The Product Reviews I’d REALLY Like to Do

posted in: Ambitions, Humor, Product reviews 0 comments

A few weeks ago, I wrote a letter to a PR agency indignant at their impersonal email and poor pitch of some silly jewelry items I will never like or need.

I have since been thinking about the products I’d really like to review. So PR agencies, if you have these brands as your clients, do call, okay? *bats eyelashes*

Thermomix

The Thermomix is apparently your “extra pair of hands in the kitchen” and do I need that.  People, this thing does it all! It (takes a deep breath): weighs, chops, crushes, emulsifies, whips, mixes, steams, blends, kneads, grinds, simmers, grates, mills and IT COOKS.

I’ll just drop it off in my kitchen, plug it in and tell it to make me lunch. Awesome is it not?

It just needs to tell me I”m beautiful, sings Norah Jone songs to me and babysit my child occasionally, and it’d be the perfect household addition.

 

MacBook Air

It’s been described as a “thing of beauty”. Yes, baby, come to Mama.

Try not to gasp. Wipe the drool of your unworthy, heavy as lead, only uses some inferior software which I shall not name, laptop.

The MacBook Air is thin and light, powerful, has Flash storage, a durable unibody, Multi-Touch technology, yada yada yada – IT’S BEAUTIFUL.

 

The Westin Heavenly Bed

Have you stayed at any Westin Hotels? If you did, did you wonder why on earth it was so freaking difficult to get out of bed?

Because my friends, you were in Heaven. No, you didn’t die in your sleep (though if you did, you’d have died happy). It’s just the Heavenly Bed that ensconced you so comfortably in its 10 layers of  “pure comfort”, which includes a mattress, down pillows, duvet cover, down blanket and 9 other soft lovely goodies, pulling you back into bed!

I haven’t really slept in nearly 2 years. I think I deserve a Heavenly Bed. Now. Please. I beg you.

 

Jeweled Skin Caviar Luxe Cream by La Prairie 

Ooh la la! Give me that jar already!! 2,400 Swarovski crystals ornamented by hand.

It’s a cream so amazing, it claims to bring radiance to your body…..and soul. Huh. I did not realize skin cream penetrates that far in.

Anyhoo, the Jeweled Skin Caviar Luxe Cream (a product like that deserves a long name) is supposed to give you firm and smooth skin. Yes, the press release says that much more eloquently in 3 sentences but let’s just cut to the chase. We want to  be firm and smooth, period.

 

Jaguar XKR Convertible

“Optimist: Daydreamer in his small clothes.” ~ Mark Twain

Yeah Mark, thanks, how did you know that about me???

Yes, I would like to review a Jaguar XKR Convertible. I will not bore you with the details of its specifications e.g. wheel and engine size, torque, blah blah blah. That’s what the auto journalists are for. Me? I just want to zip around in this beauty, enjoying its adjustable leather seats and the envy of all.

That’s how I roll, people.

So, PR agency folks, you got all that down? Call me.

Tell me what products YOU’D really like to review! 

 

Alison

Alison

Alison

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  • July 28, 2011 Karen

    That was fantastic! Yeah, I wouldn’t mind doing a review for a new Subaru. I would test drive it and show my readers just how smile worthy it really is. Oooo and while we’re at it, I’ll test drive a snazzy smartphone for AT&T. Now, not for the smartphone itself, mind you, but for the company that will provide the monthly service every month for the next year or so, right?! I’ll drive the Subaru out in the country, on dirt roads and call all friends and family across the country with said snazzy cell phone and rave about it’s great service. Yup, you’ve got a great idea here! :>
    Karen recently wrote…Love the Ocean, Dig the BeachMy Profile

    • July 28, 2011 Alison

      Sounds like you’ve given this much thought! 🙂

  • July 28, 2011 Danica

    I would LOVE to review a Kitchen Aid. I bake alot & it would make my life so much eisier.
    Danica recently wrote…I can’t get enough…My Profile

    • July 28, 2011 Alison

      I’m planning to get one of those 🙂

  • July 28, 2011 Jessica

    I would like to review a nanny, or actually several nannies.
    Jessica recently wrote…Introducing: The BeardMy Profile

    • July 28, 2011 Alison

      Best comment EVAH.

  • July 28, 2011 Hilljean

    Hmm, let’s see. I wouldn’t mind if Joe’s Jeans sent me a pair to try out and write up a review. Toms can send me as many as they like, and double up on the consumer to child ratio. I’ll feel better about looking cute in their shoes. Also, I want an iPad. Really really want one of those. Oh and I’d review any car over the “Cockroach” that is our car. So far I’ve not gotten paid for anything I blog about. Too much of a small fry for the big fish. So I dream big. Loved this post! Super fun!

