently wrote…Summer Fun Show-Off 2011!My Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Yes, there is a dark side! Thankfully I’ve not really encountered that. Just small slights and baffling clique-y behavior. Ah well, as with life, blogging is complete with ups and downs!

  • August 10, 2011 Jackie

    Love this! I am amazed everyday by the great friendships people make through blogging. When I first started, I totally didn’t expect that. But, that’s what keeps me going. But like you said, there are some people who disappoint as well.
    Jackie recently wrote…Area 51 Book ReviewMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Jackie. Yes, the true friendships keep me going. Mustn’t let the other not-so-great parts of blogging get us down.

  • August 10, 2011 Sammie Love

    Hi Alison,

    This is such a great post! I too have had this problem because I’m a blogging Noob. I still feel that I am trying to master “the rules of engagement.” I initially didn’t respond back to people because embarrassingly enough — I didn’t know how to do that if they were not someone I followed.

    My feelings have been hurt when people didn’t respond when I replied to them, or I mentioned them in a post. I’ve tried not to take things so seriously by functioning from the assumption that people are not standoffish because of me, but those slights still hurt.

    I initially came on twitter to promote my alternative writing, which was not received well but I quickly discovered other peoples blogs and I decided to create one. You are right Alison, “IT MATTERS” every click, response, laugh, hug, or word of encouragement matters because these are the virtual ways that we connect to each other. Some of us may be shy, hurting, joyous and on top of the world and it matters not just that we connect but also how we connect and if we put our hearts into it we will have no choice but to succeed.

    Love ya,
    Sammie
    Sammie Love recently wrote…Defying GravityMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Sammie, thank you. You always leave the most wonderful comments.

      I’m sorry you’ve been hurt, and yes, sometimes it’s not intentional. Many bloggers have less and less time to reciprocate when their blogs get bigger and bigger. But I believe there are many ways to engage, not just through commenting. And some bloggers, just don’t do any of that. Yet they expect something always. That’s what gets my goat. I believe, in blogging, as in life, you get back as much as you give.

  • August 10, 2011 Bruna

    Alison, this was so well-written! You’re right, you don’t have to meet in person to know how a person really is. Agreeing to write a guest post and then not following through with it says a lot about you as a person. Not good. You’re so good at commenting on other people’s blogs though that others pale in comparison. You’re like super comment girl – faster than the speed of light. I try really hard to visit others and some days more than other days but forgive me if some days I don’t get to you! I really do *love* reading you and value your readership:)
    Bruna recently wrote…wordless wednesdayMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Bruna, I love you as a friend, don’t you feel the need to apologize! You give so much back to you community, despite a busy life with your family. You inspire me.

  • August 10, 2011 Galit Breen

    Alison, I love when you open up and write from the heart- you have gorgeous things going on in there.

    I think we’ve all been affected by this one way or another. Thanks for writing about this so transparently.

    Beautiful post and yes- it all matters.
    Galit Breen recently wrote…About #BlogHer11My Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Galit, you’re kind to me as always. Your friendship matters! xo

  • August 10, 2011 Tracy

    In all honesty: you seem like one of the most active commenters, the most diligent blog readers and the friendliest twitter-er in the entire blogosphere. If people are being mean to YOU, that’s just crazysauce.
    Tracy recently wrote…Wordless Wednesday: The Woodstock Farm Animal SanctuaryMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Aw, Tracy, that’s so sweet of you to say! I think people are not intentionally mean, they just don’t have that attitude of reciprocity I talk about and value so much. But it still stings. Fortunately, the good outweighs the bad in the blogging world.

  • August 10, 2011 Leigh Ann

    WIse words from a wise woman, Alison. The blogging community is so supportive, and I’ve made friends like I never imagined I would over the internet. But few things ruin my perception of a blogger like when they don’t respond to a simple tweet. Ever.
    Leigh Ann recently wrote…What I love about himMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      That’s so annoying right? Fortunately the good far outweighs the bad. The light over dark, that sorta thing. You know what I mean πŸ™‚

  • August 10, 2011 Kir

    Yes, I feel this way too. That I need to do more somedays to make sure I never make someone feel like they don’t matter to me. Here in the blogging world or in the other one I reside in LOL.

    this was gorgeous and written with just the right words.

    as always you nailed it right on the head. Everyone should read this. xo
    Kir recently wrote…PYHO: Remind MeMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Kir. You are fabulous at being a good bloggy friend, I have no doubt you are exactly the same way IRL!

  • August 10, 2011 Robin

    This is one of my favourite posts ever. EVER. It’s heartfelt and honest and so beautifully written. To all of your questions – yes. One of the lessons I’m so glad I’ve learned is to acknowledge (to myself) that someone isn’t the kind of person I choose to be and move on. I focus on the people who are truly beautiful and who I consider friends – like you.
    Robin recently wrote…On Bloggy Bootcamp and What Ifs Instead Of Oh WellsMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Robin, thank you so much. Yes, we have to focus on the people who matter, who are true friends. Thank you for being a true friend. xo

  • August 10, 2011 Kimberly

    You are so so right. I started my blog thinking it would be, just as an outlet. I never thought that I’d “meet” all of these wonderful people and form such strong bonds with them. I also never thought that I’d put myself out there, behind the comfort of a computer screen, and end up getting hurt as well.

    It’s all happened to me as well. And the hurt? Stings just as much online as it does in person. But the love? It’s just as strong here as it is in real life, too. And for that I’m glad you and I are both here!
    Kimberly recently wrote…In a MomentMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thank goodness for you my dear #twin! Yes, the love, the love is real. It takes the sting away for sure.

  • August 10, 2011 Jaime

    This is a really great post. It took me almost 3 years of blogging before I realized that there were blogs out there other than mine and a couple of my friends. It took me almost 3 years of blogging to think that anyone would care what I had to say, or that I would care what they had to say. It took me almost 3 years of blogging to step away from my zone of posting pictures and updates and actually writing about real things. You are ahead of the game my friend…or maybe I’m just really behind πŸ˜‰

    I’m sorry you’ve been hurt. I understand. I get my feelings hurt fairly easily…but there are others that make up for it.

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Jaime, for your kind words. Yes, there are many good people out there, I’m very fortunate I found them!

  • August 10, 2011 Kate

    What a sweet post. I love the friendships I’ve made blogging and on twitter. It was so unexpected and so lovely.

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Yes, unexpected and always good. πŸ™‚

  • August 10, 2011 Jessica

    All of these things do matter as does meeting a blogger in real life. It’s not always a pleasant experience, I can tell you that for sure.
    Jessica recently wrote…My Thoughts on BlogHer11My Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      I believe you!!! One of these days, I need to dig up the goss from you πŸ™‚

  • August 10, 2011 Devan

    I love this post. LOVE. You are not being silly – everything you have written here rings true.

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Devan, thank you.

  • August 10, 2011 Christi

    Fabulous post! I would say I have not had my feelings hurt YET. However, I have certainly had moments (okay, days maybe) of insecurity. My writing’s not good enough, my blog design is not good enough, no one reads my blog, why would anyone even want to read my blog, I don’t know how to engage people on Twitter, I don’t know how to do this, I don’t know how to do that, and so on. Darn those negative thoughts!!!

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Christi, you’re a wonderful writer! I think your readers and commenters know that, and deep down, you do too πŸ™‚ We all have moments of insecurity, that’s normal. Just keep writing!

  • August 10, 2011 Dana K

    I don’t get hurt by many things on & off the internet; it’s just my personality & super-thick skin (perhaps some narcissism – I mean, if they don’t like me, it’s their loss, right?) I shake the dust off my feet & walk on.

