Throat Punch Thursday: The Me Edition

posted in: Boys, Childhood, Monkey My Son, Terrible Twos, Toddler 0 comments

Yes, I’m giving myself a Throat Punch this Thursday.

I deserve it.

For being a total asshat.

For whining all over Twitter about what a hard week this has been with the toddler.

In truth? It’s no harder than any other day. Yes, he’s a little more clingy, a little more demanding. He’s at ‘that’ stage. The one where any mother who’s had to deal with the in-between baby/ small child phase, will know.

You know, that stage. Where he’s now a little person, who has wants and needs; who is able to know what frustration is but doesn’t quite know how to express it. Who gets angry and shows it. Who knows what he wants, but doesn’t always get it and doesn’t understand why. Who wants Mama to sit with him at all times.

I got annoyed at the constant demanding of the TV remote. Irritated at the relentless hand pulling every time I sat down at my laptop. Frustrated at the easy tears and screams when demands weren’t met fast enough, or at all.

I held my temper in check. I did not yell. I did not deny (not much) him.

I also did not smile much. Or laugh. Or partake in his little moments.

Instead, I went on Twitter and got snappy. Bitchy. Angry. I whined. I complained. I sighed.

Hey, I’m turning into a toddler!

THROAT PUNCH me already.

I forget sometimes that he is also a cheerful, happy little boy who loves Elmo, drawing, flipping through books and eating Goldfish crackers. I forget that he smiles when he sees me first thing in the morning. I forget that he squeals in delight when we play peekaboo.

I should be drinking in all the little moments. Small or big, sad or happy. He is demanding the TV remote because I am not playing with him. He’s pulling at my hand because I’m trying to tweet, instead of spending time with him. He wants me to sit with him because I’m his Mama and he loves me.

I’m such an asshat.

I’m sorry little guy, Mama loves you. I promise to be better.

 Go on, tell me I’m not alone in this asshattery……

Alison

Alison

Alison

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  • July 21, 2011 Kimberly

    I have felt the same way lately. I know it’s hard to not get snippy and bitchy when they’re just being toddlers, but it happens. We’re only human. They know we love them and, thankfully, they forgive pretty darn easily!
    Kimberly recently wrote…Nobody’s HomeMy Profile

    • July 21, 2011 Alison

      Yes, they do, which is partly why I feel so shit about being so whiny!! All he wants is his Mama. Sigh.

  • July 21, 2011 janice

    I LOVE this post and I feel really guilty now. I have two kids who demand my attention. I’m so guilty of whining and being selfish. Of wanting them to sleep so I can do things for me. As with you, I promise to be better. Starting tomorrow morning.

    • July 21, 2011 Alison

      I know it sucks for you, but boy am I GLAD I’M NOT the only one!! Yes, tomorrow, we start tomorrow. After a giant cup of coffee.

  • July 21, 2011 PartlySunny

    Are you kidding me? This is me every day. If I were too cheery, the kids would get confused.

    You’re an awesome mom. You can’t drink in every moment. Otherwise, you’d drown.

    • July 21, 2011 Alison

      Hahaha you make me laugh all the time, Tammy.

      And thank you, it means a lot to me for you to say that.

  • July 21, 2011 Ludicrous Mama

    I read somewhere to talk and think like you’re trying to sell your kids. When you’re trying to sell your car, you don’t point out the nasty smell, or explain that that brown stain is from poo. No. You say it runs great.
    So whenever I’m ready to yell, I take a deep breath and spin it. Instead of “ARGH! STOP WHINING!” I say “I love that you’re using your words!” Instead of “Ach! Get OFF of me already!” I say “I love our snuggle time!” Ultimately, we’re selling our kids to ourselves, but it really changes your mental outlook. And then they don’t grow and use your negative labels for them as excuses to continue the behavior, like a self-fulfilling prophecy. And if you can’t think of a positive for something (like when they smear poo all over the walls, although you could praise their artistic nature…) say something else you love about them. They don’t feel like something is ‘wrong’ with them for acting their age (‘cuz, face it, they ARE) and you are constantly reminding yourselves what a treasure this little monster… errr… “go-getter” is!
    Ludicrous Mama recently wrote…Learning To Play; Playing To Learn, Part 1 of 2My Profile

    • July 21, 2011 Alison

      LMama, thank you for your comment. Your perspective is quite refreshing, and I think on point. Thank you for sharing, I will have to try this tactic!