    • July 28, 2011 Alison

      All awesome things – now, just wait for the PR folks to come banging on your door! Thank you for loving the post!

  • July 28, 2011 Kimberly

    I would LOVE to review the Macbook Air. And the Jaguar!
    Kimberly recently wrote…A Broken Mommy HeartMy Profile

    • July 28, 2011 Alison

      Wouldn’t it be fun if we reviewed the Jaguar together and zipped around in it??

  • July 28, 2011 mom2kiddos

    You know a friend just told me about Thermomix and I was sceptical. But I think I’d like to review that too. Other products I’d like to review – I think I’ll stick to stuff my kids and family can use – a BMW X5 sounds about right.
    mom2kiddos recently wrote…Old McDonald’sMy Profile

    • July 28, 2011 Alison

      It’s mad the Thermomix. It changes the way you cook. But it’s crazy expensive. Hence on the wishlist. You’re so considerate, only wanting stuff for your kids and family – me, I want stuff for me haha!

  • July 28, 2011 Stasha

    Going back to your roots, Mama Wants this?
    I was going to say nannies but Jennifer already did. (yes Jessica, I am funny like that ) so I am gonna go with robotic lawn mower. Because I am home alone this summer and unless I get a goat things are not looking good for my garden.
    Stasha recently wrote…Summer festivalMy Profile

    • July 28, 2011 Alison

      Well spotted Stasha!! If there were such things as a robotic lawn mower, I wish that upon you. What happened to hot young gardeners though? 😉

  • July 28, 2011 mg

    I’d like to review a luxury cruise holiday, luxury cars, jewellery (no, not those silly jewellery items but real jewellery), shoes, clothes, send them all to me for free tryouts and reviews. Haha.
    mg recently wrote…Kids – Kids Sites, Kids Games, Kids Stories, Kids Crafts, Kids Learning OnlineMy Profile

    • July 28, 2011 Alison

      So, you’ve given this some thought then? 🙂

  • July 28, 2011 Krista

    Well,sure! Me too. And some other sparkly jewelery, a Keurig (even though I don’t drink coffee), a fancy new camera, a new handbag, shoes, massages. I could go on for hours!

    • July 28, 2011 Alison

      I see a blog post in the making…. 🙂

  • July 28, 2011 Stephanie

    Yeah, sign me up for the Macbook and while we are at it, the full compliment of Mac product. iPhone, iPad, iPod.
    Stephanie recently wrote…I’m a “pinning” addictMy Profile

    • July 28, 2011 Alison

      Make sure Apple sees this comment yes? Send them here hehe

  • July 28, 2011 Evonne

    I would love to review that car, too. Drool!

    I’d also review a nanny, personal chef, and any company who sells comfy yet fashionable clothes and shoes.
    Evonne recently wrote…Go the fuck to sleep – my versionMy Profile

    • July 28, 2011 Alison

      Excellent ideas Evonne!

  • July 28, 2011 Jessica

    I will take one of all of the above! 🙂
    Jessica recently wrote…PerfectionMy Profile

    • July 29, 2011 Alison

      When those PR agencies contact me I’ll be sure to get them to give you a call 😉

  • July 28, 2011 Barbara

    Oh, yes…your choices are lovely! I would also take a maid, a personal chef and while we are at it a private nanny. Also, if Cartier wanted to send me a watch to review I wouldn’t say no!
    Barbara recently wrote…Color me happyMy Profile

    • July 29, 2011 Alison

      All well deserved! PR agencies, do you hear Barbara??

  • July 28, 2011 Runnermom-jen

    Holy cow! I’ve never seen that before!! It looks awesome…and looks like something my kids could easily break 😉
    Runnermom-jen recently wrote…Who IS the Boss?My Profile

    • July 29, 2011 Alison

      You mean the Thermomix? I hear it’s super awesome 🙂

  • July 28, 2011 Theresa

    I will review wines. Nothing else.
    Theresa recently wrote…A Half-Curse: Wednesday Words of Wisdom {With New Linky!}My Profile

    • July 29, 2011 Alison

      That should be simple enough!