    However, this post is very heartfelt & very true. You are who you are. Even if you somewhat hide your “true” nature online, it will show itself in person or in how you deal with people behind the scenes (i.e. email, guest blogging, etc).

    I tweet with a ton of people whose blogs I don’t read regularly. There are others whose blogs I read religiously, but rarely tweet with. It’s like different relationships. I hope I don’t offend people by doing that!
    Dana K recently wrote…choices NOT chains; raising our daughtersMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      I try not to take things personally too. I understand that bloggers have lives too. Not everyone has time to return a comment or a visit every time. But asking someone to guest post, then forgetting to publish the post in a timely manner and not informing the guest who’s sitting around waiting all day, then not at all pushing the post in any way, and not even a comment on their own blog on the guest post, saying thank you for being here etc? I think that’s a few too many slights to overlook.

      Or I just need to develop a thicker skin πŸ˜‰

  • August 10, 2011 Elaine

    I’ll be honest, I think the commenting one hurts me the most because I feel like I spend A LOT of time doing that and many people are great about reciprocating but some are not. I hate to sound “petty” about it though, you know? And like you said, we are all busy. And I always think “well, just because I like their blog doesn’t mean they have to like mine.” But, you’re SO right. It still matters.

    Good post. All true. xo
    Elaine recently wrote…BlogHer Top 12 (because top "tens" are boring, right?)My Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Hi Elaine. The commenting thing? It’s a tough one. Gigi of A Kludgy Mom recently wrote about this, asking if commenting is the only blogging ‘currency’. I think it’s the most obvious, but by no means is it the only one. I understand that no everyone we read & comment on, reads and comments on our blogs. And not everyone tweets. It’s the other stuff, basic etiquette and manners that bug me the most – the non-acknowledgement in some form or other, the lack of response, the lack of support overall. And of course I’m not referring to the blogging community as a whole, only a few individuals. Thank goodness the good outweighs the bad.

  • August 10, 2011 Jamee

    I wish I could hug you through my computer! I love everything about this post! It is so true! I have been truly blessed through the blogging world. I have met so many wonderful people who have been such a source of encouragement and support to me in my journey with illness and not just others who are sick as well but other women – moms, sisters, friends – who took the time to reach out and care. Words can never describe how lucky I feel to have gotten to know so many wonderful people. I wish I could hug you and all of the others who have blessed me in person!
    Jamee recently wrote…I’m TerrifiedMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Jamee, thank you, that’s really sweet of you. And thank you for the hug, it’s always welcome πŸ™‚ I hope your surgery goes well, know that many are thinking of you!

  • August 10, 2011 Roxanne

    I haven’t been hurt by blogging, but I have certainly felt shunned, or out of the loop (on a daily basis, really). I don’t let it bother me, but I can see how it would bother other people.

    Thank you for sharing this perspective on the blogging world.
    Roxanne recently wrote…Pour Your Heart Out: Why Do You Blog?My Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      I’m sorry to hear that. Not much bothers me, but a recent incident has, hence this post πŸ™‚

  • August 10, 2011 Amanda

    This is just so beautifully shared. We all have agendas, hopes, hurdles and chips, but what it all comes back to (always!) is truth and common sense.

    There are both here, along with honesty, humor and wisdom. Just lovely.
    Amanda recently wrote…Through Daughter-Colored GlassesMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Amanda, thank you, you say so much with few words, that’s a gift. πŸ™‚

  • August 10, 2011 adriana silva

    Yes! all of the above. I also feel much better after I post something.

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      I do feel much better!

  • August 10, 2011 Mrs. Wonder

    Like you, my reason for writing has changed, as I was inspired, as connected to others.
    It is a powerful community.

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Yes, it is. One that can bring you up, or put you down. Thankfully, more of the former than the latter.

  • August 10, 2011 Tracie

    All of this. Yes.

    I never imagined how much of my heart and my self that I would pour out onto my blog when I sat down and wrote that first post.

    I have been loved and hurt and my soul has been touched. Blogging is a powerful thing.
    Tracie recently wrote…Happiness Is Stopping to Smell the FlowersMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      It’s truly amazing isn’t it?

  • August 10, 2011 Elena

    This is a really great post, Alison. (a) I find myself hoping that I didn’t skip out on a guest post. Please tell me that didn’t happen because I am terrible about keeping track of that. (b) I agree with so many things that you said. It does matter. I do my best to respond to comments and tweets sent my way. Sometimes you will miss a few, but all in all you should really try and respond. I always use the analogy that I wouldn’t ignore a person in real life, so I also won’t ignore them online.
    Elena recently wrote…HomeHer11My Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      That’s a great philosophy Elena. That is why you’re an awesome bloggy friend! Yes, we do miss some tweets etc when life gets the best of us, and that’s okay. It’s the effort that counts. (and no it wasn’t you of course not!)

  • August 11, 2011 Janice

    Excellent post and food for thought. I’m not a new blogger, but trying to return to it after being away for +4 yrs. Like Kate F. I too find it overwheming and also intimidating…a lot has changed. Trying to find the right balance of time with other responsibilities/priorites to connect with all of you online…I know will take me longer to build the relationships many of you have already.

    I stumbled onto your blog btw via Twitter. I read what is recommended/RT on Twitter and usually from my BB/smartphone. If I have the time to comment I do. I follow those who I think are interesting and have sense of humor. Some of us who are online are there to just read and listen, for the most part that is me. For now I’ll soak in yours and others wisdom and appreciate the ideas/topics/experiences being shared.

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thanks for visiting Janice. Twitter is a wondrous thing! I understand about the reading and listening. I don’t always comment on every single blog post I read. I do try to at least tweet the people whose blogs I follow, to say hi, or I read your post. I’m really not complaining about lack of comments etc, more the behavior of certain people off the blog.

      • August 11, 2011 Janice

        Understand, there are idiots out there. Thicker skin helps πŸ™‚

  • August 11, 2011 Erin Margolin

    Alison,

    Loved every morsel of this post. I can relate completely. I feel horribly guilty because since I’ve been pregnant I’ve not had the time to visit as many blogs as I used to. I always reply to tweets/emails/comments, but I simply cannot make the rounds the way I used to. ANd you know what? I don’t expect people to come flocking to me, either—because it is about a certain element of reciprocity. but sometimes I just can’t handle the pressure of it. I just can’t always keep up with everything. And it will only get worse once baby arrives. I’ll have even less time. And I suppose I’ll just hope that people will hang in there and eventually drift back, as I will drift back to them….

    xoxo
    Erin Margolin recently wrote…The Gift of RainMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Erin, thank you for reading and commenting. I completely understand how you have less time now (and even less when the baby arrives), and that’s really okay. Your readers understand and they’ll be right there when you’re ready to come back.

      I honestly have no complaint about most bloggers who have little time to read and comment. My particular beef (and ‘inspiration’ for this post) is the the unfortunate inconsiderate behavior I encountered, off the blog. It’s a real shame, she is a good writer, but I guess, not as good a blogger. (I’m hoping this doesn’t come off as petty, I’m really just trying to say that it was a culmination of things that led to this post – I’m just blathering now right?)

  • August 11, 2011 Mama And The City

    I guess right now blogging is treating me fair. I am a newbie, and yet I have been learning so much in the past few months more than I ever thought. I guess I was just going to start my blog as a diary type until I started putting my nose in the blogsphere (why did you code a message saying “Do not steal. Did your mother not teach you that?)and I got hooked. And I guess that is why I was not interested in becoming a paid blog reviewer, since the few I joined showed some of the same points described in your post (never visited, replied or commented).
    Mama And The City recently wrote…A very hard decision…My Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      I’m glad to hear that blogging is still good to you, let’s hope it stays that way!