  • July 21, 2011 Morgan B.

    Bah! You are totally allowed to whine. That’s what Twitter is for.
    Morgan B. recently wrote…The One Where I Pretend to Have Interior Design Skillz (and give away something really cool!)My Profile

    • July 21, 2011 Alison

      Hehe, thanks Morgan. Twitter is pretty good to let it all hang out 🙂

  • July 21, 2011 mom2kiddos

    DOOOSH! There! There’s a punch in your throat for you! Feel better now?!
    I have those days too and need to be reminded to always put my kids first. It’s good you realise that.
    DOOOSH! Had to do it one more time.
    mom2kiddos recently wrote…Photo Guessing Fun #3 AnswerMy Profile

    • July 21, 2011 Alison

      Thank you, I do feel better. My throat kinda hurts though….

  • July 21, 2011 Stasha

    You know, when you reflect you feel bad. But when it is actually happening all you want is for it to stop. It is OK to set boundaries, not give in to all demands and show them you resent rotten attitude. Because if you don’t, others will. And his school mates will not give them selves throat punch for saying no.
    You are a lovely woman and a wonderful mom. Have some chocolate, tomorrow is a new day.
    Stasha recently wrote…A man, a boy, two dogs and a ballMy Profile

    • July 21, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Stasha, you always say the right things to make me feel better. Chocolate sounds good!

  • July 21, 2011 Kid Id

    I agree with Stasha. And I, like any mother who is being honest with herself can relate. I wrote a similar post about how toddlerhood is the first adolescence – they whine, they throw fits, they’re egocentric, it’s all about them. And our role is to somehow balance meeting their needs while not overdoing it to the point that they expect immediate gratification from the world. It’s okay to learn how to wait. It’s good for them to see that sometimes Mommy needs Mommy time. And of course, they need a lot of Mommy time too. Trying to find the balance is hard and the fact that you recognize the struggle and can empathize with his needs means you are already being a great Mommy!
    Kid Id recently wrote…Cacaphony of Free AssociationMy Profile

    • July 21, 2011 Alison

      I love that you’re a psychologist because hearing that from you? Made me feel instantly better. Thank you.

  • July 21, 2011 Kir

    Well you’re not an asshat…not at all. I know this feeling and it’s why I try really hard to just do blog stuff at work or in the car…because at home I want to spend some time with them…hey it’s hard carving out time for yourself AND them…plus you want to stay connected to your friends, your “life” that gives you joy and purpose but you also need to pay attention to the little person in your life that is the reason you blog.

    I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately..honestly I sit in awe of all of you that can blog, tweet, facebook etc…and still be really good moms..I don’t have that talent yet and I hate trading one for the other.

    You are NOT an asshat …just a mom..and a very good one at that!
    Kir recently wrote…Proud Mommy Moment: Galit from These Little Waves is VisitingMy Profile

    • July 21, 2011 Alison

      Aw, thank you Kir! I am not sure about being a good Mom. At least not all the time. I try, I really do. But you’re right, I do want that little bit of Me Time. I think I’ll be better for it. But the guilt? Can’t help it. I think it’d be a constant struggle for us, to find the balance. I am in awe of YOU, working, being a mom, blogging, networking!

  • July 21, 2011 Donna Conley

    You are not an asshat, you’re human 🙂 We all get frustrated but you have recognized that frustration and dealing with it. Which is a step ahead of alot of us. 🙂

    I do not have toddlers anymore but I do have an 8 year old that wants all of my time lately and I’ve done the same thing.

    We can’t be superwoman all the time but we sure try. Have a great weekend.

    • July 21, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Donna, for saying that. Sometimes, I want to be super human, for my son. He’s only this age once, so I do want to make the most of it. It’s just the struggle between that, and making time for me, and sometimes failing? That makes me want to punch myself 🙂 Thanks for stopping by.

