|The Monkey tore up the playmat. Yes, that is a jet-shaped float. Yes, I know it’s meant for use in the pool.
It also works as a chair in this household.
Four months ago, I re-signed up on @Twitter. I say ‘re-signed up’ as I did have a @Twitter account pre-blog days, where I found myself meandering between #UselessShitOnTwitter and #PeopleIFollowedWereBoringAsHell (all 4 of them). Therefore I did the logical thing – I deleted my account and was happier for it.
I signed up on @Twitter again at my @husband’s behest. Apparently he had a Twitter account and said I should follow him. Since he’s #HusbandOfTheYear most of the time, I agreed. And again, found myself sitting at my laptop staring at my Twitter screen which had nothing on it. The @husband, as it turns out, tweeted maybe 3 times ever.
However, when I started the blog, @Twitter became my friend. I could tweet my blog posts! I could chat with people I’ve never met before and probably never will #IRL (in real life)! I could retweet my favorite posts!
And now? I find myself #PeeledToMyCouch tweeting. And tweeting. And more effing tweeting. So here I list the 10 reasons how @Twitter has #RuinedMyLife.
1. I don’t go to to the toilet as frequently as I should. I have superb bladder control though.
2. I exercise less, since I walk less to go to the bathroom, refer #1.
3. I think I’m developing carpal tunnel syndrome from tweeting so much. #CarpalTunnel
4. I’m starting to like my @Twitter friends more than my real friends. #Loser
5. I’m referring to my friends as real as opposed to what? Unreal? #LosingMyMind
6. Due to excessive tweeting, I am late to pick my son up from his grandparents house, more often than not. #MomFail
7. #6 results in a later than usual naptime for Monkey, which makes him cranky. #MomFail
8. I have to eat my words about how #TwitterIsShit.
9. I’m thinking and writing in 140 characters. That cannot be good. Right? #Tweetaholic
10. When Mama is tweeting, this happens. #WhatHappensWhenMamaIsNotWatching
Tweet and Retweet this, will you?
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