      (I’ve disabled no right click on my blog to prevent theft of my photos and content, that message was just tongue in cheek)

  • August 11, 2011 Julie

    I admire your courage in putting your feelings out there like that. I tend to get annoyed by unreturned tweets, but I try not to keep score when it comes to comments and RTs. (Mostly because it’s impossible, things move too fast.)

    Something that’s helped me develop a thicker skin is to realize that 99.6% of the time when you feel someone has slighted you, they haven’t even realized it. We’re all guilty of these “sins of obliviousness.”

    Well written as always, Alison. You have great talent.
    Julie recently wrote…You’re my survival, you’re my living proofMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Julie. I’m of the same opinion, many times, any perceived slights are just unintentional and I hold no grudge.

      This post stems from a series of actions (or non-actions) from someone about something off the blog (ie nothing to do with commenting), so I really bear no ill will towards anyone who didn’t tweet me back, or visit my blog.

      In general, blogging has been very good to me. πŸ™‚

  • August 11, 2011 Jenn

    Wow great post Alison! You are so right . . . even is this space which is based in words . . . actions still speak louder than the words.
    Jenn recently wrote…Sentimental JourneyMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Jenn. And you’re right!

  • August 11, 2011 Charlotte

    What an awesome post this is–and so very true. The connections I have made this way are unlike any friendships I have ever had in my life… and at the same time, I also get hurt when a favorite blogger either stops leaving comments or visiting altogether. I miss them.
    Charlotte recently wrote…the elusive fist-bumper and my streak of bad luckMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Charlotte. I’m sorry you’ve been hurt. The beauty of blogging though, is that you can always find new favorites, there are so many fabulous folks out there!

  • August 11, 2011 Anne Mackle

    Lovely post Alison, straight from the heart. I am a new blogger and it is quite scary to put your thoughts and writings out there for people to maybe criticise but I suppose if you want the good you have to take the bad as well! I love comments – one I had tweeted to me by an author whose books I read saying she liked my post! I was on cloud 9 all day! Your post has been very helpful to me thanks!

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Hi Anne, thanks for commenting.

      I have no issues with not so good comments – in fact, I’ve been very lucky I’ve not had a bad one yet. My readers are awesome!

      This post stemmed more from a series of actions (or non-actions) of a blogger I was corresponding with about something. It just struck me when I looked at her overall blogging behavior that this was not someone I want to associate with anymore. There are too many good people out there I’d rather spend my time with.

      It’s much like real life really πŸ™‚

  • August 11, 2011 liz

    Blogging and SM is such a “conversation”. At least in my eyes. And people thinking you will just keep giving to them without giving back to you, don’t deserve your time.

    Not submitting things on time or blatantly ignoring you is not cool.

    I’m sorry you’re hurt!
    liz recently wrote…Another Chapter in the BookMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Yes it is a conversation! When it’s one sided, it’s hard to take and frankly, in my case, inexplicable. Sigh. And thank you, I’m all good now, thanks to folks like you!

  • August 11, 2011 suki

    comments always make my day. it’s like i’m writing TO someone. i try not to let it get me down though when it isn’t reciprocated. i figure there is such a thing as karma. πŸ™‚
    suki recently wrote…BlogHer 2011My Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Suki, karma is right!!

  • August 11, 2011 Brooke Farmer

    I agree one thousand percent. Most recently I have been hurt by some really hateful comments by people who seem to think they know the intricacies of my life better than I do. That matters too.

    Why is every hateful comment posted by “anonymous?” Anonymous can be a real asshole sometimes.

    But I have also had comments that helped put my heart back together and Twitter friends who encouraged me to no end. When I was utterly and desperately broke a reader sent me food. All of those things matter too.

    I started my blog just to get myself into the habit of writing every day. And it became a much larger part of my life than I ever imagined.

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Brooke, I’m sorry you’ve been hurt, but thankful you’ve made real friends through blogging and Twitter. There are real good folks out there, and I’m glad you found yours πŸ™‚

  • August 11, 2011 Anna-Leigh

    I too understand where you’re coming from. I just started my blog back in the spring and it’s slowly going…where I’m not sure, but that’s okay with me. I have a dear “real life” friend that blogs and she has had issues that you’ve mentioned. I guess bloggy world isn’t too far off from the real world…only you don’t actually have to face someone if you screw up. It is real life even if it’s virtual too. People should own up to there word whether written or spoken.
    Anna-Leigh recently wrote…FriendshipMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Anna-Leigh, you’re so right. I think some people think it’s okay to ignore/ slight without a thought because there’s no face to face. And by virtue, they probably think there’s no real feelings involved. But there are. The bloggy world is VERY close to the real world πŸ™‚

  • August 11, 2011 story

    This is such a beautiful and important post. I feel this deeply, even though I’m not as deeply involved in the community as you are. You are one of the most generous bloggers I know, and it makes me so sad to think people don’t treat you the way you deserve.
    story recently wrote…That delicate balanceMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thank you for your lovely comment. It means a lot to me that you think that of me. Truly.

  • August 11, 2011 Sophie French

    What a brilliant post, and so fabulously written!

    I am just beginning to dip my toes into the blogosphere and I am trying to think up the dreaded ‘first post’, but you are clearly writing from the heart and it really works – so I might just try it too!

    Keep blogging – you’re brill! x

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Sophie, thank you. If you need any help, want to ask questions, or just shoot the breeze, drop me an email!

  • August 11, 2011 Jessica

    So glad you put yourself out here, the real you, Alison. It’s lovely to live half a world away and have such warm fuzzies for someone because they’ve read what you wrote and ‘felt’ it. Thank you for being such an encouragement for me.
    Jessica recently wrote…VocationMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Jessica, thank you. You’ve been a lovely bloggy friend. I always feel joy reading your blog!

  • August 11, 2011 Klz

    Sadly wherever people are involved, feelings will be hurt.

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Yes, indeed. I love how you approach blogging. I do.

  • August 11, 2011 Momma Teacher Lady

    Good for you for putting your honesty out there. You’re right – this blogging world is crazy, but people should conduct themselves in the way in which they would like to be treated. You know, the golden rule and all that.
    Momma Teacher Lady recently wrote…No More Movies, KidMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Yes, exactly that!!!

  • August 11, 2011 Cookie's Mom

    Of course you’re not being silly! I just wish I had more time than I do – I’d read all of the comments left here (wow!), because I’m sure there are some good ones. It’s quite an experience, isn’t it? Blogging is more of an emotional roller coaster than *I* would have guessed. That’s for sure. Eventually, I feel like I will hit a groove. It’s definitely tough to keep up with all of the wonderful blogs that I want to, but I try. I’ve had just one bad experience so far involving a guest poster (no one from this month, just to be clear), but it taught me something so it wasn’t all bad.

    Great post, Alison.
    Cookie’s Mom recently wrote…August Guest Blogger Extravaganza!My Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thank you, I appreciate you coming by even on vacation πŸ™‚ Blogging is an amazing experience, it’s part of my life now, like it or not. I think trying is the key word here. It’s better to try and fail than fail to try right?

  • August 11, 2011 jacqui

    Very well said, Alison. I’m not a fan of empty promises. If someone says they’re gonna do something, they should either do it or give a reasonable explanation for why they can’t do it…with enough notice so you can make alternate plans. It’s common courtesy.
    jacqui recently wrote…Get A Real Job…My Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Yes, exactly! Sadly, common courtesy? Is not so common anymore.