  • July 29, 2011 Sammie Love

    Ooooh Allison this is right up my alley! Here’s my list:
    1) As a Mac devotee, I am willing to suffer and take the 20 minute drive to the Apple Corporation to pick up any items to review. Specifically the iPad 2, iPhone 5, the MacBook Pro Air, and latest software to install on it to review if they work together well or if I discover and kinks.
    2) Local catering services – so that I can review their services for a few large events that I am planning (one to support Breast Cancer and the other is a school fundraiser).
    3) My final items are certificates for services (Maid Services, Massage Services, Beauty Services, and California Attractions) I love to review them and encourage people to support their businesses.

    Thanks for this idea — sometimes we need to ask for what we want!
    Sammie Love recently wrote…RIP – Amy WinehouseMy Profile

    • July 29, 2011 Alison

      Well Sammie, you have certainly given this much thought!

  • July 29, 2011 Natalie

    Now if you get them to give you one for free to write about it on your blog…let me know…b/c I’m totally down with a free car, hotel stay, and a computer.
    Natalie recently wrote…My 100th Post!My Profile

    • July 29, 2011 Alison

      Well I’d totally tell them to give you a call too!

  • July 29, 2011 Sarcasm Goddess

    I’d like to review a product that lets me eat endless amounts of bacon without getting fat or causing and health problems. Does a product like that exist? If not, someone should make it and let me review it. I also wouldn’t remind any jewelry that has diamonds in it. Big ones. I’d love to see the letter you sent to those PR people!

    • July 29, 2011 Alison

      That’s interesting. Perhaps you could invent it? Or start a Bacon Lovers Association & petition for such a machine?

      Click on the link in the post to see the letter 🙂

  • July 29, 2011 Morgan B.

    If anyone contacts you to review those items, can you send them my way too? I’m going to put the Toyota Sienna minivan on my list (don’t judge), and diapers and groceries. Oh, and if Chevron or Shell want to sponsor a few posts that would be great too.
    Morgan B. recently wrote…Top Ten Little Hen House House Rules (that’s not a typo)My Profile

    • July 29, 2011 Alison

      I’ll be sure to send them your way, not to worry (I think I need a minivan too).

  • July 29, 2011 Mama, Hear Me Roar

    I’d say definitely Macbook Air and IPad2. Also the Westin bed. I haven’t slept properly in 5 years! Can anyone review my kids too?? 😉
    Mama, Hear Me Roar recently wrote…Our ‘O’ weekMy Profile

    • July 29, 2011 Alison

      I think maybe reviewing nannies might be right up your alley? 🙂

  • July 29, 2011 RachelJoy

    I’d like to review Paris Hilton’s inheritance. Goodness knows I’d put it to better use, like a feed the children foundation, homeless shelters, educational funding, and ummmm, maybe I’ll throw in a nice little shopping spree for me =)
    RachelJoy recently wrote…Wordless Wedneday: The Duggar Shopping CartMy Profile

    • July 29, 2011 Alison

      Well, that’s interesting, why didn’t I think of that???

  • July 29, 2011 Christi

    I would like to review vacation destinations. I would even be willing to pay my own airfare if someone would let me stay at their luxury resort for free. 🙂
    Christi recently wrote…Wordless Wednesday: Garden of the GodsMy Profile

    • July 29, 2011 Alison

      I believe travel journalists get to do that – something to think about? 🙂

  • July 29, 2011 Leigh Ann

    Way to dream big Alison! I will take that MacBook Air any day. Or any of those things!
    Leigh Ann recently wrote…For the love of coffeeMy Profile

    • July 29, 2011 Alison

      Why, thanks Leigh Ann! I do dream big, just reach for the stars, who knows hehe.

  • July 29, 2011 Rach (DonutsMama)

    Aiming a little high there, huh? LOL. In that case, I’d like to review a few nice things as well, like a shopping spree to Neiman’s, perhaps a review of Hawaii’s hotels and maybe, if I have the time, I’ll squeeze in a cruise. Where are those PR reps?? Let’s get the word out!
    Rach (DonutsMama) recently wrote…So How’d You Meet? Natalie & RobMy Profile

    • July 29, 2011 Alison

      Oh yes, I have ambitions! Let’s get the word out indeed!

  • July 29, 2011 Staying Afloat!

    That is a lovely list! They should be knocking down your door!

    Let’s see, I would love to review any new martini recipes or new wine that comes out. I would love to review personal chefs. Oh and DeBeers, you can contact me anytime to review new diamond settings. Rings, earrings, necklaces, bracelets….I’m not picky. 🙂
    Staying Afloat! recently wrote…Mama Bear Is Seeing RED!My Profile

    • July 29, 2011 Alison

      Wine is not too difficult – I believe there are wine companies out there working with bloggers! The rest? Well, we’ll have to wait and see, right? 🙂

  • July 29, 2011 Jamie

    As I said I would like to add maid and personal chef to this list! Wouldn’t that be just heavenly!!!!
    http://chosenchaos.blogspot.com/

    • July 29, 2011 Alison

      Yes, yes it would!