  • July 21, 2011 Ann

    …this is NOT….err….ass HAT? Thursday! (amazing expression). I assumed you were on twitter for cyber hugs, friendship and support!

    After all – that’s what friends are for! Just because we’re friends in 140 characters or less, doesn’t mean we’re any less of friends!

    Give yourself a break – we have!
    Ann recently wrote…All American MeatloafMy Profile

    • July 21, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Ann. You are a good friend 🙂

  • July 21, 2011 Julie

    I completely get it. I know he’s frustrated because he can’t tell me what he wants so he whines, and I try to retreat from the whining into my computer or scrapbooking or whatever, which makes him madder.

    I’m thankful for my husband, who gives me breaks from time to time so I can go somewhere, anywhere, without feeling guilty for needing a moment to myself.

    Oh, but look how handsome your Monkey is. We have such beautiful boys!
    Julie recently wrote…Wordless Wednesday: I can haz BPA?My Profile

    • July 21, 2011 Alison

      Your husband? A keeper. Your son? Totally handsome!

  • July 21, 2011 Natalie

    Hey you’re feeling like every mom…don’t be so hard on yourself! We all feel like that sometimes. Kids are demanding and sometimes you just want one nano second to complete a thought. You’re a great momma!
    Natalie recently wrote…Feelin’ Fine at NineMy Profile

    • July 21, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Natalie! You’re right, I just want to complete a thought most days 🙂

  • July 21, 2011 Galit Breen

    You? Are silly.

    XO
    Galit Breen recently wrote…Raising RacismMy Profile

    • July 21, 2011 Alison

      🙂 *blush* You’re a sweet, kind friend. xo

  • July 21, 2011 Tracy

    The look in Lotte’s eyes when I pick up my iPhone, or open my laptop AGAIN is heart wrenching. It’s ok, though, because we deserve some “me” time, and THEY need to learn how to play independently sometimes. I mean, why else do they have 5000 toys?

    Don’t be hard on yourself. We’ve all been there, and the kids love us just the same. 🙂

    • July 21, 2011 Alison

      Yes, I want him to be able to play independently. But he’s just super attached to me right now. I just have to remind myself that too soon, he won’t want me to be there all the time, so I should treasure the time!

      And thank you. Yes, he does still love me. Phew.

  • July 21, 2011 Jenn

    Ah, I think you are being too hard on yourself. Toddlers are totally exhausting at this stage and you have every right to feel worn down by the constant demands . . . lord knows that I have been feeling that way lately as well.

    I don’t think that you are an asshat at all. I think the fact that you recognized that you were coping as well as you want to with the demands of a toddler makes you an awesome mom.

    Give him a great big hug, tell him that you love him to bits and that he is totally and absolulely the cutest, most exhausting pain in the neck you have ever loved with all of you heart!

    • July 21, 2011 Alison

      Aw, thank you Jenn. That is such a beautiful comment, I really appreciate it.

      I don’t think I’m awesome – yet. But I try, not everyday, but I try.

      I just did hug him. And covered him in kisses. He looked bewildered lol

  • July 21, 2011 Alexandra

    Dear Sweetie:

    Don’t.

    Just don’t.

    We are all like that, believe me.

    I just apologize, hug and kiss, and start all over.

    Really.

    xo
    Alexandra recently wrote…Bring the Funny? Daphne CanMy Profile

    • July 21, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Alexandra. Your words made me teary.

  • July 21, 2011 angela

    You are NOT alone. I think one of the hardest things with little ones is being present all of the time. They are so dependent on us, and that can be exhausting.
    Try to do your best (NO throat punching) and know that you are a loving, wonderful mom. He knows that 🙂
    angela recently wrote…Sleep TightMy Profile

    • July 21, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Angela. I do hope he knows, he is my heart. 🙂

  • July 21, 2011 Missy

    It’s okay to whine now and then – it’s our release. What’s awful is when people don’t realize they’re whining all the time instead of enjoying things. That’s not you at all. I revoke your self-appointed asshatedness. 😉
    Missy recently wrote…Goodbye, TVMy Profile

    • July 21, 2011 Alison

      Hee hee, thank you Missy. xo

  • July 21, 2011 Stephanie

    I whine quite a bit sometimes. The constant need for attention is so draining. You want your own life, even just for 10 minutes where NO ONE needs you! Believe me, you are not alone in feeling this way. I think Mom does.
    Stephanie recently wrote…I live fashion vicariouslyMy Profile

    • July 21, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Stephanie, for commiserating. It is good to know we’re not alone. Thank goodness for Twitter eh?