  • August 11, 2011 Bits of Bee

    Great post – I’m still very new to blogging but I can already relate to some of your comments, and am happy to be made aware of some of the other things you’ve experienced in this blogging world. Love the honesty, keep it up!

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thank you, for being so encouraging. If you need any help or just someone to tweet with, I’m there!

  • August 11, 2011 ML

    What a great post. And I agree. It all matters. And thank you for the reminder to do better when I can : )
    ML recently wrote…The HaircutMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Mary Lauren, thank YOU, for coming by and reading.

  • August 11, 2011 Hopes

    I LOVE THIS! As you know I’m a complete newbie (hmmm…I wonder when I won’t feel that way anymore), so I don’t know much about all this blogging stuff just yet. But I do know one thing is just as important here as it is IRL, and that’s integrity.

    As always, I’m soaking up all your wonderful knowledge and learning from your words.
    Hopes recently wrote…Things That Simply Should NOT Be On TVMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      You’re new and you’ve already got the right attitude – I think you’ll go far! We learn from each other, that’s the beauty of blogging πŸ™‚

  • August 11, 2011 XLMIC

    I definitely feel this. What an excellent posting. I work hard stay connected, to give of myself to the community, to not take any of it for granted. I work hard, and it’s hard work! And I am not always successful πŸ˜›
    XLMIC recently wrote…Hump Day Happenings…My Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      You do work hard!! You’re a busy mom and you still take the time to show your community you care, that’s why you’re fab πŸ™‚

  • August 11, 2011 dweej

    This is such a great, heartfelt post, Alison. You are one of the most supportive, awesomesauce bloggers I have I’ve ever met. We could all do well to learn from you!
    dweej recently wrote…Webby Wednesday: BettyShmetty Giveaway and Discount!My Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Having you tell me I’m awesomesauce? Just made my day. Thank you Dweej – you’re one of the shining beacons in the bloggyland.

  • August 11, 2011 Book4MyDaughter

    The journey you describe is one that I have just begun. It’s only been four months since I started writing my blog, but in that time I have developed friendships that have truly surprised me. This whole online world of other women bloggers is like a gift that I didn’t know I needed. You’re words are beautifulβ€”thank you for describing it so eloquently. Your words of advice are powerful.
    Book4MyDaughter recently wrote…My Odd ChildrenMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      It’s also been just over 4 months for me here! And yes, the relationships developed over such a short time, that is a pleasant surprise. And thank you for your lovely compliment.

  • August 11, 2011 Runnermom-jen

    Alison…I’m so sorry you were hurt! Who wronged you, you want me to go ninja on them? Because I totally would! They don’t want to mess with my fists of fury!
    Runnermom-jen recently wrote…SummerMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Hahahahaha!! Oh Jen, I love you. And this comment. Thank you.

  • August 11, 2011 janie

    Amen to all of this!
    I don’t consider myself very active in social media and blogging but I do comment and “try” to engage and connect with others more. Truly, it is all about the people. It would be best if everyone would conduct themselves (online and offline) according to the Golden Rule.
    janie recently wrote…21 months.My Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Yes, that Golden Rule! Why is it that not everyone knows it?

  • August 11, 2011 By Word of Mouth Musings

    Every word rings true …
    Your ability to be all over the blogoshpere, to be so real and caring, so in the moment in all of our blogs – leaves me somewhat blown away.
    You do an amazing job and I wish I could stand by your side and say that I connect like you do, but sadly, no I cannot make that claim.
    Keep it going, you are an amazing on line friend to every life that you touch!
    By Word of Mouth Musings recently wrote…Wordy Wordless Wednesday from the disfigured diseased one.My Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Nicole, you give so much back to your community in more ways than just commenting. You’re truly a treasure so don’t say you’re not shoulder to shoulder with me!

      Actually you’re not, you’re head and shoulders above me and many others. I love that I can call you a friend.

  • August 11, 2011 Jamie

    Well well well done. I have been/felt/experienced all of those things too. You’ve been so helpful to me and answered all of my questions, even silly ones. I hope I’m able to pay it forward someday.
    Jamie recently wrote…the one about dorothyMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Jamie, I’m still learning the ropes in the big blogging world. I know how it feels to be brand new, so I’m always happy to help a fellow blogger and mom. Ask me anything, anytime.

  • August 11, 2011 John

    I’ve only met one person, IRL, who was different than their online persona . . . and, it sucked. Really – I feel like the only difference between the people I know IRL & the people I know “from blogs” is that I haven’t actually seen that latter group in person, but it’s only a matter of time.

    And, I cannot say how much better I feel my writing has gotten from blogging . . . I’m always thinking about my audience when I write. There used to be a very real “I’m writing for me & nobody else,” but that’s stupid. I’m a better writer, because I blog.
    John recently wrote…Where I ponder getting a little more serious about my writingMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      John, I’m sorry the person you met IRL wasn’t quite what he/ she portrayed themselves as on their blog. Fortunately there are many more out there, who are genuine, and I hope you find them!

      I do feel that I write better because I blog. I don’t believe in the ‘writing for me’ stuff either!

  • August 11, 2011 My Inner Chicks

    Dear, Mama,
    This was FANTASTIC, true, and utterly honest!
    I shall retweet πŸ™‚
    —–because IT MATTERS…It really matters. XXXX
    LOVED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    My Inner Chicks recently wrote…Fun For All. All For Fun.My Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Kim, thank you, you’ve always been such an awesome supporter of my blog. And a lovely person. Thank you!

      • August 11, 2011 My Inner Chicks

        Mama,
        you hit it right on the nail with this blog.
        I’m proud of you!
        Keep Blogging, Girlfriend.
        Keep using your VOICE>
        xx
        My Inner Chicks recently wrote…Fun For All. All For Fun.My Profile

  • August 11, 2011 Ann

    Hugs to you, Alison….I’m sorry you were hurt. So far, I’ve been lucky and everyone I’ve “met” on-line has been wonderful. The blogger I met in person was better than on-line!

    I know that I will – inevitably – get my feelings hurt by someone…. I suspect that’s the nature of people. Some are wonderful, some are…well….trolls!

    My theory regarding posting comments and replying is this: Writing first makes it easier to write back…much like letters. It’s worked out well for me, but I’ve had a lot of folks that I follow who do not return the courtesy.

    Some of them are HUGE bloggers – some are small. I sat and thought would I follow them if I wasn’t blogging? If the answer was yes…. I kept up with the comments. I figured that was the “most honest with myself” way to do it.

    I wish I could wave a magic bloggy wand and make everything all better – all I can say is this: I treasure our on-line friendship and if I ever damage it, it’s not intentional. You are too awesome to describe!

    Chin up, girlfriend!
    Your twerpy/tweety friend~
    Ann

    P.S. Sorry if I got sappy – I’m that kind of girl…did you hear the harps and see the butterflies floating over the flowers?
    Ann recently wrote…BBQ and Wordless WednesdayMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Oh Ann, you’re so awesome, words can’t even begin to describe how grateful I am to have you on my side, as a friend. Your tweets cheer me up, your comments invigorate me. I know I haven’t been as good a bloggy friend to you, and I’m trying to be better. Thank you for your patience, support and friendship.

  • August 11, 2011 Kim

    Integrity. This post is a beacon for us all Alison, to remind us of integrity, both online and offline. What a heartfelt message. So many of your thoughts struck a cord with me. The biggest thing that came to my mind is the entire ‘community’ of blogging with all of the smaller communities of different types of blogging embedded within. What is the value of the big sense of community? And I think you’ve said it here. That it does matter.

