A few weeks ago, I wrote a letter to a PR agency indignant at their impersonal email and poor pitch of some silly jewelry items I will never like or need.
I have since been thinking about the products I’d really like to review. So PR agencies, if you have these brands as your clients, do call, okay? *bats eyelashes*
The Thermomix is apparently your “extra pair of hands in the kitchen” and do I need that. People, this thing does it all! It (takes a deep breath): weighs, chops, crushes, emulsifies, whips, mixes, steams, blends, kneads, grinds, simmers, grates, mills and IT COOKS.
I’ll just drop it off in my kitchen, plug it in and tell it to make me lunch. Awesome is it not?
It just needs to tell me I”m beautiful, sings Norah Jone songs to me and babysit my child occasionally, and it’d be the perfect household addition.
It’s been described as a “thing of beauty”. Yes, baby, come to Mama.
Try not to gasp. Wipe the drool of your unworthy, heavy as lead, only uses some inferior software which I shall not name, laptop.
The MacBook Air is thin and light, powerful, has Flash storage, a durable unibody, Multi-Touch technology, yada yada yada – IT’S BEAUTIFUL.
The Westin Heavenly Bed
Have you stayed at any Westin Hotels? If you did, did you wonder why on earth it was so freaking difficult to get out of bed?
Because my friends, you were in Heaven. No, you didn’t die in your sleep (though if you did, you’d have died happy). It’s just the Heavenly Bed that ensconced you so comfortably in its 10 layers of “pure comfort”, which includes a mattress, down pillows, duvet cover, down blanket and 9 other soft lovely goodies, pulling you back into bed!
I haven’t really slept in nearly 2 years. I think I deserve a Heavenly Bed. Now. Please. I beg you.
Jeweled Skin Caviar Luxe Cream by La Prairie
Ooh la la! Give me that jar already!! 2,400 Swarovski crystals ornamented by hand.
It’s a cream so amazing, it claims to bring radiance to your body…..and soul. Huh. I did not realize skin cream penetrates that far in.
Anyhoo, the Jeweled Skin Caviar Luxe Cream (a product like that deserves a long name) is supposed to give you firm and smooth skin. Yes, the press release says that much more eloquently in 3 sentences but let’s just cut to the chase. We want to be firm and smooth, period.
Jaguar XKR Convertible
“Optimist: Daydreamer in his small clothes.” ~ Mark Twain
Yeah Mark, thanks, how did you know that about me???
Yes, I would like to review a Jaguar XKR Convertible. I will not bore you with the details of its specifications e.g. wheel and engine size, torque, blah blah blah. That’s what the auto journalists are for. Me? I just want to zip around in this beauty, enjoying its adjustable leather seats and the envy of all.
That’s how I roll, people.
So, PR agency folks, you got all that down? Call me.
Tell me what products YOU’D really like to review!