Yes, I’m giving myself a Throat Punch this Thursday.
I deserve it.
For being a total asshat.
For whining all over Twitter about what a hard week this has been with the toddler.
In truth? It’s no harder than any other day. Yes, he’s a little more clingy, a little more demanding. He’s at ‘that’ stage. The one where any mother who’s had to deal with the in-between baby/ small child phase, will know.
You know, that stage. Where he’s now a little person, who has wants and needs; who is able to know what frustration is but doesn’t quite know how to express it. Who gets angry and shows it. Who knows what he wants, but doesn’t always get it and doesn’t understand why. Who wants Mama to sit with him at all times.
I got annoyed at the constant demanding of the TV remote. Irritated at the relentless hand pulling every time I sat down at my laptop. Frustrated at the easy tears and screams when demands weren’t met fast enough, or at all.
I held my temper in check. I did not yell. I did not deny (not much) him.
I also did not smile much. Or laugh. Or partake in his little moments.
Instead, I went on Twitter and got snappy. Bitchy. Angry. I whined. I complained. I sighed.
Hey, I’m turning into a toddler!
THROAT PUNCH me already.
I forget sometimes that he is also a cheerful, happy little boy who loves Elmo, drawing, flipping through books and eating Goldfish crackers. I forget that he smiles when he sees me first thing in the morning. I forget that he squeals in delight when we play peekaboo.
I should be drinking in all the little moments. Small or big, sad or happy. He is demanding the TV remote because I am not playing with him. He’s pulling at my hand because I’m trying to tweet, instead of spending time with him. He wants me to sit with him because I’m his Mama and he loves me.
I’m such an asshat.
I’m sorry little guy, Mama loves you. I promise to be better.
Go on, tell me I’m not alone in this asshattery……