    Blogging and every other form of communicating online is probably one of the first things to go when life throws at us big and small hiccups. Like during the past two days I’ve been up with my girls all night long and during the day I’ve been busy with projects/work. This hiccup resulted in me reading and commenting on fewer blogs. It comes and goes in blogging, and yet the people, they’re real, are still there. I think I look at blogging as a fluid medium of forming and maintaining relationships. I’m thrilled when a reader of mine from two years ago suddenly comments on a post. I don’t hold a grudge that I haven’t heard from this reader. How could I when there are so many blogs out there that I stray from and then returns months later. It seems like it is a more forgiving environment. But reading and commenting are one thing.

    It is bigger, and more of a commitment on both ends, when promises are made. In this scope, I see it like any offline promise I make. Follow through is a must. Unfortunately, however, when life throws us that hiccup, tuning into our online lives becomes more challenging. But then when life evens out again I think it is important to remember that apologies mean as much to people online as they do to people offline.

    I love your train of thought in this post. It’s written so eloquently and truly shows your growth as a blogger and what it means for us all. Thank you Alison for sharing this with us.

    I know your words, your ideas will stay with me as I continue on being a blogger πŸ™‚
    Kim recently wrote…Their Watchful EyesMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Kim, thank you. You’re a great example of a blogger who understands the importance of reciprocity and authenticity, plus you’re so genuine and supportive.

      I completely understand when life throws you for a whirlwind and all blogging activities take a backseat. That is completely reasonable, we all need to unplug occasionally. It’s the other stuff that bothered me – the lack of acknowledgement in emails and such.

      I’m glad that my words have such an impact on you, it makes it all worthwhile.

  • August 11, 2011 Ado

    Hi there Malaysian Buddy:
    I’m sorry you got burned. I haven’t really gotten burned – yet – but just one or two crap comments along the way that I’ve taken personally. I think this whole blogging experience is a learning experience. I’ve never been on a blog hop (yet – there are a lot of yets in blogging) and although in a general way I care about stats I’m more interested in expressing myself and creating community. I’ve probably earned less than a cup of Starbucks (-: so far, so I’m def not in it for the $! I find it hard though to keep up w. all the info overload that’s available up in the Twitterverse and on everyone’s blogs – it’s a challenge to be a good enough parent w./out blogging let alone WHILE blogging! That to me is the downside – you sort of get sucked into your computer and it starts to overtake you. So I try to just write at nite when kids are in bed. OMG I’ve just realized I’m blathering! Loved – loved- loved this post. (-:
    Ado recently wrote…I *Knew* There Was Something Dodgy About Those CamelsMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thank you my friend. Yes it’s so easy to get sucked into this virtual world, including all the emotions it brings. I’ve not had a crappy comment (yet), but I’ve encountered the other slights, maybe unintentional, but speaks too clearly of what that person is like, and I wasn’t liking it. Just as in life, right?

      • August 14, 2011 Ado

        You’re right – just as in life. One thing I learned when reading up on “how to blog” was about growing a thick skin in relation to virtual friends and people’s comments – they basically said the only way to grow a thicker skin is by walking through it (unfortunately). (-:
        Ado recently wrote…Must Like ChildrenMy Profile

  • August 11, 2011 Courtney

    Great, great post. I’ve been blogging for three years now and it never gets any easier to have someone wrong you in the blog world. Unanswered emails, tweets that are ignored (especially when someone ASKS for a response) and just all around inconsiderate behavior. Like you said, we all have lives, but common courtesy shouldn’t go the wayside because of it.
    Courtney recently wrote…Evaporated HopesMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Well said Courtney, thank you!

  • August 11, 2011 Judy Schwartz Haley

    I can relate to all of this. Social media held me up through 16 months of cancer treatment, but I dealt with trolls through that as well. Blogs, twitter, facebook – amazing how they can bring us together. And amazing how we can connect with other people when technology removes geography from the equation.

    Beautiful post.
    Judy Schwartz Haley recently wrote…Daisies are her favorite flowerMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Judy, I love your comment. It just goes to show how positively powerful social media can be. I need to remember that so I don’t allow one person to bring me down. I’m so glad your people were there for you.

  • August 11, 2011 Carri

    I so get you on this one, to the point that I’m starting to wonder why I even bother.
    And you can guest post for me any time! You’re one of my favorite tweeps and I’d never let you down. πŸ™‚
    Carri recently wrote…Throat Punch Thursday: Guido Baby Randomness EditionMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Carri, I know you’ll never let me down, because you are #awesomesauce!! And thank you for your offer, I’ll take it up when you’re ready πŸ˜‰

  • August 11, 2011 momof12

    I just noticed that you are from Malaysia. My SIL is from Malaysia but she and my brother live in New Zealand now. They are both professors at the University there.
    Sandy
    http://www.twelvemakesadozen.blogspot.com
    momof12 recently wrote…The Drama QueenMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      It’s a small world, isn’t it?

  • August 11, 2011 amanda austin

    Amen sister! Agreed with all this. You know I don’t have time to read every blog every day, but the days I can’t, I try to talk on Twitter, email etc juust to let them know I’m thinking about them. It’s common courtesy! It’s not all abt comments anyway..its abt support.
    amanda austin recently wrote…Wordless Wednesday: Son of a…….My Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Exactly, it’s about support. Mutual support. And you’re doing just that!

  • August 11, 2011 Lola

    So well written, Alison! I think you hit a nerve here…look at all the comments! I’m so sorry you’ve been hurt by bloggers out there. It’s a strange world and you can never really know what to expect from people.

    I know one thing…
    You are amazing! You are a bright spot in the blogosphere.
    A star.
    Lola recently wrote…Movie MayhemMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Lola! Reading your blog is a bright spot in my day. You are awesome πŸ™‚

  • August 11, 2011 Aleta

    This post made me happy and sad at the same time. Blogging has opened up a world of new friends and learning/reading about different experiences and things to enjoy and learning how to support one another.. it’s made the world more… available, without the confines of space.

    But… you’re right, that new friendships in the Bloggy world definitely do deserve to be respected and appreciated. I sure hope I haven’t done anything to ever offend or hurt anyone. I’ve been fortunate that I haven’t received anything mean… well, at least, if I did, it wasn’t enough of anything to lodge into my memory banks. πŸ™‚
    Aleta recently wrote…F is forMy Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Aleta, just like life, blogging comes with the good and the bad. I try to conduct myself online as I do offline, with integrity, kindness and humor. And all we can hope is others will do the same.

      And if they don’t? We move on. There are so many more great folks out there πŸ™‚

  • August 11, 2011 Anita

    What a great post. You really got me thinking πŸ™‚
    Anita recently wrote…It’s What I Love About Him…My Profile

    • August 11, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Anita, for reading and commenting πŸ™‚

  • August 11, 2011 Lady Jennie

    Hmm, great post. I didn’t think about pushing a post when someone guest posts for you because I don’t often do that for my own posts either. However I do make sure to write a really lovely intro and when I guest post elsewhere, I don’t write anything on my own site except the blurb to send them over.

    I do try to comment like crazy because I know it matters, but the truth is, I run out of time. I can’t even respond to everyone who comments on my blog (I go through phases). But I agree that who you are outside of your blog (even virtually) becomes pretty obvious.
    Lady Jennie recently wrote…Unchained MelodyMy Profile

    • August 12, 2011 Alison

      Thanks Jennie. About guest posting: when someone guests for me, I consider it an honor, and I always want everyone to read it, so it’s a natural thing for me to do to promote it as much as I would my own posts. I don’t expect the guest to do the same, it’s up to them, but it goes without saying that when you do write a post elsewhere, you WANT people to read it right? Writing a lovely intro is fantastic, that’s awesome of you. I try to do the same.