      • July 22, 2011 Stephanie

        Oh yes! I big puffy heart love Twitter. Can’t believe I signed up TWO years ago and then did nothing on it till this year. All that wasted tweeting time 🙁
        Stephanie recently wrote…I live fashion vicariouslyMy Profile

  • July 21, 2011 Kelly

    Exactly what the Empress said.

    Stop and take

    a do-over.

    We have all been there-and it’s ok.

    The fact that you recognize it…well, proves you are NOT an asshat! 🙂
    Kelly recently wrote…Jamaican SummerMy Profile

    • July 21, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Kelly. Coming from experienced Moms like you and The Empress? So assuring.

  • July 21, 2011 Jamie

    So far from alone. My problem is I have wake-up call moments like these and then two days later I’m doing the same things again. I keep telling myself that before I know it they’ll be twenty and not around to flip my switches. They are so forgiving of us, why can’t we be of ourselves?!
    http://chosenchaos.blogspot.com/2011/06/one-about-living-with-super-hero.html

    • July 21, 2011 Alison

      Yes, exactly! I’m working on the self-forgiveness, as should you.

  • July 21, 2011 Runnermom-jen

    Oh, Alison…YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! And I don’t think you’re an asshat 🙂 We ALL have these moments as moms, and if they say they don’t, they’re probably lying. XO
    Runnermom-jen recently wrote…Simple GirlMy Profile

  • July 21, 2011 Carri

    Don’t worry… That’s what Twitter is for! We’ve all been there so we don’t judge. Hell, most of us join in!

    • July 22, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Carri, I know I can count on you 🙂

  • July 21, 2011 Jackie

    I feel the same way. There are many days where I go to bed feeling guilty thinking I didn’t spend enough time with my son. So, I do my best the next day and think of something fun to do with him before sitting down for some me time.
    Jackie recently wrote…Memorable Sporting EventMy Profile

    • July 22, 2011 Alison

      That is a good rule, I need to apply that, thank you!

  • July 21, 2011 Kim

    I swear it comes and goes like the tides. Some days I’m riding it high, being all nice and genuinely loving every moment, and then I crash (usually after a night where I got 3 hours of sleep) and then I am so not nice and just want to be alone. The tugs on my arms by my girls seem to occur all the time on days like those and it pushes me over the edge. Then the day is over and it all starts to get better again.

    I’m not sure what directs the highs and lows, but I think lack of sleep has to do with it.
    Kim recently wrote…The Simple ThingsMy Profile

    • July 22, 2011 Alison

      Sleep is soooooo important. I truly believe a good night’s sleep sets us up for a good day!

  • July 21, 2011 Rach (DonutsMama)

    It’s ok to whine and complain sometimes! This is a hard demanding job and sometimes our little bosses are so difficult! I don’t mind your whining at all–I do it plenty too. You’re a good mama.
    Rach (DonutsMama) recently wrote…So How’d You Meet? Alyss & AlexMy Profile

    • July 22, 2011 Alison

      Aw, thank you Rach! I know I can count on you, my dear friend.

