A couple of months ago, while I was on Twitter, I happened upon a tweet by @GDRPEmpress (aka The Empress of Good Day, Regular People), saying something along the lines of, “Go check this blog post out, it’s pee-inducing funny!” (this is not what she wrote, she’s far classier than that, but that’s the gist of it).
So I did. And that is how I stumbled upon France Rants. It was instant love. This rant about blog awards had me wiping tears from my eyes from laughing so hard. I spit up my coffee and snorted at this one: The Vicki-Jesus Rant. And she DRAWS!!! You know I love me a drawing blogger.
France only writes once a week on Monday, and has transformed a mundane time of the week, to the day I look forward to. So thank you dear France. It is such an honor for me today to swap blogs with you so I can interview you about all things American. And people, you can read my very detailed answers about Malaysia on France’s blog which France asked me, mostly tongue in cheek, and I get all serious on her.
And, here is France!
Alison: What’s up with not wearing white after Labor Day?
France: Most women who subscribe to this fashion rule learned it from their mothers. As such, they have no idea why this seemingly arbitrary rule exists. I may possibly fall under this category. I decided to search for the answer and discovered there seems to be several theories, which leads me to believe that the real answer is, no one knows why and yet like sheep, we continue to follow this rule anyway.
Alison: What is Black Friday? (you guys love these colored days don’t you?)
France: Black Friday is when you wear all the black things you have hanging in your closet, since your non-black clothes are dirty or are still at the dry cleaners because you forgot to pick them up.
Alison: I’m pretty sure France is pulling my leg here – right?
Alison: Are food portions really as large as they appear to be in shows like ‘Man Vs Food’?
France: I have never seen that show, but I am going to say yes. In fact, our portions are probably even larger. If you’ve ever eaten an 1800 calorie burrito from Chipotle’s, then you know what I mean.
Alison: Do Americans really understand each other, what with all the weird accents?
France: Personally, I can’t always understand people from the South (cute accents, tough idioms) and Minnesota. I also find that adults who are missing any front teeth tend to slur their words, which also makes them difficult for me to understand.
Alison: Do Americans know where Malaysia is?
France: I would wager to say some Americans don’t even know where America is, so probably not.
Alison: Do you guys prefer Independence Day or Thanksgiving as a holiday?
France: Good question, I don’t know. We should take a poll. I personally like Independence Day better because it means summer weather, BBQ, and fireworks, whereas Thanksgiving equals cold weather for much of our nation. Although Thanksgiving does mean stuffing, which is one of my favorite things to eat, yet I never make other than on Thanksgiving. (Which is stupid, right? I mean if I like, then why don’t I just make it more than once a year?)
Alison: Please explain Halloween.
France: Halloween’s roots are connected to religious celebrations originated in Celtic and European cultures (especially Catholicism) that honor the dead. Americanized over the years, it has now become a commercialized exploitation of ghoulish things. But many people do enjoy the mood (myself included).
Here’s my summation of Halloween: People may decorate their homes with spooky things prior to Halloween, and then on October 31st (the actual date of Halloween) kids dress up in outfits (some scary, some cute, some dumb) and then go around to their neighbors houses expecting to receive free candy. Then, many of the kids won’t even say ‘thank you’ after you hand them the loot, because they are impolite little turds. Some adults will dress up in costumes and go to Halloween parties, as it allows them the opportunity to pretend for an evening. In addition, odds are high that many females between the ages of 18 – 30 years old who attend said parties, will probably wear hoochie mama costumes.
Alison: Is everyone in LA beautiful?
France: Definitely not. In fact some are actually simulated-living plastic dolls, in jeopardy of spontaneously combusting in the proper conditions.
Alison: Is it common to ask people you just met what their political loyalties lie?
France: Not to my knowledge, although some people give away their political affiliations via bumper stickers they put on their cars. Which I think is kind of weird. I mean, I don’t go around advertising that I am say, intolerant of stupid people, which oddly enough, is the exact category I place those who happen to use political car bumper stickers.
Alison: With all the awesome factory outlets in America, does anyone buy retail anymore?
France: That is SUCH a crock! Factory outlet stores used to have awesome deals, one could truly purchase overstocked outstanding high quality items at low costs. However slimy retailers caught on quick and began manufacturing lower quality items designed specifically for outlet stores and as such, the original shopping premise is now missing from most outlet stores. And I know this, because I used to once be a slimy retailer buyer and thus can spot this bait and switch from a mile away.
Alison: Why do Americans care about Real Housewives, people with weird names like the Kardashians, and bachelors/ bachelorettes?
France: I am still trying to figure out why Americans care about reality stars from New Jersey, so I’ll have to get back to you on that one.
Alison: Okay, be honest: Angelina or Jennifer? Who do you Americans prefer?
France: I’m gonna go out on a limb and say most guys prefer Angelina because she is scary sexy; whereas most women will prefer Jennifer because she is good girl sexy. Personally I prefer Angelina because I think she’s a more versatile actress, as well as overall, more interesting, even though she’s a total ho for stealing Brad from Jen. Although reports are coming out that Jen stole her current boyfriend from some ‘regular’ woman, so I guess that makes Jen a ho now too. And Julia Roberts totally stole her husband from some regular woman he was married to, and no one ever seemed to complain about Julia being a ho. I guess because she is considered America’s Sweetheart and thus came out of that love triangle completely unscathed. Which leads me to believe you are only openly accused of being a Hollywood ho for stealing another woman’s man if: 1) you are scary sexy and 2) both you and the man are famous actors.
Wait, what was your original question again??
Alison: Can you guys tell Trader Joe’s to consider opening a store in Malaysia please?
France: I can’t even get stupid Trader Joe’s to open up a store 15 minutes from me, so you are going to have to go to the back of the line for that request, sister.
Alison: Do American men also leave the toilet seat up?
France: Yes. Bastards.
Now, head on over to France’s blog and see my answers for her questions about Malaysia!
Linking up with lovelinks #17.