      As for commenting, it’s individual preference. Not everyone expects replies to their comments, or a return visit each and every time someone comments. We are all short on time, with having to lead real lives πŸ™‚ But for someone to have never visited your blog in the 3 months you’ve been reading theirs? I can’t help but think maybe they don’t really care.

      Just me two cents. Thanks for reading and weighing in.

  • August 12, 2011 Booyah's Momma

    This post was really thought provoking for me, Alison.

    I’ve felt a lot of these things at some point during my blogging stint. And I also (ruefully) admit I may have been guilty of a few of these as well.

    I’m still hoping to be able to find a balance between blogging, interacting with the blog community, and being a supportive person, while still juggling family, work, home life, etc. While all of those things matter, for me it’s been about prioritizing what matters the most.

    Gah! And now you’ve gotten me thinking even more. Stop that, will you?
    Booyah’s Momma recently wrote…15 Things I Wish I Had Known About BlogHerMy Profile

    • August 12, 2011 Alison

      I think all of us have, at some point been unable to respond to every single comment / tweet, or visit the hundreds of blogs we follow, and that’s okay. The thing is, we try right?

      I am totally not referring to those who try. It’s the ones who well, don’t. Ever. Sigh.

      I’ll tell you the full story one day. Once I respond to all my emails, tweets, comments, read and comment on 134 blogs I follow. And clothe and feed my child. (I do know what you mean!) πŸ™‚

  • August 12, 2011 tracy

    Still trying to get caught up on my blogs and I just sobbed reading this, my sweet friend. I get ignored on twitter all of the time – so then I start screwing with them and then I laugh. Seriously. UGH. I love you.
    xoxo
    tracy recently wrote…Proud Mommy Moment…My Profile

    • August 12, 2011 Alison

      I have no idea what crazy person would ignore lovely you!! And don’t worry about me, I’ve put on my big girl pants and I’m okay now. Writing this helped. Love you too. xoxo

  • August 12, 2011 Far From Perfect MaMMa

    yes, to all of your questions (totally had the guest post bomb…when I was the guest…oh well. Will be more selective next time)! I’m still trying to find the right balance, but I honestly never thought I would find a “new” community online like I have found through blogging. Happy to have found you, your blogging, humor, insights, all of it. Also glad that I didn’t “lose” you when you moved! I did on my reader, but then found you again. Made sure to go looking so I didn’t miss anything!
    Far From Perfect MaMMa recently wrote…When your Mother In Law almost diesMy Profile

    • August 12, 2011 Alison

      Lovely to see you again, you’ve been missed! Thank you for finding me again πŸ™‚

      I’ve been stung by the guest thing (when I was the guest – that’s what inspired this post). Balance is key, yes. We have to get on with our lives, but this blogging thing? It’s so much of us now, isn’t it?

  • August 12, 2011 Jessica

    You’re not being silly…at all.

    Blogging is a very serious thing for many people and just like people have lives outside of blogging, some people have lives within it simply because of the time and money invested.

    To send someone a small thank you, or encourage them just a little really isn’t that difficult…even if it’s delayed. Some people unfortunately just aren’t capable of doing that though.

    I’m sorry that you’ve been hurt, but I’m happy that you’ve been loved!
    Jessica recently wrote…A Good Friend – Pour Your Heart Out with Things I Can’t SayMy Profile

    • August 12, 2011 Alison

      Jessica, thank you. It’s hard to admit sometimes how serious blogging has gotten!

      You’re right, it’s the small things, which aren’t difficult but some still don’t do it. That’s what stings.

      Thank you for visiting.

  • August 12, 2011 JamieAnne

    How insightful and spot on is this post? It’s wonderful. You’re so right. What you do, how you act or fail to act shows your character. It’s important and this is beautifully written.
    JamieAnne recently wrote…Thankfulness Thursday-Things to think about…My Profile

    • August 12, 2011 Alison

      JamieAnne, thank you, for visiting, reading and your kind words. I’m glad you get this post. Truly.

  • August 12, 2011 Just Jennifer

    My goodness you’ve gotten a lot of comments on this. I’ve felt most of the things you describe. I LOVE when someone says something so nice on a post! And I love when people tweet me. I have felt a little slighted, but nothing major. I am a wear my heart on my sleeve gal so I hope I never get hurt for real.
    Just Jennifer recently wrote…My Dream PartyMy Profile

    • August 12, 2011 Alison

      Jennifer, the comments reflect the fact that many, if not all of us, have felt that way some time or other. The slights I talk about, mostly unintentional, as I’m sure it is in your case.

      Fortunately there are more fabulous bloggers out there, than not. And thank goodness for that.

  • August 12, 2011 Jen Burden

    What a WONDERFUL post, Alison!! I’m so glad we “met” online. You’ve been so helpful to me with any questions I’ve had about marketing and social media.

    I’m glad you received LOTS of comments on this post. So well-deserved. I have to go now and tweet it! πŸ™‚

    Jen πŸ™‚
    Jen Burden recently wrote…BRAZIL: Interview with EcoZivaMy Profile

    • August 12, 2011 Alison

      Jen, thank you for reading and for your support. Thank YOU for welcoming me into the WMB family, writing there, meeting so many wonderful people, you’ve helped me tremendously. I’m always happy to answer any questions you have πŸ™‚

  • August 12, 2011 Stasha

    Oh Alison. You pour your heart so beautifully. And I want you to appear on my couch right now so we can catch up over a nice cuppa tea. Your blog is pretty, but your content is sublime.
    Stasha recently wrote…SUIMy Profile

    • August 12, 2011 Alison

      Stasha, thank you. Such a huge compliment, you’ve made my day! I wish I could sit on your couch and share a cuppa – one day sooN!

  • August 13, 2011 Barbara

    I loved your post and I love your blog! Blogging is so much more about words on a screen, it is about the friendships and connections
    Barbara recently wrote…18 weeksMy Profile

    • August 13, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Barbara! You summarized it beautifully πŸ™‚

  • August 13, 2011 Sweaty

    Did you know what my first reaction upon reading this post was? It was: SH*T, SH*T, SH*T, did refusing a guest-post for a certain someone (ehem) count as a NO-NO??? Granted, it was not bec of anything other than my own lack of confidence as a blogger at the time? LOL, just kiddin’ my friend, I hope you still love me regardless πŸ˜‰

    Seriously though, I could definitely relate to this post. As you know, we started our blogs pretty much around the same time, so I think we sort of discovered and experienced things in similar order. Hell yeah, I’ve been hurt countless of times: when someone promised to read my posts but didn’t, when they didn’t acknowledge my tweets (and it wasn’t as if I tweet that much, so it shouldn’t be hard to notice), when it’s clear from their comments that they didn’t care about what I’ve written and only wanted me to follow them back.

    It’s good that you’ve written this down. Maybe I’ll start sending those who I think need to be educated on ‘Blogging Manners’ this post. Oh, or you can start a seminar or something, Alison! Funny, I can’t help but imagine this, a book titled, The Book of Blogging Manners – what every blogger should know. The author? You, of course! I can assure you, some people really need to read this.

    Having said that, I’ve also learned not to take those people to heart. I think I would go crazy, plagued with insecurities, and eventually stop blogging if I succumb to how those people made me feel. Of course I love it when people acknowledge me, etc., but nowadays I think I’m becoming better in focusing on the good friends that I’ve made (whom I know, from their actions that speak a thousand words)and on simply being myself and just trust that those who like me back do like me for who I am.