  • July 21, 2011 Jenni Chiu

    Oh, we shall all have an asshattery party! It is truly trying when someone demands every ounce of you. We all get frustrated, remember we are mommies… and try our best all over again.
    One of the great things about finding other mommies through social media is being ALLOWED to whine and complain. That makes it easier to smile at the little one and carry on…
    Bitch away when you really need to! That’s what we’re here for!
    Jenni Chiu recently wrote…This unborn child is making me a bad parent.My Profile

    • July 22, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Jenni, you’re right, social media is an outlet and a good one at that. You said it, be prepared to be whined at!

      p/s* you’re not an asshat 🙂

  • July 22, 2011 Evonne

    You are definitely not alone! It can be so frustrating when all we want to do is nothing but sit for 10 seconds, but can’t. And that mom guilt – it sucks!
    Evonne recently wrote…My childMy Profile

    • July 22, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Evonne, it’s good to remember that I’m not alone 🙂

  • July 22, 2011 MamaRobinJ

    I relate. But it does not make you an asshat. And you certainly don’t deserve a throat punch! Some days, some weeks (some months…) are harder than others. That phase he’s in is hard but it does get better (of course).

    Give him a hug and give yourself one too. xo
    MamaRobinJ recently wrote…I’m With The Band and I Have the Shirt to Prove It – Giveaway!My Profile

    • July 22, 2011 Alison

      Oh Robin, I know that many moms have it harder than me, which is why I feel bad for complaining. Thank you, for your kind comment. Hugs all round!

  • July 22, 2011 Staying Afloat!

    I DEFINITELY feel like this. Sometimes it can be daily. So I installed the “Mommy Time-Out” in our house. If the boys are fighting and tattling on each other, or if they are whining ALL DAY LONG!! Instead of screaming at them I tell them that mommy needs a time out, and I’ll be right back. I will go and take 5-10 minutes to myself…even if it is just in the bathroom, to re-group and try to remember that they are just kids trying to express their emotions in the only way they know how.

    Don’t be so hard on yourself! This motherhood gig is hard ass work!
    Staying Afloat! recently wrote…The 4 P’s of Parenting BoysMy Profile

    • July 22, 2011 Alison

      Good idea with the Mommy time out! Yes it is pretty hard work 😉

  • July 22, 2011 Suniverse

    Oh, hon, the hardest thing I had to learn was to let myself have a shitty day[s] being a mom because otherwise? I’d feel awful all the time.

    You’re a great mom – no throat punch for you.
    Suniverse recently wrote…Summer MemoriesMy Profile

    • July 22, 2011 Alison

      Aw, thank you.

  • July 22, 2011 therobotmommy

    Alison, thanks for writing this post. I, too, have successfully entered into the world of asshattery. My toddler knocked over my full iced coffee that I barely got two sips of. I lost it, to the point of stomping out of the room and putting my toddler into a crying fit. I lost my coffee but he lost his patient mommy over something so trivial. I achieved ultimate suckness.
    Needless to say, we’re at his favorite park and I going to make it a CP day today. If you are handing out throat punches, I’ll take my place in line.

    • July 22, 2011 Alison

      Aw, so sorry to hear that!! As everyone here has said, we are allowed a few bad days so I’m not giving you a throat punch!!

      New day, new start 🙂

  • July 22, 2011 RoryBore

    As you can see, you are definitely not alone in the asshattery. we’ve all been there….there right now as the 2 older ones are couped up inside during a heat wave, while the baby naps.
    Heck…it’s why my blog started and hence the title Time Out for Mom! It’s twofold:
    1. when dealing with a toddler, in no time, one startsa acting like a toddler. time out, bad mommy.
    2. When I notice I am always bowing to their level…mom really needs a Time Out…as in Out of the House! LOL
    RoryBore recently wrote…Wordless Wednesday – Summer Fun!My Profile

    • July 22, 2011 Alison

      Yes I’m definitely not alone and it’s some consolation 🙂 Timeout for Mommy seems to be a popular theme here, I will have to practice that!

  • July 22, 2011 Desperate Housemommy

    It’s admirable to strive to be better. I strive. Believe you me, I strive.

    But don’t beat yourself up amidst your striving. We do what we can. We need a moment to ourselves every now and again. It is ok for our children to see us temporarily involved in a task that does not involve them.