  • July 29, 2011 Kir

    I loved the Mark Twain quote..it’s perfect.

    Wow, that car is sweet…;)
    Kir recently wrote…How it Feels to QuitMy Profile

    • July 29, 2011 Alison

      It is, isn’t it? 🙂

  • July 29, 2011 Mrs. Weber

    What a great idea for a post! All of those items sound lovely and I hope the good PR people of the world are listening. I think the bed one takes the cake for me. That could lend itself to some creative posting opportunities 😉
    Mrs. Weber recently wrote…Fab5: Ways to Save at the Grocery StoreMy Profile

    • July 29, 2011 Alison

      Hehe, you naughty girl!

      I doubt any PR agency will send me a thing, but hey, I had fun doing this post, so it’s worth it to me 🙂

  • July 29, 2011 Galit Breen

    You’re so funny! Let me know how this pans out!

    Also? Dying at Jessica’s review-a-nanny! Maybe a housekeeper?! 🙂
    Galit Breen recently wrote…The Red Dress Club: My Shiny Yellow HouseMy Profile

    • July 29, 2011 Alison

      Hee hee! I’ll let you know how my Thermomix cooks while I’m zipping around in my Jaguar!

      Jessica does have the best ideas! Nanny, housekeeper, personal chef…. the possibilities are endless!

  • July 30, 2011 jane

    Mmmmm I’m with you on this! I wonder if they need a comparison review of the car in UK weather situations…pass them my way if they do!
    Found you via trdclinkup and now following xxx

    • July 31, 2011 Alison

      Comparison reviews? What a great idea!! In the event Jaguar comes swooning at my door, I’ll be sure to tell them UK needs a review too 😉

      Thanks for visiting & the follow!

  • July 30, 2011 Kristy

    You are one smart cookie. All of those products look fabulous. I’d be happy reviewing different wines for the rest of my life.
    Kristy recently wrote…On Grace, and SurvivalMy Profile

    • July 31, 2011 Alison

      Thanks Kristy! I believe wine companies are on the constant lookout for reviewers 🙂

  • July 31, 2011 MamaRobinJ

    I will have one of each please.

    Is it weird that the one I covet most is the bed?!
    MamaRobinJ recently wrote…Life’s Lessons: A To-Do About ListsMy Profile

    • July 31, 2011 Alison

      Not weird at all! Just thinking about the bed makes me weak at the knees.

  • July 31, 2011 Melissa

    I do love that Heavenly bed. Mmmmm… I always see the Meaningful Beauty infomerical at the gym (Cindy Crawford’s beauty line), and I would LOVE to try it. She seriously has not aged in like 20 years. But since I do not have a zillion dollars, I doubt I will ever know its power for myself. Everything I buy comes from Target or CVS. :)Visiting you from TRDC today. Happy weekend!
    Melissa recently wrote…If Olivia Newton John were a VikingMy Profile

    • July 31, 2011 Alison

      Thank you for the visit Melissa!

      That bed is to die for!

  • July 31, 2011 Julie

    Oh, that bed does look heavenly. I’d like to review that new gadget that hauls the laundry downstairs, washes and dries it, then hangs it back up.

    No, of course they make something like that.

    Shut up.

    😉
    Julie recently wrote…Now, with added bacon!My Profile

    • August 1, 2011 Alison

      I think that gadget is sometimes known as a ‘mother’ or a lesser version – ‘housekeeper’. 😉

  • Why have I not seen the thermomix? I need many extra hands in the kitchen. I especially need a cook in the kitchen. I’ll product test a thermomix! Also a maid… and a chauffeur… and a masseuse…
    Susanna Leonard Hill – Children’s Author recently wrote…Scribblitt – Writing Fun For Kids Of All Ages!My Profile

    • August 1, 2011 Alison

      Hee hee! The Thermomix is huge in Europe. I think it makes an appearance on cooking shows too (which is kinda cheating, no?)

  • August 5, 2011 Susan

    wow, i want to EAT that jaguar. RIDICULOUS. also, YUMMY.
    Susan recently wrote…Julie Andrews, What Did I Ever Do to You?My Profile

    • August 5, 2011 Alison

      Right?? Swoon.

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