    Okay, I’ll stop now. I think I’m overcrowding your comment form. Tee hee.

    ps: I can’t shake off those dang blog hops though. I have a love/hate relationship with them. But if you could make a little teeny beany exception… and link up with Thoughtful Thursday blog hop??? Pretty pleasseeee? Ehem, ehem.
    Sweaty recently wrote…WANTED: Some SexMy Profile

    • August 13, 2011 Alison

      My dear friend Sweaty, thank you, as always your comments are thoughtful and heartfelt.

      You turning down my request for a guest post? I do not think anything of that at all, don’t worry yourself! Of course I still love ya!

      All those things you mentioned? I think it’s happened to all of us at one time or the other. And you’re right, sometimes it’s not intentional and we cannot take to heart all the sh*t that hits us, or we’ll never get out of bed. We choose our own paths by deciding how to react to people. And in cases of being slighted or hurt? It’s best to move on.

      After you write a blog post about it first, of course πŸ™‚

      (I’ll have a look at the blog hop, but I really don’t like hops!)

  • August 13, 2011 Ixy

    So true Alison and I’m glad I found you again (lost you briefly when you left blogger). I’ve absolutely had comments make my whole day. Although I have a pretty thick skin, it stung a bit when I wrote a short post about finding out I may be having twins (!), and a guy commented that pregnancy “creeps him out.” Couldn’t he have kept that to himself? Now every time I think of that post, all I remember is that less than tactful comment. And I think most of us have had those moments.

    Finding good communities has been the best part of blogging so far, but it’s also sad when a community (like FTLOB) starts to veer off in a direction you don’t want to go. I thought blogging would be all light fun, but I guess I’m too sensitive for that πŸ˜‰
    Ixy recently wrote…Five aliveMy Profile

    • August 13, 2011 Alison

      Blogging is so not light fun! πŸ˜‰ I thought it’d be too, but really, it’s serious business. We put so much of ourselves into this, it’s only natural we are a little sensitive to things such as not-so-nice comments, being ignored on Twitter, no return visits etc.

      So sorry you got that nasty comment! And thanks for finding me again. πŸ™‚

  • August 13, 2011 Jessica

    Hi Alison, this was tough for me to read. You are so kind to everyone in the blogging world that I hate to hear that anyone did not return your kindness. I hope that you are feeling better and well-loved after all of the comments you have received from your true friends.
    Jessica recently wrote…Small Things Saturday- Sweet HeartMy Profile

    • August 13, 2011 Alison

      Jessica, thank you for your kind words. I do feel better, there are many more fabulous people out there than not!

  • August 14, 2011 Karen Peterson

    I never expected to find real life friends through blogging, but I surely did.

    I’m working on the rest of it. Because I’m sure I’ve hurt people once or twice without ever meaning to. And that thought makes me sad.

    Thank you for sharing this at TRDC!
    Karen Peterson recently wrote…Karen’s Blog of the Week: A Nut in a Nutshell!My Profile

    • August 14, 2011 Alison

      Hi Karen, thanks for coming by. I think most of us have unintentionally hurt people online. It’s when it’s a series of actions/ non-actions from one person that REALLY hurt, which is what I refer to here.

      Ah well. There are many more good folks out there than there aren’t, I take solace in that!

  • August 14, 2011 Sarcasm Goddess

    You are so right! Not silly at all. I don’t know if I’ve ever been hurt by blogging, I’m still so surprised that people want to read my stuff and I can’t believe when I see other people sharing it on twitter or mentioning me in their blog. What has surprised me is how much I would love my bloggy friends’ blogs and how much fun it would be to promote them, and how annoyed I would be when I read a great post and see they only have four comments! Why aren’t more people reading and loving them!!

    • August 14, 2011 Alison

      I’m glad you haven’t been hurt before, I hope you never will be. I feel the same way about great blogs which don’t seem to get read, which is why I’m constantly persuading (okay badgering) people to try out lovelinks – it’s where I hope bloggers meet each other, and introduce each others’ friends. And expand the circle of love!

  • August 14, 2011 Mama, Hear Me Roar

    You’re not being silly! Everything does matter in the blogging world, after all, it’s all about people. People deserve to be treated with respect.

    Blogging has changed my life too. I started because friends were encouraging me to write, and when I finally did I found a whole new world opened up to me.

    I haven’t read all of your posts yet, but this must surely be one of the best I’ve read so far. Keep blogging, Alison. You’re one of the most encouraging bloggers I’ve met and we need more of that out there πŸ™‚
    Mama, Hear Me Roar recently wrote…How to get a successful start to breastfeeding (Part 1)My Profile

    • August 14, 2011 Alison

      Thank you for your kind words, support and encouragement. It’s bloggers like you that keep me going!

  • August 14, 2011 Karen

    You’re not being silly at all! I knew there was a blogging community when I began, but I was coming from the perspective of the papercrafting community that I knew existed. But, like you, my blogging has transitioned since I began and I never had any idea of what a phenomenally wide and diverse blogging community there is as a whole. I’ve been overwhelmed by it…in a good way. With so many great peeps to connect with and wonderful blogs to read, it’s hard to get to every one, every day. But, I try my best and make sure to comment on several a day. I am glad that I came back and read this one (I arrived on your Gratitude post first)! :>
    Karen recently wrote…Friday { Flash Mob } FunMy Profile

    • August 14, 2011 Alison

      Karne, thank you for understanding. Balancing blogging and life is hard, it does take a lot out of us. We just have to keep in mind that the people behind the blogs are real, and to respect them just as we would people in real life.

      And then, life would be perfect. πŸ™‚

  • August 14, 2011 Juggling Act

    I totally understand where you’re coming from. It’s not silly. Online friends can hurt you just as much, if not more than your IRL friends. I think some don’t take online relatonships as seriously as others.
    I pour my heart into my blog. Real, true unedited feelings. I love when people read, comment and share. I feel like I’m connecting and mybe making a difference.
    This is a community and we need to be supportive of one another. I’m still learning, growing and making stronger/deeper connections.
    Thank you for writing what many of us are thinking.
    Juggling Act recently wrote…Life’s LessonsMy Profile

    • August 14, 2011 Alison

      Thank you for reading and understanding where I’m coming from. We do need to be supportive, that is my key message and I’m so glad it’s coming across!

  • August 14, 2011 Theresa

    Honey, what a great post and reminder to everyone about what blogging should be.
    Thank you!
    Theresa recently wrote…Mr. Mom… {Leave the Nest Momma}My Profile

    • August 15, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Theresa, for reading.

  • August 15, 2011 Laura

    Wow! I am just a baby blogger, only really getting into blogging in June of this year. I have to say, though, that what you say about the blogging world is both inspiring and terrifying. I dearly love this new world I have stumbled upon, but I fear, come the end of this month, when I am back to work full time, graduate school part time, and mommyhood all the time, I will not have room for this new place I’ve grown to love. I hope I can remember to find some time to do those things you mention, for they are so very important, and I have only had just a taste of the wonder of blogging and social connection.
    Laura recently wrote…This One’s About Twitter…And Cyber-Pounding…But Mostly, TwitterMy Profile

    • August 15, 2011 Alison

      Laura, that you’re aware of the balance you need to achieve? That’s huge. Do what you can, blogging is supposed to be fun, not like work.

  • August 15, 2011 Confused

    Alison, this was a very honest post. I love it. I love reading your blog. I have a blog, and am guilty of some of the things listed above. I do not have a lot of time to respond right away, I have three kids, a job, a household to run, no help, no family near by. I do my best. How can you expect everyone to follow these guidelines you share? I would love to, but just don’t have the time. I too have a blog, and use it as an outlet to talk about whatever I want. I get comments, I love comments. I try to comment and follow back. The thing is, the blog is my outlet. I feel good about what I wrote, and still feel good whether someone comments or not. I don’t need this validation. Why does it matter so much? Aren’t you writing for you? Not everyone can respond to every tweet, not everyone can clear their inbox within a day or two, not everyone can mirror your blogging habits, when their lives are completely different. Isn’t that fair? I am sorry that you were hurt by someone in the blogging world, but maybe the blogging, twitter, and email world shouldn’t matter or affect you this much. Write for you. The friendship are just a bonus.