    Keep striving, by all means. But pretty, pretty please…let yourself off the hook. xo
    Desperate Housemommy recently wrote…Chardonnay, Sweet Dreams, and Sex EdMy Profile

  • July 22, 2011 always home and uncool

    I feel like that a lot. But then I think of the real damage I could do if I hung out with the kids CONSTANTLY.
    always home and uncool recently wrote…Brief Observations on Summer Camp 2011My Profile

    • July 22, 2011 Alison

      Haha! Thanks for the laugh!

  • July 22, 2011 Mama And The City

    As I tweeted you yesterday, sometimes letting all that out is good.

    My virtual hug to you.
    Mama And The City recently wrote…When going to the mall is a fearMy Profile

    • July 22, 2011 Alison

      Thank you!

  • July 22, 2011 Crystal

    It’s so easy to get over-whelmed, even when we don’t mean to. Don’t be too hard on yourself, you’re a good mom and a wonderful person. He’ll just be glad to have Mommy back to normal. It takes a great woman to admit something like this even in private! I admire you for being able to admit it so publicly! Go you!
    Crystal recently wrote…ShieldsMy Profile

    • July 22, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Crystal, I wouldn’t take too much credit for whining publicly, but thank you. 🙂

  • July 22, 2011 Jessica

    Ah, well yes. I am frequently an asshat in parenting. Thank goodness there is the Twitter to share our complaints. One word to bring a smile to your face: assy. 😉
    Jessica recently wrote…VlogTalk PromptsMy Profile

    • July 22, 2011 Alison

      Haha, thanks Jessica! Assy!

  • July 22, 2011 C

    Don’t look down on yourself. You needed your moment just like he needs his. I usually have to take a lot of those moments just to get through the day. The computer and everything included is my break, too, and I’d be lost without it.
    C recently wrote…Fudging Gosh Dang Shoot Doesn’t Have the Same Ring to itMy Profile

    • July 22, 2011 Alison

      I guess it’s all about balance right?

  • July 22, 2011 Sarcasm Goddess

    You are not an asshat! Take that back or I will punch you in the throat. Just kidding! I would never do that! Luv ya!

    • July 22, 2011 Alison

      Aw, thanks, you!

  • oh girl, you are most certainly not alone and you are def not an asshat. i still complain and my kid is old enough to do most things for herself!!
    elizabeth-flourishinprogress recently wrote…thanks for not stabbing grandmaMy Profile

    • July 22, 2011 Alison

      Aw, thanks Liz!! Does the day come when they DON’T ask mom to do everything? 🙂

  • July 22, 2011 Mandi

    I enjoy reading your blog so much, I’m giving you the BLOG ON FIRE AWARD. Stop over to my blog and pick it up. 🙂
    Mandi recently wrote…There’s a fire up in this blog!!!My Profile

    • July 22, 2011 Alison

      Thank you Mandi!

  • July 22, 2011 Lola

    Oh Alison! Don’t feel badly! This is exactly why it’s so very important for all of us moms to participate in “Daytime Drinking”. A little buzz goes a long way.
    Lola recently wrote…READY! AIM! FIRE! Wait…I said AIM!!!My Profile

    • July 22, 2011 Alison

      Hehehe, trust you to make me laugh. I don’t drink, so I reach for the chocolate 🙂

  • July 23, 2011 Mama, Hear Me Roar

    Oh Alison, no.
    You’re no asshat. You’re just human.
    You held your temper in check, you found a safe outlet.
    Which is better than I have done on more than a few occasions.
    …. I stock up on chocolate too!
    Mama, Hear Me Roar recently wrote…Beautiful beyond expectationsMy Profile

    • July 23, 2011 Alison

      Sigh, I just worry I’ll lose it with him one day, in a big way. I need to find a room I can scream in 🙂 Thanks for the supportive comment!

  • July 24, 2011 Ado

    He’s soooo cute in that shirt!
    PS: I’m sure you’re not an asshat mama.

    • July 24, 2011 Alison

      He looks like a big boy in that shirt!
      PS: I’m pretty sure I was quite asshatty 🙂

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Alison Profile PictureI'm Alison. Writer, a mother of four (two boys and boy/ girl twins), social media enthusiast and book lover. A believer in the power of chocolate and hugs. Chugging coffee as I type. Want to know more?

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