    • August 15, 2011 Alison

      Hi Confused, thanks for reading and taking the time to comment.

      I’d like to address all that you say, starting with the use of the word ‘guideline’. This post is not meant to be a ‘guideline’ at all. It was merely one blogger talking to another, appealing to her to consider the reciprocity that is inevitable in the blogging world.

      By no means am I saying that every blogger must respond to every single comment, every single tweet, every single email, immediately. Not at all. No one can do that. We are wives, mothers, friends, we have lives to lead, mouths to feed, houses to clean, laundry to do.

      What I am saying is, if you do NONE of the above AT ALL, then I’m sorry, that is hurtful. I’m talking about take, take, take. No giving, no reciprocating. At all. I’ve not had the time to read every single post of all the bloggers who comment on my blog, or who follow me. It’s impossible. But I try to at least drop in once in a while, or say hello on Twitter.

      And at no time, do I ask anyone to mirror my blogging habits. I merely said, consider your actions, or lack thereof. Whether it be commenting, reading, saying you’ll do something and then not.

      I write for me, yes. But I also write for you. For every person who takes time to come to my blog. We blog as an outlet, we also blog to interact, to converse. In order to create dialogue, you need to be relevant, interesting, compelling. I don’t see validation. I see true connection, friendships. And friendships require work from both sides.

      It does affect me, what I do online. Because this is a real world, filled with real people, who do real things. If I wanted to not feel a thing, I would withdraw completely from social media.

      As I said I do write for me, but unlike you perhaps, I cannot do so in isolation. It’d be like writing a novel and not ever have it published. To not have someone devour your words. To not have someone reach out to you to say, I get you, I understand. To not have someone say, thank you for writing that.

      The friendships are not just a bonus. They are essential.

      Again, thanks for weighing in. Your comment keeps the dialogue going and that’s my intention of writing this post. If I’d written this and put it in my diary, then no one is better off right?

      Thanks for reading. I appreciate it.

  • August 15, 2011 Erica

    Alison, hugs, I’m sorry you were hurt and I applaud you writing this. You’ve made me think about a lot and my hope is I never hurt/offend anyone as you describe. Your words hit home. While my blog is nowhere near majority of what I read/visit with actual comments that aren’t spam, I love blogging. I love thinking that my story might impact someone, make them laugh, cry etc. The people I’ve *met* on Twitter are wonderful! I truly wish I could meet them all irl! Online is enough because so many of the people I’ve never met have reached out to me more than people that I can actually meet up with and see. The “real” people that are supposed to care. Not seeing comments can sting sometimes but I remember why I blog. It isn’t for comments. I’ve rambled a bit and I hope I made sense. It’s a bit late here so excuse me. Again Alison, hugs and more hugs.
    Erica recently wrote…The Shame Game Week 1My Profile

    • August 15, 2011 Alison

      Erica, you’ve always been a great supporter and tweep, I’m sure you’ve never intentionally hurt someone. I’m perfectly happy with comments I get, I’ve lucked out on that. It’s a few other things that bothered me, which got me thinking and then writing it down, hence this post. And having written it down, I feel better about it and have moved on. Your hugs are greatly appreciated!

  • August 16, 2011 Kathy

    Thanks again for your post! I read it late last night and have been meaning to return all day to comment. Blogging has definitely evolved for me over the past for years. I have learned a lot and my feelings have been hurt on more than one occasion. I forever struggle with commenting as much as I would like, in part because there are not enough hours in the day and because I hav a tendency to write really long comments and then don’t have as much time or energy to spread the love around. I am glad that you got so much validation for your post, as blogging can be such an up and down experience. Here is a link to a post that I wrote on my 4th Blogoversary earlier this year about what I have learned from my experience blogging: http://chicagobensons.blogspot.com/2011/04/4-years-of-blogging-things-i-have.html
    Kathy recently wrote…Birthday Party DilemmaMy Profile

    • August 16, 2011 Alison

      Kathy, thank you for reading and coming back to comment. Yes, blogging certainly has its ups and downs, and I’m fortunate it’s more highs than lows.

      Thanks for sharing your post, it’s so insightful. And 4 years? Wow. I’m just past 4 1/2 months! I have much to learn from you.

  • August 17, 2011 Poppy

    I read this and of course feel badly for violating some of these rules. Of course I have had a hurt feeling along the bloggy path, but I am sure I have hurt a feeling or two inadvertently too. This summer, I made a conscious decision to cut way back on the time I spend on blogging/Twitter/etc. I value my blog friends, but I also value my family being home. Thoughtful post.
    Poppy recently wrote…White Trash Bash RevisitedMy Profile

    • August 17, 2011 Alison

      Hi Poppy, thanks for reading and commenting. I wouldn’t call them rules as such, just a couple of common courtesies. I understand of course that you need to spend time with your family, and when time is short, online time is the first to go. I guess I was coming from a different place when I wrote this – a series of things had happened with one particular person and I vented. I have no intention of making it seem like people should feel bad for not being able to comment/ tweet as much, just because I do.

      Anyway, writing this and reading others’ thoughts on it has been a great way for me to consider how I feel about blogging and how I should react in future. Thanks again!

  • August 23, 2011 Tonya

    Alison, this is wonderfully written and I know it’s right from the heart.

    Blogging can be tough and the backlash and comfort like no other.

    Thank you for writing this.

    I don’t care what anyone says (each and every one of our husbands), online friends are REAL!! Soem of the real-est I’ve ever had. πŸ™‚
    Tonya recently wrote…When Daddy’s AwayMy Profile

    • August 23, 2011 Alison

      Thanks Tonya. I know not everyone agrees with me πŸ™‚ I’m not advocating being the best blogger ever, just to be the best possible friend and human being, if possible. Or least try to. Thanks for reading and understanding where I’m coming from. And yes, online friends are REAL!

  • August 23, 2011 Kelly Edwards

    It’s so true. I’m new to blogging and I’ve already realized that a comment can mean the world to me and others. I go to other’s sites, and take the time to read their blogs and post comments and I hope that they do the same for me. As a new blog, I want to get my site out there, to be seen. But I don’t really want to do blog hops because it doesn’t suit my blog really. I just keep hoping that the content will be meaningful to someone and they’ll stick around to read more.

    The Smile Conquest Day 28 Laughter Through Tears

    • August 23, 2011 Alison

      Kelly, I think you’ve got the right attitude going about this blogging thing as a community. Keep writing!

  • September 15, 2011 Miss Marina Star

    I just stumbled upon this post and had to tell you how much I loved it. I’ve had my blog up for over a year, but I’ve really just started connecting with other bloggers. Sometimes it’s scary to put yourself out there after you find out certain people are reading.
    Miss Marina Star recently wrote…Not Your Ordinary Motherly AdviceMy Profile

    • September 16, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Marina, glad you liked it and can relate.

  • October 22, 2011 Adrienne

    It does matter! Treat people the way you want to be treated. Period! Great post! I’m glad you started writing from the heart, because I love your writing! Found you from Shell’s BFF, congrats!
    Adrienne recently wrote…When I have to fight for himMy Profile

    • October 22, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Adrienne, for popping by and reading. Glad you like my writing πŸ™‚

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